unintentionally hurtful comment

godblessourhome
godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
in Motivation and Support
i saw a woman at our knit shop that i haven't seen in a while, like nine months to a year. she and i used to be the same size. she commented how great i looked and asked me why i started losing weight. i laughingly replied 'one day i finally woke up and realized i was too short to be this wide'. we talked for several more minutes and went our separate ways.

later, i started thinking about what i said. i hope she didn't think i was judging *her*. it was a comment completely about myself. i am afraid she might have taken my comment to be about her. :( open mouth, insert foot. i feel bad about it, and i am not sure how to bring it up if/when i ever see her again.

have you made a thoughtless mistake like that? how did you handle it?

Replies

  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
    It will be fine dear.. You were talking about your personal experience. . I'm sure she didn't take that as a personal attack. . Hugz.
  • philOHIO
    philOHIO Posts: 520 Member
    you may be reading more into it. If you see her again, just act like your friendly self :) In other words don't apologize for something that she may not have even thought about.
  • Jessi713
    Jessi713 Posts: 7
    you did ok....you may have been an inspiration to her and maybe get her on the right track.
  • My1985Freckles
    My1985Freckles Posts: 1,039 Member
    Most people can tell when you are making a deliberately hurtful comment. She probably didn't give it a second thought (It is an adorable comment btw made me LOL). I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. If it offended her it is her responsibility to tell you so, then you can apologize. :-)
  • msmayor
    msmayor Posts: 362 Member
    mine was a little different I was at the farmers market and want some wasabi dills - I asked the owner if she knew the caloric intake - she looked at me and said for what I don't count calories.....I looked at her like she was insane because was asking the question for me and not her then after the moment she realized she said oh I think it on the container sorry.....If my looks could kill I would be in jail because all she had to say was no she didnt know I never asked her what she counts.....I was pissed! I got the dills anyway and loved them!!!
  • CynthiaCollin
    CynthiaCollin Posts: 406 Member
    We can't always filter what we say. You have lost weight and did a great job and the person might not be there yet and now you might end up being an inspiration for that person. Either way you were talking about yourself and it wasn`t directed at her, so don`t worry honey !
  • april_beth
    april_beth Posts: 616 Member
    aww dont sweat it...that was a very cute way to put it :) and im hoping she is very happy for you. maybe it'll get her into her own thinking and maybe taht's what it'll take for her to tackle her own weight issues - and then maybe next time she sees you she'll be thinner and thank you for your words :)
  • sarahsmart88
    sarahsmart88 Posts: 84
    We all have "word vomit" we wish we could take back. In your given situation, I think you shouldn't bring it up if you see her again. If she didn't appear offended and does not say anything about being offended, there's no need to apologize. If you did bring it up and apologize, that could actually be seen as more judgmental, because you would more directly be pointing out her size (even though, again, you don't mean to offend or judge at all). Take a deep breath, keep your chin up, and keep doing your thing :) Don't sweat the small the stuff.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    think about how you would feel if the situation was reversed. if someone had said that to me i'd agree with them. and i'd hopefully look at their weight loss as a sign that i could do it myself.

    my guess is you probably helped her in the long run and at worst it was a neutral comment.
  • baypathgradLyns
    baypathgradLyns Posts: 639 Member
    Something like this happened to me @ work once...

    I mentioned something about myself, but I must have said it in a more general way (I can't remember what I said exactly-but something to the effect of being fat)

    I felt horrible afterwards, thinking they may have thought I was talking in general (as the both of them have some extra weight)

    So, I emailed them and said to PLEASE not think what I said was meant for anyone else but a comment about myself.

    They both thought it was funny that I was even worried about it, and brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal. Either way, I wanted them to know...
  • RNMDFF
    RNMDFF Posts: 153 Member
    I have a friend that we used to be the same size. We know we were over weight. I can see how she could take that as an insult but if she thought about it she wouldn't. I can say that I am pretty sure she would like to lose weight too and is probably jealous of you though.
  • dnsrmr
    dnsrmr Posts: 99 Member
    I do it all the time, but less now than I used to, but YES it happens. At least your compassionate enough to have thought of it in that way. Forgive yourself if you offended her and forget about it, and be proud of what you've accomplished.
    Blessings from Colo~ Dee
  • Boo67
    Boo67 Posts: 43 Member
    Oops. No point worrying now though,what's done is done. You were only being honest about yourself, she would've seen that. I would've prob said similar thing. :smile:
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
    LOL Well, you didn't say "we" are too wide. Forget about it. She will only be offended if she thinks she is too wide too.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    I know, it feels really strange some times talking with folks about your weight loss. I felt kind of bad the other day too when I told a friend the best treatment for my knees was weight loss. She is extremely obese and has back and knee problems. She knows I deal with OA and RA and wanted to know what drugs I was taking since I was not having much knee trouble any longer. I was honest with her and felt bad. When talking with DH he said, don't feel bad, her DH told her the same thing just before she came to talk to you (that she needed to get some weight off to help her knees and back). I worry about her as every year she gets bigger and bigger and has trouble getting around.
  • merjkm
    merjkm Posts: 2
    If you had that conversation with me I wouldnt of taken it wrong. Maybe you will have gotten her to think about her own wieght and decide hey I can do that too.
  • Carrot1971
    Carrot1971 Posts: 272 Member
    Most of us who are overweight KNOW we are overweight. I'm sure you didn't tell her anything she doesn't already know about herself. In fact, you probably gave her the motivation to make a change in HER life...good job!! You did nothing wrong and everything right!! Continue to inspire people...
  • rmwinters
    rmwinters Posts: 288 Member
    At least you didn't ask someone when are you due??? when they weren't pregnant....OOPS

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