Dumped by new buddies.

Zanthera
Zanthera Posts: 10
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
I can't believe I had gotten dumped by new friends here. In frustration I dumped the other new buddies before getting dumped by them too.

Sorry if I don't cheer and jump for every little thing.

Replies

  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 762 Member
    uh oh.. what happened?
  • whiskey9890
    whiskey9890 Posts: 652 Member
    oh dear thats a shame, especially if there was no reasoning behind it, feel free to add me as a friend, i'm not someone who jumps up and down for the small things either but i like to think i'm there when people need me, but be warned i'm not the most successful person on here (whoops, but thats a whole other story)
  • gsager
    gsager Posts: 977 Member
    Bless your heart. I have dumped anyone but there sure seem to be some negative people on this site. I have to stay positive. You can add me if you would like.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    yeah, no big deal- maybe u just didn't 'mesh'. Can add me if you like biting wit & sparkling commentary
  • jakejacobsen
    jakejacobsen Posts: 584 Member
    I clear out my friends who don't seem serious (bad examples) Thats just me, if they don't eat right, or log, or have there diary open. Its got less to do with weather they cheer me on or make me feel its ok to eat chips, fast food ect.... I am serious about my weight loss. Yes I eat out, yes I slip up, I want friends to call me out. an occasional slips ok but if its repeated to often I remove the friend just for my own healthy habits...
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
    The only people I have dumped on here are pervs and people who have an ED and refuse to admit it. It upsets me too much seeing them starving themselves. Otherwise I see no reason to delete people. Don't worry, the chances are you will never meet them in the flesh anyway. :flowerforyou:
  • alib510
    alib510 Posts: 24 Member
    oh dear :( feel free to add me if you want someone who only says the things that need saying, not just wtg! i didn't even know what that meant before i came to this site! anyway, your goal is proably to lose weight, not make friends, right? xxx
  • FireMama_24
    FireMama_24 Posts: 169 Member
    I drop mine if they haven't logged in over a month!!! Feel free to add me. I will help any way I can
  • NB_Eric
    NB_Eric Posts: 61
    The only people I have dumped on here are pervs and people who have an ED and refuse to admit it. It upsets me too much seeing them starving themselves. Otherwise I see no reason to delete people. Don't worry, the chances are you will never meet them in the flesh anyway. :flowerforyou:

    I may have totally miss-understood your meaning with this message but how exactly are you going about diagnosing people with an ED ( I'm assuming you mean eating disorder ) on a website without knowing them personally??
  • Ellem86
    Ellem86 Posts: 204
    Feel free to add me :)
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
    I've had a similar experience on here. I noticed a few weeks ago that a number of "friends" had deleted me. I messaged one in particular and asked her why (she was someone to whom I felt I had been particularly supportive). She responded by saying that she does not keep friends around who have eating disorders. I didn't push the issue further, but I don't currently have an eating disorder. (I have suffered from binge eating in the past, but I haven't done so in a few months.) It then occurred to me that I had posted something a few weeks ago (around the time of the deletions) about fasting. It was Yom Kippur (the Jewish Day of Atonement). The day includes fasting. My guess is that is what she was referring to and it was a simple misunderstanding. I don't really care since these people were not my real friends. But perhaps it was a simple misunderstanding with you too?
  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 762 Member
    Wow, this is scary... I don't dump MFP buddies.. and i don't understand the ED part... what exactly makes them ED?
  • NB_Eric
    NB_Eric Posts: 61
    Hi Lynn, I'm glad you brought this up. Personally I came to this site to find the support that I couldn't find in my close circle of people. I'm horrified to hear stories like yours because it shows that even in a place that your supposed to find support in you still find people who judge you without really knowing you and that's a crying shame.

    My goals here are to find good motivating folks and if those people have the same goals as me even better ( eating better and getting to a 5k ) So anyone please feel free to add me and I guarantee you will never be judged.
  • driaxx
    driaxx Posts: 314 Member
    Just guessing, but I think what they mean by ED is that they have under 1,200 calories a day? Or like Lynn was saying - extreme fasts (of course not when related to religion though)
  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
    Worry not about being "dumped" anywhere in life... judgemental people who make decisions like that are not real "friends" anyway... This is a site where people can support or not... Find new friends who will support you. There are lots of other people on MFP...:smile:
  • cookc04
    cookc04 Posts: 71
    You can tell somebody who has an eating disorder but is either in denial or is indulging in it. They are happy about eating less than 120 calories and exercising back all their food. They come up with excuses for why they only had 400 calories. It's really easy.
    And it's heart breaking when they say - 'thank you for your concern but I don't feel hungry and I don't think it's a problem'

    Basically if you don't feel hungry when you are eating under 500 calories a day for a week, then you do need to see a doctor - something physically or mentally is wrong with you.
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
    Wow, this is scary... I don't dump MFP buddies.. and i don't understand the ED part... what exactly makes them ED?


    I think the ED part refers to those who post consistently post about fasting or doing "water fasts." I have one "friend" in particular who has posted a number of times about doing a 21 day water fast and there are people who cheer her on. I'm not here to support behaviour like that, but I also feel odd about deleting her...
  • Quaters
    Quaters Posts: 85 Member
    I am here for support if you want i love this site it is so good to encourage each other and pass on our different tips.
  • NB_Eric
    NB_Eric Posts: 61
    But that's the danger of it all, it is not for anyone here to judge your calorie intake or to make assumptions that you have an ED . People should be supporting and send a message to you directly if they are worried about you, not just delete you and label you with an eating disorder
  • Quaters
    Quaters Posts: 85 Member
    well said!
  • NB_Eric
    NB_Eric Posts: 61
    Wow, this is scary... I don't dump MFP buddies.. and i don't understand the ED part... what exactly makes them ED?


    I think the ED part refers to those who post consistently post about fasting or doing "water fasts." I have one "friend" in particular who has posted a number of times about doing a 21 day water fast and there are people who cheer her on. I'm not here to support behaviour like that, but I also feel odd about deleting her...

    Oh now in that case I do agree with you, if you feel that someone is being encouraged and cheered on to do something that you believe if dangerous you should bring it up with them and at least show worry. But I wouldn't delete her per say, maybe discuss it and if at the end of the day you both can't find common ground and mutual goals then you may need to part ways. But not just " dump " someone without saying why.
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    I don't do much with the 'social' part of MFP. I've accepted a few friend requests but I don't think I've ever sent a request. I browse the various forums and get a chuckle or a good tip every now and then. Sometimes I'll post a comment if I think I can brighten someone's day or if I have something pertinent to say. If my news feed has too much chatter on it I reduce it by eliminating the social butterflies that feel the need to post 20 times a day. I'm not trying to be mean, I just don't have as much interest in that function as some people do, but I certainly understand their interest in it. That's why Baskin Robins has 33 flavors, because if everyone liked plain vanilla what a boring world it would be.

    I bet thereare various reasons why someone would 'unfriend' another, some of it may be spiteful and mean, and some of it may just be 'system maintenance'.

    Kinda like being at the world's biggest party...you meet new folks, chat for awhile, then eventually move on. The people you hit it off with stick around longer and you spend more time together.

    If you want to send me a request I'd be happy to make your acquaintance. Promise I'm not a perv and at 240 lbs its unlikely I have ED.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
    The only people I have dumped on here are pervs and people who have an ED and refuse to admit it. It upsets me too much seeing them starving themselves. Otherwise I see no reason to delete people. Don't worry, the chances are you will never meet them in the flesh anyway. :flowerforyou:

    I may have totally miss-understood your meaning with this message but how exactly are you going about diagnosing people with an ED ( I'm assuming you mean eating disorder ) on a website without knowing them personally??

    Because they are eating around 500 calories a day when they are stick thin and proclaiming that they want to see their bones sticking out etc. No I don't know them personally, but having had an ED myself, I do have some idea.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
    You can tell somebody who has an eating disorder but is either in denial or is indulging in it. They are happy about eating less than 120 calories and exercising back all their food. They come up with excuses for why they only had 400 calories. It's really easy.
    And it's heart breaking when they say - 'thank you for your concern but I don't feel hungry and I don't think it's a problem'

    Basically if you don't feel hungry when you are eating under 500 calories a day for a week, then you do need to see a doctor - something physically or mentally is wrong with you.

    Agreed. I don't have a problem supporting those who admit they have an ED and want support. But these people want praising on 'being under their calories goal' which plenty are willing to give. I however, am not going to support that. I have tried to get through to those with an ED and those who admit they purge their food but they do not want help. Therefore I delete them.
  • sheilarosella
    sheilarosella Posts: 101 Member
    feel free to add me...log on everyday but respond to friends posts only maybe weekly because of busy schedule but love knowing there is support out there and offering some support back
  • Zanthera
    Zanthera Posts: 10
    uh oh.. what happened?

    Mostly the social butterflies dumped me. It wasn't hard to noticed since I only had a handful of people as buddies so far. I do most of my tracking by android ap and don't chat much on it until I get on my computer at home. Out of 7 new buddies found here at MFP that I don't know in person I had 3 left. Very discouraging when this isn't just a calorie counting sight but a support site.
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
    It then occurred to me that I had posted something a few weeks ago (around the time of the deletions) about fasting. It was Yom Kippur (the Jewish Day of Atonement). The day includes fasting. .

    i understand this because i fast once a week for spiritual purposes
    I don't really care since these people were not my real friends.

    this is pretty much how i feel about it. there are people that i get along with wonderfully on here and love their posts but if they deleted me out of the blue i doubt i'd get sad about it. and i'm sure some folks might already have deleted me but i don't even notice.
  • NB_Eric
    NB_Eric Posts: 61
    You can tell somebody who has an eating disorder but is either in denial or is indulging in it. They are happy about eating less than 120 calories and exercising back all their food. They come up with excuses for why they only had 400 calories. It's really easy.
    And it's heart breaking when they say - 'thank you for your concern but I don't feel hungry and I don't think it's a problem'

    Basically if you don't feel hungry when you are eating under 500 calories a day for a week, then you do need to see a doctor - something physically or mentally is wrong with you.

    Agreed. I don't have a problem supporting those who admit they have an ED and want support. But these people want praising on 'being under their calories goal' which plenty are willing to give. I however, am not going to support that. I have tried to get through to those with an ED and those who admit they purge their food but they do not want help. Therefore I delete them.

    I just feel that judging someone by their food log or their pictures it's a slippery slope. If for example someone is ashamed of what they eat and don't log it all, or just plain forget to log their food and happen to look thin on their pictures we label them as having an eating disorder then I think it can be destructive especially if you are completely wrong.

    It would be like if i suffered from mild depression and saw a picture of someone sad and said well I can't have you in my group because you are depressed. I don't doubt your heart is in the right place but I do believe we have to be careful to judge or label anyone especially on a site where a lot of people come for support.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
    You can tell somebody who has an eating disorder but is either in denial or is indulging in it. They are happy about eating less than 120 calories and exercising back all their food. They come up with excuses for why they only had 400 calories. It's really easy.
    And it's heart breaking when they say - 'thank you for your concern but I don't feel hungry and I don't think it's a problem'

    Basically if you don't feel hungry when you are eating under 500 calories a day for a week, then you do need to see a doctor - something physically or mentally is wrong with you.

    Agreed. I don't have a problem supporting those who admit they have an ED and want support. But these people want praising on 'being under their calories goal' which plenty are willing to give. I however, am not going to support that. I have tried to get through to those with an ED and those who admit they purge their food but they do not want help. Therefore I delete them.

    I just feel that judging someone by their food log or their pictures it's a slippery slope. If for example someone is ashamed of what they eat and don't log it all, or just plain forget to log their food and happen to look thin on their pictures we label them as having an eating disorder then I think it can be destructive especially if you are completely wrong.

    It would be like if i suffered from mild depression and saw a picture of someone sad and said well I can't have you in my group because you are depressed. I don't doubt your heart is in the right place but I do believe we have to be careful to judge or label anyone especially on a site where a lot of people come for support.

    I understand what you are saying, however I cannot support people who are under eating and writing statuses such as 'I want to be able to see my bones sticking out. I want to look like this person (puts picture of an anorexic person up)'. I can only try so many times to get through to them then I give up. If they do not want to help themselves then no one can. This is my weightloss journey and whilst I support where I can, I do not have the time or patience to bang my head against a brick wall over and over again. It is draining. These people need professional help.
  • NB_Eric
    NB_Eric Posts: 61
    I understand your point and I do see where your coming from, I also agree that people with eating disorders do need professional help before it's too late . I'm glad we could all have a great discussion on this and get all the points across :)
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