Fiance Troubles

jike1017
jike1017 Posts: 21
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
I have been trying to lose weight on and off for over a year now...I refuse to allow myself to have buy a "plus" size wedding dress for my wedding during the summer of 2013....but my fiance doesn't want me to lose weight he loves me like i am no matter what...but i just feel like i need to do this for me and i just want his support...

what should i do?

Replies

  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Do what makes you happy and healthy.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    If you want to lose weight for you, lose it for you. If your fiancee can't accept that, you should probably have a really good discussion about why he is so against it.
  • PhilipByrne
    PhilipByrne Posts: 276 Member
    Are you serious? You want to lose weight but doesn't want you to. So what should you do?

    What do you think you should do?
  • jike1017
    jike1017 Posts: 21
    i think he has some insecurities in himself and hes afraid that if i lose weight i wont love him like i do now because ill be sexier...
  • Marlys101
    Marlys101 Posts: 100
    I know you want him to be happy but I've been through this. You need to be happy and feel good about yourself, too. :smile:
  • Lylora
    Lylora Posts: 21
    Oh, I SO hear you. My fiance keeps saying that too. I can't decide if he really does think that or if he's mistakenly trying to be too supportive of the wrong thing. My thought is if I tell him I want to lose weight, can't he be supportive of that instead of my current weight? But anyway, I'd MUCH rather have that than someone who's constantly nit-picking at me about my weight. I don't know if you've tried this, but maybe you could tell him why you want it for your own sake and point out to him that it's always easier to achieve a hard goal if you have the loving support of those around you? Or, and this may sound crazy, but I've heard a lot of guys worry that if their girlfriend is trying to lose weight it's because she wants to find a new boyfriend and thinks she'll have better luck if she's thinner. It sounds crazy but this has happened to three of my friends, I remember one of them saying "my girlfriend is going to the gym a lot, looks like I'm getting dumped soon." Could you somehow reassure him that your new goal doesn't mean you want to play the field? Or, finally, could he stand to lose some weight too? If so, then maybe he feels a little bit guilty or threatened if you're planning to lose yours and he's not? It's just a hypothesis, but in that case you could always reassure HIM that you love him as he is. Good luck with this!
  • antimike
    antimike Posts: 24 Member
    Probably insecurity on his part. You're younger, and I assume that your fiancee is as well. Sometimes that goes away with age and experience and other times it lingers on for a lifetime.

    The male mind looks at it probably something like this.

    You: I want to lose weight
    His mind: Why does she want to change, if she gets to a point where she's hotter than she is now, will she upgrade models and ditch me?

    Sad but true.

    He is feeling fragile/vulnerable and if he is in the position to drop weight, maybe you two could share this experience.
  • mwright24skinny
    mwright24skinny Posts: 122 Member
    All guys will say that to make sure you are happy. Losing weight is what is healthy and will keep us with our loved ones longer. You will make a beautiful bride. =) Making sure you feel comfortable in your own skin on your wedding day is what is important.
  • Zazzabel
    Zazzabel Posts: 15
    My boyfriend's exactly the same (though I'm probably a bit shallow as I'd like him to lose some :laugh: ) I think losing weight can only be for you and if he loves you as you are, then he'll love you slimmer too. Losing weight can be stressful and I know I some times take my frustrations out on my other half - I think as long as we try not to do that and stay positive then we should carry on, it's important to have your own personal goals!!! You'll be a beautiful bride whatever but it's your day and you have to be happy and enjoy it :) Good Luck x
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    It's YOUR wedding (not his.... he's just the groom).

    You should be comfortable with yourself no matter what YOUR decision is. You're going to be showing pictures of this day to your kids and grand kids one day.
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
    You need to do what is right for you! Losing weight is not about just wanting to look better its about becoming healthier as well. It's great your fiance loves you no matter what however it is selfish of him, in my opinion, to not support you and it makes me wonder what his true reasons are. Sometimes one partner doesn't support the other because they feel the other person( the one losing the weight) will become more attractive to others and also if they are not willing to change their lifestyle, they end up feeling left out or jealous of the positive changes made by the other person. I am not saying that is the case here however if my fiance didn't support me in my efforts to become healthy I couldn't help but wonder what is real reason is.

    I would sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him and find out what is really going on.

    Best of luck and congrats on your upcoming wedding!
  • Verysalty
    Verysalty Posts: 26 Member
    I think your trouble maybe the "on and off part". It can be a strain on a relationship if you keep trying to lose weight, mess up, feel guilty, get grouchy with yourself and your partner, then try again and repeat". it's also annoying.

    I'd advise that whatever you do you do it for the long haul. make a life change rather than a short term one you will never be able to keep up.
  • dianeellen2
    dianeellen2 Posts: 259 Member
    You have to want to loose weight for yourself - i am sure you fella will love you whatever your size - i think they say they love you as you are becuase they want to show how much they love you
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    I have been trying to lose weight on and off for over a year now...I refuse to allow myself to have buy a "plus" size wedding dress for my wedding during the summer of 2013....but my fiance doesn't want me to lose weight he loves me like i am no matter what...but i just feel like i need to do this for me and i just want his support...

    what should i do?

    Ask yourself, Who will control You, Your Body...? Then ask yourself and your fiance if he is a "lover of full figured women", and HOW full does he love them? I was looking at Oprah Winfrey Life Lessons last night on OWN; last night it was about marriage/who people are... One MAJOR Lesson is: BELIEVE a person when they SHOW you who they are, and When they TELL you who they are, it's a LOCK!!!
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    That's great that he loves you at the weight you're at now. But what you didn't clarify is he a jerk about it. My husband loves my body and jokes about maintenance levels now, even though I want to lose 36 more pounds. Maybe your fiance is just trying to make you feel better about yourself and make sure you know he would love you no matter what. He's probably not trying to sabotage your efforts. And he probably supports you because it would make you happy. Just go be in love.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    You have to want to loose weight for yourself - i am sure you fella will love you whatever your size - i think they say they love you as you are becuase they want to show how much they love you

    That's not the reality of what men do! Men are attracted to TYPES and they go after the Type of woman they like. If she changes in the time they are together, he is not going to be too happy. If he was attracted to her because she was a Full Figured woman and she loses that, he may have some problems with that. Men are NOT like women, MOST of them connect to a woman physically first..
  • frozenfingers
    frozenfingers Posts: 5
    If your motivation is only to save money on a dress, it is only money and of little consequence. If your motivation is to be healthier both physically and emotionally, and your fiance cannot support you in your goal, well then, you and he need to have a discussion. Marriage is a partnership.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    i think he has some insecurities in himself and hes afraid that if i lose weight i wont love him like i do now because ill be sexier...


    WOW...y'all about to get into some deep stuff!!! Is it a RUSH to the Bottom? Always wanting and accepting LESS because of insecurities...What happens if you get a position that makes more money than him, or what if you have a Great job and he has to move to another city to keep his job that pays way less than yours? Will you always cater to his "insecurities?"

    ALSO, are you saying that your fiance chose YOU because he feels that you are the best he can do RIGHT NOW? What happens if he BETTERS himself sometime in the future by overcoming his "Insecurities?"
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