Back On a Healthy Road After Losing My Little Pug

minxonastick
minxonastick Posts: 48
edited October 2024 in Success Stories
I lost 30 lbs last year and started exercising again. I was so proud, especially since I lost the weight without triggering my eating disorder, which I had finally gotten into remission after 20 years. Then my little 10 year old girl pug, Carver Jane, got very ill with kidney disease and died 9 months later. I nursed her and carried her when she was too sick to get up and down the stairs and gave her fluid therapy every night and put her to sleep when it was time to stop her suffering. I loved her so much and completely fell apart after she was gone. I lived in a bucket of ice cream sprinkled with french fries and pizza for 6 months and gained all the weight back. But after that 6 months, I started to feel a little better. I wanted to take back my health again, so last month I started using MFP and have lost 7 pounds. I think I may be prouder of that 7 pounds than the 30 I previously lost, because it would have been easy to keep numbing myself and self destruct.

I carried my pug into the vet wrapped in her favorite soft blanket. After she was gone, I tucked it around her in the irrational fear that my little girl was cold, and I couldn't leave her that way. I've had a hard time letting go of that last look as I finally left the room. Her tiny head peeked out from the blanket I had carefully arranged around her. I was so glad she wasn't in pain anymore, but she was my first dog, and had made my life so much better through some tough times.

But I think this is a good chance to practice helping myself through the tough times until I'm ready for another dog. And one of those ways is to take care of my body, spirit, and mind. When I take care of my body, the rest seems to fall in line somehow.

Sorry if this was a bit of a sad success story, but I do feel good about where I am for the first time in a while, and MFP is a part of that.
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Replies

  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    As an animal lover and a MFP addict...I LOVE THIS <3 Sorry about your dog!
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @sc1572 Oh thank you! I sometimes feel a little abashed about the depth of my grief for my dog, but animal people always seem to understand.
  • boydsterk
    boydsterk Posts: 86 Member
    My dog, Leo, has gotten me through so many hard times in my life. Lost my last dog to an ex -- and found Leo 100+ miles away at a shelter and he was the dog for me. He's even been with me every step of the way while I've been running and it's almost like he knows he's a motivation.. For me to go that much further.

    I know I'll be devistated the day he's no longer with me - so I feel your pain. But your dog had a great life and couldn't have asked for anyone better to care for her.

    Wish you best with everything, when you're ready for another dog -- you'll find one that doesn't replace -- but just makes itself equally at home in your heart! <3
  • CJK1959
    CJK1959 Posts: 279 Member
    So sorry about your pug...I am an animal lover too and wept when I had to put my beloved German Shepard to sleep....but so glad you are able to move forward again and are on the road to success! Good luck to you!
  • lcnelson
    lcnelson Posts: 279 Member
    Oh my God, your post broke my heart. I totally understand your pain and hope your heart is mending. Please Please with all of that love, get another dog to dote and love on. It will do you wonders!!
  • SMarie10
    SMarie10 Posts: 956 Member
    I was a wreck when my beautiful cat of 17 years died in my arms. Totally understand - glad you found MFP, now go rock it
  • mskristac
    mskristac Posts: 21 Member
    so sorry to hear about your dog. we never forget but we slowly move on. im sure she is running laps in excitement for you :)
  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
    I'm so sorry about losing your pup. i can't imagine the day when that comes for me you gave her exactly what she deserved and more.:sad:
    it's ironic and comfoting that you wrote this. it's different, of course, but i just returned from saying goodbye to a family member suffering from cancer. i am absolutely ripped apart inside. i still know that i will not let this derail the changes i made and that is a very new thing for me too. i also am in recovery from an eating disorder so it's already been hard enough. it sounds like you are really on the right track. congratulations on getting there and enjoy your continued success :flowerforyou:
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @boydsterk Thank you so much for that lovely reply. I'm so happy you have a dog to enjoy a healthy life with! Pugs are like the canine version of me -- love to nap and eat :) Exercising with my pug was a sedate affair!
  • AngelaWeber
    AngelaWeber Posts: 95 Member
    My guy (rottweiler) died of cancer at the age of 3. I was devastated. I could not go to work for several days. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I wrote to him in a journal everyday for a few months. By the end I began to get stronger and as I look back at that journal now I can literally see the pain easing along the way. Each entry was less and less sad, slightly more upbeat then the last. Towards the end I was at peace with him being gone and just happy he was no longer suffering. I was able to focus on all the good he brought in my life and happiness he brought me instead of the sadness and empty feeling I was left with when he was gone. I have since gotten another rottie and I love him to pieces. I understand your grief and everyone has their "BIG WHY" of why they're here on MFP and I want to thank you for sharing yours :-)

    Cheers to your success!!
  • clairibou1
    clairibou1 Posts: 124
    this brought tears to my eyes! keep going hard for your sweet little puppy! i'm sure she's up there running along with you!
  • gwennaelle
    gwennaelle Posts: 8 Member
    I am *so* sorry for the loss of your pup. Pugs are just the sweetest, cutest dogs.

    I have a 18 year old cat that I got as a kitten for my 16th birthday and he's been *everywhere* with me since then. Already I get choked up thinking of the day I'm going to have to say good bye to him.

    You'll get another dog when ready and like boydsterk said, not a replacement but a loving addition to your life. :)
  • misscristie
    misscristie Posts: 643 Member
    Oh my the tears that are streaming down my face right now. I have a pug named Yoda. Yoda is diabetic, blind and deaf. He only has one eye. In the last few months I've maxed out a completely unused credit card on his medical care. I would do it a thousand times over to keep him comfortable until he's ready to go. He's happy for now. I do not look forward to the day when he isn't anymore.

    I feel for you. Welcome to getting your life back.
  • CaptainMFP
    CaptainMFP Posts: 440 Member
    I totally get this...my wife and I had to let go of our darling of 11 years, Sienna Lucille, on our 9th anniversary last December. Bladder cancer. People who've not had cherished pets don't understand that this is akin to losing a child. (Having lost both, I'm qualified to say they are very similar and very hard on you emotionally.) I'm pleased you are finding success here and wish you continued success as you progress. :flowerforyou:
  • walkinmydoxies
    walkinmydoxies Posts: 123
    ~tears~ I totally understand. I've had my doxies for 9 years and don't want to think of the day I have to let them go. My heart goes out to you. Congrats on moving forward and taking control again. One day at a time, we're all here for you.

    Hugs
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @sarahkatara Oh, I'm so sorry, all my warmest thoughts to you. It takes a lot of strength to take care of ourselves when things hurt. I have lost people close to me, and it is so hard. When I was gentle with myself, and treated my body with care, it did help, and was certainly better than my ED "coping." I hope you take good care of yourself, and thank you for replying.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I have two pugs and I totally understand your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. :(
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @AngelaWeber I have known the sweetest Rotties--they are wonderful dogs, and I'm so sorry you lost your pup so young. What a great idea, writing to your doggie to process your grief. And it honors that love and loss, which I think is very important to heal. I'm so happy you have another dog in your life; when I am ready, I will welcome a new puggie too! Thank you so much for your reply, it really lifted my spirits.
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @clairibou1 Thank you so much for your kind words. It makes me laugh to think of her running with me...as slow as she was, she still ran faster than I did!
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @gwennaelle Look at that kitty go! That is so touching. I had cats before my pug, and I was given a cat when I was 15 that was with me a long time (not as long as yours, though). Pets are part of our eras, and when they pass on, they take a little piece of our past with them. But then you get it back in a way, because you realize you have the memories and they are part of the best ones. I hope you and your kitty cherish each other for some time yet. Thanks so much for replying.
  • poisongirl6485
    poisongirl6485 Posts: 1,487 Member
    Awww poor little pup. I was the same way when we had to put my cat down 6 years ago. I'd had him since I was 5, and he was MY cat. Slept with me every night, came when only I called him, etc. He was 15 when he died. :( I still get upset thinking about it, I miss him a lot.
  • meeko_meerkat
    meeko_meerkat Posts: 90 Member
    So sorry about your little pug - I cried as I read your post. As a soon to be veterinarian and an animal lover myself I totally understand the depth of grieving after the loss of a beloved pet. I know how hard it can be to have to watch them struggle with illness. My cat had lung cancer and although we tried our best to nurse her through it, there came a time when we couldn't watch her suffer anymore.

    I'm glad you've made it through the pain and are moving forward again, its a testament to your strength of mind. Good luck with your weight loss! And don't discount getting another dog in the near future, they make any day brighter :)
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @misscristie Oh a huge hug to you, my friend in pugs. They are just the sweetest, goofiest dogs. I've been looking at a rescue pug site, and many are one eyed with a lot of medical stuff to bear like your baby, but they are still so spunky and loving. Yoda is such a perfect name. I used to call my pug Monkey Bug. And sometimes Fruit Bat. I send all healing and warm thoughts to you and your puggie.
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @scschenk I am so sorry to read about your losses. You and your wife must be very strong. I lost my brother tragically when I was 20, and when my pug died, I felt ashamed that somehow that deep grief for my brother rose up and seemed to blur with the current grief. My brother was much worse, yet somehow there was an echoing feeling of bereftness. Thank you for understanding and sharing.
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @walkinmydoxies Thank you so much. My aunt had a doxie, and they are such comical, smart, imperious little guys. They make me laugh, just like pugs. There is a park in San Francisco with a big hill. I once saw a Dauchsund (sp?) run up the hill on his teeny legs, ears flapping, and it was a glorious sight.
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    Sorry, I'm new to this message board and I realize I should have quoted posts so people knew I was replying to them.
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @CJK1959 Thank you so much. I am terribly sorry for your loss. However long we have them, it never seems long enough. I have such affection for German Shepherds. When I took my girl to "puppy kindergarten" the whole class was full of German Shepherds. My puggie was the dunce of the class, hee. Those shepherd puppies were ridiculously smart!
    So sorry about your pug...I am an animal lover too and wept when I had to put my beloved German Shepard to sleep....but so glad you are able to move forward again and are on the road to success! Good luck to you!
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @lcnelson Thank you so much for your kind words. What a sweet pup you have. Such a soulful face!
    Oh my God, your post broke my heart. I totally understand your pain and hope your heart is mending. Please Please with all of that love, get another dog to dote and love on. It will do you wonders!!
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @SMarie10 I'm so sorry for the loss of your kitty. I had many wonderful cats over my life. A cat was my pug's best friend, actually. Well, Pug considered her a best friend. My parent's cat mostly used my dog as a chew toy. :)
    I was a wreck when my beautiful cat of 17 years died in my arms. Totally understand - glad you found MFP, now go rock it
  • minxonastick
    minxonastick Posts: 48
    @mskristac Thank you so much. Time really does help. My pug used to spin in furious circles when she was excited. Kind of like the pug on You Tube who spun along with the blender!
    so sorry to hear about your dog. we never forget but we slowly move on. im sure she is running laps in excitement for you :)
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