Hoping someone will have advice

Ilovepeppers
Ilovepeppers Posts: 396 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
In short, I got married and had children young (18 years with first, 21 with third). I'm really happy with my kids and my husband, but not so much with other aspects of life. I attend school full time (some semesters online, others in person, some a mix) and have been attending school since I was 18. I am set to transfer very soon to a university not too far away (at which point all of my classes will be in person). The major I have been preparing for is "sociocultural anthropology" and I thought this is what I really wanted. Now, the problem is this, it's really difficult being a mother to three young children while maintaining a "transferably acceprable GPA." Also, the cost of me attending for another two years is going to be great. I wonder if I shouldn't just get an AA and try to look for work with that.

I currently have no time to do anything I enjoy; every minute is spent on childcare, cleaning, chores, homework, and in class. It's very (VERY) stressful and the idea of finishing and working sooner is appealing. I wonder if the job I'll get with the degree (BA) I'm pursuing will make school worth the expense. I wonder if later I'll be happy I stuck it out for the BA. Or, would I happier getting a job sooner and being able to do things I enjoy more often now.

What do you think? I can't really get any opinions from people in person as, aside from my husband, I have no family :/

Replies

  • felicity866
    felicity866 Posts: 120
    find out if the course you want to do has any specific requirements for mature age registration...you may be able to work for a while...take the pressure off and when you are a bit older do the course you want without feeling like you have missed out on anything.
  • kiawya
    kiawya Posts: 73
    ultimately the decision is yours. My daughter is going through the same thing right now. She decided to cut back her classes just a bit, just enough for financial aid though, and not transfer until she absolutely has to.

    Since you started your life so much younger, it is going to seem like yes, you should cut it short and start working. My honest opinion is to stick it out, you will look back and be happier that you have it all behind you later. If you put in the hard time now, you'll be able to enjoy higher pay, better benefits (hopefully) and a better future for you and your children. Besides, most companies will pay higher just based on a more advanced education.

    Best of luck! I encourage you to seek out a great support system, both here online and in person.. Its so much help to have support!
  • tmarie2715
    tmarie2715 Posts: 1,111 Member
    What is the number again, for every class hour you plan on doing 2 hours of homework. If you are taking 15 credits, you are roughly working on school stuff for 45 hours, just the amount of time you'd spend at any grunt or entry level job. I don't see how quitting school or cutting back and getting a job is going to give you more time.

    School is hard. It is easy to start thinking that life would be XYZ if you didn't have to sit thorough lectures, read and participate in online discussion, etc, but I think you should stick with it. You've come this far, it would be a shame to give up all that time, money, and effort. It is going to be hard enough to get a job with that degree as a BS, let along as an AS. Is it an arts degree? Anyway, I vote to hang in there!

    A lot of alternative universities have child care programs or job boards. You could try getting a sitter some times so you can have time to yourself a little bit, which I think would greatly help out with your workload and overall satisfaction. Does your husband help out a lot while you are working on homework and with chores?

    If you think you may be depressed, maybe you should talk to your doctor or the medical center at your university. It is so easy to get overwhelmed with everything that life as a mom (not to mention a full time student and the one who is responsbile for most of the house running activities). Don't feel guilty if you have to ask for help.
  • meeperoon
    meeperoon Posts: 270 Member
    Listen, If you can find a job in this climate that you enjoy and is going to provide the financial benefits you require, then go for it.

    BUT you have to wonder wether 1. the job will be as enjoyable as you imagine. 2. You will have the extra free time you think it will give, will the job have any extra requirements that will eat into your free time? 3. Are you going to ever get this oppourtunity again?

    do a pro's and cons list.

    The job hunt is horrible right now. I have a degree which I am very proud of but honestly was it worth the expense? In this climate im not so sure anymore.

    If the Job is there I would take it, otherwise I would continue and truly see where your path leads.
  • Rachaelluvszipped
    Rachaelluvszipped Posts: 768 Member
    Just like the eating lifestyle change..it will be a long an arduous chain of events..

    You yourself to think about this..

    you have put sooo much time and effort into this..do you really want to stop now? If you do, you just might regret that..but here's another option...are you able to pick up at a later date to finish schooling, if so, then possibly you need alil break for now..and get your AA for now...you need to weigh your options..no one can actually give you that advice..because you will have to live with the outcome..none of us, will have to..I would put a list of pros and cons of do's and don't's
  • AmythistRae
    AmythistRae Posts: 107
    angel every day people come into my office who gave up because it was hard, or settled and it is something they always regret...You have to change the tape in your head...from FML to LML....Instead of it is so stressful it needs to be I am a full time mom and student, I have learnt I can do anything....the money..instead of it is going to cost so much turn it too...I have been broke for years two more isn't going to kill me...You have to do what is best for you...but you need to give yourself the credit you deserve..You are already doing out of this world....
  • fitjunk
    fitjunk Posts: 160 Member
    Stick it out. Easy to say..hard to do but when you are done it will be worth it. Being a mom is always going to be hard regardless of what you have going on in life. At least you are working towards something that you and your family will benefit from. Time management is the key. Do what you need to do. I'm sure you already have the answer but just wanted to hear it from other people to confirm your feelings. You will make the right choice in the end. Good luck.
  • adross3
    adross3 Posts: 606 Member
    Stick it out. You are still young. You have a ton of time to enjoy life. Sacrifice today will bring reward tomorrow. Put off today for tomorrow will lead to nothing being done except dreams unrealized. When your children grow up and need more money to grow you will be prepared and responsable.

    invest in your future. invest in yourself.
  • maddmaddie
    maddmaddie Posts: 160 Member
    Stick it out if you can. Just as long as your kids aren't missing out on mama time. It's going to be hard, even after college to balance a career and being a mother. Women who are mothers and have a career have a longer "to-do list" compared to those who are just one or the other. It will be harder to find time for fun, friends, hobbies, time for yourself, etc.

    According to my studies in sociology, women who choose only to be one or the other are usually happier. It all depends on what kind of lifestyle you want and what will make you and your family happiest. In the end, that's what really matters.
  • Lunarokra
    Lunarokra Posts: 855 Member
    You know that is one of the reasons I held off on having more children. I had mine at 17 and continued going to school until I finished college in 2008, meanwhile I worked in the field that I was majoring in Acctg. Well after all this hard work I regret my career choice, this field expects 45+ hrs on a base salary even w a BA, bummer.

    So know I don't have the money nor the time to pursue anything else, after 13 yrs my priorities are changing and with baby #2 on the way I see any educational and career advancement placed behind me. :heart:

    I really understand you, I hope you figure out what suits you best at this moment, and if you can continue with your BA I would recommend so it's some motivation for your children to follow Mom's educational goals in the future.

    With sacrifice and the hubbys support, the best of graduating was hearing my son say " I finally get to see my mom walk on the stage & graduate" :love:
  • krissagirl0709
    krissagirl0709 Posts: 291 Member
    Id stick with it, or more so look into the jobs you want to be doing and find out exactly how much school they take..even sometimes if the job excepts a 2 year degree they may want 3 years of experience, if thats the case Id stay with school! Good luck! Im a fulltime college student with two kids it does get tough but it will be worth it!
  • cinset
    cinset Posts: 1
    That's a tough choice. As an older working mom, i can tell you that if you get a job you are NOT going to feel like you have any more free time than you do now. I think raising young kids and having a full time commitment out of the home (regardless of the commitment OR your age) is very difficult. It's a juggling act and sometimes the stress of trying not to drop anything can be maddening!
    Points to consider: If you quit school now, you may be work satisfied for the next few years, but down the road you may really wish you had the advanced degree. it may present more options to you, and it may mean a big pay difference as you increase in work experience. If you're partway there it may be easier to just finish than to try to start again later.
    If you continue w/ school, will you feel that you've missed out on time and opportunities with your kids? If you quit to work, will you have more of that time and those opportunities? You can go to school virtually ANY time in your life. your kids will only be young one time. And they need you just as much as you need time w/ them. But be prepared that they will need you in some time committed form for the next 18 years! There's homework help, driving to activities, supervising playdates and party events, and as they approach teen years, they need you to be even more committedly involved by doggedly pursuing conversations and relationship building events/activities. That is the time when they appear to push you away but need to know that you are there. And the more time you can spend with/around them, the more you can garner about what they are doing and who they are doing it with.
    Sorry i can't advise one way or the other. I completely understand your dilemma. I wish you the best in whatever you decide. If you commit to a decision and you feel it's best for both you and your family, I am confident you can make it work successfully!
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