Modulating your depressed spouse to get in the gym!?!

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CajunCubsFan
CajunCubsFan Posts: 29 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
Hello, my name is Scott and I have lost 44lbs in the past 21 weeks. I'm hitting the Gym 5 days a week and playing baseball once a week. My wife talks about loosing weight and how she hates her body. She feels bad and tired all the time. She has been eating a little better because of how I eat but has no desire to work out. I have for to where I don't even ask anymore because she just gets mad.

Has anyone had this problem or any ideas for me?

The Anytime fitness I work out at has put a picture on the wall and they want to get a picture of her next to me but they don't want to pug her either.

Replies

  • nehushtan
    nehushtan Posts: 566 Member
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    Can't change someone else. They have to want it themselves. Just be the example, that's be best you can do for her.
  • CityOnAHill
    CityOnAHill Posts: 136 Member
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    Weight loss, as you should well know, is a very personal decision. And no one but her can make that decision. Push her and she'll resent you.
    You came to this on your own. Let her do the same.
  • raisingbabyk
    raisingbabyk Posts: 442 Member
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    Can't change someone else. They have to want it themselves. Just be the example, that's be best you can do for her.

    This is true. She will never succeed if doing it for someone else. She needs to want it for her. You can be her inspiration and help her when she's ready. Don't push her either, it could push her the wrong direction and feel too much like a chore to her.
  • ZombieKillaPrincess
    ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
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    Can't change someone else. They have to want it themselves. Just be the example, that's be best you can do for her.

    this is so true. you can try to inspire her, but until she's ready, that's about all you can do. if she complains, encourage her to do something about it.
  • calliope_music
    calliope_music Posts: 1,242 Member
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    i agree with what everyone else said. perhaps encourage her to talk to a counselor?


    also, perhaps you can just suggest a walk (if the weather cooperates). doesn't really feel like exercise and you guys get to spend time together.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Her modulation must come from within herself. Just set a good example.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
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    A wise old man once told me "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". If she wants to do it, she will. don't force anything.
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
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    You could offer to increase her allowance, if she starts the gym?
  • Bluejay789
    Bluejay789 Posts: 176
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    Same issue with my husband. He won't work out but he will walk with me. He has lost some weight by eating right because I am not buying junk food but everyone is right.

    It has to be her decision.

    She has to want to lose the weight. Too bad she does not have a girlfriend who would go walk with her or work and then she would get motivated.

    Sorry but being married for 20 years I know that if my husband was working out and trying to get me to go I would resent him.

    Weight is such a touchy subject with women.

    Best of luck. Just keep loving her and never ever put her down or insult her about her weight or she will resent you and that can be a big divide in a marriage.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
    Inconceivable!
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
    Inconceivable!

    OMG. I am gonna have a heart attack. I can't take this, too much funny all concentrated in one place. Going back to FB for a while to numb myself with the mundane...
  • k2quiere
    k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
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    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
    Inconceivable!

    OMG...I can't even see this word without hearing a lisp...what is wrong with me???
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    Well, if she's depressed then having you nagging and trying to "modulate" her is probably about the worst possible thing you could do. Everytime you ask her to go with you she probably thinks "great, he thinks I'm fat and ugly" and that's not going to help anything.

    What does she like to do? Movies, dancing, skating, walking in the park?? Find something that SHE likes, don't try to make her enjoy YOUR activity.
  • Beberni
    Beberni Posts: 25
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    Some women are embarrassed to go to a gym. Possibly thats her issue too? I have to be really motivated to join a gym. I'd much rather work out at home with DVD exercise tapes in the privacy of my own home. Ask her if she'd like to go shopping for a treadmill or an elliptical machine that you both can use. If she says yes to that, then thats a great start.
  • Hbartels
    Hbartels Posts: 19 Member
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    Getting started really is the most difficult part of any weight loss plan. Our bodies and our minds like routine and homeostasis and they resist change because, face it, it's hard. If you can convince her to try a very small and easily attainable goal with you, maybe the momentum from that will help to motivate her to continue. Just be sure to let her set very small goals until she decides to set larger ones.
    Also, make sure you're not behaving more like a coach than a partner. :) Good luck to you both!

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