Not sure how to find balance....

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Theselast50lbs
Theselast50lbs Posts: 37
in Health and Weight Loss
Hello all..
Im having a very very hard time at this point in my journey, sad part is, I know what I should be doing, I just cant seem to find the time nor energy to do it., Ive been married going on 5 months and have been living with my spouse for over a year, when we met I was at my smallest, and slowly but surely the weight has crept on until now I am plus 40 lbs from my smallest weight, and although my husband says he loves my body, I feel horrible and this effects my mood and I dont want it to begin to effect OUR vibe.Because my speaking negatively about myself makes my loving husband sooo upset. My husband is VERY fit, and for the most part eats very clean and healthy, but he is a guy and the things and quanties he has to eat to maintain his own weight, is making me gain. When I was single, I figured out I have a problem with eating too much and too emotionally, so to lose weight I put myself in a controlled environment, cut off all social contacts and lost 100lbs, now that I dont have the liberty to "cut off the world" I often feel very helpless which triggers my overeating. I dont know what to do, and any advice before I gain the full 100lbs back would be awesome!!

Thanks guys

Replies

  • natersmama
    natersmama Posts: 157
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    well congrats on losing those 100 lbs. but you're right, locking yourself away isnt fair to your husband or you and just isnt realistic. over eating is a problem a lot of ppl have. i suggest getting a food scale and measuring cups and spoons. just portion everything out. know what correct portion sizes are and stick with them. create a healthy deficit through diet and exercise to lose the weight you want to lose. and love yourself. finding the time and energy isnt going to happen unless you make it happen. you just have to want it. good luck!!
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    Believe him when he says he's attracted to you. He has to love you in sickness and in health, for better or worse, so don't lose your mojo over this.

    Also, don't compare yourself to him. There is no way I could run like my husband does, or eat like he does. I have to find my own workouts and my own meals to lose weight.

    Gaining weight sucks, but honestly, it happens to millions of people, especially after getting married.

    Count your calories, get your exercise, but don't let it get you down.
  • Vmsunderland
    Vmsunderland Posts: 53
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    The only thing that works for me (and I know its not the best) is I eat what i want (which is a LOT since I'm a HUGE over eater) & then I work out like crazy! & I hate working out, but it works for me (or has worked for me in the past before I quit working out)

    I have the BIGGEST problem with over eating & I know working out like crazy isn't the best option but for me it's that or become so fat I will die.

    I'm in the same boat as you got married 3 years ago and have gain almost 60 pounds, and the only way i've lost weight is to do the above.
  • Rheatheylia
    Rheatheylia Posts: 53 Member
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    I'm kinda the same way around other people, I eat the healthiest when I'm alone. When I'm around others I tend to overeat because I feel guilty, worry about what they'll think, and don't want to draw attention to myself. The thing that has helped me most is building my self-confidence (which is extra hard when I've gained extra weight and don't feel my greatest)

    Just focus on the fact that you're worth it, you're worth the extra effort, you deserve to eat how you want, to eat healthy and not feel guilty about it. If other people react negatively to your good habits that's their problem, not yours, so don't make it yours or let it drag you down!

    It's awesome you have such a loving, wonderful husband. Mine does the same thing, if I'm critical (or honest) about my body or weightgain it upsets him, and he tends to try to "treat" me by getting me foods I don't need or enabling my bad eating habits. I finally had to tell him, lovingly and respectfully, whenever he gets me unhealthy foods or asks "is that all you're going to eat" that I really appreciate the gesture, and it's sweet of him, but me eating more or whatever isn't right for me.

    Sometimes I'm just so worried about hurting other people's feelings that instead I hurt myself and my progress! Just keep reminding yourself that you're worth more than that, that your husband loves you and you deserve the best care you can give yourself. Even if you have to tell hubby or friends that "no, I can't eat/do that, I'm taking care of my body" do it! Because you deserve it!
  • Theselast50lbs
    Theselast50lbs Posts: 37
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    Thank you guys!! Gonna put those suggestions into action first thing in the a.m. :)
  • Theselast50lbs
    Theselast50lbs Posts: 37
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    I'm kinda the same way around other people, I eat the healthiest when I'm alone. When I'm around others I tend to overeat because I feel guilty, worry about what they'll think, and don't want to draw attention to myself. The thing that has helped me most is building my self-confidence (which is extra hard when I've gained extra weight and don't feel my greatest)

    Just focus on the fact that you're worth it, you're worth the extra effort, you deserve to eat how you want, to eat healthy and not feel guilty about it. If other people react negatively to your good habits that's their problem, not yours, so don't make it yours or let it drag you down!

    It's awesome you have such a loving, wonderful husband. Mine does the same thing, if I'm critical (or honest) about my body or weightgain it upsets him, and he tends to try to "treat" me by getting me foods I don't need or enabling my bad eating habits. I finally had to tell him, lovingly and respectfully, whenever he gets me unhealthy foods or asks "is that all you're going to eat" that I really appreciate the gesture, and it's sweet of him, but me eating more or whatever isn't right for me.

    Sometimes I'm just so worried about hurting other people's feelings that instead I hurt myself and my progress! Just keep reminding yourself that you're worth more than that, that your husband loves you and you deserve the best care you can give yourself. Even if you have to tell hubby or friends that "no, I can't eat/do that, I'm taking care of my body" do it! Because you deserve it!


    wow glad to know Im not out there alone in this!, and youre right Im gonna have to keep those things in mind and stick to the plan knowing that my husband will be supportive either way
  • mscoco10
    mscoco10 Posts: 527 Member
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    Hey lady, i think we all gain some weight in realationships and marriage. Before we moved into together i would go to the gym eveyday for atleast 2 hrs. Now i get there a few times a week for 1 hr. I have to remind myself that i can love him but not forget about me too. I don't really say negative things but more of i'm stuffed, or no thanks to the chips. I also let him know that i'm not trying to bring him down its just I wanna love how i see in the mirror too. All the extra snacking doesn't help me reach my goal.
    I know he will understand. Men don't have to do much to lose weight. They can workout 1 week and everyone can tell they've lost weight where women it may take 2 months. Just keep up the hard work. I know you can do this. Like i always say when we fall down we gotta get back up and keep going.

    I've been making small challenges to myself each week. Anything that will improve my life style. This week. I'm eating 6 or more fruit ot veggies a day. Only 1 meat serving a day. Also to drink 64 oz of water a day. Workouts will be strengthing exercise in the morning and atleast 1 hr of cardio everynight.
  • Theselast50lbs
    Theselast50lbs Posts: 37
    Options
    Hey lady, i think we all gain some weight in realationships and marriage. Before we moved into together i would go to the gym eveyday for atleast 2 hrs. Now i get there a few times a week for 1 hr. I have to remind myself that i can love him but not forget about me too. I don't really say negative things but more of i'm stuffed, or no thanks to the chips. I also let him know that i'm not trying to bring him down its just I wanna love how i see in the mirror too. All the extra snacking doesn't help me reach my goal.
    I know he will understand. Men don't have to do much to lose weight. They can workout 1 week and everyone can tell they've lost weight where women it may take 2 months. Just keep up the hard work. I know you can do this. Like i always say when we fall down we gotta get back up and keep going.

    I've been making small challenges to myself each week. Anything that will improve my life style. This week. I'm eating 6 or more fruit ot veggies a day. Only 1 meat serving a day. Also to drink 64 oz of water a day. Workouts will be strengthing exercise in the morning and atleast 1 hr of cardio everynight.

    very true, I think Ill join you with the am strength training, and definitely challenge myself to log every day this week ESPECIALLY this weekend
  • wendi0719
    wendi0719 Posts: 18 Member
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    I totally understand what you are going through right now. I am having such a hard time in my journey and my weight gain over the last few years has made my self esteem really low. Thankfully i have a loving husband who says he doesnt mind but sometimes i wonder if he really does or not.. Hopefully we can find the balance we need on here!

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