An ode to the 10 pounds I've lost.

I wrote this on my blog but thought I'd share it on the message boards as well.

Today I finally accepted what the scale has been telling me for a little over a week: I have lost 10 pounds. The first 10 pounds have felt like they would never melt away. Often times I wanted to say "screw it" and not work out or eat well. But I have had a lot of support from my family and friends and MFP friends and somewhere in the back (or maybe it's always at the forefront) of my mind I was reminded of all the those people who were telling me this could, and would, happen as long as I stayed committed to my goal.

So in honour of my first 10 pounds gone (I can't say lost as I definitely won't miss them) here is a list of 10 things that I'm proud have happened over the past 66 days.

1. I sleep better. I've had sleeping problems for a really long time. Before I moved in with my boyfriend I would sleep from 4 am to 10 am and my schedule was always very messed up. I started to develop weird night terrors because of my erratic sleeping pattern. When I started working out daily I noticed I was waking up less and less during the night and that I would wake up feeling really rested.

2. I don't feel guilty eating anymore. When I lost a lot of weight the first time, years ago now, I felt incredibly guilty every time I ate anything after working out. I had really bad headaches that I never realized were being caused from not eating. I would think I was hungry but when I tried eating I could barely finish a 6 inch sub. Eating made me feel very sick. I didn't consider it an eating disorder but what I was doing likely wasn't healthy. This time around it's different. I eat at least 1200 calories a day, making sure to get in all my water and I make better choices in what I'm eating. But sometimes I really want a hamburger and fries and a Pepsi and sometimes I go and get a hamburger and fries and a Pepsi. And I haven't felt guilty about it once.

3. Encouraging others to join. So far I have encouraged 3 people to join MFP and all 3 have taken to it right away. I love the sense of community and encouragement MFP has given me and I want nothing more than to pass on those feelings to others. Gbelltx was the first person who added me as a friend and he has never faltered in his ability to be encouraging, praising and thought provoking. He set the bar for what this website could do for a person looking to lose weight, and everyone who has added me as a friend since has been nothing short of helpful, funny, interesting and great.

4. I can run 30 minutes. My dad is a really great runner, he can run for hours and not get tired, I was always a bit jealous of this. I've always thought runners look so fluid in their environment, but I thought that could never be me, I just don't have the ability to be a runner. Until I got off my *kitten* and started running. Through Couch to 5 K I've realized that anyone can run if they really want to. It doesn't matter how fast you run, it doesn't matter how far you run, it doesn't matter how long you run, if you get up, put your running shoes and walk out that door, you are a runner.

5. I fit into jeans that I bought and never fit into. I have 3 pairs of jeans that I purchased last summer. None of them ever fit right. I'm a terrible shopper to begin with and hate trying things on so I just picked out the size I thought I still was which turned out to be terribly wrong. Those jeans sat in my closet, then in my dresser, then through 2 moves and ended up sitting in another dresser in another city before I finally tried them on again 2 weeks ago. 1 pair fits and I wear them proudly while the 2 other pairs I am nearly in. I think by the end of November they will fit perfectly and the 1st pair will be much too loose. I look forward to the day I can throw them all out, I will part with them on very good terms.

6. Acceptance. This is a long process. I gained all this weight over 26 years, I can't take it off in 2 months. It would be silly to think that a lifestyle change can happen over night and learning this has been one of the most difficult aspects of weight loss. I am impatient and expect results to happen instantaneously. I am impatient and want the fat to leave. I am impatient and have had to learn that things take time. I have had to learn not to be impatient. This has taken a lot of time. And a lot of whining. But gradually I am becoming more accepting. I don't cringe when I look in a mirror, I don't think I look fat in everything I wear. I put on clothes and I feel good. I go out and I feel good. I don't think people are staring at me because of my weight. I know I have much more acceptance to learn and that it will all take time, but for what it's worth the first 10 pounds have made me accept that I can lose weight the smart way. I will hit plateaus, I will work through them. I will lose the weight, one day at a time.

7. Water is pretty tasty. I really love Pepsi, Root Beer, Iced Tea, Lemonade, et al. I would order multiple drinks at a restaurant if I could. There's nothing better than a freezing cold drink with ice in a frosty mug with a straw. It's my nemesis. My downfall. I've conquered it. 4 years ago I gave up all sugary beverages and opted to drink only water. This lasted over 2 years, at first it was so difficult, then it was torture. It never got better, but I'm really stubborn and wouldn't give up. Until I caved one day and drank the most delicious fountain Pepsi of all time. This broke the wall down and I drank whatever I wanted from that point on, ignoring water, the friend that I had made, for a really long time. Water and I missed each other, though. For the last few months water and I have reunited and I tell it every day how sorry I am that I gave it up for the sugary guys. Once in a while I'll cheat and drink something else but not having it in the house and not wanting to spend 3 dollars on it at restaurants has made water a big part of my life again. You're tasty, water, I won't forget you again.

8. It got me a job. More or less. I had moved to a new city in January and subsequently gained a lot of weight from being here, away from my family and friends and not working. I didn't do anything about this until August when I decided to go outside. That's all it took, one morning in August I went outside for a walk, the next week I went for a run, the week after I started WiiFit. Then I joined MFP and I got contract work. I don't believe in fate or doing good brings good, but I do think that when I stopped feeling so sorry for myself I was more apt to apply for jobs and get off my butt and find work. Sometimes you need to change one aspect of your life so you can change the others. That's exactly what I did. My contract ends next week but I am confident that I will find work again and continue to be happy that I am affecting my own change.

9. I'm not depressed. It's really hard being away from your family and moving to a city where you don't know anyone. I became pretty depressed. I was eating poorly, wasn't exercising, didn't have a job. All these things led to me being pretty lonely and upset a great deal of the time. I wanted to move back home, I blamed everyone for the way I was feeling. All I had to do, though, was get moving. Slowly I changed things. We moved into a better apartment, one I love, and I stopped being worried about money. I started calling my family more and visiting when I wanted to. I worked out, I got a job, I got a parking spot in my building. I started seeing free movies. Everything sort of clicked. I didn't have to feel so down, I wasn't that far from home. I was building a new home and I had a lot of support, even if they were 4 hours away. I haven't felt the same "depression" since August. I'm getting better at being happy and making my own happiness.

10. 10 pounds. I've lost 10 pounds. At first it doesn't sound like much but the more I say it the happier I get about it. 10 pounds is a sack of potatoes, 10 1lb sticks of butter, a really big baby. And I've managed to banish it from my body. This in itself feels like a really big accomplishment.

I have a long way to go. Ideally I want to lose about 50 more pounds. This will take time and effort and I'm willing and ready. I think the day I get to 20 pounds lost I might lose my mind. It will be the thinnest I have been in much too long and I will welcome it and then say goodbye to it as I get ready to tackle the next 10 pounds.
Thanks, MFP, you've really been great.