Help me not be depressed!!!

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dlyeates
dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I can't stand how my body is laid out. It's not fair!!!

I'm 5'4" and short torsoed. So much so that I had a doctor years ago tell me if I was proportionate to my legs I'd be 5'6" and if I was proportionate to my torso I'd be 5'2" (or shorter).

I also am currently wearing a 40DDD bra (should probably be a 38 DDD based on measurements but want to lose a little more weight before I spend that kind of money to replace).

And I'm getting really depressed. I carry a lot of my extra weight/skin in my tummy due to being incredibly large with my 2 pregnancies (I measured more than 54" around about 2 weeks BEFORE my daughter was born) so my pants need to be a size bigger to accomodate my waist and are huge everywhere else to the point I look frumpy. (my tummy even folds over at the bottom and I'm not THAT heavy--about 178 lbs)

And then I see all of these success stories of people my height or SHORTER, weighing less than me, wearing size 14s and size 12s. I mean COME ON!!! The I weigh 200 lbs and am 5'2" tall wearing a size 12 is starting to piss me off!!! I'm seriously considering "cheating" a little and checking out some i-lipo to work on the excess baggage up front just to like myself a little.

I know that there is no standard sizing but when my 16s are only a little big or fit in my tummy and I would put 2 butt cheeks or almost 2 legs in it gets depressing. And the size 14s look awesome in my legs and butt but then I have huge muffin top if I can even button them. AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! HELP ME PLEASE!!!

Replies

  • vintx
    vintx Posts: 34
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    don't compare yourself to others. it's not a fair comparison. you have to figure out what is your best and strive for it. don't beat yourself up if you make bad choices (in whatever area). just start each day fresh determined to do better than the day before.

    good luck and believe in yourself! you are the only you in this world! and you are special, wonderful and unique. :)
  • bvalosek
    bvalosek Posts: 20 Member
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    Eat less, you will lose weight. It literally is that simple.

    The hard part is starting up and maintaining discipline. When it starts to work you will begin to feel better and be more inclined to stick to it.
  • mydeloo78
    mydeloo78 Posts: 328 Member
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    You really can't compare yourself to other people. I am 5'5, 165lbs and wear a size 10-12. I know people that are shorter/heavier than me that wear smaller sizes. There are times when pants will fit around my legs but gape at my waist, you have to find what works for you. Also, exercise can help you a little in being proportionate but you can't change the leg/torso ratio. Its what you have and you just have to work with it. Do all the right things so that your body can look the best for YOU and stop comparing yourself to others (easy to say I know!)
  • goldfinger88
    goldfinger88 Posts: 686 Member
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    You sound like you really don't like yourself. And that's depressing. Our goal should be to like ourselves regardless of how we look or who we are or anything else. Sure, we need to try and get in better shape if we can. But we have to like the person we see in the mirror.

    What I do for depression is lift weights or grab the strength bands (love them) and after about five or ten minutes my mood lifts. Now, you may find a method that works better for you. I think using your muscles gives you a feeling of self-control and a feeling that at least one thing is within your power. Or, it could be the hormones it releases. I don't pretend to know. I just know it's a real high.

    Also, try and find something you are interested in. Get out of yourself. When we think about others, we think about ourselves less and that's a good thing.

    Feel free to add me to your friend list.
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
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    Thanks everyone. I am actually full on the weight loss train. I've lost almost 20 lbs to date, I've finished the 30 DS almost a month ago with decent results (not in weight loss but in inches), I'm currently doing Jillian Michaels 6 week 6 pack 5 days a week and I'm eating what I believe is well at the 1200 calorie mark and eating back just about all of my exercise calories. So I have started, am more than 90 days of consistent logging and exercising more days than I'm not and am totally sticking to it.

    In the 90 + days I've been logging in I have had 1 cheat day (a Halloween party) that I went over in calories. I have not gone over my calories at all. I have changed between 1200 and 1500 a couple times trying to figure out a good balance or give myself a little kick so I don't plateau so much.

    I am still losing weight and only tend to gain a little during TOM. So I am definitely taking this seriously and getting results. Just depressed over sizing and the body shape I was given.

    I am learning, slowly, how to love myself and know that a rough childhood, mom calling me fat, diets, etc. all contribute to this. I know these things and work on them. It's just hard not to compare and feel bad. That's all.
  • Jferg69
    Jferg69 Posts: 241 Member
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    Hi there

    You said quite a bit there and I feel your pain.

    However, I was told once that if you can accept yourself as you are now, any weightloss will make you feel epic.
    This turned out to be true for me. It was hard to tell myself that I was overweight but, I had to accept the truth.

    When I accepted me for the way I was, I found it was easier to know how to put it right.

    Give yourself a few weeks on MFP and, when you see results, you will start to feel better about yourself as you are and, look to where you want to be. As the weight starts to fall, your self esteem will rise and you will feel a lot better about yourself.

    Good luck and keep going.

    P.s, feel free to add me to your friends list..... friends can help a great deal on here. x
  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,490 Member
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    It's called SELF esteem. The sooner you start loving yourself the better. After all, that's all you'll ever really have or ever be able to change.
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
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    Hi there

    You said quite a bit there and I feel your pain.

    However, I was told once that if you can accept yourself as you are now, any weightloss will make you feel epic.
    This turned out to be true for me. It was hard to tell myself that I was overweight but, I had to accept the truth.

    When I accepted me for the way I was, I found it was easier to know how to put it right.

    Give yourself a few weeks on MFP and, when you see results, you will start to feel better about yourself as you are and, look to where you want to be. As the weight starts to fall, your self esteem will rise and you will feel a lot better about yourself.

    Good luck and keep going.

    P.s, feel free to add me to your friends list..... friends can help a great deal on here. x

    I've been on MFP consistently for over 90 days. I've had 1 cheat day the whole time going over calories. I've lost almost 20 lbs to date.
  • gersoco
    gersoco Posts: 155 Member
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    You've got some pretty encouraging posts from the folks' on so I have nothing really good to add except to say that I like you and others like you who are not just sitting on their butts complaining about their weight but actually doing something about it. Don't know what you're doing but 19lbs lost says your doing something right!

    Continue to do those things over which you have control and for all else, let the other person worry about it.
  • LRabidoux
    LRabidoux Posts: 2
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    I know just how you feel. I am the same size as you. Height, weight, short torso and a big chest. It's very hard to except yourself, something I just can't grasp either, but I'm a working on it.

    Something that I did that helped me, buy a nice pair of pants that fit you good in the waist area and have them altered. It may cost you a little in money but will be worth it to boost your self esteem. Just a thought!

    Good luck!
  • RheneeB
    RheneeB Posts: 461 Member
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    I;ve always told myself that God didn't give me a perfect body because He knew with my personality I would have ended up dancing on tables somewhere........se He was protecting me!!!! May not help but maybe you smiled!
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
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    OMGosh, please don't compare yourself to others. I KNOW it's hard. I do it too. I asked my Dr. months ago why I weighed 70 lbs more than my friend who was the same exact size in clothes and height! She said I carry my weight much better than my friend. THAT SAID, you need to set a goal for yourself. If you look at my profile I have mine at a size 8 and 130 lbs.as that is what I was when I got married. To be honest that's just a benchmark right now. I'm more fit now than I was back then. If I get down to that size and am 160 lbs. I'll be happy. If I can get down to a size 6 (doubtful, but maybe) I'll be estatic. I say work on giving yourself the best figure you can. Like one of the trainers on here said, if you have large hips work on making your waist smaller and shoulders wider to give you that hourglass figure. I like that he looks at it in a different way than others. Hang in there, you can do this!
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,901 Member
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    Hello,

    I am from India, and I will give you something to try that may help.
    You will have to take this for at least 3 months every day. I take it at night before I sleep. I lost a total of 112 lb over the course of one year, and my body should be like jello with no waist, but this thing that I take increases antioxidants and the amount of estrogen in the body that creates a slimmer waist line (the womanly figure). That is on the sides of the stomach not the stomach pooch its self.

    This is a tea:
    1 tbs fungreek seeds.
    1 tbs funnel seeds.
    5 pieces star anis.
    2 to 3 cups water.

    let it boil then turn down the heat to warm for about 30 min. You can feel free to sweeten if you would like but it is best if you didn't.
    I have been drinking that every night for the past year, since I started my dieting to make sure I have a great figure after I am done with the diet.

    Try this and see if it works, good luck!
  • yarmiah
    yarmiah Posts: 325 Member
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    Congratz on your weight loss and determination in continuing on your journey!

    I would have to agree with most everyone on the site that you really shouldn't compare yourself to
    anyone else. You are a unique individual- just as God intended 8).

    Like many of us who struggle with weightloss, our body image is a great source of frustration. The good news?
    you CAN change many of areas you don't like with hard work and smart choices.

    I totally get where you are coming from though. I used to focus alot of energy in tryin to understand why
    some people where a certain weight and size but when compared to myself , it didnt seem to add up.
    (ei : how can they say there are a size 12 when they weigh more than me and I wear a 14?)

    From personal experience, I would say the first step for success in losing weight and getting healthy is
    to get your head in the right place. Instead of focusing on a particular size and weight I wanted to be,
    I decided to shoot for weight that was supposed to be healthy for my age and height but ultimately, I
    was working for an image of what I wanted to see in the mirror. A number is just a number- I just want
    to be happy with what I see in the mirror! (Started out at 182lbs and size 14, and 40DD bra. Now at
    149lbs, size 10 and and 38D bra). And still I dont worry about the numbers- I focus more on trying
    to shrink my hips, recude the jiggle in my belly, tone my arms etc.

    Good Luck to you and just keep at at!
  • PompousClock
    PompousClock Posts: 36
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    I bet you like your body shape more now than 19 pounds ago, right? You've been focused for 90 days to reach that impressive milestone. Imagine how much more you'll like your body in another 90 days!

    But I just read something on another website that you may find interesting. A woman who has had tremendous success so far was more frustrated with her body now than before she started losing weight, and she wondered why. Another woman responded that it's because when we've made up our minds to get back into shape, our minds are committed to the idea, and the initial progress can be exciting: the numbers on the scale move, clothes start fitting better, sleeping is more restful. But when the big changes are replaced by small changes, or worse, plateaus, our minds get frustrated that our bodies are not keeping up. And the remaining weight to lose is a reminder that we gained the weight to begin with. But sticking with it - as you are clearly doing - will help you power through this frustration and help you emerge on the other side as a proven tough cookie (or low calorie treat, your choice).
  • vettermr
    vettermr Posts: 25
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    About the pants and fit issue, I'll help you out with that. I have the same problem because I have super long legs and carry weight in my stomach. I started buying the right size for my waist and then found an alterations lady, who is awesome and she can take in the legs appropriately for me. Having pants fit appropriately is great and will boost your mood and how you feel about your body. It's worth the $10 alteration!
  • fitplease
    fitplease Posts: 647 Member
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    I am not trying to be rude or insensitive, only helpful by saying the following:

    On Hulu, I discovered that I can watch the UK version of "Look Good Naked." Watching an episode from time to time will help put things into perspective for me. I wonder if it will help you to be encouraged, too. Maybe it will remind you of the good things about your body, while you work on ridding yourself of the excess pounds. What do you think?
  • yesiamaduck
    yesiamaduck Posts: 531 Member
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    I suffered depression for the good part of last year, what helped me was talking a multi vitamin like Berocca each day.... I laughed it off when someone suggested it but a bout a month or so into the regime I started to feel happier and more stable, I suggest trying it... I know depression is different for each person but give it a try.
  • fitplease
    fitplease Posts: 647 Member
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    I suffered depression for the good part of last year, what helped me was talking a multi vitamin like Berocca each day.... I laughed it off when someone suggested it but a bout a month or so into the regime I started to feel happier and more stable, I suggest trying it... I know depression is different for each person but give it a try.

    Fish oil, too! :-)
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
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    Thanks everyone!!! I'm definitely doing better now. I love the idea of the supplements and will check them out next summer when I'm done nursing.

    Thank you all for your kind words. I know I need to work on myself and what I can tell you all is that having a wonderful husband and working on my own issues that I am light years ahead of where I was 11 years ago!!! But I am a work in progress!!!

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