Would this upset you?

ctalimenti
ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
I totally made an error and didn't even realize it. My 20 yr old stepdaughter recently gained about 50 lbs. She was looking to borrow a hoodie and I handed her one of mine and told her to try it on to see if it fits. Apparently that was the WRONG thing to say. I didn't even realize it and meant no harm whatsoever! Would you be insulted or is she being overly sensitive?

Replies

  • pixlamarque
    pixlamarque Posts: 312 Member
    She's being overly sensitive. It wouldn't bother me at all. Tell her to get over it.
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
    Overly sensitive.
  • honeybadger175
    honeybadger175 Posts: 69 Member
    She was way too sensitive...
  • empc
    empc Posts: 88 Member
    Agree...overly sensitive. Sounds innocent enough to me...probably just sensitive about the gain. Let it go....
  • kittyhorn
    kittyhorn Posts: 112 Member
    Agreed! Overly sensitive.
  • justme84x
    justme84x Posts: 66
    Overly sensitive. my mom used to say that to me and i always knew she never meant it as hurtful so I would just let it go
  • selfishshellfish
    selfishshellfish Posts: 97
    Wellll...whether or not other people would be offended is pretty irrelevant here. She was, so that's the situation you're dealing with, for better or worse.

    None of us is party to the context necessary to say any more.
  • lambeas
    lambeas Posts: 229 Member
    She IS being overly sensitive.... but it does suck, when you are reminded ( even innocently) that you are fatter it is hard to face.
  • upsidedownpear
    upsidedownpear Posts: 101 Member
    sensitive. If you are smaller than her, it is an obvious thing to say. But she is 20 and because of her recent weight gain, she may be a bit emotional about it. So it may be worth to talk to her!
  • ohthelawd
    ohthelawd Posts: 29 Member
    Overly sensitive... and not to be mean, but if she isn't happy with her body, there's only ONE person who can do something about it. Ask her to join MFP :)
  • Dayquasar
    Dayquasar Posts: 182 Member
    That sounds like a normal thing to say depending on the tone you used, she might be sensitive about her weight gain and maybe thinking everything has to do with it no matter what you say.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    Goodness, even if you two were the same size, different clothes fit people differently, this isn't anything different.

    She's definitely being overly sensitive.
  • mikebudd
    mikebudd Posts: 26 Member
    Overly sensitive but try to handle with care. If she recently put on that much weight, she probably is feeling bad about herself and easily thinks everyone is ready to point out her shortcomings. We rely on each other for positive feedback her at MFP. She could use some herself.
  • larat71
    larat71 Posts: 60
    I think that if you had said "I don't think it will fit, but try it", THEN she could have gotten upset, but what you said was fine! She is being way too sensitive and if her weight bothers her that much, tell her to join us on here:)
  • hbart500
    hbart500 Posts: 243 Member
    Im sure she knew you werent meaning to upset her but she is young and gets upset over her weight gain easy. I wouldnt worry too much about it unless she drags the drama on.
  • Ephena
    Ephena Posts: 610 Member
    Sounds like she is being over sensitive.

    Last year my mom had knee surgery on both knees and lost a whole bunch of weight. She was very excited and proceeded to clean out her closet. She passed everything onto me (almost nothing she wears is my style and since our body shapes are so different nothing fits the same), I wasn't insulted because she was giving me her "fat clothes", I was happy for her that she had lost the weight! A year later my mom has regained all the weight because she never made any changes to her lifestyle while I have lost 60 lbs with another 20 to go to reach my goal weight. She is happy for me but jealous at the same time. However, she never takes it out on me.

    Your stepdaughter probably isn't happy that she's put on all that weight but it's up to her to deal with and if the simple gesture of a sweatshirt to borrow sets her off then she's in for a very rocky road.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    I totally made an error and didn't even realize it. My 20 yr old stepdaughter recently gained about 50 lbs. She was looking to borrow a hoodie and I handed her one of mine and told her to try it on to see if it fits. Apparently that was the WRONG thing to say. I didn't even realize it and meant no harm whatsoever! Would you be insulted or is she being overly sensitive?

    I don't even understand why that was a wrong thing to say. What was she upset about? Did you say "see if it fits" or something like "see if you can squeeze into it"? I could see taking offense to the latter statement.
  • _Tristan_
    _Tristan_ Posts: 221 Member
    Overly sensitive and this is the perfect time to teach her a lesson. This is reality. Welcome to life.
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
    OVER SENSITIVE. Yesterday my husband told me I looked like a gorilla in the 3X Eddie Bauer sweatshirt I was wearing. I know it was huge on me, but I don't want to spend more $$ on clothes right now and it worked for what I needed it for! I gave him grief for likening me to an animal but I really didn't take any offense!
  • kyle4jem
    kyle4jem Posts: 1,400 Member
    Sorry, I don't get it... the stepdaughter wanted to borrow a hoodie... you had one and offered it to her... as far as I can see only two scenarios ensue:

    #1 = she says thank you that's great (takes hoodie and goes away happy) ...

    or

    #2 = she says thanks that's great, but unfortunately I don't think your hoodie would fit me, but it was nice of you to offer.

    There is no other polite response.

    Teenagers (and I'd lump early 20s into that band too) can be too touchy for their own good. You gotta be tough to survive and if she feels slighted by some perceived misconception/miscommunication, then she'd better learn to get over it because life's a b*tch :ohwell: :flowerforyou:
  • wifeygonzo
    wifeygonzo Posts: 287 Member
    I think she's being overly sensitive. She's probably self conscious about her weight and she just took your comment the wrong way.
  • WickedMouse
    WickedMouse Posts: 343 Member
    she is being pretty sensitive about it, but maybe you can take that as an opportunity to talk about healthy eating and help direct her in the healthy way to lose the 50 she gained.
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
    My roommates and I say that to each other all the time. Like, "yeah you can borrow it, here, see if it fits!"

    I don't see why it's offensive, but it is true that she is offended, and you should probably talk to her about why, and explain that you meant no harm.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    She's a 20 yr old girl.

    I am a 57 yr old insensiteve ex-Marine and I would have known better than to say "see if this fits." Kids are sensitive at that age.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<Hey, does this leather jacket make me look fat?
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