Unsolicited body 'Assessment' from others

AshjMusik
AshjMusik Posts: 113 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
I have a client (I'm a hair colorist) who has been a model for over 30yrs & is definitely an odd duck.. He always brings his own hair color from Europe that he's used since he was 20 & constantly talks about his glory days & brand names. I always take whatever he says with 'a grain of salt'. So I've started to get the color filled in on my backpiece & he commented on it, getting all excited & giving me advice on what type of lighting & backdrop to use as professional pics after I'm finished. Then he starts trying to position me against the white wall.. Awkward but I humor him.

Then later he says I should start trying modeling & just need to firm up a little. Then proceeds to pinch my arm fat & touch my thighs, telling me I'm "such a beautiful girl but this has got to go ASAP". It wasn't in a sexual way, but evaluating.. I understand he's been immersed in a certain culture for a very long time & I can appreciate his vision as an artist, but really?! First off I am only 5'3 & 24, way too old & built wrong to get into commercial modeling. Also, I feel pinching my fat in public is NOT ok in this situation! This has happened a couple times w/ men in the past couple years (interestingly AFTER my big weight loss), what makes these people feel this is socially acceptable?

A bit of a rant but also a question for u all, have u ever received unsolicited 'advice' from others on ur body? How did u handle it, & do u think u deserved it?

Replies

  • rocketpants
    rocketpants Posts: 419 Member
    Never experienced anything like that!! It sounds about as awkward as having a relative for your gyno.

    You must have a very touchable body!!
  • Ely82010
    Ely82010 Posts: 1,998 Member
    Not many, but the ones that did are not longer walking straight. I hope that I answered your question...
  • tamheath
    tamheath Posts: 702 Member
    Not many, but the ones that did are not longer walking straight. I hope that I answered your question...

    Agreed! A little too over the top to be anywhere near OK!
  • wrevhn
    wrevhn Posts: 864 Member
    my older sister had things like that happen that stuck with her forever! i feel ya, i'd be a bit irritated. yes, we all could be models if we were all only 5'7 20 yrs old and 110 lbs. but modeling is not the only thing thats worth being. there are alot of cool things chicks can be besides models. that doesn't make you pretty or better, being your best and living life happy does though.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    I would have requested that he buy me dinner before feeling me up.
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
    This guy sounds like a complete 100%, bona-fide *kitten*. I'm surprised you didn't punch him.
  • JeffJohnson26
    JeffJohnson26 Posts: 77 Member
    I think he's way out of line, personally. A guy shouldn't even consider that unless he knows it's within the girl's comfort zone, she's okay with it and there's trust established. That said, before I got super serious a few weeks ago and found this site, a buddy of mine made a comment at work that pissed me off. At first, I thought, "What a ****! He's one to talk!". But then later that night at home, I took his insult as some much needed hard truth. It more or less fueled my workout the next morning...in a positive way!
  • Tiffanydepiano
    Tiffanydepiano Posts: 169 Member
    No one has done that but when I was pregnant it seemed like everyone thought it was okay to rub my belly even strangers in the supermarket.
    Sounds like a similar experience.
  • trc117
    trc117 Posts: 18
    He sounds like my flamboyant gay friend. he thinks its okay to say whatever because he's fabulous. the hell with that guy. his glory days are over ... you're just starting yours ;)
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
    I totally understand! I probably would have been shocked into standing there and letting him pinch me and essentially insult me. He's your client, what are you supposed to do? At least is makes for good LoLs later on.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    If it's unsolicited, I'm not a fan.


    It's a great bit more pervasive in some industries than others(which IMO DOES NOT make it right). I'd never encourage my daughter to model, just due to things I had encountered as a teen when that was a dream.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    If he pinched me I would've slapped him and said "Be a man if you don't like it let's take this outside and start throwing fist" seeing how you're a female yelling "STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER" would've gotten him to stop what he was doing. Bonus points if you cried and feel to the floor while doig it!
  • rocketpants
    rocketpants Posts: 419 Member
    Hahaha at stranger danger!!
  • woou
    woou Posts: 668 Member
    Nopez. He must feel really comfortable around you to do that. My family doesn't even do that.
  • starwhisperer
    starwhisperer Posts: 367
    tIt would depend. This guy does sound gay (he is right?) And all of my gay guy friends have done stuff like that. bonding or something. He really probably thought he was complimenting you. On the other hand I have like a 6 foot personal space boundary so he would have had to been chasing me around in circles to get that close :)
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    I had a similar situation with someone when I use to run on the beach during this past summer. I eventually told him, he was being inappropriate. It's best if you tell him straight up, before it gets really out of hand.
  • FattyPotatty
    FattyPotatty Posts: 1 Member
    "Then he starts trying to position me against the white wall.. Awkward but I humor him."

    This man is what? 50ish? And he was a model right? So - using his logic, if he'd been operated on, he'd then be qualified to operate on you? Gay or straight, well-intentioned or not, he was totally inappropriate and you should learn from this.

    #1 - You humored him (an older man) because you didn't know what to do - which is totally understandable. Humoring him was an invitation for him to do and say as he pleased because he thought you considered him to be a voice of authority.

    #2 - Next time you find yourself to be in this position, you smile nicely and say, "I know you don't mean to make me uncomfortable but I am". If they persist or ask for explanations or insist they're only trying to help - you don't apologize or explain - you simply repeat "I'm uncomfortable with this so let's change the subject.".
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    Next time throw a good punch to the face, then pinch his nose and say, "yeah, this is gotta go."
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
    well i am not sure if its unsolicited but i have a coworker that i go back and forth with. its usually over my flat butt and gray hair and his unruly nose hair or eyebrows. i love him to death. He is very fashionable so usually if i am unsure about something i run to him. I know he will tell me the truth.

    if someone says somehthing negative to me about my figure they better damn sure be a hottie cause i come back guns a blazin'. i think it depends on the person that is giving the comments.
  • Smittyinthesun2
    Smittyinthesun2 Posts: 161
    My Italian Grandma was the only one who was allowed to pinch my chubby face, and that's because she used to give me cookies and feed me pasta and meatballs. Anyone else, would find out quickly how not cool that is.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,021 Member
    I would have put pink in his hair dye.
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    tIt would depend. This guy does sound gay (he is right?) And all of my gay guy friends have done stuff like that. bonding or something. He really probably thought he was complimenting you. On the other hand I have like a 6 foot personal space boundary so he would have had to been chasing me around in circles to get that close :)

    That is what I am thinking ^^ Its still not right though...o_o
  • kanonxbou47
    kanonxbou47 Posts: 265 Member
    I have the kind of friends who never have their own damn food, and they always ask for mine. No, I've already logged this food, I have a huge workout planned, I want all my food, and you can't have any.

    So one of my fat mooch friends said, "Oh, like you're so anorexic." B***H PLEASE. LOOK AT YOURSELF. Then she tried to backpedal, like "I didn't say you're fat..." B***h please.
    Then after I lost a little more weight, she commented on that too.

    People like that are so annoying.
  • ivyjbres
    ivyjbres Posts: 612 Member
    Its a model thing. I modeled for 5 years before I had my son, and body issues are something we become totally desensitized to. Weight and size aren't so much as emotional thing as a money thing. (Yes there are some girls that end up with EDs, but in my opinion, they probably would have gotten them anyway and modeling was the wrong line of work... but that's beside the point.) For example, I was at a photo shoot with a french photographer, we're doing a particular shot with me standing, my leg up on a camera box or something, and the very tight skirt I'm wearing rips right up the seam, leaving a few threads hanging loose. He immediately puts the camera down, bends over, rips the threads out with his teeth, stands up, grabs the camera and goes back to shooting. Completely non-sexual, if he hadn't used his teeth I would say clinical. He was focused on the shot, and really didn't give personal boundaries a second thought. Its just kind of the business, We're in such physical, but at the same time, professional situations so much that its gone beyond second nature to us.

    Especially in men's modeling, its not even being textbook good looking that counts (though that helps), its more about being visually unique and/or brandable, so that when someone looks at you, they're thinking "he looks like a Ralph Lauren Model" or whatever. Not he looks like a model, but he looks like a particular brand. So telling you that you could/should model, is really a compliment in his mind, and he has no idea why you'd be offended.
  • JDNOX
    JDNOX Posts: 619
    I would have requested that he buy me dinner before feeling me up.

    Dinner? Just kidding :)

    I had a friends mom that I never met before sit down next to me and start the conversation with. You are fatty aren't you. Then proceeded to tell me why and what i should do. No I am an easy going person but my head was going WTF are you and would the cops let me go if I told them why I beat the life out of you. But I was polite and then when she was done I said thanks and moved to the other side of a party. OH there was not drinking or alcohol at this party this is just how she is.
  • UABUncleSam
    UABUncleSam Posts: 21
    Right now I am currently living in Italy for over two years. I have found that the Italian culture is quite a bit different. Straight men walking down the street holding hands or having their arms around one another as if they were gay. I've had numerous Italians pinch my daughters cheeks and run their hands through their hair. Stating that they are beautiful. I'm happy that other people find my children adorable and and first I was kind of annoyed by the older generation constantly touching them. It's not sexual or anything like that; however their culture is much, much different. Touch to the Italians is a sign of affection used to admire things. Touch to Americans is most of the time sexual.

    I'm not saying what he did was right considering that he was in America, yet you do have to look at other cultural backgrounds and understand that most likely he meant no harm. I've told my children about the STRANGER DANGER thing and apparently they've been taught that in school. I told them if it doesn't seem right to start yelling but since we live here and I see how the Italians act it really simple just to say "basta". If it comes from a little kid, they are usually like wow.....really....I was just trying to admire you. I wouldn't put too much thought into it and if it does bother you....maybe hit him with "basta" Depending on your tone...it will really throw him off considering it has numerous meanings. It means stop by saying in nicely....but can also be used pretty vulgar by using it in a different tone.

    Hope all works out.
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