A better wife...

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Replies

  • SharaLynnG
    SharaLynnG Posts: 10 Member
    have you read "for women only" -- helpful info on understanding men and what is important to them.
    I second this book...It is amazing! The author is Shanti Feldhahn. my husband really responds when I am grateful for all of his hard work. I got up an hour before he was supposed to go to work the other day and made breakfast, he literally thanked me for it 10 times throughout the day.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Make sammiches
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    give+it+to+your+wife+funny+label.jpg
  • Mad_Dog_Muscle
    Mad_Dog_Muscle Posts: 1,251 Member
    Have you tried counting calories and exercising?
    This is why I love you Kortney!! :drinker: :drinker:
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    Thank you for all your replies, serious and otherwise :wink:

    I'll look up all the books on Amazon. I had a friend who told me she was trying the 1950s housewife thing, but unfortunately it turned out that her husband was abusing her and had been for years, so her desire to be a 'better wife' was rather different from mine. I do think there is a grain of truth in it though.

    I am very fond of giving the answer which appeared most often, and have been told I am very good at it, but (serious question here) why is it better than sex?

    Sandwiches? I wake early to make my husband his every week day, but because it's every day, he only occasionally notices. If you didn't mean the literal kind, been there, done that and it wasn't a good choice.

    Finally, why am I thinking about this? Well, my 4 year old adores me, and I would love for my dh to like me even half as much.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    Seriously (and I liked a lot of those not serious answers, but I didn't like the graceful answer of following the very unserious answer where what youhave to say isn't important, but I digress.) Someone smart told me or wrote that what boys need very much is to not be gotten mad at. And being that men are boys, I'm thinking, patience, and kindness, noticing and commenting on what you like and kindly wording your requests that something be different. that includes, "honey, I've had a tough day too, and I'd like to talk about my stuff now".
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
    Hard to say, as none of us really know you. Love your husband. Respect him as he respects you. Make decisions together - don't be the kind who makes the husband decide everything. Realize that no one is perfect - we all make mistakes. Be encouraging. Try to get to know his friends. Remember that the male brain is wired differently than the female and it's all good. If something's on your mind, tell him - don't make him guess. When you disagree, don't always have to be right. Pick your battles. Never say "I told you so". Assume that his dedication to your relationship is as strong as your own. Don't get jealous if he notices someone else is pretty - you notice other guys occasionally, right? Doesn't mean you're less dedicated to your marital relationship unless you act on it. Lastly - know what they say about going to bed angry? It's not always sound advice. I've gone to bed angry many times (we've been married 19 years) and awake to find that a lot of the cause of my anger was just being tired. So, it's ok to go to bed angry sometimes. But, if you're still angry the next day, talk it out and try to work it out before you go to bed another night.
  • southofmadness
    southofmadness Posts: 316 Member
    goodwif1.jpg


    ..lol....let me guess....single! :)
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,809 Member
    Gonna go out a limb here and say you should talk to your husband about this. I bet you can both come up with ways you each be better for and to each other. Remember, marriage is a team sport.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I only know how to be a good wife to my husband. Every marriage is different.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    Hard to say, as none of us really know you. Love your husband. Respect him as he respects you. Make decisions together - don't be the kind who makes the husband decide everything. Realize that no one is perfect - we all make mistakes. Be encouraging. Try to get to know his friends. Remember that the male brain is wired differently than the female and it's all good. If something's on your mind, tell him - don't make him guess. When you disagree, don't always have to be right. Pick your battles. Never say "I told you so". Assume that his dedication to your relationship is as strong as your own. Don't get jealous if he notices someone else is pretty - you notice other guys occasionally, right? Doesn't mean you're less dedicated to your marital relationship unless you act on it. Lastly - know what they say about going to bed angry? It's not always sound advice. I've gone to bed angry many times and awake to find that a lot of the cause of my anger was just being tired. So, it's ok to go to bed angry sometimes. But, if you're still angry the next day, talk it out and try to work it out before you go to bed another night.

    This is so interesting because it goes to prove the validity of your first sentence. My husband always wants me to decide everything, but as he's the fussiest in the family, I like him to be involved, so I finally worked out that if I do all the research and have him choose between 2 or 3 options, rather than hundreds, he seems pretty happy.

    He has few friends in this country and I know his friends back home pretty well, so that's never been an issue. I notice girls more than he does, and he always disagrees when I think someone's pretty.

    Thank you very much for your suggestions. I do try not to go to sleep on my anger, but sometimes I do find a night's sleep is what makes the real difference.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Treat him like he's still your boyfriend.
  • catwrangler
    catwrangler Posts: 918 Member
    Treat him like he's still your boyfriend.
    That is exactly what Dr. Laura tells women :wink:
  • neva4saken
    neva4saken Posts: 300 Member
    The fact that you are asking is a start which shows you actually care .. with that being said i think you are asking the wrong group of people because we can only give you tips that we assume you are not already doing .. i will say a few things that my wife and i have determined we will have in our lives/home/marriage is peace meaning keeping any and everyone out of our business as possible.. i only asked my wife one thing before we became great friends and got married and that was that she always be herself because i cannot get to know her without her being that to this day she is appreciative .. we are honest with each other, she gives me respect i give her respect, 5 Love Languages is a great book, i always ask her is there anything i can do or stop doing to make her day better, i always pray to be the husband she needs and not the husband i want to be .. I follow God's direction on rights and wrong but most importantly never cut the lines of communication or go to bed angry with each other .. when you want something different you do something different and trust me it works .. again this is all based on things that i assume you are not doing so i hope it helped but as a psychologist helping people comes second nature so i am shutting myself up ... lol ... grace and peace
  • Wpbarr
    Wpbarr Posts: 142 Member
    Be interesting.
  • Kalrez
    Kalrez Posts: 655 Member
    MARRIAGE COUNSELING.

    Also, realize that your son isn't your husband, so they will view you differently.

    Men aren't freakin mind readers. If you're upset that he isn't paying you the right kinds of attention, let him know. You can't just sulk and pout and HOPE that he figures out why.

    Actually talk to the man, ffs.

    ETA:

    *kitten* help, I hear.
  • Tegan74
    Tegan74 Posts: 202
    MARRIAGE COUNSELING.

    Also, realize that your son isn't your husband, so they will view you differently.

    Men aren't freakin mind readers. If you're upset that he isn't paying you the right kinds of attention, let him know. You can't just sulk and pout and HOPE that he figures out why.

    Actually talk to the man, ffs.

    ETA:

    *kitten* help, I hear.

    Be careful ~ that activity was mentioned in a thread yesterday and the whole thread was taken down :/

    Edited cause that really didnt sound like I ment it too LMAO
  • Secret_Agent_007
    Secret_Agent_007 Posts: 1,082
    Even better if you bring a voluptuous friend to open the beer for him.



    Will you marry me?
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    goodwif1.jpg

    there ya go - you need to be a little gay. now you know.
  • WarriorMom2012
    WarriorMom2012 Posts: 621 Member
    goodwif1.jpg

    OMG, I :heart: you! I especially like the 3rd tip, although I think being a little gay for your husband may not get the results you expected!
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    goodwif1.jpg

    there ya go - you need to be a little gay. now you know.

    Well there's another happy coincidence :laugh:
  • Liquid741
    Liquid741 Posts: 292 Member
    wow...i could give you a lot of tips, but they wouldnt be forum friendly....
  • ennaejay
    ennaejay Posts: 575
    Just food for thought, this morning I asked my husband if he felt appreciated. He said yes, but there was something in his tone that made me realize he had more to say. He came up with something totally out of the blue where I really had to struggle to wrap my mind around how "______" equalled lack of appreciation. It opened my eyes to how, in little ways, I could be tearing him down instead of building him up. Men really want respect, admiration, and appreciation (they need to deserve it, too, but ultimately it takes work from both sides to earn and receive it). Women sometimes really suck at knowing how to do this - just like men sometimes really suck at loving their wives unselfishly.

    I'd suggest getting involved with other, older couples who you believe to have a strong, healthy relationship, and asking them for advice, like a mentor thing.

    And there's always the obvious... lol.
  • Maryfullofgrace
    Maryfullofgrace Posts: 342 Member
    Another thing I seem to try to do lately, I remind myself, "this is your best friend and you are his best friend." Puts a lot of things into perspective. What level of patience do I have with strangers ? What level of courtesy do I have with strangers? Shouldn't I show MORE to the person I want to stay around and be with me forever?
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    Power of a praying wife book, not sure who author is.

    Stormie OMartian...This is a good book but requires patience and diligence...Not for the faint of heart!

    hated that book...............................

    thought it was very one-sided, and very lacking in depth.......way too smarmy and not very helpful (at least for me)
    Others agree with me:
    http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/833253.The_Power_of_a_Praying_Wife
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    The fact that you are asking is a start which shows you actually care .. with that being said i think you are asking the wrong group of people because we can only give you tips that we assume you are not already doing .. i will say a few things that my wife and i have determined we will have in our lives/home/marriage is peace meaning keeping any and everyone out of our business as possible.. i only asked my wife one thing before we became great friends and got married and that was that she always be herself because i cannot get to know her without her being that to this day she is appreciative .. we are honest with each other, she gives me respect i give her respect, 5 Love Languages is a great book, i always ask her is there anything i can do or stop doing to make her day better, i always pray to be the husband she needs and not the husband i want to be .. I follow God's direction on rights and wrong but most importantly never cut the lines of communication or go to bed angry with each other .. when you want something different you do something different and trust me it works .. again this is all based on things that i assume you are not doing so i hope it helped but as a psychologist helping people comes second nature so i am shutting myself up ... lol ... grace and peace

    dammit.......all the good ones are taken ;)
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