Asking the ladies

Gomez219
Gomez219 Posts: 17 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
I'm not having much luck with online dating so I'm wondering what you ladies have to say. For those of you that have tried online dating, what are you looking for in a message? What should I say and how should I say it? Typically I write something like this

"Hi I'm Aaron. I to like (something in common) and I'd like to get to know you better. If you're interested I'd love to hear from you. Talk to you soon."

What am I missing, or doing, or not doing????

Replies

  • kirakaydawn
    kirakaydawn Posts: 211
    I met my bf online on a dating site..
    He was an *kitten*.. I hated him at first lol
    I found him irritating and annoying yet persistent..

    and yet here we are 7months later.. His still an *kitten* but a sweet one.. haha



    In all seriousness tho.. Be yourself.. Be honest.. DONT LIE ABOUT A THING girls find out ALWAYS!
    be straight up from the start about what you want..
    and even if u don't "Look for a relationship" at first if you just loo for someone you feel you can hang around with as uch as u can stand and then slowly see where it takes you... :)

    Jope I helped a lil
  • Whitneylol
    Whitneylol Posts: 244
    Sadly, I feel like I'm a damn expert on online dating. BUT I did meet someone great before on a site so it does work out sometimes :)

    The message you sent seems generic (though nicely worded) , but when I receive messages like that it seems like you copy and pasted that to whomever and you just changed the blank.

    It can be draining, but really take the time to write a nice, concise short and sweet but personal message.

    Good luck!
  • AmerTunsi
    AmerTunsi Posts: 655 Member
    I'm not an expert of online dating. I once went to a site and quickly left because it was overwhelming with the amount of responses you get and most of them are a bit ...off.

    But those that I did tend to respond more to were those that I felt actually read my profile and began to talk about a subject. You don't want to write anything generic that looks like you copy and paste it on all your messages and just change a few things. I'd also give a bit more detail about yourself.. something not in your own profile.

    Maybe leave out the "if you're interested" because that sometimes can come off as insecure, and other times just gives an excuse not to respond.
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,605 Member
    I'm not having much luck with online dating so I'm wondering what you ladies have to say. For those of you that have tried online dating, what are you looking for in a message? What should I say and how should I say it? Typically I write something like this

    "Hi I'm Aaron. I to like (something in common) and I'd like to get to know you better. If you're interested I'd love to hear from you. Talk to you soon."

    What am I missing, or doing, or not doing????

    Make sure your grammar is right. I know this sounds dim, but it is important for first impressions. (So "I too like", not to...) I'd also probably leave out the 'if you're interested' bit. It's almost asking for a commitment to being interested, if that makes sense.

    I agree that it does sounds a bit like a cut and paste job. A little too carefully crafted, and not really spontaneous sounding.

    The most interesting online messages are the ones that seem genuinely interested in an aspect of the profile you're responding to.
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
    Sadly, I feel like I'm a damn expert on online dating. BUT I did meet someone great before on a site so it does work out sometimes :)

    The message you sent seems generic (though nicely worded) , but when I receive messages like that it seems like you copy and pasted that to whomever and you just changed the blank.

    It can be draining, but really take the time to write a nice, concise short and sweet but personal message.

    Good luck!


    Never did online dating but I am a lady and she's right. Too impersonal :P
  • Liopleurodon
    Liopleurodon Posts: 63
    This doesn't relate to me, but to a male friend who had written an online dating profile and got me to check it over. I found that he was incredibly vague about the kind of person he was looking for - in fact he didn't really say much at all about it. I explained to him that this profile didn't come across as sweet and open-minded so much as "got boobs? Call me!" I have no idea whether you're doing this too, but it came as a real surprise to him to be told that women don't like to feel that you'd date absolutely anyone - they need to feel that they've been personally chosen for a good reason. So being specific (within reason, and within realistic hopes) can improve your chances of meeting someone.

    Also - with the shared interests, I'd say that rather than say "I too am interested in opera" (or whatever) it's best to start a conversation about that topic, and ask questions that can ease into a conversation. Even if it's as straightforward as "My favourite opera is La Traviata because [yadayadayada] - what do you think?"
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,605 Member
    Oh and don't be disheartened. As a bloke, you do get a lower response rate than women do. When I was doing this (a few years ago now), I was getting about 10 new messages a day. My partner, who I met online, was getting maybe 1 or 2 positive replies or new messages a week.

    It's not a level playing field.

    I was also a bit horrified by the nastiness of some of the messages my now partner got in response to some of his perfectly polite messages. Some people out there can be very rude indeed! And not in a good way!
  • TrishaLeighNelson
    TrishaLeighNelson Posts: 258 Member
    My husband and I dated online. At first, we just became friends, then we became best friends and eventually, we fell in love. Just be honest and be yourself. Start by being friends.
  • voodoomoocow
    voodoomoocow Posts: 60 Member
    Don't write a generic message. You should instead pick out something from the profile that you can relate to and write a personalized message based on that. I never replied to "hey my name is tim and you seem interesting" but I would reply to people asking me questions, asking me to elaborate on hobbies (i have very peculiar hobbies), asking what my favorite scene from a certain movie i have listed...etc etc. I want to know that you really read my profile and thought about your message. hope this helps, and godspeed.
  • Pinky67
    Pinky67 Posts: 108 Member
    I haven't been on a on-line site either, but I agree with the ladies here...A bit generic and impersonal. Make your best effort for each message...and most of all be yourself! Good luck :smile:
  • glypta
    glypta Posts: 440 Member
    I agree with all of the above. Unfortuately I appear to be a serial dater but I won't entertain a text-speak, not even spell-checked (I admit I'm anal about spelling/grammar and can't expect everyone else to be, but I do expect you to have made an effort). I can tell the generic email that's been sent to 100 girls at the same time, casting a wide net I guess and nor will I entertain 'hi' or 'hi sexy' with nothing else.

    What everyone's said is right. Pick out something, show you've read the profile, don't be impolite or smutty, try and get across some humour (I know, that's a toughie), but yeah, be yourself and don't lie about anything.

    Hope you have better luck than me!
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    i sort of did online dating to piss of my ex (yes I was immature :/).

    What I looked for was when a guy would compliment me, give me his phone number/personal email etc, and would basically tell me about himself and what we had in common...but in a way that was very cool like he would tell me about his school or business, tell me his hobbies, interests, what he liked about my profile etc. ^^

    I think the problem is that you havent found THAT girl who makes your heart palpitate yet...

    I think when you meet her, the words will come out naturally because your head will be so clouded up you will have to say what is in your heart ^^

    Good luck!
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
    I only did the online thing once. That was after a 4 year relationship ended badly, and I was desperate. I did eHarmony, and I am living proof that they do NOT pair you up with your perfect match. The ones that were supposedly matched with me were all losers. So I am personally against online dating anyway...

    But if you are going to do it, just be completely real and honest. Be yourself. Act exactly how you would act if you met face to face somewhere. Don't put on some act. Don't play it up, you know? It's insanely annoying to think that a guy I had just met has multiple personalities since I see how he would act and what he would say both when I am around and when I am not around...
  • CarlyC08
    CarlyC08 Posts: 63
    Make sure you have enough (but not TOO much) information in your own profile. I usually ignored people where I couldn't figure out anything about them by reading their profile. Be genuine. In your profile, in your messages, in all communication. One thing I HATE is when I think people are only telling me what I want to hear. Really, it's just a conversation and should be treated as such.
    I was on eHarmony for a little while (which I do recommend, the guided communication is nice, even though it is pricey.) I talked with quite a few people through different "stages of communication." If anything didn't feel right, I wouldn't meet the person. I ended up only meeting 1 person after 6 months (granted, 3 months of that I was dating someone else and not using eHarmony at all, so I guess it was really just 3 months). But because of the great conversations we had, and not bull****ting with each other through emails and such, I ended up dating the first and so far only person I've met online. It wasn't serious and has since faded out, but we're still friends, and at the end of the school year when I move I'll probably try eHarmony again.
    Good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • CarlyC08
    CarlyC08 Posts: 63
    I think the problem is that you havent found THAT girl who makes your heart palpitate yet...

    This too. I've tried online dating, coworker dating, best friend dating, random guy I met at a bar dating, etc, but NOTHING works, and I realize it won't "work" until I have found who it is supposed to work with. Then the rest won't matter.
  • CarlyC08
    CarlyC08 Posts: 63
    I think the problem is that you havent found THAT girl who makes your heart palpitate yet...

    This too. I've tried online dating, coworker dating, best friend dating, random guy I met at a bar dating, etc, but NOTHING works, and I realize it won't "work" until I have found who it is supposed to work with. Then the rest won't matter.
  • ama2414
    ama2414 Posts: 24
    I'm having this same issue as well. I'm not sure what else to put in my profile to make it "pop." I just want to find a normal, non-creepy guy!! GOOD LUCK!!!
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
    I'm having this same issue as well. I'm not sure what else to put in my profile to make it "pop." I just want to find a normal, non-creepy guy!! GOOD LUCK!!!

    This.

    And, this is a real message that I got:

    hi:)
    i liked your profile
    your totally babelicious
    you could be my potatoes and I could be the gravy on top what do you think

    sincerely,
    your biggest fan

    DON'T SAY THIS! :noway:
  • mandeiko
    mandeiko Posts: 1,657 Member

    The message you sent seems generic (though nicely worded) , but when I receive messages like that it seems like you copy and pasted that to whomever and you just changed the blank.

    It can be draining, but really take the time to write a nice, concise short and sweet but personal message.

    Good luck!

    Exactly THIS. Sounds too generic. Put more thought into it. I always delete those kinda messages, to be honest. :P
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