Unsupportive, Snarky Co-Worker

notapromqueen
notapromqueen Posts: 63 Member
edited October 2024 in Motivation and Support
So, a little background information. I work in an office that is pretty evenly split gender-wise. The men I work with have noticed my weight loss; even though it's only 8 lbs as of now. They're careful about what they say, but they're not afraid to let me know they've noticed. The women, for the most part, don't notice (or don't bother to comment, anyway). For the most part, my co-workers are either supportive or oblivious.

However, I have a co-worker who had a battle with bulemia a year or so ago. During that time, I was her support system (as her kids are typical teenagers and the cause of her bulemia was a break-up with a long-time boyfriend). I made sure she ate. I kept a close eye on her and made sure she wasn't running to the bathroom as soon as everyone else looked away. At one point, she was less than 100 lbs. With the help of her doctors and psych. doctor, she is finally up to a healthy weight. I even offered to be her gym partner to help her gain some muscle back. We went on walks together on our lunch break, etc. She ended up with a hairline fracture and stopped working out and walking back in August.

So, now that I am dieting and working out again, she's gotten incredibly snarky. For example, a friend of mine (who is a male) surprised me by bringing me a coffee. Forgetting I was dieting, he loaded my coffee with cream and sugar. I joked with him about having to work out an extra hour later due to his surprise and she overheard and said "you need to work out a lot more than an hour a day to lose that weight". I let it slide. Whatever. Sticks and stones, right?

BUT....... Then, she literally walked into my office twenty-minutes later with a double stuffed oreo cookie and waved it infront of my nose. :noway: No. I'm totally not joking. Literally waved it infront of my nose. :huh:

Maybe I'm taking this more personal than I should. But, the reason I am trying to get myself to a healthy weight is because my husband and I are trying to conceive this spring. Not many people know this, but SHE DOES. I don't know if she's being snarky because of the support and attention I've been getting from our male co-workers lately, or what. I just don't even know how to respond to how she's been acting this past week.

Replies

  • TeresaWash
    TeresaWash Posts: 283
    She sounds jealous to me! Be a duck and let it roll of your back. You'll be a better person for it.
    She obviously has some mental issues.

    Great job on the weight loss! Keep it up
  • bampitt
    bampitt Posts: 43 Member
    How rude! It never ceases to amaze me how rude people can be when they are feeling bad about themselves.

    I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. She's just being rude and inconsiderate. She's failed in her healthy lifestyle and you are successful. People, I think, are intimiated (or envious) of success.

    I would ignore her although, I know it will be hard. Just smile and go about your business. Always take the moral high road.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    She sounds like a total *****. I wouldn't take anything she says to heart. If you are so inclined, you can ask her why she is acting like that, but she probably won't give you an honest answer.
  • millionsofpeaches
    millionsofpeaches Posts: 372
    I would not let it bother you... She is obviously still having problems surrounding her eating disorder. Perhaps she leaned on you so hard because she thought that you would always be her "bigger" friend. Now that you are loosing weight she is experiencing jealousy. Perhaps she is worried that you may loose your friendship. You should sit down with her over lunch and explain how you want to be a healthier you. Talk about your lifestyle change and how you need support just like you supported her. Good luck.
  • NKF92879
    NKF92879 Posts: 601 Member
    I would try talking to her about it. It sounds like she has something bothering her, and it's coming out negatively. Maybe she feels like she still needs your support, but isn't getting it? A conversation coming from a place of concern and caring goes a long way.
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    Sounds like plain jealously to me.. Jealous that you are doing everything she wants and then some.

    I'd tell her look, I'd love to keep supporting you if you need it, but if your going to act like this, then I can't. I'm sorry you feel the need to do this, but I just can't support this negative behavior.
  • ablykins
    ablykins Posts: 200 Member
    If the friendship is worth it to you- talk to her directly about it and let her know how her comments and actions are hurting you. If it is not worth it to you- then just ignore her. It sounds like she's still battling a lot of issues and you certainly don't need to take those on. Maybe she just can't offer you support right now, which is OK, she may be in a place where she just can't be there for you in the way that you need- stay focused on your goals and if the relationship has to come to a natural end then that is what it is.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
    How rude! It never ceases to amaze me how rude people can be when they are feeling bad about themselves.

    I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. She's just being rude and inconsiderate. She's failed in her healthy lifestyle and you are successful. People, I think, are intimiated (or envious) of success.

    I would ignore her although, I know it will be hard. Just smile and go about your business. Always take the moral high road.

    I'd dis-include her from any other personal updates. She is toxic.
  • Ephena
    Ephena Posts: 610 Member
    I am so sorry that she is being like that and I truly hope that you and your husband are able to conceive.

    That being said, it sounds like she is jealous and a nasty person in general. I'm sure she was more than will to take your support and use you for her own needs but now instead of giving back she acting like a B*tch. I don't know if I have a solution to the problem but you might tell her that she is acting like a selfish child and you don't appreciate it. Tell (don't ask) her to stop it, and distance yourself from her. You don't need to have that kind of added stress in your life right now. Think about positive stuff, like your future baby...if this woman continues to elevate things and gets even more nasty you should go to human resources (or your companies equivalent), it isn't you whining or tattling, it's her being a bully and that is far from okay.
  • SueGeer
    SueGeer Posts: 1,169 Member
    She's battled with an eating disorder, which hopefully she has recovered from. Now she sees you dieting. Perhaps she is afraid that your dieting might morph into an eating disorder too and is worried for you but doesn't know how to show it. Some people who cannot voice their opinions make negative comments......it may not be overly intentional or malicious. Just a thought.....:flowerforyou:

    Sue :smile: x
  • Strive2BLean
    Strive2BLean Posts: 300 Member
    I would ignore her and give her the cold shoulder. She just sounds like a person who doesn't appreciate or deserve your giving her the time of day. When I encounter someone like her I just chalk it up to them having problems and or being on medication and that they just don't know any better. Instead of focusing on her ill behavior you should just think about those that give you positive feedback. Shrug it off and move on. You know you're the better person!
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    If she didn't have the background she did I'd say drop it like it's hot and move on with your life.

    However, you know she's got emotional issues and doesn't always know how to handle them. She's being hurtful, but she may not even realize that she's doing, or if she does, she might be having difficulty restraining herself. I suggest sitting down with her (at a non-food place) and telling her that she's hurting your feelings when she says/does the things she's been doing. Ask her why she says/does it. Be patient and understanding. If she denies everything and isn't willing to work on it then you should move on because there's nothing else you can do. Chances are that she might even open up to you and you guys can work out a program where you have a social "safe word". If she does/says something hurtful you can say "Pineapple" or something and she'll know that it was something bad.

    Just an idea.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    Personally I'd call her out on it in a tactful way. You're not taking it personal at all. You have every right to be offended by her behavior *especially* since you've helped her with her health problems.

    My advice, take it or leave it, would be to tell her how inappropriate she's being, and then keep your distance from her. You don't need toxic people in your life.
  • erinrose07
    erinrose07 Posts: 140
    Geez! Sounds like she's missing the glory of being thin and the control that came with eating whatever she wanted without consequence (by purging)

    There's no need for her to be mean, immature and spiteful. But just to be a b*tch, I would have turned around and waved a carrot in front of HER nose, pointed at her oreo and said, "Hmmm...looks like you may want to re-think your snack choice. That's gonna go straight to your thighs."
  • alohabrie
    alohabrie Posts: 204
    Step away mentally from her. She's obviously got some stuff going on mentally and emotionally - given her past problems - and she just can't be there for you. Stay friendly and do what you need to do. Good luck.
  • hojo94
    hojo94 Posts: 140 Member
    I agree, she sounds jealous... you are becoming a healthier person... losing weight, and feeling better, and doing it in a healthy way, not in a way that threatens to kill you! You have the mind set, and the will power to become a healthier person, and that is something that she does not have... and is jealous of you for. I honestly think you should be proud~ you have what she wants... just smile at her, and know that you are, what she wants to be!
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    Have you told her that her actions are hurting your feelings? Have you pointed it out when she's said these things? Maybe she's really hurting right now and doesn't know now to express that in a healthy way. If she's a friend and you care, point it out and ask her why she's doing it.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    There's no need for her to be mean, immature and spiteful. But just to be a b*tch, I would have turned around and waved a carrot in front of HER nose, pointed at her oreo and said, "Hmmm...looks like you may want to re-think your snack choice. That's gonna go straight to your thighs."

    DO NOT DO THIS

    That is a horrible thing to suggest. Bulimia and anorexia are mental disorders and comments like this can set a person back months or even YEARS depending on the severity of their disorder.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    You are able to choose your friends, you know? Don't let her attitude affect yours. Move on...
  • michedarnd
    michedarnd Posts: 207 Member
    Hm. I'd talk to her about it, but sternly. You can't choose your coworkers, but you can bring up inappropriate behavior to HR. I'd let her know that it's not ok to behave that way, but I'd say that you need to be willing to point out rude, inconsiderate behavior if she takes to tormenting you in this fashion.
  • Maryfullofgrace
    Maryfullofgrace Posts: 342 Member
    You can't change other people, you can only change you. If addressing her will make you feel better and her feel worse is it worth it? Will you feel good if you make her feel bad? Or can you just vent this out here, get past it, be strong and move forward?
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Hmm You could just say "Wow I thought you would be way more supportive considering everything I helped you with last year" and leave it at that.
  • smketchum
    smketchum Posts: 94 Member
    Have you told her that her actions are hurting your feelings? Have you pointed it out when she's said these things? Maybe she's really hurting right now and doesn't know now to express that in a healthy way. If she's a friend and you care, point it out and ask her why she's doing it.

    This
  • cobes24
    cobes24 Posts: 132 Member
    Not cool.
    I'm stealing this from Anne Lamott (a great author), it's what I keep in mind when dealing with difficult people:

    "When someone talks to you or treats you in a way you don't like, just remember you only have to listen to them for a short time. They have to listen to themselves, inside their head, all day long for their WHOLE LIFE."

    Ms Lamott says it much more eloquently than that, but I love the sentiment. This girl clearly has issues, deeper than what you or anyone else can help her with. Based on what you're saying, you sound like you're in a great place--losing wt successfully, planning ahead for a baby (yay!). I would guess your internal dialogue is significantly more cheerful than hers...she sounds like an unhappy person. I say roll with it, and just be grateful you don't live inside her head and have to hear that negativity all the time.

    Or you could always b*tch slap her next time. :)
This discussion has been closed.

Categories