Help with my snackin' boyfriend

Assilem
Assilem Posts: 21
in Health and Weight Loss
As with most people once you've been with your partner for a certain length of time, it seems that you both start gaining a little bit of weight together. It doesn't help when you both have terrible eating habits.

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have two kids together. Since I became pregnant with my second child we both started gaining weight. I am finally at the point where I want to changes in my life and eating habits. I've suggested the same to him but he's never been the athletic type. We tried to go running and he was so dramatic about his lungs hurting that, even if he did want to go again, I don't think I would want to listen to it. I'm finding him less and less attractive and have also tried to stress to him the health concerns his dad has. Anyway, he's currently living a few hours away trying to build up seniority to get a full time position at his job so we can all hopefully move out to where he is.

My problem is I can do so well when he is not in town. I exercise consistently and I don't snack on junk food as much but when he's there, we eat so much junk food. Trips to the convenience store are almost nightly. I slack off in the exercise but make some of it up when we take our dog for walks and hikes.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can get him motivated to try to become healthier with me? Or, any tips on how I can avoid getting off track when he's in town?

Replies

  • Assilem
    Assilem Posts: 21
    As with most people once you've been with your partner for a certain length of time, it seems that you both start gaining a little bit of weight together. It doesn't help when you both have terrible eating habits.

    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have two kids together. Since I became pregnant with my second child we both started gaining weight. I am finally at the point where I want to changes in my life and eating habits. I've suggested the same to him but he's never been the athletic type. We tried to go running and he was so dramatic about his lungs hurting that, even if he did want to go again, I don't think I would want to listen to it. I'm finding him less and less attractive and have also tried to stress to him the health concerns his dad has. Anyway, he's currently living a few hours away trying to build up seniority to get a full time position at his job so we can all hopefully move out to where he is.

    My problem is I can do so well when he is not in town. I exercise consistently and I don't snack on junk food as much but when he's there, we eat so much junk food. Trips to the convenience store are almost nightly. I slack off in the exercise but make some of it up when we take our dog for walks and hikes.

    Does anyone have any tips on how I can get him motivated to try to become healthier with me? Or, any tips on how I can avoid getting off track when he's in town?
  • dgweisblatt
    dgweisblatt Posts: 52
    You're not going to like this answer, but here it is...You can't get your boyfriend to change.

    I grew up with a Mother (may she rest in peace) who was obese her entire life and didn't exercise and had terrible eating habits. She died when she was 46 years old. No matter how much nagging my Dad, Grandparents, etc. did, on the rare occasions when she WAS successful with dieting, it was only because SHE decided it was time.

    I've found the exact same is true for myself. I've been successful before and with this site now (down almost 25 lbs!) but it is ONLY because I want to do it. (And I just turned 46 years old and that number is "weighing" on me too!)

    My husband (of almost 25 years) has history of poor health in his family and he's very overweight and has heart problems, yet he claims that he's too lazy to change. It bothers me terribly, but I feel that I can only set a good example for him and for our kids and show them all that it can be done in a healthy way, if they want it. Nagging won't do anything but annoy - which doesn't help anyone in the end.

    So...try to be strong for you and for your kids. Hopefully, when he sees that you don't share in his late-night snack-runs and you're losing weight and looking great, he'll find some motivation for himself. It MUST come from within him to change. That's just reality. No one is "making" him eat junk (but him) and no one can make him stop (but him). Try to be supportive and be a successful personal example. That is the only thing that you CAN do for him.

    Best of luck on your healthy-lifestyle journey! May we all be successful!!! :smile:
  • AlbertSchwartz
    AlbertSchwartz Posts: 810
    Hi, I think dgweisblatt is right, he has to make the decision to change.

    "finding him less and less attractive"

    This is something you need to talk to him about, my wife recently left me, (not because of weight, i had the old we've grown apart), but what was bad on her part was not talking to me when she first started to have doubts a few months before she ended it.

    Not that i'm saying you would ever do such a thing, but i think he needs to know how you feel, communication is the key.

    Hope this helps you.

    Al
  • banks1850
    banks1850 Posts: 3,475 Member
    To an extent, I was your boyfriend for a long time. My wife would ask me to work out at the gym with her, I would refuse, I would eat badly, I had bad habits. It all comes down to him. You can request that he help himself, but if he hasn't reached the "realization" point yet, then it's going to be like beating your head against a brick wall. This is a very personal thing. You have to make the changes for yourself and stick to them. Nothing you say to him is going to change his lifestyle, but what it can do is make him resent you for nagging and complaining. I think what you need to do is sit down with him and tell him that it's his choice to change his lifestyle or not, but that you have, and you can't be a part of the snack foods, and bad habits, and if he is going to do those things, he needs to do them when he's not in front of you. let him know that bringing home junk food is the same as smoking a cigarrette infront of someone who quit a day or two ago. It's just mean. Also, if your finding him less attractive, because of deteriorating health, HE NEEDS TO KNOW NOW! Don't wait until the relationship is completely broken. If he loves you, and you him, everything needs to be out in the open. For better or for worse shouldn't mean you take the "worse" lying down!

    This is just my opinion, but I have found, through hard lessons, that telling someone is always better in the end. Holding it in always leads to greater pain later.

    I hope it all works out for you.
  • peej76
    peej76 Posts: 1,250 Member
    This kinda sounds familiar. My husband and I had really bad eating habits and just one day we were both talking about how embarrasing it is to have to admit to ourselves that our daily food intake just included junk, so we finally got on the right track until I became pregnant with my 3rd son. We both went back into our old eating habits and both ended up gaining lots of weight. Now that the baby is 3 months old I've stopped buying junk again - if it's not in the house he won't eat it. We also have a convenience store about 5 seconds from our house so it was really hard to not go grab something. Now what we do and I find this is really helpul, anytime we want a snack we take the money that we would of spent and put it in a jar. Not only have we stopped snacking we have quite an abundance of loose change adding up!! Something else that seems to help is that we do allow ourselves 1 cheat day per week.
    Now if I could only get him to workout with me!!( although just with the absence of snacking he has lost 17 lbs while I'm only at 6 lbs Go figure!!)
  • FUNinTHEsun
    FUNinTHEsun Posts: 284 Member
    i agree with the others when they say u must tell him that u r feeling less attracted to him, it's only fair to be completely honest. u must tell him before it's too late.

    in terms of motivating him...if he sees that u r losing weight and feeling good about yourself because of the lifestyle changes u r making hopefully he will be inspired to make the same changes. stick to ur good eating habits and exercise routine especially when he's around. u can't change him, but u can set a good example and be a great inspiration!!!
  • mydogmesa2
    mydogmesa2 Posts: 205 Member
    If you do the grocery shopping then dont buy anything that you think he shouldnt eat. No chips, cookies, crackers. no munchies of any kind. If hes still willing to make an extra trip to the store rather than just to the kitchen cabinet, he might be less motivated. I refuse to keep ANY kind of chips in my house. They are the devil. When you figure the average person eats 4 -6 servings when they munch, thats like 700 calories alone!!! thats a whole dinner for me. As for the motivation, maybe when he sees how well your doing, he might get a little jealous when other guys start checkin you out:tongue:

    Also, maybe you should keep an eye on him and log everything he eats in one day. Then show him exactly what he is doing to himself. It might be a rude awakening!
  • catlover
    catlover Posts: 389
    I have strong feelings on this topic. So here goes. Everyone who said, you can't change him, BRAVO. You can't, and nagging won't help. Neither will begging or sutle hints or name calling or pointing out the problems in his family. I wish I could say something positive, but that's the way it is with adults.

    I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. Hubby does not do drugs, but he drinks. I have good eating and exercise habits now, he has horrilbe ones. What I get to do is say, "If you do drugs, I'm taking our daughter and moving out immediately." He gets to decide if he wants to do them again. I get to say, "If you come home so intoxicated that you are a beast, I'm taking our daughter and leaving for the night and we'll talk about it the next day." He gets to decide if he wants to drink to that level. I get to say, "If you suffer a heart attack because of your lack of exercise and your diet choices, I may not be willing to stay here and care for you." He gets to decide if he wants to exercise and make better choices. That's really how that works.

    All is not lost, however. Hubby works on the road so I also do well when he's gone and seem to slip when he's here. My very best suggestion is to be prepared and take care of yourself and your children. I have 94% fat free popcorn and low cal fudgesicles for my snacks and I keep Progresso soup around because the warmth from the soup is soothing. Also, I see that you have been here only since Feb, give it more time on your side to develop healthier habits. Practice will make a difference in the long run. Do not let his bad choices influence your behavior. When you don't want to exercise when he's there, do it anyway. If your feelings about him are changing, I definitely would address that.

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