getting cold feet?

Navmachine
Navmachine Posts: 63
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
so...i'll be getting married around this time next year. me and my "matrimonial candidate" have been together for almost 4 years, and have lived together for the past year and a half. we were friends for a long time, and we get along fabulously. he's an all around supportive, awsome dude...

despite how deeply in love we are, i still sometimes feel a little weird about marriage. despite knowing that this is someone that i could very well spend the rest of my life with, is it still normal to feel nervous about being married?

Replies

  • bethdris
    bethdris Posts: 1,090 Member
    Hmm couldn't tell ya... I met and married my husband in 3 months time..we met in Sept of 1999, married Dec 1999 and wil be married 12 happy years next month..it worked for us!! :)
  • PatasDeGallina
    PatasDeGallina Posts: 155 Member
    It's normal. Being married is not the same as living together, and deep down you know that. The reason is because each person has their own idea of what "being married" is supposed to be like, and it's rarely the same as the person they marry. Those are ideas you have to open up to each other about and/or just let go.

    In the end you are with someone you trust, respect, and admire, and that makes life with them easy even when it gets hard.

    Congratulations! Both on your upcoming nuptials and because you realize that commitment is a big thing, evidenced by the fact that you won't enter it lightly.

    :smile:
  • JenniCH
    JenniCH Posts: 74
    Any major life decisions/changes are bound to make you nervous at one time or another... You just have to know the difference between normal nerves and feelings of absolute dread and wanting to run away :-P
    I don't recall ever really feeling nervous before I married my husband (we got married this past summer) but we've been together for 6 years and lived together for 5 years so I knew that in our day-to-day life not a whole lot would actually change.
    Either you have a gut feeling that says "I'm nervous but this is right" or you have a gut feeling that says "This is WRONG, don't do this"
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
    Worrying about how your future will end up is normal for everyone and it just comes with the territory of marriage. It is a big commitment and a pretty big change for both people involved. Unless you are actually having second thoughts about it, you will be fine. You say this is someone you "could" spend the rest of your life with. As long as you WANT to spend the rest of your life with him, everything will be fine! :)
  • kunibob
    kunibob Posts: 608 Member
    First off, congrats! :D

    Second, it may be worth unpacking that feeling a bit. My two cents...

    Have you two had the big life discussions (kids or no? finances? life goals?) and made sure you're on the same page for future goals, or willing to compromise if you aren't? Do you feel that any of your life goals from here forward will either involve your partner, or they will happily support you from the sidelines?
    Do you feel you can completely trust one another?
    Do you feel that the balance is fair in terms of compromise in the relationship, and that you two are a balanced team rather than codependent?
    Do you ever feel deep down that even though you could be happy with your partner, you could be even happier apart?

    Those are the basic red flags that indicate that there may be something deeper to the jitters. If you answer a hearty YES! to all the first questions and NO! to the last, then your cold feet are absolutely nothing to worry about! It is perfectly fine to be a bit nervous...but you'll probably find that fades when you're looking your partner in the eye and saying "I do." :)

    Best of luck to you!! :)
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