How do you deal with Family more so mom who are trying to "h

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MissHellsing
MissHellsing Posts: 133 Member
in Motivation and Support
My eating was great today and budgeted it so I can have something sweet tonight. As Im just going about regularly my mom see's it and she's basically went like "you're kidding yourself why are you eating that?". I tried to explain that I had budgeted myself to have this but she was like "You're making so much progress you want to gain everything you had back." That was the thing that did it. I just flat out told her I do NOT like it with people tell me what I can or can not eat. I've been going through this crap as long as I can remember. I told her about how I used hide about feeling guilty about eating.(I'm not talking about Bingeing I'm talking about eating all together) and how on this journey I've changed not just physically but mentally and I don't feel so horrible about myself like I used to. She basically almost said she didn't believe me when I told her this. When I told her about the things I did she was horrified and of course apologized. Make a long story short I did what I use to do when I was upset. I didn't eat anything else making me way under my cal count and of course I cried my eyes. I know she's trying to help but still this isn't the first time she's done some crap like this and I'm tired of it. How do you deal with Family members like this? Please help :(

Replies

  • adjones5
    adjones5 Posts: 938 Member
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    I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this, that must be so hard. Just remember how strong of a person you are and how far you have come, don't let this day control what you do tomorrow. Remember you are human and your mom is human, everyone makes mistakes. When this has happened to me I've just tried my best to forgive and pick myself back up the next day and get back on track! You can do this!
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    Avoid people who bring you down...or, after you put her in her place, you don't go off and cry. You go enjoy your dessert! There's still time, you know! :drinker:
  • driaxx
    driaxx Posts: 314 Member
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    With people like that, if you ignore them they shut their mouths and go away to annoy someone who reacts. My dad's like that and life is great now that I just don't acknowledge him or his dumb opinions.
  • jomusichn
    jomusichn Posts: 3
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    be strong and hold on. people are negative towards things that they don't understand.
  • RoanneRed
    RoanneRed Posts: 429 Member
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    Have no suggestions but have experienced something similar from my sister for years - someone who's never had to worry about her weight chastising me for what/how much I eat under the guise of being supportive. Of course, she couldn't be supportive by agreeing to not have things like crisps and chocolate biscuits in the house and I would then rebel by eating worse/more.
  • jilliebean2012
    jilliebean2012 Posts: 7
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    My mom was/is like that also. Not just about weight either. I had to just learn to smile and says " thanks mom, I'll keep that in mind" and then proceed to do whatever it is I wanted to do in the first place. Of course, it took me over 30 years to learn how to do this without it bothering me. She finally figured out that the above statement was a conversation closer and I wasn't trying to hear what she was talking about. We always want our families support and approval, but some people are just not capable of giving us what we need in the manner in which we need it. She probably feels like she is being supportive, but it isn't working for you. You can advise her that she isn't helping you by doing what she is doing but be aware that, YOU CAN"T CHANGE ANYONE ELSE, you can only change yourself and how you choose to react to things.
  • becknorton68
    becknorton68 Posts: 17
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    If you have someone who is sabotaging not only your MFP success, but ANYTHING else that you hold dear to your heart, you have a couple of options...you can either avoid that person forever (which probably isn't realistic with your own mother), you can explain in no uncertain terms to that person (your mother) that in the future, you will NOT accept any negative/harsh/bitter treatment from that person; or you can do what I do if you have a support person, which is take that support person with you whenever you go see your mother. That's what I do. My mother can be verbally hostile to me, so I don't go visit her unless my husband goes with me, because my mother (and father) will not act that way in front of my husband like they do with just myself visiting. I think it's because they would be embarrassed for my husband to see how badly they act around me, so when I take my hubby with me, both my parents are better behaved. This might seem like a cop-out on my part, but for right now, it helps me to keep my sanity....and if my parents become hostile towards each other (which happens ALOT) or myself, then my husband just stands up and says "honey, it's time to go." End of discussion. And, end of the problem, at least for that day....lol.
    Hope things work out for you! Stay strong and true to yourself. You can't change your mother, but you can change how you react to her. Take care, Beck
  • becknorton68
    becknorton68 Posts: 17
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    If you have someone who is sabotaging not only your MFP success, but ANYTHING else that you hold dear to your heart, you have a couple of options...you can either avoid that person forever (which probably isn't realistic with your own mother), you can explain in no uncertain terms to that person (your mother) that in the future, you will NOT accept any negative/harsh/bitter treatment from that person; or you can do what I do if you have a support person, which is take that support person with you whenever you go see your mother. That's what I do. My mother can be verbally hostile to me, so I don't go visit her unless my husband goes with me, because my mother (and father) will not act that way in front of my husband like they do with just myself visiting. I think it's because they would be embarrassed for my husband to see how badly they act around me, so when I take my hubby with me, both my parents are better behaved. This might seem like a cop-out on my part, but for right now, it helps me to keep my sanity....and if my parents become hostile towards each other (which happens ALOT) or myself, then my husband just stands up and says "honey, it's time to go." End of discussion. And, end of the problem, at least for that day....lol.
    Hope things work out for you! Stay strong and true to yourself. You can't change your mother, but you can change how you react to her. Take care, Beck
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
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    You HAVE dealt with it! Very well done for pushing back to your mother. You were assertive and should be very proud of yourself! :smile:

    I guess the thing you could work on now is not letting her opinions affect you so much. Not sure how... but it is possible to become less sensitive 'cos I've slowly been doing it over the years...
  • Elleinnz
    Elleinnz Posts: 1,661 Member
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    It sounds like it is time for you and your mom to have a chat about your journey - and some of the things you have learnt / are learning along the way.....

    Sometimes you need to have these discussions when you are both relaxed (and not when a conflict situation is brewing)..... Being a mom you sometimes think you are doing the right thing - but you are growing up - and quite capable of making your own decisions about your life - but at least try to have a talk with your mom - and tell her how she can support you (and also what causes stress for you) - but dont do it when you are fighting - find a good time to sit together and discuss things....

    It also helps if you don't try and blame it all on her (even if she is at fault) - it helps to explain how you feel, and what you need - rather than what she is doing wrong - one's choice of words sometimes helps to difuse the situation.....

    Good luck and hopefully you can get your family to be more supportive of you :-)
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I'll push my totally non-professional opinion in here and say that maybe you still see yourself as your mother's child and like maybe you MUST indulge your mother in these conversations, and you feel so bad because you're struggling *not* to do this anymore. As an independent individual adult, you don't have to engage with her, and you don't have to feel bad about it. Think if it this way, your mom probably would never do what she did to you to another grown woman (except maybe another sibling). It's because she has certain permissions with you (that she's always had) that she does this to you. But you can change this dynamic.

    When she gets started on something just remember that in her mind she's being helpful. So you can tell her "I know you love me and you worry about my health, Mom, but I promise that even if it doesn't seem like it right now, I'm ok, I'm healthy, and I'm happy. Just give it some time to get used to." This won't make her stop saying what she says to you. You can never change that. What you can change is the reward she gets from you when you respond to her how you normally would. It sounds like you're already working on trying to change your response to her.

    Just keep your responses short, direct, and almost like you're dealing with someone who doesn't know very much (child, super old person, etc.) Long answers give her too much fluff to respond to. Just redirect the conversation away. Your eating habits are no longer her realm of control. Sometimes this is difficult for a parent to let go of. Good luck!

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