"You're not fat!"

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nomorewishing
nomorewishing Posts: 250 Member
in Motivation and Support
Does it bug anyone just a little when (or if) people tell you that you aren't overweight and they don't think you need to go on a diet? I know they are just trying to be nice, but personally, things like that don't help me. I would rather be politely told the truth then politely lied to. For the past thirteen years I have used comments like that to convince myself that I wasn't really THAT fat, when I really was. Anyways, I was just curious what y'alls opinions were. :smile:
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  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
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    No, it doesn't bug me. I like that people have politeness filters, kwim? I think people say they want to hear the truth, but don't really, for most things. I want to hear if there's spinach in my tooth (so I can quick get it out), but I don't want to hear if you think I'm fat-- no.
    I think if we're overweight and feel like we aren't, well, it's more about us than it is about anything someone else might say. Besides, what makes you think they're lying? Maybe that person just doesn't feel that you are overweight. :)
  • reddcat
    reddcat Posts: 314 Member
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    I agree with you. The other one that I hate is "you look healthier with some meat on your bones".....just a nicer way of saying 'if the plane went down, we could eat off you for AWHILE!".
  • GouchisGirl
    GouchisGirl Posts: 321 Member
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    It annoys me a little bit, but in the eyes of the beholder ya know? I know that they see something different then I see when I look in the mirror.... doesn't stop me from trying to lose weight, but I know whats up :)
  • meeperoon
    meeperoon Posts: 270 Member
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    I agree with you. The other one that I hate is "you look healthier with some meat on your bones".....just a nicer way of saying 'if the plane went down, we could eat off you for AWHILE!".

    Lol. :laugh:

    My mum and dad were contemplating how when they got back from holiday, they were gonna tell me that I need to go on a diet. Thankfully by he time they had got back I was already two weeks into my diet on here.

    People are just too polite, tell the truth they get yelled at. It's hard to win these days!
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
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    It's funny, look at a myriad of other threads here, and in this one, everyone (but me) so far, thinks people ought to be telling other people they should go on diets. LOL Yes, people can't really win.
    I guess that's why I try to take into account peoples' intentions, and almost nothing ever bothers me. :)
  • Tegan74
    Tegan74 Posts: 202
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    This seems to be a common theme lately :)
  • gashinshotan
    gashinshotan Posts: 753 Member
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    It happens to me all the time.. I actually had relatives tell me,"Don't you think you've lost enough" when I was in the best shape of my life 5 years ago.... and since I started MFP a close gf actually said,"You don't need to lose weight." The way I view it is that these people feel threatened by you becoming more attractive than them and want to keep you fat so they can feel better about themselves... they view you as the,"I'm least as not as fat as them" person. I enjoyed seeing their shocked faces last time I was thin and having them ASK ME how to lose weight haha. More motivation this time around!
  • khk2010
    khk2010 Posts: 451 Member
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    I deluded myself for a long time about not being "that overweight". It took a bit of a wake-up call from my end to get seriously losing weight.

    I am glad though that my husband and friends never told me I was fat. I felt they loved me no matter of how I looked. I still do. They loved me for how I am inside. I think that's where the "you don't need to be on a diet" comes from. They don't see the weight because they see you.
  • bethanyweathers
    bethanyweathers Posts: 296 Member
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    It bugs me more when people say, "whatever, you're not fat, stop being so mean to yourself" when in fact yes, I am fat. I am overweight. I am obese. I've come to that realization and I'm not badgering myself when I say I'm fat, because it's true. And they know it too.
  • jeanniewes
    jeanniewes Posts: 3,697 Member
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    Hello ...I'm NEW here ...


    YEP I've heard that before!!!! MORE THAN ONCE.... In the past 2 years I've lsot 45 pounds. When I visit people at my last job (I'm retired now) they look at me and say 'you look great miss skinny' but when I tell them my Doctor tells me I need too lose more weight they are like "whatttttttttttttttttttttttttttt you'll blow away!" lol.... too be at the goal that my age, height calls for AND my Doctor I am suppose too weigh I will NEED too lose 20 more pounds even though some people think I do not...
  • mmuzzatti
    mmuzzatti Posts: 706 Member
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    Your just big boned!
  • Summerleahd
    Summerleahd Posts: 314 Member
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    I hate it. My boyfriends dads girlfriend is always telling me stop losing weight, and I shouldn't get skinny.. It's not that I mind someone saying it, cause I won't really pay attention. It's my body if I want to eat healthy, exercise and lose weight that's my choice. But she constantly is saying stuff. She acts like I weigh 100 lbs. You would of thought I killed her cat when I passed on a second piece of cake....it's almost like she is talking down to me because I want to be healthy


    Edit to add: everyone else in my life is completely supportive of my weight loss and is encouraging me to keep going. Except my mom, she thinks I should be 140. But I think shes terrified that I'll weigh less then her for the first time in my life since before puberty lol btw she just recently started exercising and eating healthy too so she could get back down to 130. She weighs 135 now lol
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
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    I am glad though that my husband and friends never told me I was fat. I felt they loved me no matter of how I looked. I still do. They loved me for how I am inside. I think that's where the "you don't need to be on a diet" comes from. They don't see the weight because they see you.
    I think that's a really good point. People always assume everyone is jealous of them, and that's their motivation in everything, but usually it's this I think.
  • Pandorian
    Pandorian Posts: 2,055 MFP Moderator
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    It's really annoying when you get the MIXED signals... mom " you're not fat you're .... whatever" and then in class the teacher demonstrating first aid jokes that he'll need to go to the history display and unwrap the mummy to get enough gauze to demonstrate his point.... I did eventually fill the teachers "view" of myself and now much later am finally working on getting back to the "me' that EYE picture (emphasizing I just doesn't work without making it EYE) when I was walking 3 or 4 K a night and canoeing the local lake in the middle of the night.
  • krgriff1988
    krgriff1988 Posts: 3
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    I recall when I was back in high school, powerlifting on a daily basis and eating everything in my path, I weighed over 300 lbs and was as big as a bull. Yet people STILL felt inclined to tell me that I wasn't "fat," when I was one t-bone steak away from having my own gravitational pull.

    I can even recall people saying things to me like "Well, you're not fat...you're just.... huge!"

    Come on! Hahaha.
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
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    A guy friend told me I work out too much and that I don't need to..... Coming from a guy who doesn't workout at all.

    *Shakes head* Irritates me. I look like I don't "need" to because I DO work out. Plus, I like to be able to eat more. :)
  • ahadj
    ahadj Posts: 257 Member
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    When I was overweight (borderline obese according to BMI) my friends said this to me all the time. I would rather they have them NICELY acknowledge the fact that I need to get healthier than insist I look just fine. I had a roommate in college that was a size 2: she would always complain that she had no clothes and ask to borrow something. I was a size 12 at the time and it just made me feel like absolute crap when she would put on a shirt of mine and say, "oh, well, I could wear this as a dress..."

    Either be honest about it or don't say anything at all.
  • jazzalea
    jazzalea Posts: 412 Member
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    I totally agree with you!


    That lie helped keep me fat and hurting for 25 years....

    for a long long time I really thought I looked GREAT at 225 pounds.....

    People PLEASE lets wake up and smell the coffee crisp....


    I climbed up to 320 pounds with people telling me I was CHUBBY for the love of chocolate.....



    THINGS TO CONSIDER........

    IF YOUR CLOTHES CAN BE MISTAKEN FOR BED SHEETS,

    IF YOUR FOOD PLATE IS HEAPED HIGHER THAN THE KETCHUP BOTTLE

    IF YOUR CAR TILTS TO ONE SIDE WHEN YOU GET IN....

    IF YOUR CHILDRENS FRIENDS STARE AT YOU MORE THAN THEY STARE AT THE TV....

    IF YOU HAVE TO SHIFT SIDEWAYS TO SEE HOW THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR NEW JEANS LOOK IN THE MIRROR.........

    THEN YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT IT................................YOU ARE FAT!



    thats right I said it..... and i said it because I wish someone had been honest enough to say it to me instead of telling me that it was ok to BE like that and to keep eating the way I was......

    the truth of the matter is.... the same people that are telling you that you aren't fat..... are saying it to spare your feelings..... and I love them for caring and being so compassionate..... but we need to wake up and face the fact that the truth is WAY out there.... and the only one we can hide it from is ourselves.......
  • Deathwithab
    Deathwithab Posts: 462 Member
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    No, it doesn't bug me. I like that people have politeness filters, kwim? I think people say they want to hear the truth, but don't really, for most things. I want to hear if there's spinach in my tooth (so I can quick get it out), but I don't want to hear if you think I'm fat-- no.
    I think if we're overweight and feel like we aren't, well, it's more about us than it is about anything someone else might say. Besides, what makes you think they're lying? Maybe that person just doesn't feel that you are overweight. :)

    ^^ this, it's no one elses buisness to tell you if your fat or not or tell you to eat, you should know that your overweight yourself and do this for yourself not because your friends and family desired to tell you or not.
  • sweetdianachka
    sweetdianachka Posts: 318 Member
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    OK, I think if someone tells you you're fat (that is not a doctor) when you are fat and not doing anything about it, its actually kind of rude. Here in Korea its not considered rude by a lot of people (especially older people ) to just say things like that and it actually seems really rude when it does happen. For instance, I had a friend who wears this cute high waist dress and a random Korean lady asked her if she was pregnant. When she said no, the women says, "oh! too fat!!" Come on, thats just plain rude!

    But, if you are talking to someone about the fact that you are loosing weight and trying to exercise and eat right, then I think it is also rude and annoying for them to say, "oh, you don't need to loose weight"

    Excuse me? Who are you to tell me? obviously loosing weight is not an easy thing, why would i be doing it if I didn't think that i had to??? It like someone saying "Oh i need to get a haircut" and someone else being like "no your hair is beautiful don't cut it!" umm sorry not up for discussion.

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