Extreme Pet Peeve...

KaleidoscopeEyes1056
KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
edited October 2024 in Chit-Chat
So today I went to the mall with my boyfriend, and we were in the food court eating our lunches. After not too long of us sitting there, I noticed the elderly couple sitting one table over staring at us. To give a little background, my boyfriend has Muscular Dystrophy and is in a wheelchair, so we get stared at quite a lot because he is in a wheelchair, but it still p*sses me off soooo much!
People seem to think that we shouldn't be in a relationship because he is disabled and I am not. They seem to think that people with disabilities either should be with other people with disabilities or they shouldn't date/marry at all. This makes me really mad because no matter if you are able-bodied or not, you're still a PERSON and deserve every right that every other person deserves!
The other reason people seem to think that we shouldn't date is because he is Hispanic and I'm white. There seems to be some sort of anti-interracial marriage sentiment where we live, and that also p*sses me off. It goes back to the disabilities thing, we're all people. Black, White, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Asian, any mix of any of these, we're all the same, and it shouldn't matter!
So, yeah, that's the end of my little rant. And, if you're one of the people who agrees that I shouldn't be with this man based on his disability or race, don't bother to comment, because not a single *kitten* will be given. And have a nice day!

Replies

  • Thena81
    Thena81 Posts: 1,265 Member
    im so happy to kno that ppl like you exist. you give hope to humanity and yes i agree. im in an interracial relationship and have been for six years and i love him more than anything. the best of luck to you guys
  • JacksMom12
    JacksMom12 Posts: 1,044 Member
    Elderly people tend to do this. They come from a different time, and have no freaking clue what things are like today...nor do they care to. I have a mexican friend who has a fair skinned and blue eyed husband, well their son looks like the father... fair skinned etc. So, she is shopping at a grocery store with her son in his carrier and and old lady walked up to her and asked "how much do you get payed for babysitting? Does the woman who's house you keep mind that you're taking her baby on your errands?" Same principal applied. She said something rude back to put the old woman in her place, but at the end of the day, that old woman lives in a different era and probably won't ever change her views.
  • jakejacobsen
    jakejacobsen Posts: 584 Member
    just saying is it possible that your looking for the worst, maybe the elderly couple were happy for the two of you and thought you were a cute couple.

    I have found that we care way more about our selves then other people. It has helped me with my own sensitivity of what others think.
  • jean1058
    jean1058 Posts: 86 Member
    Sometimes, people don't even realize they are staring. Maybe the elderly couple have never witnessed true love that looks past a handicap, and were simply taken with witnessing a beautiful relationship.

    Personally, I don't even notice if others are looking my direction, so I can't say for sure what others think of me or my choice in a relationship (and really don't care either).

    Let it go..... maybe you can teach them something.
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    Elderly people tend to do this. They come from a different time, and have no freaking clue what things are like today...nor do they care to. I have a mexican friend who has a fair skinned and blue eyed husband, well their son looks like the father... fair skinned etc. So, she is shopping at a grocery store with her son in his carrier and and old lady walked up to her and asked "how much do you get payed for babysitting? Does the woman who's house you keep mind that you're taking her baby on your errands?" Same principal applied. She said something rude back to put the old woman in her place, but at the end of the day, that old woman lives in a different era and probably won't ever change her views.

    What's funny is that one of the only places that people don't seem to stare as much, and really try to help him out is at concerts. I would always think that people at concerts wouldn't care about him because people seem to think that if somebody listens to metal (the concerts we go to are almost always metal) that they're going to be violent. But they're the people who really don't seem to be bothered by our relationship. And the anime club at the college I go to. That's about it. my grandmother even didn't agree with our relationship, but oh well...
  • sun33082
    sun33082 Posts: 416 Member
    I'm sure there is more to your story, but how do you know the reason they are staring is because they think you shouldn't be with him? I know when I see someone in a wheel chair or that obviously has some sort of disability, I sometimes catch myself staring (and immediately try not to stare). But the reason I am staring is because I am thinking. Sometimes I'm just trying to figure out what kind of disability they have. I realize it's rude to stare and like I said, I really try not to, but sometimes I do it without realizing it. But it definitely has nothing to do with me thinking they shouldn't be there or shouldn't be with the people they are with.
  • RachelSRoach1
    RachelSRoach1 Posts: 435 Member
    Honestly, I'm very conservative and have strong beliefs about right and wrong BUT... I never did understand this sentiment. I do give credit to the fact that older couples were raised in a different time but I have never heard of someone discriminating against couples who are disabled/non disabled. For some time I didn't think there were people who disagreed with inter-racial marriages either because I was raised to not see something strange or unusual. That's the just way I was raised, to not see the strange in things like that. So if you'll excuse me for being surprised that you have so many issues with people responding that way. Best of luck to you both of course.
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    I'm sure there is more to your story, but how do you know the reason they are staring is because they think you shouldn't be with him? I know when I see someone in a wheel chair or that obviously has some sort of disability, I sometimes catch myself staring (and immediately try not to stare). But the reason I am staring is because I am thinking. Sometimes I'm just trying to figure out what kind of disability they have. I realize it's rude to stare and like I said, I really try not to, but sometimes I do it without realizing it. But it definitely has nothing to do with me thinking they shouldn't be there or shouldn't be with the people they are with.

    that's true. and I don't know what they were thinking, but through other experiences with it, I've become kinda intolerant of people who blatantly stare, even after I've made eye contact with them. I think why it is that I think like that is because I've also been stopped in stores and people say "what's wrong with him?" and that p*sses me off more than the staring. Usually, if people look at him, I don't say anything, because I look at people too, sometimes just to scope out where they are, especially if we're in a crowded area, but sometimes people just get rude...
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
    Did they say anything to suggest why they were looking your way? There are a lot of people, elderly or otherwise, who think "birds of a feather should flock together."
    If they were frowning in disgust, then yeah, they're being rude. But it could be a compliment: maybe they just like to people watch and you were the most interesting thing they've seen all day. I people watch, and probably come off looking like a total creeper some days. lol Maybe they were checking out the wheelchair for future purchase or something.
    It sucks that you have had bad experiences with strangers not knowing to mind their own business, but I hope you don't let it ruin your day, or get you down. In the end, you are in a loving relationship, and what you and he think of each other is what matters most. :flowerforyou:
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
    They are just jealous because you get to park close to the entrance.


    Seriously, live the life YOU want, you only get one.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,137 Member
    Maybe they were talking about what a cute couple you were. Don't assume the worst. It's better to let people disappoint you sometimes than it is to be pre-emptively disappointed all the time for things they haven't done.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    My wife uses a brace and a walker to get around thanks to having polio as a kid. I'm quite defensive about people staring at her, but it's funny how she never is. It's something that I've realized that I need to get over, as I will never be able to control anyone else's thoughts or actions. Therefore, I should not allow them to affect mine.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    People have come out and said that you shouldn't be with your partner?! Really rude!
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
    they may have just been wondering what happened to your boyfriend . I know when I see handicapped people I often wonder about their lives and sometimes catch myself looking a bit too long. The sad thing is, most handicapped people tend to automatically assume the worst, I once smiled at a man who had no legs as I was walking past him and he must have thought it was a "pity smile" bc he gave me a look that clearly said " *kitten* off!" not everyone is thinking bad things whn they see handicapped people.
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
    P.s. It's human nature to be curious, the staring thing doesn't only happen to hadicapped people , I've been caught staring at very fit people as well bc I'm curious as to what they do but too shy to ask. I usually get the same reaction though, someone thinking I'm either "checking them out" or I'm a jealous B*tch thinking mean thoughts.
  • shovav91
    shovav91 Posts: 2,335 Member
    I'm so sorry that you constantly have to deal with this. People need better things to do than judge others. Just because something may not work for them doesn't mean it never works. You were lucky enough to find love... that is more powerful than any racial, social or physical barriers- you are so blessed. I love your attitude though- anyone who has a problem with your life can shove it- you're happy and in love, nothing else matters :D

    On a side note, my white cousin is getting married to his beautiful black fiance this weekend! I can't wait :D (Their races don't matter to me, I just thought it was relevant given the topic). I couldn't be happier for them, and I can't wait for them to have adorable biracial babies :tongue:
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    I'm so sorry that you constantly have to deal with this. People need better things to do than judge others. Just because something may not work for them doesn't mean it never works. You were lucky enough to find love... that is more powerful than any racial, social or physical barriers- you are so blessed. I love your attitude though- anyone who has a problem with your life can shove it- you're happy and in love, nothing else matters :D

    On a side note, my white cousin is getting married to his beautiful black fiance this weekend! I can't wait :D (Their races don't matter to me, I just thought it was relevant given the topic). I couldn't be happier for them, and I can't wait for them to have adorable biracial babies :tongue:

    OH! mixed-race babies are always the cutest!! I mean, I'm white, but I think white babies look a little weird... But, when I see my fiance's baby pictures, they're sooo cute!!
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    People have come out and said that you shouldn't be with your partner?! Really rude!

    What's worse is one of the people who said that we shouldn't have kids together was his MOM! You would think that she would understand more than other people, but she's just a *****.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    OH! mixed-race babies are always the cutest!! I mean, I'm white, but I think white babies look a little weird...
    :indifferent:
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    OH! mixed-race babies are always the cutest!! I mean, I'm white, but I think white babies look a little weird...
    :indifferent:

    let me clarify, all babies go through a more-wierd-than-cute-looking phase, and I noticed that babies who are mixed raced don't stay in that phase as long. I mean, obviously I prefer darker skin, but I'm also not going to say that two white people shouldn't be together. just that I find dark skin more aesthetically pleasing. We all have our preferences, right?
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