Long distance relationships...

MusicKeepsMeSane
MusicKeepsMeSane Posts: 309
edited October 5 in Chit-Chat
I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I met him over a year ago through a mutual friend and we've been dating for the past three and a half months. Some days it's just really hard and more then anything I wish he could physically be there for me instead of just mentally and emotionally. Does anyone else who's ever had or is in a long distance relationship think that it's worth it? To me it's not the physical distance that matters but sometimes it can just be difficult not being able to see him. For people who were in long distance relationships.. was the distance part of the reason that things didn't work out? For people who are currently in them.. do you find things difficult sometimes?

Replies

  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I've been in more than one, two of which ended just because of differences in where we were headed in life (both in college). Then one night I met a guy who was from 2700 miles away...after a few months of a long distance relationship, we got engaged and were married 3 months later! Totally crazy, but 6 years later, we are going strong! That said, I really like the way long distance relationships actually set you up for being able to maintain your individuality in a relationship. I think when people are in close physical proximity early in a relationship they cling to each other too much! Good luck with him :)
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and we are long distance now.

    Not being able to see him is very hard some days when I get lonely, but with Skype/text/phone calls/letters he is still close it feels.
    I love him with all that i have and trust him with my life. We have plans for the future and I visit him whenever i have the chance.
    If he is worth the wait then it is worth sticking it out :]
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
    I think it can be worth it with the right person. The reason mine didn't work out wasn't the distance, it was the immaturity of the person I was dating. Friends and video games were so important that I was easily forgotten.
  • kdelost630
    kdelost630 Posts: 196 Member
    I'm currently in a long distance relationship, Colorado to Ohio. We dated for 3.5 years before we were separated, and have been doing long distance for over a year now. It pretty much sucks all the time. The petty fights. The loneliness. The worry. The jealousy. But the best advice I can give you and myself is that you can't let yourself dwell on the problems or you'll go insane. Just live your life for you now and know that eventually, you'll be together again. Nothing that happens is going to tell you if it's "worth it" or not...that's a decision that you have to make. I would assume it's fairly obvious to know if you want to keep trying at it or just quit.

    Good luck. It sure isn't fun.
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
    I think from past experience there are a lot of positives to a long distance relationship in that it makes you focus on trust and communication which are keys to a lasting relationships. . it helps you to avoid the pitfalls of having a relationship simply based on physical intimacy. . .just my thoughts.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    When I met my Husband on the internet, he lived in Canada and I in England, apart from the massive phone bills, and the fact that he had to move across the Atlantic and leave behind his friends and family, its worked REALLY well for us....
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    I've been in a long distance for almost two years. It's a very tough thing.
    He's trying to get here and it's hard to find a job right now especially in his industry and with his ambitions.


    I MISS him so much that I ache, often.

    But we see eachother every six weeks. We talk/skype/text and all of that.
    It's odd I feel more connected to him, more like he is my partner than I even did when I was married.

    It's one of the hardest things I've gone through but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. It's a lot of work and sacrifice but it's 1000% worth it.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    It's odd I feel more connected to him, more like he is my partner than I even did when I was married.

    Haha, I have to agree with this, I would have to say my husband and I had more meaningful conversations in those few months over the phone, chat and email than we do now! Ugh...I am a communication failure!
  • jalenedyck
    jalenedyck Posts: 17 Member
    My man of 12 years just joined the army so we have been apart for 4 months so far with more to come. The hardest part is the feeling that both of your lives are so seperate. When you are not together for the little things every day it can also be lonely. Knowing we will be together soon keeps me going and knowing that he is doing something good for our future.
  • IMYarnCraz33
    IMYarnCraz33 Posts: 1,016 Member
    It definitely CAN be worth it.
    I met my husband online on Pogo.com of all places. He was in NJ and I was in MI.
    It certainly can be difficult at times when you really need someone there for you.
    Hang in there & if it's meant to be it'll happen. =]
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    Only you can answer the question; is it worth it? Is it? I did the long distance thing (International) for over a year. Lot's of phone bills, and plane tickets. Was it worth it? Hell yes. I also second the communication sentiment. Our relationship was built on talking, and understanding. It was a great basis for marriage. Good luck.
  • CricutErin
    CricutErin Posts: 2
    I've had two very different long distance relationships. I think for it to be sucessfull, you have to have similar goals for the relationship and both be at the right place in your own life. My first one was bad - College + parties + no trust = lots of tears and hurt. But my now fiance and I have done long distance a few times in our 4 years and it was such a different experience. Make sure you're on the same page on where your going together in life - then you talk about why its so worth it, be supportive, faithful and trusting. If its ment to be - it'll work!!
  • alz6690
    alz6690 Posts: 44
    My bf and I have been going out for 3 years and the last 18months we've been doing long distance. I was a major change from seeing him everyday to not even every week or fortnight. Yes it is difficult at time but at least I know I can call him and skype etc. As for if it's worth it....that's a question only you can truly answer, I'm guessing this isnt the response you want but I'd be lying if I said anything else. I know how much it can suck not having them there for a cuddle or kiss or whatever but a the same time, it makes the time we are together eve more. Sorry if this doesnt help much.
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    I've had two very different long distance relationships. I think for it to be sucessfull, you have to have similar goals for the relationship and both be at the right place in your own life. My first one was bad - College + parties + no trust = lots of tears and hurt. But my now fiance and I have done long distance a few times in our 4 years and it was such a different experience. Make sure you're on the same page on where your going together in life - then you talk about why its so worth it, be supportive, faithful and trusting. If its ment to be - it'll work!!
    What she said.
  • kcodding
    kcodding Posts: 8 Member
    I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now. It is a real challenge sometimes because I really want to be with him, but with Skype and texting and talking on the phone it is not impossible. We see each other about every 8 to 10 weeks. We are making plans to be together on a more permanent basis but it takes time and planning. If it is meant to be then it will work. I truly believe we are meant to be. Hang in there...
  • Gdzgal771
    Gdzgal771 Posts: 152 Member
    my husband and i "met" through his cousin who was my best friend. back in the olden days it was letters and phone calls and

    occasional time on military leave. we MADE it work..we wrote often, i sent silly cards, he sent jokes. the most important thing was

    we were friends first. i wont lie and say it was easy-i knew the aching to have his arms around me often but i kept busy with

    school, church activities and friends then college for a year..

    :we've been together (married) for 43 years and i have to say IT WAS MORE THAN WORTH IT!!

    btw we wrote each other 3+ months before we met and i KNEW after 1 1/2 months, i'd marry him.. i've NEVER regretted it.. :heart: :heart:
  • ChristineMarie89
    ChristineMarie89 Posts: 1,079 Member
    long distance relationships are hard. not long distance relationships are hard. relationships in general are hard. if u love someoe then distance shouldnt matter. if u r the jealous type probably not a gud idea lol but as long as u trust the person if its ment to be it should work out. . . am iin a long distance relationship and yea its hard not being able to be together but since its long distance communication is strengthened and you get to know the person on more than a physical level. guess what im trying to say is yes it worth it if u love and trust eachother.
  • AZTrailRunner
    AZTrailRunner Posts: 1,199 Member
    bump
  • TakeOne
    TakeOne Posts: 345 Member
    I've pretty much decided that relationships in general are tough. My XH was in the military and spent 2 tours overseas. In addition we lived apart on numerous occassions due to me finishing undergrad and him being stationed in different locations. I've also had relationships with guys in the same city, who were just a few minutes away. Currently I'm in a new relationship with a guy I've known since 2008, who moved away out of state several months ago. Go figure, now is when we realize we want to give it a shot. So just recently, I've found myself back in a long distance relationship... Seriously though, distance or not, relationships are hard b/c you'll got to get two people to be on the same page. But long distance relationships aren't all bad :) Best wishes to you as you sort out what you want!!
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    My husband and I were apart for 2 years! He was stationed in another city due to the military/basic training/ptrp/AIT. Totally worth it.
  • RacheyDoh
    RacheyDoh Posts: 1
    It is really, really, really hard. Honestly, only you can say whether it's worth it or not. For me, so far, it has been -- but it hasn't been without its dramaz and traumas and loooong tearful discussions. Seriously. We've been together for 2 years long distance due to my bf's work and it is one of the hardest things you can imagine. My only advice for you is to try to keep it low pressure. Do you guys schedule when you talk? This caused a lot of stress for us for awhile because we were both super busy and something would always come up. Maybe just try to leave yourselves signed into Facebook when you're at home and if the other person comes online, then you can just do a quick Video Chat Rounds (http://apps.facebook.com/chatrounds/?publisherid=elena&campaignid=BC&bannerid=0 ). That way you can talk for a few minutes, but multiple times a day. it might be a lot less pressure.

    Edit: typos!
  • DarkAngel525
    DarkAngel525 Posts: 135
    I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and we are long distance now.

    Not being able to see him is very hard some days when I get lonely, but with Skype/text/phone calls/letters he is still close it feels.
    I love him with all that i have and trust him with my life. We have plans for the future and I visit him whenever i have the chance.
    If he is worth the wait then it is worth sticking it out :]

    ^^ I'm in a LDR and feel exactly this way!
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
    a good portion of my relationships have been long distance. it's not easy, but it takes two people who are on the same page on what they want out of a relationship, as well as how seriously they take said relationship.

    the first real relationship i got into ended up being a long distance relationship. we had been talking on the phone and computer right before i moved from north carolina to louisiana (in high school) and we officially met up about a week before i left. we ended up making it last 3 years. stayed in touch for 5 years post break up, and got back together, once again, in a long distance relationship. we've been back together for a year and a half and live with each other.

    because our relationship started out long distance, it was fairly easy to ease back into it, and because we've known each other so long, communicating via text/email/phone is pretty easy for us. it's all about communication and trust. if you lack either of these things, it will not work.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Takes an intense level of commitment (by both) to make it work. Never had one work out for me.
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