Totally not weight loss related....

CLC900709
CLC900709 Posts: 49 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
I really don't have anyone to talk to about this so yes im asking total strangers.
I'm 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 years (1-10-2005)
we dont see eye to eye on A LOT of things, kids being one of them. we already have two "oops" kids, that neither of us would trade for the world. I had my first at 16, and my youngest when i was 19. he now doesnt want anymore kids for 10+ years. I'd like to have 1-2 more in 4-5 years....but I don't want to be having kids in my 30s! I've literally tried nearly every single birth control out there and nothing has worked. I got pregnant on the pill. pregnant on the IUD. the shot is what caused all this crazy weight gain. the patch that is supposed to last 3 weeks never would say on even for 1 day. it came off in the shower....
i made an appointment with my doctor to discuss getting a tubal. I know i will need to talk to my boyfriend before i make a decision on whether i get the tubal or not, but *should* i talk to him about the appointment tomorrow? I don't even know if its what i want...so i just dont know if i should open the argument with the BF or avoid it until i make up my mind...?

Replies

  • beyg
    beyg Posts: 212 Member
    don't rush major decisions, may want to consider counseling. . . . .
  • Dexy_
    Dexy_ Posts: 593 Member
    Why doesn't he get a vasectomy?! SO much safer and it can be reversed.
  • CLC900709
    CLC900709 Posts: 49 Member
    Why doesn't he get a vasectomy?! SO much safer and it can be reversed.
    He wont even discuss that idea. I've tried. I just figured if I'm the one that doesn't want more kids at the time hes ready to have them, then it's my responsibility to prevent it. I've tried all the other ways, this is the last way i know of.
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
    Why doesn't he get a vasectomy?! SO much safer and it can be reversed.
    ^this.
    i wouldnt do anything to my body if i wasnt 100% sure. if you still want kids in the future (be it in 4 years or 10) you should leave that option open for yourself. if you dont want a tubal, i wouldnt even talk to the dr about it, much less the bf.
    i know it sucks, but for birth control you could use condoms.. in the meantime i would look into some sort of counseling for the both of you to figure some stuff out
  • Shaavig
    Shaavig Posts: 3 Member
    21 is really young to get a tubal. Even though you've had two kids, your doctor may not give you the tubal. It just depends on the doc.

    I'd see the doc, talk about available options and then discuss it with your BF. If you think there's even a slight chance you will want more kids, don't do the tubal. And although vasectomy has a higher success rate in reversals, it's not all that much more successful. Both tubal and vasectomy should be viewed as permanent sterilization methods.

    Not sure what answers that leaves you, but I hope you find something that works for both you and your partner.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I'm a proponent of open and honest communication. If you need therapy for that then maybe you should see one, but to answer your question, yes I would definitely talk to my husband before the appointment. If you talk to him afterward he's likely to feel betrayed that you went behind his back by not telling him what you're considering. This is a choice the two of you really need to make together. As for the fear of an argument, try to head it off by keeping your tone calm and your points rational and relevant. Don't bring up the past, just discuss what you're considering and why you're considering it. Don't jump to conclusions about what he's thinking, let him tell you. Good luck.


    edited for grammar :)
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
    edited for weird double post
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    Oh and I also think you're unlikely to find a doctor who will give you a tubal so young. I have lupus and was told I should not get pregnant for health reasons. My doctor wouldn't do it and told me no one else was likely to either because of my age.
  • ahinescapron
    ahinescapron Posts: 351 Member
    It is your body and your choice what is done to it. Please, don't do something permanent if you are not absolutely sure. I would talk to your doctor about less permanent options for birth control and not even consider the tubal unless I was positive I would not want any more kids.
  • CLC900709
    CLC900709 Posts: 49 Member
    I havent said i was going to do it. just considering it. and my doctor is willing to do it. she suggested it before. we didnt really discuss it because i was just wanting less permanent. im starting to think im happy with just the two. again- i havent made up my mind yet and i dont plan on having the surgery unless i am 10000000000% sure. i just want to discuss it and lay the idea out there.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    Ultimately yes, it's your body and you should decide what to do with it. But if this guy is your life partner doesn't he at least get in on the conversation and thought process? Wouldn't you want to know if he was considering a vasectomy? I know I would. And I would rather have the conversation before you go in to talk about it with the doctor-- he may think of things you didn't think to ask or have thoughts you hadn't thought of. I'd rather have that discussion than the one that starts with "so I went to the doctor to discuss having a tubal today and. . ." because my husband would do a double-take and then he'd be hurt that I didn't trust him enough to share such a huge part of my life with him.
  • beyg
    beyg Posts: 212 Member
    it is your body and it is also your relationship. you may want to ask your self how important is my relationship to me? Like I said rushing things don't help.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    You apparently are the most fertile person ever or the most unlucky to get pregnant on BC... Twice. The thought of it makes my uterus hurt.
  • audigal2008
    audigal2008 Posts: 1,129 Member
    my daughter is on the patch and it SUCKS! It does fall off! Get him "fixed" U have had your fair share of pain!
  • CoraGregoryCPA
    CoraGregoryCPA Posts: 1,087 Member
    Why doesn't he get a vasectomy?! SO much safer and it can be reversed.
    He wont even discuss that idea. I've tried. I just figured if I'm the one that doesn't want more kids at the time hes ready to have them, then it's my responsibility to prevent it. I've tried all the other ways, this is the last way i know of.

    Why are men so "NO" against v? I don't get it. They don't want you to get pregnant but they won't get a v.

    I wonder why you really can't talk to him. I know if I couldn't openly talk to someone then I wouldn't want to risk having more children with them (at the moment or anytime soon). If you can't talk to him now, and that may not change, you never know what you are going to be left with in the future. He could just up and leave, change his mind, and never tell you because you guys don't know how to talk to each other. I'm sorry you have to go through that :(
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member


    Why are men so "NO" against v? I don't get it. They don't want you to get pregnant but they won't get a v.
    not all men are - my husband is all for it after we have our next child. he figures if i can go through the pain of growing/giving birth to three kids, he can get snipped and sit on some peas for a day or two.
  • audigal2008
    audigal2008 Posts: 1,129 Member


    Why are men so "NO" against v? I don't get it. They don't want you to get pregnant but they won't get a v.
    not all men are - my husband is all for it after we have our next child. he figures if i can go through the pain of growing/giving birth to three kids, he can get snipped and sit on some peas for a day or two.
    Exactly! Peas for hf an hr and a case of beer, he's happy!
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