Struggling

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cofakid
cofakid Posts: 213 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm struggling a little at the moment, mostly because of thoughts I’m having about the end result. What if it’s not good enough, what if I'm not happy etc. Originally my goal weight was between 55 and 60, anywhere between, mostly because I wanted to be smaller than I was in high school. I wasn’t 100% sure what my high school weight was, I thought it was about 60kg, but I recently found out that I was only 47kg! For me that was very disheartening news; I don’t know if I can get that low. My exercise is going really well right now, my diet was a little off track last week but I have a plan to pull it back on track, but thinking about the end is really bugging me. I don’t feel as motivated towards my goal weight because I’m not sure I’ll be happy with it. Before I thought being as skinny as I was in high school yeah I’ll be so happy, but now it’s bugging me and I’m not sure. My body shape is pear and I’ve always had big thighs and a big bum, and I really have been wondering if I can ever have “skinny legs”, which is what I would really like. I mean I have other reasons why I am maintaining a healthy diet and exercise, to avoid gaining weight and being unhealthy, and because I WANT to be a fitness junkie. But it’s the appearance side of things that has got me feeling unsure.

Any suggestions on how I can motivate myself more, or maybe get some idea of what I will look like slimmer? I’ve tried those 3d models but even when I choose pear shaped they seem much more well-proportioned than I am. In high school I wore size 8 shirts and size 12 pants. Now I’m a lot more even, but I’m certainly losing weight off my belly more than anywhere else.

Replies

  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
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    Hi there,

    it seems to me that you're talking as much about your attitude and emotions as any physical issues. In your profile, two of your motivations are:

    "To feel good about myself
    To look good, and feel more attractive"

    Can I suggest that these things are only somewhat related to weight? It is very possible to be a healthy weight and have a terrible self-image or to be a very unhealthy weight and have great self-image. I suggest you focus on your mind as well as your body. How can you shed the taunts of those idiots at school? And the nasty things you no doubt say to yourself? How can you work towards feeling good about yourself and feeling attractive?

    http://www.alreadypretty.com/greatest-hits Maybe have a look at the body image section on this blog for a start.

    PS (I think you look attractive as you are. You're not ever going to look like a super model, but there are many more than one way of being gorgeous!)

    Good luck on your journey!
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    Focussing on a scale number as a guarantee of happiness is a very risky business. You are quite right that there is no guarantee that you will feel happy when you see a certain number on the scale.
    I suggest that you have a think about other goals - maybe a fitness activity, a race, a charity walk or ride, or a certain way of eating (like cutting out soda or cookies) or something that you want to learn/do like learn to tango or skydive or knit socks.
    These goals mean that you have to DO something (dance or run, or get stronger or learn a skill, or change a habit) and give you something positive to focus on rather than a number which will change every week anyway.

    I am still above my original goal weight (though I've far exceeded what I thought I could achieve) but am happy with my current size and am focussing much more on a specific goal (running a half marathon) than on my weight.
    Good luck!
  • Tarshlee
    Tarshlee Posts: 15 Member
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    i know how you feel im exactly the same shape! its so annoying at time but other times i love it.
    i also have a sway back so every bit of fat i have on my stomach is pushed forward =S ive also been thinking i wanna get to around where i was when i was in yr 10 the lowest i remember was about 71kg and my goal is about 68kg. but when i think about it and see my developing my legs are toning and my top half is getting smaller.
    im not sure if we will ever be able to get the slim legs we want but im sure well toned ones will be just as good. guys do like a bit of curve :P
    im not sure if that helped at all but i know exactly how you feel!
  • cofakid
    cofakid Posts: 213 Member
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    Hi there,

    it seems to me that you're talking as much about your attitude and emotions as any physical issues. In your profile, two of your motivations are:

    "To feel good about myself
    To look good, and feel more attractive"

    Can I suggest that these things are only somewhat related to weight? It is very possible to be a healthy weight and have a terrible self-image or to be a very unhealthy weight and have great self-image. I suggest you focus on your mind as well as your body. How can you shed the taunts of those idiots at school? And the nasty things you no doubt say to yourself? How can you work towards feeling good about yourself and feeling attractive?

    http://www.alreadypretty.com/greatest-hits Maybe have a look at the body image section on this blog for a start.

    PS (I think you look attractive as you are. You're not ever going to look like a super model, but there are many more than one way of being gorgeous!)

    Good luck on your journey!


    Yes i can definetly say mental health is a part of it too and I am trying to take care of that. I was recently (less than two weeks ago) diagnosed with bipolar and ive just started medication for that, i'm sure that is going to make some big differences for me. But i do think i need to work on it in other ways to. The nasty taunts from school is 100% big on my mind and something id like to get rid of but i do struggle. High school was hard for me i spent most of it feeling sucidial and alone, i was very unpopular and i was called a fat ugly slut a lot. i have very unhealthy abusive relationships and i was too scared to ask for help. I tell myself im past it all but it still bugs me. With the horrible things i say to myself im really hoping the medication helps with that. It seems to be going pretty good so far so fingers crossed.

    Thankyou very much for the tips and the compliment. I do actually really like that picture of myself.

    i always thought i was fat when i was in highschool, and when i got up to 70kg i finally started to feel good about my body. then i got up to 80 kg and felt terrible. now im back down to 70kg and it doesnt feel like much really. I mean im not disgusted with my body like i was, i do notice it for sure and my belly looks a little chubby but not BIG but i feel like it was the first baby step and theres so many steps to go
  • cofakid
    cofakid Posts: 213 Member
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    Focussing on a scale number as a guarantee of happiness is a very risky business. You are quite right that there is no guarantee that you will feel happy when you see a certain number on the scale.
    I suggest that you have a think about other goals - maybe a fitness activity, a race, a charity walk or ride, or a certain way of eating (like cutting out soda or cookies) or something that you want to learn/do like learn to tango or skydive or knit socks.
    These goals mean that you have to DO something (dance or run, or get stronger or learn a skill, or change a habit) and give you something positive to focus on rather than a number which will change every week anyway.

    I am still above my original goal weight (though I've far exceeded what I thought I could achieve) but am happy with my current size and am focussing much more on a specific goal (running a half marathon) than on my weight.
    Good luck!

    This is a really good idea. Im currently doing an exercise challenge and ive got a few i want to do after this one, it certainly is a great way to stay motivated. Not sure what my other goals could be but i will think about it. thankyou:)
  • cofakid
    cofakid Posts: 213 Member
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    i know how you feel im exactly the same shape! its so annoying at time but other times i love it.
    i also have a sway back so every bit of fat i have on my stomach is pushed forward =S ive also been thinking i wanna get to around where i was when i was in yr 10 the lowest i remember was about 71kg and my goal is about 68kg. but when i think about it and see my developing my legs are toning and my top half is getting smaller.
    im not sure if we will ever be able to get the slim legs we want but im sure well toned ones will be just as good. guys do like a bit of curve :P
    im not sure if that helped at all but i know exactly how you feel!

    Yeah i do very much think that when i get to my goal weight i'll be so tiny up top and still larger down the bottom lol perhaps i will hve well toned legs and love them. i certainly hope so. Either way I'm glad u added me as a friend seems we;ve got a similar journey to embark on and maybe we can help each other :)
  • wondergirl1003
    wondergirl1003 Posts: 138 Member
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    My thoughts on the matter...

    There is no end result. You can be happy with yourself if you weigh 250 lbs or 130 lbs. I don't believe in "goal weight". I realize that, yes I am going to have to lose weight to LOOK like what I want to look like, but the amount of weight is arbitrary.

    What if you hit your goal weight and you still aren't looking like the picture you had in your head? Then you're not done. And I personally believe there is always room for improvement. I'll be working on improving my appearance, health and fitness for the rest of my life.
  • mdgower
    mdgower Posts: 1 Member
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    My thoughts are much like those you've already read, that at best the goal weight is really something to shoot for (if you're that way driven) but through which you'll see bigger benefits. With exercise and healthy eating (neither of which I do enough of!) you'll get confidence, drive and real satisfaction. Harder to see those things coming as you can't plan their arrival on a chart like you can with weight loss! So maybe look less far ahead and along the journey ask yourself now and again what you're enjoying, which will mould and perhaps even change your destination.

    A couple of things from my own perspective about body shape... 1. Skinny legs really aren't as important as a warm heart and healthy body, so I'd encourage you not to worry about it. Partly because... 2. I'd love to shift weight off my chest but don't seem able to, so my body shape *could* irritate me but instead I'm enjoying being able to exercise again properly and fit into clothes comfortably, far more important!

    Don't know if this helps in any way, but do hope you find yourself feeling brighter about the future. :smile:
  • Tarshlee
    Tarshlee Posts: 15 Member
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    yeah =] i think we might be able to help each other keep motivated for sure! and did i read your from sydney? if so its nice to be able to have some aussie friends on here too since there are so difference between here and america lol
  • Tarshlee
    Tarshlee Posts: 15 Member
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    oh and i have recently brought BF% scales to focus more on that and getting into running as my partner wants me to run a marathon or half marathon with him sometime next yr. so what comes with focusing on that is a bonus i guess

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