How do you see yourself?

Hellbent_Heidi
Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
For the first half or more of my life, I was skinny. A skinny kid, an athletic and thin teenager, and in my early 20’s, pretty dang thin most of the time. In my mid 20’s, I started to put on weight from unhealthy habits, then late 20’s I went back to school while working full time and finished an Associates, Bachelors then a Masters degree in rapid succession. A combination of sedentary life (sitting at work and school) and convenience eating caused me to gain a lot of weight. For a long time, my brain still thought of me as this tall (I’m 5’9”) thin girl who could carry that extra weight and it didn’t show as much as it did on other people (this would be denial!). When I finished my Masters, I weighed 240 lbs and by this time, I knew I was categorized as "obese" and the idea of that made me feel sick. I started Weight Watchers the week I finished my thesis, and dropped about 50 lbs around that time.

Fast forward a few more years, and while I maintained that loss and looked a lot better, I still hovered between 190 & 200 on a regular basis. I weighed 196 in January of this year after the holiday damage was done, but somewhere during this past summer I decided I’d had enough. I’d already dropped the fluctuating10 lbs at that point, so I started getting serious with MFP at 187 lbs. Since then, I’ve lost about another 30 and have recently had to dump or give away just about all of my clothes because they’re too big. Today I weigh 158, and my goal is around 150. My BMI is down well into the ‘normal range’ and I’ve been getting compliments left and right for the last couple of months. So, today I went to the mall at lunch to try on jeans. I got into a size 4 at two different stores. I didn’t buy them (yet), but came back to work and was emailing with a friend about how that can’t be right and the sizes must have changed a lot since I was in that size range, because there’s no way I could be a size 4. She wrote me back and said “are you kidding…how can you believe you aren’t a 4?”.

So, I was thinking about this on the drive home, and was wondering how many other people who have lost a significant amount are struggling with accepting that you are no longer overweight. Do you think you can see yourself as others do, or does some part of your brain still tell you that you are overweight?

Replies

  • RNMDFF
    RNMDFF Posts: 153 Member
    I still see myself as the same old fat girl. I completly understand you thinking that those pants were marked wrong. I went shopping and was trying on clothes, I grabbed some dresses that were a 14's,12's and 10's. It was on the clearance rack so i grabbed what i thought was cute. I thought the 14 would be small but I would try it on anyway. It was too big. The dresses in a size 10 and 12 fit. I bought pants that were a ten and I thought the cut must be big.(now there getting too big!)
    I lived so long with the mentailty of being fat that its going to take more then a month for me to see that I'm not fat anymore.
    I'm 5'9 and size 10, so I bet you are looking pretty hot in those size 4's! Hope that didn't sound too weird :) Be proud of yourself
  • Maryfullofgrace
    Maryfullofgrace Posts: 342 Member
    Double post, sorry...
  • Maryfullofgrace
    Maryfullofgrace Posts: 342 Member
    I see myself as a larger gal too!
  • candicole007
    candicole007 Posts: 120 Member
    I still see myself as the same old fat girl

    This! If I see myself in a mirror (that's not in my house) or a reflection in a window, I often don't recognize myself, because when I look in the mirror at home, I still see the 190 pound me, instead of the new nifty 144 pound me. It's so weird
  • Molly_Louise
    Molly_Louise Posts: 503
    I think I'll always see myself as being a larger person, because that's what I've always known myself to be.
  • candicole007
    candicole007 Posts: 120 Member
    I do however now love to have my picture taken because I'm like "Wow, that's me?" instead of "Oh gross that's me?" lol
  • CassOfAllTrades
    CassOfAllTrades Posts: 40 Member
    I think I see myself as bigger than I really am as well. Even at my thinnest (as an adult) at 130 and a size 4 I never felt right wearing clothes that fit me, like my imaginary muffin top would hang out or something. Looking back, I'd love to smack myself!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    I do however now love to have my picture taken because I'm like "Wow, that's me?" instead of "Oh gross that's me?" lol
    I LOVE that. I don't have any good newer pics yet, but need to take some and update my profile soon. Maybe if I see a good pic, I can get a better idea of how I REALLY look now!

    Maybe I'm just not able to trust my own self-image, since it took me so long to realize I was fat!
  • KandieLantz
    KandieLantz Posts: 423 Member
    I was just talking with a friend about this exact thing... I'm almost 80 lbs smaller than I was this time last year... have total control of my healthy lifestyle... know that I'll never go back to being the person who allowed herself to gain that kind of weight... but I still "see" myself as the same size... that is my newest thing to "fix"... convincing myself that I am NOT still that size and that I deserve the credit of making the changes I've made.... thank you for bringing this subject up, it came at exactly the right time for me!
  • Alexdur85
    Alexdur85 Posts: 255 Member
    I think I see myself as bigger than I really am as well. Even at my thinnest (as an adult) at 130 and a size 4 I never felt right wearing clothes that fit me, like my imaginary muffin top would hang out or something. Looking back, I'd love to smack myself!

    I am the same way. I see pictures of me when I was around 20 and I'm like "ugh, I can't believe I thought I was fat!"
  • Amysgetnfit
    Amysgetnfit Posts: 231
    I've always had to work at keeping my weight off so maybe that has something to do with it,as an adult at my skinniest I was 118 my heaviest pushing 200....im 5.1" so that's a whole lot . Very few times in my life have I been happy with the way I look or felt all attractive/sexy. Im not very insecure anywhere else in my life just with my physique
  • kbizzleoo
    kbizzleoo Posts: 114
    I've been overweight my whole life. and I always felt uncomfortable in my clothes, especially jeans that made my muffin top worse. So even though I used to wear a size 14 in jeans, even today in my size 6 i felt like I was soo fat and that my muffin top was bulging all over the place. The jeans aren't even tight though... I could probably wear a size 4. but I could NOT walk around comfortably. I'm only comfortable in big t-shirts and gym shorts. I see girls that are probably bigger than me that I would consider skinny/healthy and their clothes just fit so nice. I just have a problem I guess..

    and I still feel like people see me as being overweight and think that all I care about is food. So when I'm offered certain foods in public I say no just because I feel like people expect me to want it.

    I also REALLY have to look back at my pictures to realize how much I've lost.
  • JimieLou
    JimieLou Posts: 273 Member
    I still see the same old fatty in the mirror. I'm 1 pound away from losing 70 pounds, but every time I look in the mirror, I still see the 300 pound blob of fat I used to be. Even when people compliment me on how good I look, I say thank you, but then wonder why they can see it, but I can't on a day to day basis. Putting before and after pics next to each other, then I see it.

    However, I now know why gyms have full mirrors all over the place. I recently set up a full length mirror to look at an outfit from head to toe; forgot to take it down; and happened to catch a glimpse of myself while doing 30DS. I almost peed myself. I have muscles!!! AND I'm starting to show ab definition...not a lot, but on a few moves, its definitly noticeable.

    I'm hoping that as I lose my next 30 pounds, my mindset catches up with my new "not so fat" body.
  • Zombriana
    Zombriana Posts: 764 Member
    Depends on my mood. I usualy feel like I look fat though.
    Sometimes ugly. :|
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    I was just talking with a friend about this exact thing... I'm almost 80 lbs smaller than I was this time last year... have total control of my healthy lifestyle... know that I'll never go back to being the person who allowed herself to gain that kind of weight... but I still "see" myself as the same size... that is my newest thing to "fix"... convincing myself that I am NOT still that size and that I deserve the credit of making the changes I've made.... thank you for bringing this subject up, it came at exactly the right time for me!
    I'm glad it helped. Its something I'll be working on now too! I see a lot of people here brushing off compliments and still saying how they have a long way to go and stuff like that, so I'm thinking its an issue with a lot of people! I guess for me, I just don't ever want to go back to being that person who was in denial ever again!
  • khk2010
    khk2010 Posts: 451 Member
    Still see fat me. See how much is left to go. Chub here and chub there. Someone will say how slim I look and I think they are crazy. It's not how I want to be, but it is where I am right now.
  • andreabball
    andreabball Posts: 90 Member
    We all seem to report similar sentiments about our body images; I'm no different. When I was very thin, I was never happy. When I was at my highest weight, I was also unhappy. This time, I've made some really big lifestyle changes that include the way that I think, talk to myself, and feel about myself. Now that I'm in a good place emotionally, the size doesn't matter as much. I am blown away that I wear a size 8, but when I look at myself I see the same me I've always been. Even looking at pictures from when I was heavier and comparing them to now doesn't help much. 73 pounds lost and I honestly feel like I look like the same person. Working diligently on that and acceptance that I am ok, big or small.
  • jayliospecky
    jayliospecky Posts: 25,022 Member
    Well, I see many of us are in the same boat. I also have always seen myself as fat, whether I was or wasn't. So, is there any way to break out of this, or do we just need to be patient? Even when I'm doing pretty good, and start to think maybe I look ok, I hear all the voices in the world, and even some folks on MFP who seem to think everyone should aspire to Jillian Michaels, or others like her. That's fine if people have that as a goal, I just feel like, well, then, obviously I AM fat compared to that. Sigh....
  • Malissas
    Malissas Posts: 64 Member
    It's weird. I was always told I was chubby or fat or cuddly as a teen and i believed it and was disgusted at myself. I never wore jeans or shorts or bathers or anything that exposed my thighs so I missed out on a lot of 'fun and games' because I was so embarressed of how I looked. I even stopped playing sport so my legs wouldnt bulk up! And here I am a self fulfilled fantasy because now I actually am fat by 30kg or 60ish pounds (i think). I have lost weight before but never thought of myself as a 'normal' person! For some perspective I weighed 52 kg or 114 pounds back then! (im 5foot1) Crazy right!?
    It wasnt until my 3 girls who I think are absolutely gorgeous with stunning bodies, went through various stages of teenage (16, 18, 22) and arent fixated on their weight that i realised how wrong I was.
    I've realised that my body shape was the same as theirs, my weight on scales was less than theirs and my measurements were smaller! What an absolute crime that the way i saw myself then has affected how I see myself now!
    Although I was a teen in the 80's when anorexia was cool and the darkest sun tan was 'it'.
    I think my post is slightly off topic, sorry! But it really reminded me of the shock realisation that I had only recently.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Well, it looks like I'm not alone...and a lot of us need to work on realizing how far we've come and how we're seen by others! So many of you have lost HUGE numbers and still feel the same.

    Its a work in progress for me, but I'm determined to accept and embrace this change in a positive way. Hope you all will too! :drinker:
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Curious if anyone thinks this kind of thing could lead to unhealthy obsessive behavior....like becoming too thin, or just having such a negative self-image that you couldn't be happy when you reach a healthy goal weight.

    I know I wouldn't ever I'd take it that far personally, but would be curious to know if that happens to people.....
  • Molly_Louise
    Molly_Louise Posts: 503
    Curious if anyone thinks this kind of thing could lead to unhealthy obsessive behavior....like becoming too thin, or just having such a negative self-image that you couldn't be happy when you reach a healthy goal weight.

    I know I wouldn't ever I'd take it that far personally, but would be curious to know if that happens to people.....

    That is without a doubt me. I know for a fact that whatever I weigh and whatever I look like, I'll never be happy with myself. I am worried it will lead to unhealthy obsessive behaviour, very worried, but I'm trying to work with it and hopefully I'll never be the unhealthy obsessive I think I am going to be.
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