how did you get back your self esteem?

lisakatelaunspach
lisakatelaunspach Posts: 79
edited October 4 in Health and Weight Loss
So I'm 28 and just last night I got yet another 'fat' comment :( although I laugh these off they still really hurt !!! Even @ my lowest weight I was teased about my fat/cellulite/ flat chest. I'm always going to have some padding so ill always get teased I guess. If you have been picked on about your weight your whole life how did you manage to get your self esteem back after the weight came off ? Or am I the only one who hasn't grown out of this problem ?

Replies

  • JDNOX
    JDNOX Posts: 619
    You have to believe that what you say is more important then what they say.
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    If that's you in the pic, then whoever is teasing you needs their eyes checked. Are you kidding me? You look great.

    Also, oddly enough, my self-esteem is a lot lower now than it was at my heaviest. I'm much more aware of my body, my boobs are all sad now and I'm unsure of how to exist with less of me. I feel like an awkward teenager. :/
  • alaw1119
    alaw1119 Posts: 68 Member
    I'm 5'4.5 and weigh 117. I still see myself as being fat when I look in the mirror. Not sure I'll ever get my self esteem back.. :[ not that I've ever had any because I've been overweight my whole life.
  • ChefCupcake
    ChefCupcake Posts: 40
    It's hard to "get back" your self esteem, assuming it was ever there. For me, it took me over a year for me to realize that I was no longer overweight. I still saw myself as an overweight girl that could never fit into cuter clothes. It took time for me to realize that I didn't look the way I perceived myself to look. I guess so many women view themselves as being "fat" when they aren't. I am having trouble getting the words out that I want to get out, so I'm going to stop typing!

    I guess being able to fit into "skinny" clothes helped me feel better about myself. Don't listen to the negative comments -- they are probably just jealous of you anyway!
  • allie864
    allie864 Posts: 298
    First, Um, what? Was this idiot blind?? You look great! Seriously.

    Secondly, I (luckily) was never teased. At least not to my face. Although, that doesn't matter because I'm sure I said worse things to myself than what anyone else could say. I still battle with self-esteem issues, so I wish I had the answers for you. :ohwell:
  • Rain_Howard
    Rain_Howard Posts: 155
    Wow, that is such a personal question that's it's almost impossible to answer for anyone other than yourself. You look fantastic. Cognitive therapy can do wonders. You have to rewire the way your brain thinks.
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
    It's not OK for people making negative comments. Should it happen again, tell the person their comment was offensive and they need to apologize. Deliver it calmly, quietly and confidently. Don't be embarrassed by any silence that may follow, you are giving them time to digest the concept they hurt your feelings.
  • trud72
    trud72 Posts: 1,912 Member
    yes i was teased at school but it just went over my head there,but the way i see it when you have been like 400lbs and have lost quite a bit of it and are getting your confidence back again...that's good enough for me...yes i was asked if i was pregers(AGAIN) about 6 months ago and still i will just bite someones bloody head off next time they ask! it hurts but that you can do nothing about some people are just plain RUDE! and MANNERLESS! :wink:

    and can i just say you are TINY! i wish :)
  • sebrat
    sebrat Posts: 31 Member
    What is this self esteem that you speak of? I think my self esteem was so low for so long that it was noirmal for me.....which led me to eat more...and yeah, you see where this is going.

    I think the one thing that really helped me was my husband and the way he has always found me beautiful. And I work Renaissance Faire in Southern California where I found men who LIKED big girls like me and treated me chivalrously. And having a few friends who also believed in inner beauty and who were willing to listen to me while dressing me up (think of the ZZ Top "Legs" video) helped.

    But I still have to watch it.
  • fragilegift
    fragilegift Posts: 347 Member
    I'm not sure. Mine is lacking as well. But something that I am using, and I think I got it off facebook, is a quote that goes something like [nasty comment about weight] 'I may be fat, but I can always lose weight. You'll always be...' [insert word of choice - mine's rude]. it helps when the neighbour says derogatory things about fat moles etc.
  • Rain_Howard
    Rain_Howard Posts: 155
    It's not OK for people making negative comments. Should it happen again, tell the person their comment was offensive and they need to apologize. Deliver it calmly, quietly and confidently. Don't be embarrassed by any silence that may follow, you are giving them time to digest the concept they hurt your feelings.

    Oh but to live in a world where such could be possible. Sadly we live on a rock populated by many sphincters. True self worth and confidence must come from inside you, not from the mouths of those around you. If you believe in you then what others say or think doesn't matter.

    For every person that cuts you down there is a person who envies you, who thinks you're attractive or who wants to be with you. Learn to love yourself for who you are, not what others want you to be.
  • Chairless
    Chairless Posts: 583 Member
    There have been a few events in my life that have shaken my self esteem.

    As for getting it back, no one was going to give it to me, i had to get up and take it back.

    Rain_Howard says "Wow, that is such a personal question that's it's almost impossible to answer for anyone other than yourself. You look fantastic. Cognitive therapy can do wonders. You have to rewire the way your brain thinks"

    Truth.
  • quiksandy
    quiksandy Posts: 246 Member
    For me there is such a fine line between self-loathing and arrogance. One day I'm down in the dumps about myself and the next I feel like a fine piece of womanhood. Admittedly, most of my physical self-esteem comes from my husband's response to how I look. I wish my self-esteem was solely based on who I am as a person and not what I look like. That would be much more ideal. Because after all...our bodies are temporary...our souls are forever. At least that's what I believe.

    And I agree with everyone else...you look quite good!
  • Cathleenr
    Cathleenr Posts: 332
    So I'm 28 and just last night I got yet another 'fat' comment :( although I laugh these off they still really hurt !!! Even @ my lowest weight I was teased about my fat/cellulite/ flat chest. I'm always going to have some padding so ill always get teased I guess. If you have been picked on about your weight your whole life how did you manage to get your self esteem back after the weight came off ? Or am I the only one who hasn't grown out of this problem ?

    who exactly are you getting the comments from. sounds like they are not random strangers (although that to me is so RUDE if it were).
    we teach people how to treat us. if someone has always been able to crack a joke about how you look and never be answerable for it, then they know you are an easy target.
    personally, i wouldnt laugh off a comment that is unacceptable either because the joke is A) lame B)directed at a defenseless person or C) meant to be demeaning.
    Practice your steely look! And use it. That Look, along with deafening silence can be a fabulous start to letting people know that Things Are About To Change.
    Yes you CAN do it. even if it's your husband, mom, brother, favorite bumbling ole auntie....yes you CAN.
    And if you find that a comment would really be the cherry on the sundae, say something like "and anyway, i totally RAWK."
  • auctoritas
    auctoritas Posts: 204
    This is what I do: http://jennbenn18.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/when-im-sad-i-stop-being-sad-and-be-awesome-instead-700x393.jpg

    Of course I have an overinflated ego, and reminding myself of how awesome I am always cheers me up. :D
  • proudmommylmb
    proudmommylmb Posts: 39 Member
    Honest to goodness truth:

    Counting carbs and running every day for 50 minutes. Next thing I knew I was the envy and not the other way around.
    That's all.
  • nicoleh82
    nicoleh82 Posts: 52
    Just believe in yourself. If you start, others will follow...
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    If that is you in your photo, that person is obviously jealous...there is no way you are fat ^^ You look stunning!!!

    As for myself, I developed a hatred toward my face after a couple remarks growing up. :( That is the main reason I am losing weight...for my face...

    I think you have to decide what weight makes YOU happy though, and go for what you love. If you love how you look, that is what matters. It does not matter if others think you are too big or small...

    I have never been called fat (actually always called skinny), but I am on a diet because it will make me happy in the end ^^
    I want stick arms and legs, and I want more structure to my face ^^
  • iceqieen
    iceqieen Posts: 862 Member
    Meh, if it isnt your weight they'll find something else to tease you over. ;)

    For me, my self esteem didn't start building untill I decided that fat or thin didn't matter. Instead building it on how I treat my family, how I do in my job and hobbies, and such. Oddly, setting the body issue away from the self esteem issue helped me look at it as a health issue and get my butt moving :P (not that I am free of those days or moments when I feel ugly and fat and...)

    Fat or thin, people have self esteem and self awareness issues. Love yourself and listen to the compliments. and when the teasing stings, keep shrugging it off or fire something back at them :P
  • iceqieen
    iceqieen Posts: 862 Member
    This is what I do: http://jennbenn18.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/when-im-sad-i-stop-being-sad-and-be-awesome-instead-700x393.jpg

    Of course I have an overinflated ego, and reminding myself of how awesome I am always cheers me up. :D

    QFT
  • lisakatelaunspach
    lisakatelaunspach Posts: 79
    Thanx so so so much 2 every1 who posted :D nice to know I'm not alone !!! Very wise words will deff be taking all your advice xxxxxxxxxxx
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