Fellow Recovered/Recovering Anorexics

I have been using MFP for a while, but have only recently been using it every day for everything I eat and to track my exercise. I am a recovered anorexic. Well, as recovered as I feel I can be.
The habits I developed in the height of my battle with anorexia, have changed the way I look at food forever. I used to count every calorie and make sure that I work out enough to burn it off. When I finally got some help and on the road to recovery, I gained almost sixty pounds. While gaining weight was a good thing, there was no muscle to back it up and it put me edging close to overweight for my height.
Now, I am getting healthy and losing weight the right way, while putting on muscle. I have lost twenty-five pounds by working out responsibly and eating right.
Now that I have developed healthy eating habits, I am starting to feel myself fall back into some old habits again. I like when I see that I have come short of my daily calorie goal by more than 100 calories the last two weeks. And while I understand that is not a lot, it is the feeling that bothers me.

In short, are there any recovered/recovering anorexics that are dealing with this? I guess I am just reaching out for support since, my family does not understand.

Are you looking for support in your Recovery or are you looking for support for you drifting BACK into Old Bad Habits? I think on here you will find lots of support for developing GOOD, Healthy Habits. If a diabetic who is getting their good habits down, says one day that they have begun eating a "fun size" candy bar after dinner the last 2 weeks, and it feels good, they don't think it will hurt...The BEST thing I could say to them is Get BACK on TRACK, DON'T Fool YOURSELF because You are NOT fooling anyone else.

I have dealt with both anorexia and emotional overeating, but I'm doing okay now. It's a struggle still every day not to slip into my old ways. Some days I want to binge, other days I don't want to eat at all, then when I do I end up feeling guilty for even the smallest things. But I try to look at this as a lifelong journey to be healthy, to live a longer life for my son, for my husband, for me, and the people I care about. So when I see that I haven't reached my nutrition goals, it makes me unhappy. I try to find the best way to hit all my goals without going over in calories - but if I have to, I will go over a little on my calories so I can hit my protein / fat / potassium / fiber goals for the day. I don't always succeed, but I try my best. That's all you can do. It's hard to remain in the best frame of mind every single day - but as long as you are trying, that's what matters. And there are tons of wonderful people on this site who have helped me become more positive and educated about food.

Like depression, anorexia is not something that really ever goes away. It's a mental disorder. We just have to learn to cope with the symptoms as best we can and try to lead a good life as well. I still sometimes look at myself and think I look like I weigh 200 pounds. I still sometimes think I can feel the fat growing under my skin after I eat something "bad". I'm still scared to eat certain foods sometimes - and it's very stressful for me. I haven't had many days where I really wanted to binge since I lost most of the weight I wanted to lose, but I do have them. Thankfully, I have more good days than bad, since I was put on an anti-depressant. But this will be something that haunts me, probably for the rest of my life. I hope to God it doesn't - but I am prepared for it. I don't think you should use this site if it's hindering your continued recovery. You need to be comfortable, mostly, with the food you eat, and the amount of it before you start tracking everything. That's just my opinion though.