No Support

Puddykat1026
Puddykat1026 Posts: 164 Member
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
How do you deal with a spouse, family, & friends who do not really support what you are doing? Not to say that they are talking down to you or criticizing you, but are not backing you like they should?

My hubby is the WORST eater. He could live off pizza, hamburgers, hot dogs, wings, etc. Sometimes I hide veggies in recipes, lol. If I cook something healthy, he brings something home 75% of the time. So when we do go out to eat, he wants to eat at places who don't have anything in the "healthy" variety. Then there's ZERO compliments on my perseverance, dedication, hard work, body changes. I quit smoking almost a year ago and I brought it up at the beginning. He said good, smoking is gross. That's as close to a compliment as I got.

For the most part my friends & family try to be supportive and I am usually very good at choosing healthy habits. It's unfortunate that the one person I should be able to trust with my life I cannot trust to pick out lunch!
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Replies

  • HannahMarieMcDougald
    HannahMarieMcDougald Posts: 544
    I would have to have a heart to heart with him!!!
  • sweetyJ
    sweetyJ Posts: 25
    It is definitely tough when you are eating a celery stick and others around are having nice oily fries. I think you are doing well by cooking healthy and persevering. I find sometimes it is okay to cheat 1 day a week. It makes me feel less deprived and help me keep on this journey
  • EricInArlington
    EricInArlington Posts: 531 Member
    I had the same problem when I hit 50Lbs or so, I have zero support just like you so I know how you feel. I had it so bad I kept getting " how much more are you going to lose?" " your looking too thin!" " your face looks funny, just skin and bones"

    just remember your doing it for you and for your family even if they cant see it now, stay strong
  • mmelledge
    mmelledge Posts: 150
    I would have to have a heart to heart with him!!!

    This ^---
  • KandieLantz
    KandieLantz Posts: 423 Member
    Oh, I deal with the same things! But I decided I was going to start being true to myself and I just insisted on eating right, etc... and now, 79 lbs down for me... Hubby just created a MFP profile ;) He's a work in progress, but at least he's trying a little more now rather than butting heads with me and my new healthy way of living! Keep going, YOU can do this!
  • edenjoy3
    edenjoy3 Posts: 45
    have you tried sitting him down and talkin to him? Explain to him, hey i need a little encouragement here and there i'm trying to better myself, maybe he doesnt know that hes doing it. something i've come to realize lately is sometimes all you have is yourself..the only person at the end of the day you can count on is yourself
  • tacticalhippie
    tacticalhippie Posts: 596 Member
    I get on here!

    My husband always talks about needing to lose weight, but eats like crap (can't work out due to injury).

    I get called anorexic all the time by my inlaws cause I watch what I eat and eat healthy.
  • moniquelessard
    moniquelessard Posts: 418
    this is a tough one. I personally couldn't exist in such an unsupportive relationship. But, I won't lecture you on how you deserve better, because I don't really know you guys...

    Here's what you SHOULD do though. Start doing it for YOU. Stop expecting others to be civil, kind, complimentary, supportive etc. Do it for you and make no apologies. Have a 'this is the new me, take it or leave it' attitude. The people who deserve you in their lives will eventually come to accept it and leave you alone.

    I make no apologies. Do you know how often I say "I don't eat that" when people offer me cookies and cakes and candy and wine on a nightly basis?!?!?! They still offer, but when I say "I don't eat that" it shuts them right up.

    You have to be your own support and when you need more....rely on your MFP friends.

    Good luck!!

    xox
  • aparrella82
    aparrella82 Posts: 21
    Have you sat down and told him what you just said on MFP?
  • CathiAnne
    CathiAnne Posts: 193 Member
    You just do it for yourself no matter what he says. You have to be your own main reason for doing it. When people see your perserverence they will start supporting you. For now, it's YOU! Good luck.
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
    Although support is truly something that helps someone through hard times, you can get all you need by reminding yourself of why you chose to start to begin with. When everyone around you is not supporting you, you have to draw the hard line to take the positive that they are not demeaning you!
    At the very least, it is a positive thing in your life to be able to say that you have the freedom of choice and the ones who surround you give you the space and time to achieve what you desire.
    Although words of encouragement are always welcomed, please understand that the only aspect to getting healthy and staying healthy is your own determination! Would their words truly change your resolve? If you truly want your goals, you have to accept that your resolve must be stronger!

    For what its worth, I know how hard it is to keep at it and wherever you are towards your goal, so long as you are making progress I appreciate how hard that would be! And don't give up!
  • mamamc03
    mamamc03 Posts: 1,067 Member
    That may not be his "way." men do not communicate the way women do. When a woman shares she has done something monumental to another woman...the other woman jumps up and down, shrieks with joy and gabs for an hour over coffee about how she did it.

    If a man does something monumental, he MAY share it with another man....the other man will trump his story and move on, or say well at least you didn't fart...or something like that.

    Some guys aren't as emotional as we would hope them to be, but I am sure that he has always been like this. Find support here and in friends and other family.
  • sryan8408
    sryan8408 Posts: 244
    It sounds like you and your hubby have a serious talk to have. On one hand you can't change everyone around you just because you've decided to change. But his habits can be very harmful to your future weight loss. So maybe you can come to an agreement that 3 nights a week, he eats exactly what you are eating. As for the rest of the week, I would make one thing that he would like, cheeseburger, but then have healthy sides like broccoli and a salad. Then do one cheat night. Or just ask him to not eat in front of you. Just a few ideas
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Could he be jealous?
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    Don't talk about it, just do it.
    Cook healthy meals, he isn't a baby and if he doesn't like them, he can cook or buy his own meals.
    I think sometimes our partners or family can feel threatened once we start getting healthier because it shows up their bad eating/exercise habits. If ,you just shop, cook and exercise the way you want to it will become routine and he will get used to it.
  • ksmith2187
    ksmith2187 Posts: 53
    heart to heart.. thats all that really can be done unless your comfortable going on with how it is going.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    Could he be jealous?

    im sure thats it
  • DestinationFitnessChick
    DestinationFitnessChick Posts: 76 Member
    I'm sorry that you have no support that is terrible. I guess I am lucky that my hubby not only supports me, but helps me cook healthy for myself even if he isn't going to eat. Just hang in there........there have been some people in my life that after I lost 80 pounds they said I would just gain it back...........8 years later they are still eating their words!! If you need extra support I have a group on facebook you can join. Message me and I will tell you how to join it. I am also a beachbody coach and I can give you that lnk also if you will message me. Their are lots of ladies in my group that will support you!! I went from an inactive 200 pound person to an exercise instructor (after losing the 80 pounds). I am also a personal trainer........I want to help people see that it can be done no matter what!! ...........and it can just igonore all the negativity.......maybe he will open his eyes soon!
  • Rain_Howard
    Rain_Howard Posts: 155
    Oh man, been there. Living with a saboteur sucks. The first thing I would do is take a close look at your relationship and try and figure out why it is he isn't being supportive. Perhaps reevaluate your relationship. If your partner isn't being supportive it's very hard, if not impossible to be successful.

    Aside from that I would suggest a good support group. I'm not a big fan of weight watchers or some of the other programs but they can offer a great support network. Try to find people in your circle that are working on having a healthy lifestyle.
  • jennyrebekka
    jennyrebekka Posts: 626 Member
    That may not be his "way." men do not communicate the way women do. When a woman shares she has done something monumental to another woman...the other woman jumps up and down, shrieks with joy and gabs for an hour over coffee about how she did it.

    If a man does something monumental, he MAY share it with another man....the other man will trump his story and move on, or say well at least you didn't fart...or something like that.

    Some guys aren't as emotional as we would hope them to be, but I am sure that he has always been like this. Find support here and in friends and other family.

    I hate to admit it - - but this is SO TRUE. You have to accept it and find other resources for your support - friends, MFPers, coworkers. I don't think you should NOT have a talk with him, but I doubt it will change anything....as this previous poster said, men just do not communicate the way women do.
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    I've never had that problem.. but then, I am the ultimate winner. Everyone wants to be like me. Most won't admit it, because they are jealous.

    You could try being like me. It's a lot of work, bit so worth it.
  • SaraSweetheart
    SaraSweetheart Posts: 34 Member
    Sometimes people (yes, even friends, family, and spouses) begrudge you your success and try to sabotage you, even subconsciously. Just lead by example and don't let anyone knock you down. It's common with spouses... your husband may fear you will get thin and leave him. Just reassure him that you love him, but stand firm in your decisions. The people in your life will respect you more for holding your ground.

    Is there a gym you could join... like take a yoga class, zumba class, etc etc where you could meet new, fitness-minded women?
  • balancebean
    balancebean Posts: 96 Member
    I have a similar situation. At first, my husband would keep suggesting dining out or opening a bottle of wine intending to share with me. I just explained that I can't eat certain things or eat at certain places. When I do go out, I make sure I bank enough exercise credits to offset the meal. Eventually, he "got it." I can't blame him completely; eating out was something we enjoyed doing as a couple. MY decision to change MY health was not a "couple" decision. I am the one who changed. I am still hoping he'll follow my example to get healthy, eat right, and go to the gym with me. He's a big boy though. I can't make him do it.
  • JRMcCaghren
    JRMcCaghren Posts: 114
    If he eats like that, he is probably overweight. He is probably not wanting to admit to himself that he is overweight, and you are making him look bad, so to speak. You really need to talk this out with him.
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
    Maybe he just likes pizza.
  • MamaMayo
    MamaMayo Posts: 30
    Start doing it for YOU. Stop expecting others to be civil, kind, complimentary, supportive etc. Do it for you and make no apologies. Have a 'this is the new me, take it or leave it' attitude. The people who deserve you in their lives will eventually come to accept it and leave you alone.

    I make no apologies...You have to be your own support and when you need more, rely on your MFP friends!

    Good luck!!


    [/quote]
  • yummy♥
    yummy♥ Posts: 612 Member
    Could he be jealous?

    im sure thats it

    i have noticed a lot of mean, childish behavior from my jealous peers.
    one of my friends asked me to go out to lunch!!!
    as if!
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
    Could he be jealous?

    im sure thats it

    i have noticed a lot of mean, childish behavior from my jealous peers.
    one of my friends asked me to go out to lunch!!!
    as if!

    I hope you kick this friend to the curb, you do not need those kinds of people in your life.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Talking down to you is one thing. Eating a pizza because he feels like it is another. One is not supportive. The other is he's a grown up.
  • ZeroTX
    ZeroTX Posts: 179 Member
    I agree with the "heart to heart" convo post. If you are serious about it, have the serious talk, and show him you're serious by sticking with your goals. Not just for a month or 90 days, but for a year, two years, three.... If he literally refuses to support you and sabotages you, then what you have is a marriage problem, not a diet problem.
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