Self-Sabotage you may find interesting or helpful

Did the same, for many years. Also, 2 of my daughters were heavy, they are now at much better weight, I couldn't lose weight because of guilt and did not want to be thinner than my girls.
Thankfully I have overcome that and they are at a healthier weight too.

Yes! Sometimes, especially the more weight I lose, I don't even feel comfortable wearing a tank top or shorts around guys. Once I got smaller, it's sad but true, more guys started paying attention to me...and I hated it!

I feel the same way! But now I'm finding it much more enjoyable to be healthy, and to feel better for myself. I also think it's a psychological thing as far as safety goes. I know this is terrible, but I always thought, the uglier and larger I am, the less likely I am to be robbed or something worse... It's an insane & twisted logic, but I think a LOT of us feel that way..

I figured out a while ago that I didn't mind the weight gain. Why? because I didn't want ex2 to push me around. He was a skinny little runt (with a vicious temper). It took me having that light bulb moment and someone saying that they thought being lighter would enable me to run faster to start thinking sensibly about this. Never mind that ex2 is a good 11 year out of the picture.

But also today, I was thinking about how often people (whoever they are) say to us 'I love you just the way you are' - at 50kg, or 150kgs. If they do, then we don't feel the need to change, coz maybe, if we do, they wont love us any more. I can't count the number of times I, myself, have said 'I need to lose weight' and whoever I've said that to says "I think you look sexy' or maybe 'you're fine' or some other acceptable phrase.

Yes, Lovey. Hope this isn't too upsetting... Sexual Assault Survivors do this ALL the time... It's called "Body Armor." I hope this hasn't happened to you, I hope I am 100% out of order & inappropriate here. But if this has happened to you (or anyone else reading this post) - even if you think that "the thing that happened" couldn't really qualify... Please do some reading and consider counseling.... I know about this - because it happened to me! My healing has helped me to no longer want to hide my body.

I'm am so happy for you that you've been working on healing. I'm glad you suggested checking inside yourself and talking to someone if needed for those that may have been through a similar experience.

Though this type of behavior happens to many women that haven't been sexually assaulted as well, simply because of how society is taught to view & portrays Women. Ladies I can really relate, having done it subconsciously myself all these years. It wasn't until I really thought about it that I realized after my divorce I didn't trust men anymore so wanted to become invisible and so I did.

It's crazy how you can be hundreds of pounds overweight (or the opposite and become too thin and try and make yourself invisible that way as well) and you actually DO become invisible to society after a certain point, walking down the mall I've had ppl walk right into me as if I truly was invisible. I'm glad those days are gone:drinker:

I've found it hard at first becoming visible again but am feeling better and better about becoming part of society in a visible way once again. A break up in relationship, a trust issue, so many reasons we do this.

I was rather excited to see this thread and read other posters have found themselves doing this very same thing, it's not something I've ever really discussed with anyone. I never thought of it as self sabotage until not so long ago. I'm still exploring that and it's a real eyeopener because none of us really want to be unhealthy and not love ourselves. I've found it's the attention from males that can sometimes be a bit overwhelming in certain circumstances. I find it particularly difficult from strangers.. or I should say used too.

I think I'm feeling more and more comfortable as my body changes, I want to be seen, (I don't mean only by men but visible) and have a voice again. I'm re-learning to love myself or perhaps doing it for the very first time in the proper way.

Cheers for us Women as we learn more about our behaviors and get well and self confident once again!:flowerforyou:

Yeah Ive come to realize I have done the same thing for years. People would never take me seriously when I has in shape and looking good. I felt like people weren't taking my seriousness for my academic or career goals serious, or guys were treating me like a "thing" rather than a person....so I gained weight, and people took my academic/career more seriously. Recently I lost like 25 pounds and it started happening again and I put the weight on again....people were telling me that no one would take me seriously as a nurse and patients may not trust me if i was "hott."

BUT you know what I realized final? SCREW ALL THSOE PEOPLE. I can be hot, in shape, smart and successful!!!! and that those people are just trying to bring me down or jealous.....I feel better about myself in all aspects when I am in shape.....