Proving Everyone Wrong... again?

jldr522
jldr522 Posts: 4 Member
edited October 4 in Introduce Yourself
I have always been heavy. I can't remember a time even before high school that I wasn't at least a size 16. After graduation, I gained 20 or 30 pounds and felt alright. Around 230 pounds and realizing that I was huffing and puffing just trying to get up the stairs, I decided I needed to change something. I had always talked about going into the military (primarily so they would pay for school). My family was never a very big supporter of that, always calling me a big "puss". I was considered too weak for that manly endeavor.

In my efforts to prove them wrong, I found the motivation to go to the recruiter and talk about joining. I was expecting, of course, for them to tell me I needed to lose a little weight in order to get in. My waist was over 45" and my hips over 56" and I had never realized how big that actually was. I was in a size 24 pants but yet, I wasn't going to cry about it. Tell me to lose, they did.

Over the 8 months following, I lost just about 50 pounds and went down to a size 14 pants size. That was the first time in my entire life (ENTIRE LIFE) that I had ever seen a number below the infamous 1-6. I was going to the gym every day, eating a horrible "army-approved" diet from the military dietician and I felt great. I was able to run a mile straight for the first time in my life at a 9:20 pace, a full 1:10 faster than military requirement. Shopping for clothes didn't make me feel like I wanted to stab anyone as it usually had. For the first time, my grandmother, who consistently called me fat, mentioned to my mother that I looked great. I could have died.....

One day at the gym, feeling great after my workout, a woman next to me in the locker room started a conversation. She told me that she noticed my progress and was very proud that I could do it and asked my motivation. I told her I wanted to prove everyone wrong and that I was joining the military. She instantly because defensive of all woman-kind apparently and said something to me.

"Do you really want to get your arms blown off? Who would wipe your *kitten*? What man would want to marry a woman who can't wipe her own *kitten*?" It was all I could do to keep my chin off the ground at her comment.

This didn't kill my motivation, believe it or not. I still wanted to go but I wasn't very happy with what she said to me. I went to the recruiter the next week to see if I came close to even getting tested to go. I thought losing 50 pounds would be enough to make me close, because come on, basic training will take the rest of me to peak condition. Nope. Government changed their standards and I was still 8 or 9 percent away. If they hadn't changed I would have been 2 or 3 percent. Fat prevails again.

I ended up changing my mind and decided not to go into the service. I steadied my weight around 185 and still felt amazing and I told myself that I would NEVER have to wear my fat pants again. I had self control.

4 years later.... 2011 started at 218 pounds and a tight size 18 pants. It's the beginning all over again and I can't find the motivation anymore. I can make my way to the gym for half-assed workouts at least twice a week and have made it down to hover around 204.

The treadmill makes me want to stab myself in the eye.

Replies

  • Uerzer
    Uerzer Posts: 273
    I just read your story and I can only say: do it for yourself. no need to prove anyone wrong. you already did it once, and you can do it again. Its for you, for health and looking good. you might impress people, which is good, but you are not doing it for them, you are doing it for yourself!

    Be confident. this time it will be easier because you already know you can do it! You are on track, now you just need to move slowly and steady.

    :flowerforyou:

    PS: I'm friend-requesting you!
  • slimkitty
    slimkitty Posts: 418
    Thank you for sharing your story with us and welcome to MFP. I hope that here you can find the motivation and supporty to reach your goals.
  • Ephena
    Ephena Posts: 610 Member
    Sounds like your self-esteem is the issue, not your motivation. Although I'm sure they're tied to each other. You might want to see a counselor to see about working through the emotional baggage that is holding you back. Good luck! You can so do this!
  • HannahMarieMcDougald
    HannahMarieMcDougald Posts: 544
    I have always been heavy. I can't remember a time even before high school that I wasn't at least a size 16. After graduation, I gained 20 or 30 pounds and felt alright. Around 230 pounds and realizing that I was huffing and puffing just trying to get up the stairs, I decided I needed to change something. I had always talked about going into the military (primarily so they would pay for school). My family was never a very big supporter of that, always calling me a big "puss". I was considered too weak for that manly endeavor.

    In my efforts to prove them wrong, I found the motivation to go to the recruiter and talk about joining. I was expecting, of course, for them to tell me I needed to lose a little weight in order to get in. My waist was over 45" and my hips over 56" and I had never realized how big that actually was. I was in a size 24 pants but yet, I wasn't going to cry about it. Tell me to lose, they did.

    Over the 8 months following, I lost just about 50 pounds and went down to a size 14 pants size. That was the first time in my entire life (ENTIRE LIFE) that I had ever seen a number below the infamous 1-6. I was going to the gym every day, eating a horrible "army-approved" diet from the military dietician and I felt great. I was able to run a mile straight for the first time in my life at a 9:20 pace, a full 1:10 faster than military requirement. Shopping for clothes didn't make me feel like I wanted to stab anyone as it usually had. For the first time, my grandmother, who consistently called me fat, mentioned to my mother that I looked great. I could have died.....

    One day at the gym, feeling great after my workout, a woman next to me in the locker room started a conversation. She told me that she noticed my progress and was very proud that I could do it and asked my motivation. I told her I wanted to prove everyone wrong and that I was joining the military. She instantly because defensive of all woman-kind apparently and said something to me.

    "Do you really want to get your arms blown off? Who would wipe your *kitten*? What man would want to marry a woman who can't wipe her own *kitten*?" It was all I could do to keep my chin off the ground at her comment.

    This didn't kill my motivation, believe it or not. I still wanted to go but I wasn't very happy with what she said to me. I went to the recruiter the next week to see if I came close to even getting tested to go. I thought losing 50 pounds would be enough to make me close, because come on, basic training will take the rest of me to peak condition. Nope. Government changed their standards and I was still 8 or 9 percent away. If they hadn't changed I would have been 2 or 3 percent. Fat prevails again.

    I ended up changing my mind and decided not to go into the service. I steadied my weight around 185 and still felt amazing and I told myself that I would NEVER have to wear my fat pants again. I had self control.

    4 years later.... 2011 started at 218 pounds and a tight size 18 pants. It's the beginning all over again and I can't find the motivation anymore. I can make my way to the gym for half-assed workouts at least twice a week and have made it down to hover around 204.

    The treadmill makes me want to stab myself in the eye.

    Treadmills makes me want to the same thing....Good luck and welcome to mfp
  • emaline614
    emaline614 Posts: 86 Member
    I just read your story and I can only say: do it for yourself. no need to prove anyone wrong. you already did it once, and you can do it again. Its for you, for health and looking good. you might impress people, which is good, but you are not doing it for them, you are doing it for yourself!

    Be confident. this time it will be easier because you already know you can do it! You are on track, now you just need to move slowly and steady.

    :flowerforyou:

    PS: I'm friend-requesting you!


    I was pretty much going to say the same thing. This isn't about anyone else but you. Be selfish! Take care of yourself/your body for only YOU!

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    Emily
  • TriciainOttawa
    TriciainOttawa Posts: 1
    HI there, I've just joined too and am once again where I said I never would be again. I worked for a weight-loss company and have my personal fitness trainer certificate. I have no excuse.
    I got rid of all my 'big' clothes and have had to replace them. I saw the toll it was taking on my marriage because I have issues with myself and therefore expect my husband to. I wasn't taking part in some activities because I didn't feel I could keep up.

    For me, the main trick lies in exercise. I eat fairly well (and monitor my sweet tooth) but absolutely need to move to loose weight and keep it off. I HATE the treadmill and refuse to do it. I found classes that I enjoy and honestly, it's hard to quit a class early (unlike the treadmill). I know that if I plan exercise for the afternoon/evening, it won't get done, so I ensure that I get there my 2 mornings off and if possible, another morning.

    I believe I can't wait another day - I've wasted too many already. I love my life, my husband and kids and want to enjoy every minute I can without sitting on the sidelines any longer.

    I hope this helps, and I hope you can find the support here on this site.
  • nileighttig
    nileighttig Posts: 147 Member
    Welcome to MFP :happy:
    Good luck with everything, you've already made a fantastic start so keep on going!
  • ShannaDBowser
    ShannaDBowser Posts: 88 Member
    I totally relate to your story, jd. I grew up in a military family, so the pressure to join up as well was strong. I resisted though, mainly because I do not have the personality it would take to thrive in the military. (I hate people getting in my face and being yelled at, etc). I respect and admire those who do join, however. That lady in the gym was way out of line in what she said.

    As everyone else has already mentioned, the weight loss should be because it's something that you want. Seriously want. I am here to lose weight for three reasons: 1) I need to be healthy 2) I have a 3 year old who deserves a good life 3) I have a wedding coming up in 18 months and I want to be that bride that makes people's jaws drop. The first is for me, the second is for my family, and the third reason is for my pride.

    It's hard to do.. but you've done it before! You can do this! This entire community will be behind you.. and I'll FR you, if that's alright, to help be on your personal cheerleading squad.
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
    You know what it takes to lose the weight as you did it the first time. You can most definitly do it again! And for YOU the most important one!!! :) Good luck to you! I know you can do it!
  • risefromruin
    risefromruin Posts: 483 Member
    I agree with everyone else, you need to find confidence and motivation in yourself! Obviously you had a great driving force the last time you lost weight: the military. What will be your driving force now? Finding love, one day starting a family, being comfortable with your body? Pick something you want deeply for yourself and push towards it to achieve your goal! Once you have something to work towards, it'll be so much easier to hit the gym.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,026 Member
    You flourished because you had a goal in mind and it was a solid one. Right now you have no goal or aspirations. That's why you have no motivation. You just have to find a good enough reason that you really want to get it done. However IMO, you will have to keep setting new goals once you reach one because for some people once they reach a goal they become complacent and let everything go.
  • judykritikos
    judykritikos Posts: 161
    I was in the army from 1972-1974. My friends said - why? Are you looking to get married? Or "Why - you're not gay". I didn't enlist for either of those reasons - but to travel, get some training, get some job experience - and it has done EXACTLY that. It is a decision I have never regretted. At all. You just connected w/ the wrong person - clearly her own personal agenda.

    When you say "diet" - it's an automatic loosing position. It's goal-oriented, short-term, and has an end. Does it ever?? When you do it for someone else - you may have motivation/anger to get it going, and when the urge to munch is super strong and you succumb, you'll self-talk yourself: see? they were right? I'm wrong, I'm bad - yaddah yaddah.
    You really ARE doing it for yourself. That's why you were successful then - and why you'll be successful AGAIN!

    When your motivation is purely POSITIVE - I want to run up the stairs, I want to play with my kids, I want to wear my size 12 dress and dance all night with my husband ... when those inevitable urges hit - and we know they do - you'll have the self-desire to resist because it's for something you WANT, not something you HAVE to do.

    We know when we tell kids you can't do this or that - what do they do? They do this or that!

    YOU CAN DO IT!
  • jldr522
    jldr522 Posts: 4 Member
    You all make wonderful points and I really do appreciate all the great things that have been said. One of the things that popped out was goal making. My eating habits are finally getting back to the "eat for survival" rather than eat for pleasure. It's just the exercise and the goals. It's not enough for me to say, I want to be healthy or I want to be a size 12. I can make that goal all I want but there has to be a driving force behind it and that's the thing I need to find. I've jumpstarted and lost around 18 with a current plateau.

    I really enjoy going to classes at the gym and I just tried a cardio kick boxing class that almost killed me. I need more though. I just can't quite figure out what I need. :)

    Thanks again everyone!!!
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