Need Advice...

LosingTheWeight2014 · October 2011

There is the group of girls in my office that literally are like the "MEAN" girls from high school. I happened to be in the other office, where they are located and was making copies, where the copy machine is they can't see me, and I heard them talking really bad about me. I don't mean like saying they don't like me or something...I talking really mean, like one of the girls said "I hate that fat *****."

I'm hurt by what I heard, but not really surprised. I mean I go to work to make a living, not to make friends. I have a few co-workers that I am friends with and do stuff outside of work, but these particular girls I don't really talk to other than for work related issues.

Should I go to human resources about this or just suck it up and move on?? I'm moving next year out of state so I only need to deal with this for another 10 months, but I just hate the feeling I got hearing these people.

Thanks for the advice.

MinnieInMaine · October 2011

First, sorry you overheard their conversation! Let's be honest and admit that we all talk about people behind their backs but to be so tactless about it is plain old rude!

The moment has passed now but I think if it happened again, I'd have no choice but to walk up to them and say "I couldn't help but over hear your converation ladies. What is it about me exactly that bothers you so much?" And in the meantime, I'd kill them with kindness. Smile and act like everything is hunky dory. Do not sink to their level!

ETA: They'd probably try to say they were talking about someone else but something about what they said must've cued you in to knowing they were talking about you...use that too if you can.

diaryoffatdad · October 2011

so sorry you had to deal with that. some people just never grow up. its just me but if it was me being where they couldn't see me, I would have walked out right at the point you heard the "fat *****" comment. make them uncomfortable cause they were caught, might have even made them realize how childish they were being.

weight bias is a terrible thing, and not one that's going to go away any time soon, you shouldn't have to endure any of that even if you are only there for a year. Report it, make them idiots realize its not tollerated.

I hope this does not define your day, make your day something to be proud of and that will help you forget the thing that made you sad.

don't let ignorant fools bring you down, your better than that (and them)

Helenatrandom · October 2011

And in the meantime, I'd kill them with kindness. Smile and act like everything is hunky dory. Do not sink to their level!

I agree wholeheartedly. Be kind and do good to those who hate you and mistreat you, and it will be like hot burning coals poured on top of their foreheads.

cabaray · October 2011

I know the kill them with kindness route is probably best, but if I'm going to be honest, I'd be the biggest b!tch they ever came across.

rosebarnalice · October 2011

Take the high road. Don't acknowledge them or admit that you heard them. You don't need to sink to their level by responding in any way. You know you're better than that.

And if these women are like I think they are, I strongly suspect you're probably not the only target of their collective peevishness. It's really pathetic, but probably the only thing these women really have in common is their shared dislike of things and/or people. How tragic for them to have to have their little "mutual dislike society" be the closest thing they get to friendship. Sad, really.

Do your job, and treat them like you did before-- cordially and professionally. And if you have room left in your heart, pity them for being the pathetic, small, and toadish individuals that they are.

bcattoes · October 2011

I think you should go to HR. The workplace is not the place for this type of activity and it stands to reason that you are neither the first or the last that they've treated this way. There is no room for that type of behavior in the workplace and they need to be made aware of it.

Even if you decide not to file a formal complaint I would make HR aware of what happened. If enough people do that HR could take action without you or anyone else having to be singled out as the one that complained.

Jackie9950 · October 2011

I hate that! Why do people not understand that thier comments hurt? There are so many evil people out there that will tear you down. Don't let them win. I say file a complaint with HR. You will always find people in your life that will treat you like your nothing which some people might be fine with but if you don't complain they could continue on to someone else, someone not as strong as you are.

I have found that the "ignore the bully" speech does nothing to solve the problem they just move on to weaker victims. You are a strong, determined, happy, gracious, good hearted indiviual...don't let them take that from you. Be Strong

bcattoes · October 2011

Take the high road. Don't acknowledge them or admit that you heard them. You don't need to sink to their level by responding in any way. You know you're better than that.

Reporting the incident to HR is not sinking to anything. It's the proper response in a work place. An office is not a social situation, people have an obligation to respond in a professional manner. If not, proper action should be taken.

Stacivogue · October 2011

That's terrible that they said these things, but you have to understand there there are people who have nothing better to do with their time. Also, you're actively doing something about your weight - and you should feel good about that. When was the last time any of them lost 50 lbs? And don't tell me that they couldn't stand to lose a few.
Weight bias is very difficult to overcome. People judge you based on your weight, I've found. But the only thing to do is perservere and keep working on yourself for yourself. Not for a bunch of mean people with too much time on their hands. Going to HR is always risky, but that is unprofessional behavior.

CynMM29 · October 2011

((hugs)) I'm sorry you had to hear that. A friend once told me that in order to be comfortable with myself, I had to be able laugh at myself. I too hate that I am heavier than I'd like. (I weigh more now than when I was pregnant with my 15 year old, what is that?) I hate that my belly gets in the way of things I want to do. (Bend over, clip my toenails or even polish them) I hate that my thighs do not fit into my jeans anymore. (I refuse to grab the cooking oil to make my legs slick, but it's coming..) ~~True story, I tried to use a rubber band to ease the pressure of not having to button my jeans. I gave up, not cause I couldn't breathe, but I could not sit without my pants cutting into my entire lower half!!!~~ I hate that I don't feel sexy anymore. (The lace on my lingerie scream when I try to put on the pretty stuff) But I have to laugh at me because if I don't my feelings will be hurt all the time. I am and I am not trying to make light of the situation, we all think negative things of ourselves. But, we are here trying to do something to improve our lifestyles. We are making changes on the inside and the outside. Which is way more than I can say about the ladies at your job. They probably have no idea what it is to laugh at themselves. Consider this, with the changes you are making of your eating and exercise habits, you will outlive them. Then, who has the final word? All will be well, chin up and walk an extra mile out of anger!

mrsframer · November 2011

I fell terrible for you that this has happened. I hope you can take the high road, I don't think I would go so far as to "kill them with kindness" but I would ignore the incident. Chalk it up to these girls being nothing but bimbos and their opinion really doesn't matter. Inner beauty will take you alot farther in the long run and clearly they are lacking. Hold your head high and be proud to be you.

AZackery · November 2011

Hi LosingTheWeight, I'm sorry that you had to hear ugliness from your co-workers. I don't think you should go to human resources, behind their ugliness. Why? Because, it will not stop them from being ugly. All they are going to do is make sure you don't hear them again.

Talk is cheap. It's easy to say something about someone behind their back, but a lot of people aren't man or woman enough to say anything to a person's face.

Be the bigger person. Treat them with love. Love will always be taller than ugliness.

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