A Tough Love Perspective
mashort07
Posts: 5
This may not be a popular viewpoint, but I decided to put it in here for people to think about. I've only been doing MFP for 5 weeks and lost 22 lbs thus far, shrinking from 240lbs to 218lbs. My goal is 190lbs (which is ideal for my height), so I'm far from where I want to be, but I'm feeling a lot better about myself. One of the things I've been most adamant about during these 5 weeks is not allowing myself a cheat day, or a cheat evening, or any kind of slip-up. A lot of the people I've read about or spoken to have this idea in their head that, "well, I had a great week, I should be able to reward myself on Saturday night..." or "I burned 350 calories running on the treadmill, so I can afford to have a snack tonight..." I understand the need to give oneself a mental and physical break now and then, but there are people out there that think because they were so good for six days, why not obliterate some of the hard work you did by rewarding yourself on the seventh? You don't need to do that, nor should you, and this is where my tough love comes into play.
So what do I tell myself when I feel like I earned a rich, unhealthy snack?
You think you deserve to reward yourself for being healthy and exercising for a week? You've been "rewarding" yourself for 2 1/2 years, and that's why you are where you are right now. You spent the better part of a thousand days putting yourself in this position, treating yourself to massive portions, unhealthy snacks, multiple cans of soda, bottles of beer and dangerously fattening restaurant food. And you think you deserve something because you spent a week doing what you should have been doing all along? No. If you want to have a cheat day, you designate one (even two) a week when you get to your goal weight and you're working to maintain where you're at rather than lose more.
One of my biggest flaws has been drinking calories. I love soda, and I used to drink up to three cans a day. If you're talking about a 12oz Coke, that's 420 calories right there without have eaten a thing. Soda is my nicotine and I'm not able to give it up cold turkey, but I've managed to downgrade myself to one 12oz can a day, and I consider that my "reward" for the day. It's something that fits into my regimen and it's something I now anticipate and look forward to rather than unconsciously binge on like it's water. What I'm trying to say is that losing weight isn't just about eating better and exercising; it's not that simple. It's about looking at everything eat, everything you do on a daily basis with brand new eyes. You don't need to cut out something you love, you just need to cut down on it. You don't need to kill yourself exercising, but maybe think about how much work you had to put in to burn off that brownie you ate. You may love fried chicken, but look how many calories you're saving going for the grilled chicken once in awhile. It's all relative to what you see the next time you step on the scale. Is this post motivating? Probably more depressing than motivating, but everyone wants to expedite the process. This is how I'm doing it, and as torturous as it may seem, it's working.
So what do I tell myself when I feel like I earned a rich, unhealthy snack?
You think you deserve to reward yourself for being healthy and exercising for a week? You've been "rewarding" yourself for 2 1/2 years, and that's why you are where you are right now. You spent the better part of a thousand days putting yourself in this position, treating yourself to massive portions, unhealthy snacks, multiple cans of soda, bottles of beer and dangerously fattening restaurant food. And you think you deserve something because you spent a week doing what you should have been doing all along? No. If you want to have a cheat day, you designate one (even two) a week when you get to your goal weight and you're working to maintain where you're at rather than lose more.
One of my biggest flaws has been drinking calories. I love soda, and I used to drink up to three cans a day. If you're talking about a 12oz Coke, that's 420 calories right there without have eaten a thing. Soda is my nicotine and I'm not able to give it up cold turkey, but I've managed to downgrade myself to one 12oz can a day, and I consider that my "reward" for the day. It's something that fits into my regimen and it's something I now anticipate and look forward to rather than unconsciously binge on like it's water. What I'm trying to say is that losing weight isn't just about eating better and exercising; it's not that simple. It's about looking at everything eat, everything you do on a daily basis with brand new eyes. You don't need to cut out something you love, you just need to cut down on it. You don't need to kill yourself exercising, but maybe think about how much work you had to put in to burn off that brownie you ate. You may love fried chicken, but look how many calories you're saving going for the grilled chicken once in awhile. It's all relative to what you see the next time you step on the scale. Is this post motivating? Probably more depressing than motivating, but everyone wants to expedite the process. This is how I'm doing it, and as torturous as it may seem, it's working.
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Replies
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well said!!!0
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I think if you can have a treat and leave it at that, why deny yourself? But, if you don't have the self control to stop at just one treat, or one cheat, then better to just completely stay away. Everyone has to find what works for them...... I personally don't "diet" I don't deny myself one thing that I enjoy, I just watch portions and calories, I don't go over board! I've lost weight this way, and have kept it off.......0
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I'd rather eat a bullet than torture myself personally. Different strokes for different folks. I think extreme mindsets fail because they aren't realistic.
It's about moderation and control, not depravation. But if depravation works for you, all the power on your journey. It doesn't work for me.
I've lost weight fairly well through hard exercise programs, actively playing sports, and portion control.0 -
I think it's just about what works for you! And if that works for you, that is AWESOME!
Me? I whole-heartedly agree with "I burned X calories, I can afford X," in an "eating back your calories" way, but not in a general thought kind of way. It is easy for most people to think "I worked out hard, I'll eat whatever." And almost no one works out hard enough to counteract ANY kind of eating. But, I absolutely eat back the calories I burned (when I'm set at a base deficit), and I've had great results, so for me it'd be the height of silliness not to eat them.
It also depends on what you like. To me, I like brownies way more than I like not working out, kwim? LOL So yes, it's totally worth a run for me to have a brownie. I know other peoplew would rather forgo the brownie and not run, and that's great if it's THEIR thing.
Thanks for sharing your interestin perspective. 0 -
I agree and disagree with this topic because I do give myself a day to eat what I want without measuring calories but I only eat when I am hungry and then I eat until im no longer hungry, NOT until Im full and I restrict myself from eating past 7pm. I think its okay to eat after you have worked out or reward yourself because you can easily workout again and get rid of what you just ate...you dont have to be "that" hard on yourself. I feel going against what you want ALL the time will eventually lead you to a breaking point so I say..yea, have a snack but then get your butt back on that treadmill and get rid of that snack or workout even harder the next day.0
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Well said... also turning your soda from regular to diet... Honestly, after a while, you don't notice the taste difference and don't get that horrible feeling on your teeth too! And with that portion control as you said... if you really are hungry and need it, you can have more, but start out with just a little and see how you get on...Otherwise you're tempted to finish all the food on your plate whether you want it or not. Its the same for going out for dinner. I order starter sized portions of mains and they're always about the serving size I have at home so I know I'm eating proportionately yet still eating out and enjoying it! 0
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Many will disagree, but I say switch to diet soda.0
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I read a post about using calories as currency, so if you've made room to have a small treat, then go for it!
Also, some people eat back their exercise calories, some don't, so maybe someone works out and deliberately burns X number of calories so they can afford to have a small piece of pie or even a twinky.
Personally, as already stated, whatever works for you!
Though I do agree that cheat meals or days aren't good if it isn't done in moderation, carefully, as not to blow your entire week's effort down the drain... unless that's what you want, in which case, have fun.0 -
I'd rather eat a bullet than torture myself personally. Different strokes for different folks. I think extreme mindsets fail because they aren't realistic.
It's about moderation and control, not depravation. But if depravation works for you, all the power on your journey. It doesn't work for me.
I agree. Everything in moderation. I love food and I will fail if I don't have a piece of pizza or some BBQ ribs or fried chicken every once in a while. Cheat days don't mean you binge eat but you just don't beat yourself for going a little over on calories.
Best wishes!! Keep up the good work!0 -
That's not tough love... It's reality. Very well put, and some very good ideas in there. Thanks for sharing. I would like to add, though, that moderation is key in everything. Find ways to make the foods you are eating delicious, balanced, and healthy. Since starting I have enjoyed finding new ways to prepare the things I love. Almost all of the time, the new recipes I find or create are way better than what I'm used to anyway!0
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Many will disagree, but I say switch to diet soda.
I wouldn't disagree with a thing you say!!!
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I don't "cheat" on my food. If I know I am going to eat something that is not optimal then I plan out my food for the rest of the day so I still meet my protein/carb/fat goals (or at least come really close). If I am planning on eating something that just doesn't allow me to make the number work out, I skip it.
I have worked too hard to throw it away due to a lack of self-control.0 -
That's not tough love... It's reality. Very well put, and some very good ideas in there. Thanks for sharing. I would like to add, though, that moderation is key in everything. Find ways to make the foods you are eating delicious, balanced, and healthy. Since starting I have enjoyed finding new ways to prepare the things I love. Almost all of the time, the new recipes I find or create are way better than what I'm used to anyway!
this is an excellent point, to not eliminate the things you love, but to make them healthier!! great advice!0 -
I'm pretty sure most people on here that say they "earned" a treat by exercising are probably eating their exercise calories, which is very different from giving yourself a reward for exercising. They can eat it because they have the calories to spare and it fits in their day.
I lost 100 lbs in 7 months and I didn't give up any of the foods I like... but I've been a diet soda drinker since I was a kid, I can drink gallons no problem. :bigsmile: The regular stuff is like poison to me.0 -
Eh, if it works for you, fantastic. But I feel like if I deny myself that strictly, I'll end up giving up. I like food. I like to drink. I don't want to give up everything I like. I'd rather have cheat days once in a while and then get back on track.0
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Kudos to you for your discipline and perseverance, and congratulations on your loss.
Not sure I agree with using your own journey to make the way other people are doing it wrong. A very good friend of mine lost over 100 pounds with his 6+1 eating regimen. Monday through Saturday he ate within a particular calorie range, and Sunday he ate whatever he wanted to. He lost weight steadily and has kept it off.
Calling eating certain types of "cheating" is a crticism...and if someone describes their eating that way, I'm betting it's more of an indicator of how they feel about themselves than whether the eating is going to affect weight loss. This weight loss thing is a journey on all fronts--emotional and mental as well as physical. Everyone takes their own unique journey, and along the way many people must face what's working or not working about how they are traveling...and many times it's not about what they're eating, but what's going on with them or their lives that eating helps them cope with.
I think that the most important thing for anyone who is truly serious about getting to a healthy weight (and that doesn't necessarily include everyone on MFP) is to come at this thing as a permanent change in life and understand that a change this major will likely happen gradually over time, and that there will be a lot of learning about what works and doesn't work for a particular person. I haven't come at this the way you are, and yet I am very happy with the results I'm seeing.
I know myself well enough to know that if I approached this the way you are, I would fail miserably. While I am careful about what I eat and I'm tracking my daily calories (going on 230 days now!), being overstrict with myself and refusing to allow myself to eat certain foods is more in keeping with the yo-yo pattern that characterized my previous weight loss attempts, not at all like this journey, which is permanent and, I am confident, lasting.0 -
I have to disagree. I am learning to stop labeling food as "good" or "bad" and to adopt moderation and balance. If I decide a small treat is unhealthy or blowing my entire week, I have just started the downward spiral that is largely the root of my weight gain in the first place.
There is room in anyone's diet for dessert or whatever other food item, as long as it is not abused and is not the norm. It is a drastic departure from typical thinking to stop thinking of food as good or bad, instead of just food, and striving to strike a balance. I don't even pretend I am there yet, but I know that good vs. bad thinking is a great way to develop unhealthy attitudes about food that lead to bigger problems.0 -
I agree with you. I reward myself with food anyway, which is why I am where I am. I am not "dieting" - just watching my portions carefully. I do not in any way want to reward myself with food for doing well. Instead, I'm trying to find alternative rewards because I do think it's important to have some sort of release. When I have a really long day and work really hard and then work out and stick to my cal intake, I'll just buy myself an ebook, which I wouldn't normally do. Or save up some of that good feeling and buy a new workout top.
Love the post, and actually it's very motivating for me.0 -
There seem to be two different ideas in your post... Enjoy in moderation but also "torture" yourself by having little flexibility. I stick to my plan, and my plan includes things I really enjoy eating (chocolate!), just in moderate amounts that fit into my overall nutritional profile.
On some level, we all know what we need to do: eat healthier, move more, reduce stress and get enough sleep. But it's not as simple as "just do it" or we wouldn't all be here trying to lose! :-)0 -
Your post was a sobering reminder regarding how we've been "treating" ourselves over the years, eating mindlessly, without constraint, leading us to where we are today. Thank you very much. I agree with your view 100 percent.
Congratulations on your shed. You will succeed. I just know it.
Regarding your soda addiction: You acknowledge your vice, so that's a step in the right direction. A few weeks ago, on The Biggest Loser, it was noted how soda is a big issue with many. There are 17 teaspoons of sugar in one can of soda. For those that struggle with sugar addiction, I wish you much strength in overcoming this poison. (That's how I view all toxic substances to keep me from polluting my precious organs.)
Because you are, indeed, consuming one can of soda per day, I wouldn't say you are depriving yourself. Your soda is your treat, as you mentioned; therefore, you are not being rigid (as some have commented). You are practicing some constraint, as we all must do.
Best wishes on your journey.0 -
I do want to make mention to those of you that think I'm giving up the stuff I love, that I'm not. However, there is no one thing I consider a "go-to" snack/treat/meal. I love potato chips, but I can live without them. I used to sit down with a bag and eat damn near the whole thing. It's not something I'm craving right now though. I turn to 100 calorie packs now, miniature candies (I love Mr. Goodbar), single serving snack bags, etc. When you eat dinner at 6pm and don't go to sleep 'til well after midnight, as is the case with me, you're going to be hungry at some point before bed. There's a difference between what some people think I'm doing, which is depriving myself, and what I'm actually doing, which is not allowing myself a day or an evening to spin a little out of control, for whatever reason. I'm sorry (I'm not looking back at the previous posts right now), but someone mentioned that if you completely deprive yourself, there's a good chance you'll reach a breaking point. I couldn't agree more with that, and I thank you for pointing it out. And thank you to everyone for your input.
Also, I've tried diet soda time and time again, and it's just not something I can get used to. So if I can maintain this one soda a day routine, I'll have no reason to switch over. Thanks for the suggestion, though!0 -
I love your attitude and what you've written.."I concur!"...0
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Kudos to you for your discipline and perseverance, and congratulations on your loss.
Not sure I agree with using your own journey to make the way other people are doing it wrong. A very good friend of mine lost over 100 pounds with his 6+1 eating regimen. Monday through Saturday he ate within a particular calorie range, and Sunday he ate whatever he wanted to. He lost weight steadily and has kept it off.
Calling eating certain types of "cheating" is a crticism...and if someone describes their eating that way, I'm betting it's more of an indicator of how they feel about themselves than whether the eating is going to affect weight loss. This weight loss thing is a journey on all fronts--emotional and mental as well as physical. Everyone takes their own unique journey, and along the way many people must face what's working or not working about how they are traveling...and many times it's not about what they're eating, but what's going on with them or their lives that eating helps them cope with.
I think that the most important thing for anyone who is truly serious about getting to a healthy weight (and that doesn't necessarily include everyone on MFP) is to come at this thing as a permanent change in life and understand that a change this major will likely happen gradually over time, and that there will be a lot of learning about what works and doesn't work for a particular person. I haven't come at this the way you are, and yet I am very happy with the results I'm seeing.
I know myself well enough to know that if I approached this the way you are, I would fail miserably. While I am careful about what I eat and I'm tracking my daily calories (going on 230 days now!), being overstrict with myself and refusing to allow myself to eat certain foods is more in keeping with the yo-yo pattern that characterized my previous weight loss attempts, not at all like this journey, which is permanent and, I am confident, lasting.
I agree with your take on the use of the word "cheating" -- I have my little "moments" but I don't view them as cheating. My "moments" are thoughtful, not mindless. Thank goodness for my food and exercise trackers -- those two really do keep me on the straight and narrow whenever I want to "wander" a wee bit.
Anyway we slice it, this journey is, indeed, an experience in tough love. May we keep strong and prevail.0 -
I do want to make mention to those of you that think I'm giving up the stuff I love, that I'm not. However, there is no one thing I consider a "go-to" snack/treat/meal. I love potato chips, but I can live without them. I used to sit down with a bag and eat damn near the whole thing. It's not something I'm craving right now though. I turn to 100 calorie packs now, miniature candies (I love Mr. Goodbar), single serving snack bags, etc. When you eat dinner at 6pm and don't go to sleep 'til well after midnight, as is the case with me, you're going to be hungry at some point before bed. There's a difference between what some people think I'm doing, which is depriving myself, and what I'm actually doing, which is not allowing myself a day or an evening to spin a little out of control, for whatever reason. I'm sorry (I'm not looking back at the previous posts right now), but someone mentioned that if you completely deprive yourself, there's a good chance you'll reach a breaking point. I couldn't agree more with that, and I thank you for pointing it out. And thank you to everyone for your input.
Also, I've tried diet soda time and time again, and it's just not something I can get used to. So if I can maintain this one soda a day routine, I'll have no reason to switch over. Thanks for the suggestion, though!
Great comment on potato chips -- those canned chips were recently referred to as "cancer in a can" -- check the full story on chips at MERCOLA.COM -- the research is eye opening. Potato chips are the #1 snack contributing towards obesity. I, for one, have decided to do without this toxic treat.0 -
If you are doing all of this to shed pounds RIGHT NOW, you would need to stick to a strict plan.
I beleive it is healthier to make the process gradual. You are suppposed to be learning good habits that you can follow through with in the long-run. If you can quit snacks cold turkey and never waiver, good for you. I, on the other hand, know I would be miserable in the long. I have learned to pay attention to WHAT and HOW MUCH I eat and have had great success over the last 4 months. These good lifestyle habits are now easier to maintain and I no longer have such a strong craving to the snacks I used to love. A better lifestyle means you can be healthy and HAPPY.0 -
I love the part when you said, "I've been rewarding myself for years! That's how I got this way" That is so true!!! And you are right.0
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I was all ready to raise my flag and disagree with what you wrote. I was all ready to say "no one is perfect" and blah blah blah. But to be honest you speak the truth. Many of us still need to get out of that "on/off diet" mindset and truly make this thing a way of life. Thanks for sharing.0
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Probably more depressing than motivating, but everyone wants to expedite the process.
Personally, I don't really want to expedite the process. I'm fine with the fact that it's taken me seven months to lose 39 pounds. I'm totally fine if it takes me a year or more to lose the last 12 pounds I want to lose. Even though I haven't met my final goal, I've already changed. My mindset is different. I'm different.
I don't follow a 'diet'. MFP is not a temporary state of being. I don't see weight loss as a 'journey', because that implies that there's an end to the process. I just started watching portion sizes and total calories. I may eat a brownie, but when I'm exercising I never think that I am exercising *because* I ate that brownie. I'm exercising because I enjoy it and it's good for me. I also don't believe in 'cheat days' because I indulge my cravings every single day. It's not cheating if it's part of the plan! I have done this since the very beginning of my time on MFP. No food has ever been 'bad' or 'forbidden' in my book.0 -
I don't see the difference between what you say you are doing with your soda and what you are saying other people shouldn't do. I treat myself some sort of treat almost everyday. Some days its a single piece of candy, some days if I have the calories I treat myself to something more indulgent.. I allow myself a day off from calorie counting once every few months, like tomorrow for my birthday. I don't call it a cheat day because I am not cheating as that implies something that I am doing wrong. I am allowing myself to not stress out about enjoying special food on a special day. I have a lot of realy thin friends and they eat special foods and allow themselves indulgences. Most of my naturally thin friends don't have extreme thinking about the foods they eat. They make healthy choices 90% of the time and dont worry about the rest. That is the type of attitude I am trying to develop about food.0
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