WHAT'S good enough? how much should we losE?

someonelikemyself
someonelikemyself Posts: 192
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
okay so lately i've been asking my mom how much i should lose in order to be Perfect" in her eyes (in appearance)

i mean everyone has standards... forget what makes me feel bvery happy in the end of the day i do care about what others think... so im thinking of posting a body pic to get different answers... and get an average it really confuses...
i'm 140 pounds 5'4


edit: did you ever think of it this way?

Replies

  • ohraspberries13
    ohraspberries13 Posts: 43
    I've been wondering the same thing about myself. I met my original goal but I feel like I need to lose more. But now I'm worried what if I get there and still want to lose more? I hope I'll know when I get there. So, I know how you feel. But anytime I ask anyone they never give me a straight answer.
  • nikkimee
    nikkimee Posts: 44
    Hi.. you should be look the way that makes you happy not what makes others happy..
  • lawmama_
    lawmama_ Posts: 103 Member
    i think of it that way all the time. but i think you're at a good height/weight. you shouldn't change. just work out and build up some muscle tone and you'll be fine.
  • someonelikemyself
    someonelikemyself Posts: 192
    I've been wondering the same thing about myself. I met my original goal but I feel like I need to lose more. But now I'm worried what if I get there and still want to lose more? I hope I'll know when I get there. So, I know how you feel. But anytime I ask anyone they never give me a straight answer.

    i totally agree " they never give a straight answer" it's like they're either too shy/scared i'd get mad or whatever or they don't want me to feel that happy. (people other than my mom)
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    I'd concentrate on getting a healthy BMI, body fat percentage.
    From there it really is all your choice.


    Be comfortable in your skin. Be happy with yourself. DO NOT spend time worrying about perfect. Perfect is a standard that you can make yourself crazy trying to achieve.

    But again this is about you. Nobody else. You. If you are doing this for somebody else, or to be to somebody else's standards it's not going to be a successful endeavor.
  • someonelikemyself
    someonelikemyself Posts: 192
    i think of it that way all the time. but i think you're at a good height/weight. you shouldn't change. just work out and build up some muscle tone and you'll be fine.

    i actually want to lose at least 10 pounds i don;t know when that will happen but that's my goal i think it's nicer for my age you knoW? and because i have so many ideas when it comes to clothes that need a thinner frame.

    I do have muscles kind of but my main concern is body fat!! ill post a pic soon :) and you'll see what i mean ... :D
  • ohraspberries13
    ohraspberries13 Posts: 43
    Hi.. you should be look the way that makes you happy not what makes others happy..

    That's very true. I've been doing this saying how I wanna get healthy, but I still have something in my head wondering what people think. After thinking about this, I think I should try a little harder not to think of it that way. I hope someonelikemyself can do the same.
  • someonelikemyself
    someonelikemyself Posts: 192
    I'd concentrate on getting a healthy BMI, body fat percentage.
    From there it really is all your choice.


    Be comfortable in your skin. Be happy with yourself. DO NOT spend time worrying about perfect. Perfect is a standard that you can make yourself crazy trying to achieve.

    But again this is about you. Nobody else. You. If you are doing this for somebody else, or to be to somebody else's standards it's not going to be a successful endeavor.


    Interesting approach i got so caught up with appearance that i kinda forgot what is more important in my "eyes".
  • someonelikemyself
    someonelikemyself Posts: 192
    Hi.. you should be look the way that makes you happy not what makes others happy..

    That's very true. I've been doing this saying how I wanna get healthy, but I still have something in my head wondering what people think. After thinking about this, I think I should try a little harder not to think of it that way. I hope someonelikemyself can do the same.

    \hahhaa you can call me Lily and i totaly get you guys but i i think i thik of this a lot because of peoples comments and how they give more attention to more fit people for example my aunt said infront of me ... about a relative ohh look at her her butt is so toned because she exercises soo much" I DO exercise comparing to that relative as much as her you know? but i eat more. so it was hurtful. I stayed quiet :(
  • TnTHawkins
    TnTHawkins Posts: 285 Member
    Like Nikki mentioned, don't do it for others but for yourself. My goal weight is 190, but my healthy weight would be more like 170-180. But if I keep running and cycling like I want to continue to do, then I would like to be more like 150-160.

    You have to do it for yourself and what makes you feel confident.

    BTW, I'm a 5' 9 male who is 43 and currently weights 230lbs.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    umm. Two opposite things are true. You are wonderful and acceptable and good enough just as you are. AND there is always room for self improvement.

    Mothers cannot answer a question like that. As my daughter grows there will NEVER be a weight below which she needs to be to be perfect. That just doesn't exist. I don't want to assume you experience your relationship aswith your mom as invalidating or impossible to please. That's how I interpreted what you said though and if that's the case, it is again true that there's no perfect weight. With impossible to please people they're impossible and there will always be something. So even with that you're back to the first paragraph.

    As much as you can believe and live the first paragraph., the happier and more peaceful you can be.

    But stop asking your mom senseless unanswerable questions. Either she will be frustrated and broken hearted that you don't get that you're as perfect as you can be in her eyes or you will be frustrated and unfulfilled because her answer will always be unattainable.
  • Jferg69
    Jferg69 Posts: 241 Member
    Why are you trying to please others when you should be looking to be happy with yourself.

    It is too much hard work trying to please others, you cannot control there thoughts and feelings, but you can be happy with who you are.

    Be yourself and don't try to live your life pleasing others.....
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    What you should weigh is what you weigh when you're happy with how you look AND your body is happy with what you eat. You might be able to get yourself down to a tinier size or weight, but if it's too hard to maintain that weight, you'll be miserable.

    For me, it had nothing to do with the scale or a pants size. Initially, I just wanted to be fit enough to run a 5k, and to me, that meant that whatever my body was like when I was able to do that was a healthy weight for me. But in the process, I realized that I was losing weight fairly easily. Then, I just wanted to get rid of the extra mush. I still didn't, still don't, care what the eventual weight is or what size clothes I wear. I just want to look good in them. And out of them.
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
    Well I say when you feel good. Who cares what others think. The last time I had lost weight my *kitten* ex-husband said "well I guess you look better but you still have a ways to go"...........I was happy with how I looked.
  • Bibis29
    Bibis29 Posts: 33
    Try not too worry too much about what others think - which is difficult, I know. What really matters is how you feel. That said, you're actually within the healthy weight zone for your height. Somewhere between 115 - 140 gives you a pretty healthy BMI. Anyway, the most important thing is how you feel - your body will tell you what it needs, just try to tune in.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I know what it's like to never be good enough for my father. I just had to learn that it was all HIS problem, not mine.
  • someonelikemyself
    someonelikemyself Posts: 192
    umm. Two opposite things are true. You are wonderful and acceptable and good enough just as you are. AND there is always room for self improvement.

    Mothers cannot answer a question like that. As my daughter grows there will NEVER be a weight below which she needs to be to be perfect. That just doesn't exist. I don't want to assume you experience your relationship aswith your mom as invalidating or impossible to please. That's how I interpreted what you said though and if that's the case, it is again true that there's no perfect weight. With impossible to please people they're impossible and there will always be something. So even with that you're back to the first paragraph.

    As much as you can believe and live the first paragraph., the happier and more peaceful you can be.

    But stop asking your mom senseless unanswerable questions. Either she will be frustrated and broken hearted that you don't get that you're as perfect as you can be in her eyes or you will be frustrated and unfulfilled because her answer will always be unattainable.


    i Don't want to shock you but she has an opinion to that. She believes ALL i need is weightloss because she knows i'd have so much potential and she knows it would make me so happy to be slimmer. She told me i need 6 kg or 7
    but i was wondering what others think of what is enough. I like your approach to this :)
  • someonelikemyself
    someonelikemyself Posts: 192
    i agree with you guys i guess all the comments i hear do affect me somehow even if the comments are nott about me! and some people like my body but i just say WHAT no it's not good. i just can;t believe them because it's not as good as i "Want" it to be/
    and awww catherine thank the lord he is your "Ex" sounds like an appearance maniac
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,029 Member
    Perfection is subjective. What I see as perfect in a female, may seem too "muscular" for others. Concentrate on what makes YOU feel perfect. There are standards for bodyfat % so use that as a guide.
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
    and awww catherine thank the lord he is your "Ex" sounds like an appearance maniac
    [/quote]

    Yes - it is a blessing. Not once in 4 years have I missed him!!!!! Even the day when a pipe broke and I had no water!!! And what's even better is the last time I saw him at our son's soccer game I noticed a little belly on him :)
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
    Why not just lose until *you* are happy with *yourself*? It never even occured to me to lose until someone else was happy with the way I look. Hell, I'm still overweight at this point and I have people telling me all the time to stop losing weight. They haven't seen my thighs or belly without clothes though.
  • someonelikemyself
    someonelikemyself Posts: 192
    Why not just lose until *you* are happy with *yourself*? It never even occured to me to lose until someone else was happy with the way I look. Hell, I'm still overweight at this point and I have people telling me all the time to stop losing weight. They haven't seen my thighs or belly without clothes though.


    Yess exactly i do want to lose till im happy thats my goal but it will take time.
    Catherine HA HA! i like that you don't regret it why don't you look for someone else??? you deserve better!! and i love how your getting in shape while he's the opposite hell oneday tell him when you see him again... growing a belly? :) he did it to you!!
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