he left

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  • bigdaddycowgill
    bigdaddycowgill Posts: 120 Member
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    Thats really awful and I'm so sorry to hear it. For me, when I'm down, I know that exercise is the best thing for me. It's hard to do but I push myself and use that time to work out a lot of the frustrations that might be going on in my head. I would just do a little each day until it just becomes routine. Same with the eating. I guess one way to look at it is you need to be healthy for your kids so try to concentrate on that.

    I'm sorry to hear that. I agree with what she said about keeping motivated for your girls. I'm a good listener & would like to offer my support. FR me if you want to talk.
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
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    Need motivation? Turn to your little girls.

    This. You walk away with the best stuff and he took the crap with him. You'll build a new life very sure of yourself and your priorities. He will always have reason to question. Your feelings right now, this second, are a blip. Hang on to the true stuff.
  • rachdlew
    rachdlew Posts: 108
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    You will get better I knwo everything feels like it is coming apart at the seams but its not because you are a strong woman and will hold it all together if for nothing else for your girls. We never know how strong we are until we have to be stronger than we have ever been. Good luck and when you feel overwhealmed hug those girls tight they will bring things back to perspective.
  • fordster99
    fordster99 Posts: 181 Member
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    You are dealing with a loss. You may not have had him die but its still a loss none the less. You are probably just running on autopilot and everything around you is a blur. This is totally normal. It will get better and with time you will see the light at the end of the tunnel but right now you just have to make decisions on what is best for you and your girls. Set an example for them. Show them that you don't need a man in your life to conquer the world. It would also be nice to rub it in his face that he didn't break you. Good luck.
  • ktfitzgerald
    ktfitzgerald Posts: 369 Member
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    So sorry to hear this! You are a beautiful and strong person who has great things to do with her life. You will get through this and continue raising healthy, beautiful kids.
  • crittytn
    crittytn Posts: 34
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    Going through this myself currently, but I have a great support system. Mine is not much of a surprise, so that's helpful a little bit. I fell off my exercise for about a week, then have been forcing myself to keep it up. It's okay to mourn the loss, but try to gradually force yourself back into your old routines. It really helps ease the anxiety, I found.

    If you don't have a good support system, start finding one--either a doctor, friends, family, something like that. Feel free to friend me or send me a message if you need to talk.
  • taglientep
    taglientep Posts: 338 Member
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    Im so sorry to hear this. Its ok to give yourself a little break and give yourself a little slack. Maybe try to focus on small things, winsome small battles and build up. You will get motivated again, just give it a little time
  • DawnJanette
    DawnJanette Posts: 36 Member
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    I think I might be revealing too much but this is one way I have coped with things in the past......

    I used to time how long it took me to think about the ex in a morning from when I woke up.......first time it was as soon as I got to the toilet (there must be a connection there lol) but slowly more time past before I thought about him. This does get more and more and it helped me knowing this as to be begin with I couldn't image life without him. Eventually there were days and weeks when I didnt think about him and now i'm completely over him.

    Things will get better, it just takes time. So don't beat yourself up about not doing the diet or eating healthily, there will be a time soon that it becomes much easier to stay on track.

    Good luck
  • Harkins86
    Harkins86 Posts: 58 Member
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    I am so sorry this happened to you. My advice ... take it one day at a time. Do what you can and make sure you are not too hard on yourself. Good luck!
  • shakemybooty
    shakemybooty Posts: 681 Member
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    I've been through it as well. Taking care of your emotional health and your girls is your first priority. Just do your best to get through each day. Eventually each one gets easier. One of the things that helped me the most was figuring out what I was going to do for me. Ok the path has changed...where do we live, how am I going to take care of my child, what's visitation going to be like, and the all important-what's going to happen with my finances.

    Be proactive. You'll feel better. Talk to a counselor, talk to a lawyer, make copies of all your financial documents (tax returns, retirement accounts, pay stubs etc). Put yourself in control of your life. Don't let his wants/needs make the decisions for you.

    The pain goes away. It feels like it never will but it does. Sometimes you even wake up one day and thank the person for leaving because you're in a happier place and you wouldn't be if they wouldn't have left.

    I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. Big hugs and prayers for you and your girls.
  • samanthacollier
    samanthacollier Posts: 16 Member
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    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. Coming to this board and moderate exercise will definitely help. Therapy does wonders too. I'm going through something similar and I understand your pain. I hope you feel better soon.
  • Hoppymom
    Hoppymom Posts: 1,158 Member
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    You are dealing with a loss. You may not have had him die but its still a loss none the less. You are probably just running on autopilot and everything around you is a blur. This is totally normal. It will get better and with time you will see the light at the end of the tunnel but right now you just have to make decisions on what is best for you and your girls. Set an example for them. Show them that you don't need a man in your life to conquer the world. It would also be nice to rub it in his face that he didn't break you. Good luck.
    I agree with what everyone has said. If you can hold it together for your children you will definately make it. You are stronger than you think you are. Try allowing yourself a set amount of time each day for real grief and reduce it a bit everyday. Grief counselors often recommend this practice. Be angry, cry, remember the good times for two hours and then move on. The next day an hour and 55 minutes then move on. Really feel your feelings. It's very easy to numb the pain with alcohol or drugs or relationships too soon after this crisis. Use antidepressants if necessary but avoid if possible; they can interfere with real healing. Remember: Living well is the best revenge.
  • phenrichs
    phenrichs Posts: 102
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    Having been through this about 3 years ago I may understand a bit of what you are going through. You will lose weight from losing your appetite, but you're right... its not healthy. The best way I found to get through it was by really moderate exercise. Because you're not eating, you won't have your normal energy levels, so a 60 min run is probably asking way too much of yourself! But a 30-45 minute walk will do you wonders. It helps to clear the head, helps to release all those hormones to combat depression, and will also help to improve your appetite. I also took natural sleep aids, Blackmores does a good one, which helped to stop my brain running around in circles at night. It is a really tough thing to go through and I feel for you. Make sure you find an understanding ear.

    First of all let me say that I am sorry to hear what has happened to you but this quote ^^^^^^ is the correct answer. Quiet walks to clear the mind and also get in some non-strenuous exercise. With your emotions wavering an exhausting workout will put undue stress on your body. That undue stress couple with your current emotional state could make you physically ill.

    You are a beautiful young woman and you will bounce back from this. Of course right now you are thinking your first priority is your girls but if you don't take care of yourself first you won't be able to take care of them. This is also the perfect time to set an example of a strong independent woman for your daughters. No offense, but screw him. His loss. He will come to realize that sooner than later. I am one of only two of my friends that are still married and I can tell you from being a first hand witness that some boys never grow up. They just get taller.

    Stay strong.
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
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    I'm so sorry.
  • laurenpence
    laurenpence Posts: 147
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    I am staying strong for my girls, I refuse to cry in front of them or let them see me sad. I have kept their daily lives the same as they always have been, minus their dad coming home at night. Im not depressed just pissed and hurt all at the same time. I know I am extremely strong and can get through this like I have gotten through the rest of the crap I have had to deal with. Its just a lot to take in and sometimes a girl just needs to vent and break down a little bit. I am trying to eat more through out the same even though it is super hard. I dont realize how little I eat until the night time when I add everything up. I will get through this, thanks everyone

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