Sabatoge my Success

My story is a little different. I actually eat to keep people, especially men, away. Eating out of emotions/insecurity is something that is very hard to break.

Give your friends some time. You are setting a good example for them and causing them to convict themselves for not doing what they need to for their health. Give them some time and don't shy away. Stay strong and they will come around.

WOW!!! :noway: I have to admit, I'm totally shocked. I think that if one of my friends (I'm using that term very loosly) said that being
around me was like a slap in the face to them I would know that they were never my friend in the first place. Perhaps I had just been an enabler to them. Someone who would support their bad habits (including poor food choices). That is just WRONG!!!!

Honestly..you don't need friends like that. You need friends who support you no matter what shape you are, what you eat, what you wear, how you travel (walking, running). I'm really sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine how much that must hurt. But..do not let that take you from your current path to health and wellness! You are doing really well..new friends right around the corner.

Good luck to you all! This is journey we all need to be on, and we all need support. if you arent' getting it from one source, walk
away. Find a new source of support, new like minded friends.

:flowerforyou:
Sally

I have recently gone through the SAME thing. First of all, talking about it, I feel, helps tremendously!!!!! I, just by nature, tend to hold things in, especially emotions. During my journey, my husband has been my motivater, he "watches" when I'm "cheating" and says," ok Mar, now that's it" lol But just the other night, I cried to him, finally, saying "why when I start to lose a few, I eat them right back?" He asked me what am I afraid of? I have ALWAYS been overweight, since puberty. But now, since I started losing in June of 2010 I have lost 44 pounds! I'm only 35 away from goal, and I know deep down I can get there! THAT'S what scares me! Once I get there, who will I be? Will I still be me, just less of me? Might sound stupid, but I'm still trying to really figure out what is scaring me. I have never wanted anything more than I want this right now. To reach my goal. I have a co-worker, who is really starting to creep me out with her observations, this girl literally "picks" me apart. Now, I know it's jealousy, she had a baby 5 months ago and she is pretty overweight. She was trying to lose but gave up. But, she picks out my every flaw. I'm trying to break away from this girl and her negativity. I'm trying to build relationships, friendships with other co-workers who can offer positive feedback, I'm so tired of the negative. I think I "binge" eat here at work to keep up with this girl. So, I figured out my problem, now just trying to fix it. So my advice to you is to find a different group of friends. Try not to feel bad about it, think of it as one more plus to your journey and what you have accomplished so far.

Hello. I came here, read the posts and then left. I had to come back though and reply. A very dear friend of mine started his own journey about a year ago. He had dealt with years of stuffing his feelings and finally had an "ah ha" moment and went to an OA meeting. From that moment on he made drastic changes to his eating and his relationship with food. As he progressed on his journey his weight just melted off. Today he looks AMAZING. He is healthy and finally happy. As much as I am happy for him it can be extremely uncomfortable to be around him sometimes. It is all due to my own issues. Several years ago I had managed to whittle off nearly 50 pounds. I looked fabulous. Then, my life started to crumble apart due to an unsteady marriage, the sudden death of my father in law and my sister being diagnosed with breast cancer. I medicated through food and removed myself from my list of priorities. All the weight came back on. Watching his success and the fact that he was no longer hiding from his feelings and was making himself a priority was a brutal reminder to me as to how far gone I had let myself go. How little effort I put into my health. A reminder that I once had that and due to my own actions I went back to something I vowed I would never go back to. I have been known to drag my feet when it comes to having him over and going on outings with him.

The thing is. I have been friends with this guy for gosh...probably 20 years at this point. He is very close friends with my husband. He was our best man in our wedding. He has been around for all of our kids. He rented an apartment under ours for years. He is probably the one person I feel I can talk to and know without a doubt that it does not go any further. So, ultimately, I am thrilled for him. As hard as it is for me to process it and face how I have let myself down. I know it is something I have to work through.

I just wanted to chime in and voice how it feels to be on the other side. Maybe it will help a little. Just keep pressing on. Our friend is always around. Stops by sporadically. Your friends are probably just dealing with facing their own insecurities. Maybe they have tried to lose weight and have been unsuccessful. I am sure it isn't easy to be on your end either. Here you have had all this success and it feels as though they are abandoning you now. Maybe it might be time to expand your circle of friends a bit as well and ensure you have connections with people that share your same priorities as far as health, fitness and food?

Anyhow, hang in there. It is a difficult situation on both sides.

I have found that the people who don't want to be around me much anymore are actually afraid to eat in front of me. Some because they don't want to "tempt" me, others because they feel guilty about how they are choosing to eat. I don't have many close friends but a lot of work associates so it doesn't bother me so much. I think you need to tell your friends that you are still you and you have no judgements. Make sure that you are not lecturing or making a production about the loss. Just act how you have always been. You are still you. There is just a little bit less of you. Maybe over time, one of them will want to start the process and you will be a great mentor and guide. Until then, let the issues that belong to them belong to them. Don't cave to keep friends. They aren't that great anyway if they would rather you destroy your hard work to make them feel better.

A very good friend of mine told me I was gaunt - no nice comment - just gaunt! I was feeling proud of my achievements so it really hurt! I have other friends and family who promise me that if I was gaunt that they would tell me. I made light of it and promptly ate 2 mini chocolate muffins. Others have told me it's a jealousy thing - not that my friend is big - she's always been smaller than me but not anymore! She claims to not have the willpower to be a slave to a diet (her words!)

Hiya. People do this with any kind of substance abuse...and yes I do include over-eating, bad eating and binge eating as substance abuse.

Almost all people with any kind of vice - eating/smoking/drinking/spending/*insert vice here* - will try to 'normalise' it.

We will surround ourselves with people of similar vices, either that or recruit...'go on, have one slice/puff/drink/whatever'. We do this because we know what we are doing is not right, but if everyone else is doing it, it becomes 'normal', socially acceptable, even.

When we change it is akin to holding up a mirror to our own, and consequently other peoples, behaviour. Not only are you bringing to the fore their own maladaptive behaviour, but you are also showing them that it doesn't have to be that way at all and that you, and they, can change. If they aren't ready or simply in denial (big is beautiful and all that, well yes maybe, but it's also bloody unhealthy) they will turn away from you. That is not your problem, that is theirs - entirely.

I have had a whole arsenal of vices in the past and I have lost people with every one that I've tackled. The up-side to that is it's allowed other people into my life. People who are, again, more similar to myself now. Ideally it would be lovely for them to carry on being your friends and either watch from the sidelines or, even better, join in with you. But that may not be the case and I do know it hurts. But don't let that derail you. Identify yourself as the wonderful, lovely, brave person you are - do not identify yourself through the people you hang out with.

Stand proud, hold on to your values and if people (sadly) fall by the wayside they are just making room for the new.

Good luck...and get back on track. You want it, you deserve it. Go get it.

I really don't understand the whole notion of losing friends as a result of losing weight. It seems to me that friends (in the truest sense of the word) would love you too much to want to see you unhealthy. I've lost relationships when certain things in my life changed and improved. All that told me was that the relationship was temporary all along, perhaps even disposable. Fitting in with a group of people who struggle to celebrate my successes and personal battles won is not my idea of a good life.

I haven't lost enough weight yet to mystify my friends, but in my opinion, your friends who behave this way are insecure. Let them know that you think they are beautiful, and that you know you are and were. Let them know this is about your health, not merely a judgement of appearance. (Even if you are and were in excellent health, the effects of poor eating habits are cumulative.)
My big fear for myself is diabetes. I don't have it now, but last year when my toes went numb, I freaked out! I was so afraid I'd lose a foot! It turned out that I had broken my toes, probably at the water park. Thank God it was only that! As uncomfortable as taped toes are, it was a relief because that was temporary.
Good luck! I hope your friends learn to value you the way you do them!

technical difficulties...double post!