Sometimes... I just wish I was back to my ignorant self agai

MissPeppers
MissPeppers Posts: 302 Member
edited October 5 in Health and Weight Loss
Right now I'm going through a rough phase in my weight loss journey. Since 2009 I've lost about 30 kgs and I know that's very good. I started at 95 kgs which is a lot for my 165 cms on a medium frame - I know I'm better off now.

But still, I struggle with being aware of what I eat all the time. For the last three-four weeks I've been maintaining to get a break - that is, I've actually gained 1,5 kgs and that really gets at me. I haven't binged. I haven't gone overboard one single time, I've tried to keep it at around 1900-2100 kcals which I've been estimated for my general daily burn. But I've gone over by 2-500 several times every week and even if I've had a couple of days at 1800 or so, I've eaten too much. I realize that I'm not able to eat that much and not gain, but I really struggle getting this behind me.

Sometimes I just wish I could enjoy food like the people around me, not thinking about the kcal content or how much I've had today to avoid going over my limit. I think that I'd even eat less if I didn't have this OCD-like thought strain hovering. Because that's what it feels like. And then I just go ahead and eat something just because! I get so angry with myself, start dreading the scales again and that would lead back into gaining and tossing everything I've worked so hard for. I have about 5 more kgs left to lose before I'm done and then the maintenance ghost is haunting.

I've not started fad dieting, I've changed my lifestyle little by little so I've done it the right way. The old patterns are still there though I am almost unable to eat like I used to, fortunately. But still. I don't even enjoy the snacks I eat just to eat. I don't enjoy eating at all lately.

Has anyone been where I am now? Do you have some tip for me how to turn this? I'd be very grateful!

Replies

  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    This is something I think that most people here will have to deal with as they lose the weight. If you don't deal with what caused the eating in the first place, then you have only dealt with the symptom, not the cause. Are you an emotional eater? Stress eater? Was there some life event that you dealt with using food? You need to find what your real food trigger/issue is and deal with that. Many on here have had success with therapy to help deal with those issues. I don't know you or your full story to give any detailed advice, so I will leave it as something to consider on your way to becoming the you that you want to be.
  • ashnm88
    ashnm88 Posts: 748
    Its all basically willpower. Also I tell myself If I eat certain foods it will end up putting me back to where I was 44lbs ago. I just keep moving and I find I always ate more when I was bored. So just keep moving and if you feel that your hungry, you might not always be, for me a lot was boredom.
  • julieinomaha
    julieinomaha Posts: 38
    I can't say I have been in that exact situation. However I too get tired of looking at food and estimating their calories versus just enjoying it. Although since I see a treat as a treat I think I savor it more. It sounds like you have come an incredible way in your journey and it is easy to get fatigue so close to your goal. It is exhausting to change so many old ingrained habits. Perhaps switching full scale to maintenance calories (and really staying to them) will let you see how much better and achievable that will be and you won't feel so deprived. By eating full maintenance calories maybe that will help you not overdo it. Then when you are regrouped then go back to losing weight calorie goals.

    Anyway best of luck and congratulations on your progress so far!
  • judyfurtado
    judyfurtado Posts: 42 Member
    I allow myself a cheat meal once a week. I think if I didn't I would binge but I know I have that one cheat meal to eat out with my husband or have pizza something I wouldn't normally eat.
  • MissPeppers
    MissPeppers Posts: 302 Member
    Emotional boredom eater, I think that's what sums it up for me. But my life has totally changed since 2009, everything is better and I don't really have the same amount of issues at all. The willpower might be the greatest issue here, yeah. I try everything, I clean instead of sitting down because that's when it's worst - my house is cleaner than ever. Work is OK too, not so stressy anymore. I don't work out though, I've had walks but that's it. Been planning to get more exercise, that'll do me good - I know that.

    But the thing is, I've gone back to standing in front of the fridge deciding to eat and then I eat. Like there's another me doing it. Maybe I'll have to put some motivational picture or something on the fridge door, to remind me what I'm doing there. Nothing. I shouldn't be there! I should be out walking!

    Therapy? I don't think I would know where to even begin. I've never been in therapy, how does that work?
  • MissPeppers
    MissPeppers Posts: 302 Member
    About cheat meals - I've never deprived myself of eating favorites like pizza, I've just had less of it. I have what I want - but weigh it or portion control it. But maybe I'd be better off thinking that it's a real treat and not just regular dinner, making it something special.

    I've thought about staying at maintenance level until January and getting back to weight loss then. It might do my body some good taking a longer break. I'm just a bit scared to lose control.

    Or, maybe that's the true problem? Too scared?
  • softsculptor
    softsculptor Posts: 102
    Sometimes it is annoying to count calories, but sometimes it is your outlook, too.

    First, try to look at the calorie counting in a different light. I have actually started to feel RELIEVED after starting the food diary. Before, eating came with all this guilt about calories, and doubt about whether I was overeating. Now, I can keep track of it...no guilt and no doubt! I know I can eat x number of calories in a day, enjoy that food, and be happy in the fact that I am working towards losing weight!

    Secondly, try to change your perspective about what is "normal" eating. You may think "normal" is being able to eat whatever you want without thinking about it. IF you do that, though, you become overweight. Clearly that is not normal. In fact, what is normal is what you are doing right now - eating normal portions by keeping track of calories.

    Good luck, girl! I know its frustrating when you see other people who don't pay attention to what they eat, but changes are they are either lucky, genetically speaking (whether it be from a higher metabolism or lack of hunger pains), or are struggling with weight problems themselves.

    You should be proud of yourself to sticking to it. Stay on that wagon!
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member

    Therapy? I don't think I would know where to even begin. I've never been in therapy, how does that work?

    For me, we are discussing things that are current in my life and things back to my childhood that contribute to my way of viewing food. I am learning ways to cope with stress and my past that don't involve mindless eating that just causes more stress for me. Therapy isn't the answer for everyone, but it can help many. My advice is to sit back and think about what is your cause. I can actually go back to when I was a very young child with how food was handled in my house that contributes to how I eat now.
  • MissPeppers
    MissPeppers Posts: 302 Member
    Well.. when I look back at my childhood I didn't know what was "normal" eating, there was no focus on healthy/non-healthy. Just that we'd better lay off the chocolate spread because it was expensive. So I know where it came from. And it's always been an issue with my family - when my father calls us a family of rhinos I really get back that familiar feeling. So yeah, I guess I have some really old issues there. Might consider therapy, it could be good for more than my weight loss for sure!

    I do know that normal eating is not about being able to eat whatever, it is simply to eat until you're full and be satisfied with that. I don't have that "full" feeling like I probably ought to, but I'm practicing to get better at identifying it. Luckily, my boyfriend (we live together now) has that naturally and I look up to him for motivation when we eat together. I've managed to live with a 1400-1600 kcal diet for months without bigger problems, I want to get back to that. And then being able to maintain without those negative thoughts and feelings.. But inside I'm still that huge girl who's afraid to eat when someone sees her. Still that awkward girl who don't see herself as good looking, attractive, healthy or anything positive. I still see the same now that I did before when I try on clothes - nothing is a "good fit" even though I do really see that I use size M/S and have a lot more to choose from now than I did back when I was at my largest. The feeling is the same. No matter what anyone tells me.

    Thanks for good answers. I'll try to keep my thoughts at bay :flowerforyou:
  • kalexander2005
    kalexander2005 Posts: 223 Member
    Don't forget that muscle burns calories in everyday activities. The less muscle mass, the fewer calories you will burn in a given day. You must maintain muscle mass with some type of weight bearing exercise as you will lose it with age (take it from me, I'm 41). Use it or lose it. And, it goes without saying that less muscle mass means you will have to eat less and less year by year to maintain your current weight (which is a bad idea as you can turn your metabolism to mush). Simple solution is to do a little weight bearing exercise a few times a week. Lots and lots of info online about this -- whether you want to use weights or just your own body. Find something that helps you maintain your muscles. :)
  • UpToTheChallenge
    UpToTheChallenge Posts: 247
    I know exactly what you mean! Some days I wish I could just eat a poutine, or something else and eat it without any second thoughts or feeling guilty that I just ate 2000 calories in one sitting, but that's exactly what got me to where I was before, when I was unhappy the way I looked.

    I also allow myself cheat days, or on special occasions I eat without taking it into too much consideration, but let's face it; I'm a lot happier 30 lbs lighter now than I was back then.

    Congrats on all of your success so far! Keep it up!
  • CoraGregoryCPA
    CoraGregoryCPA Posts: 1,087 Member
    Congrats on doing the right things right! Everyone has food issues, whether they have a high metabolism or aneorixia. Keep going, however since you hit a slight plateu, i suggest you make a drastic change. Maybe start weight training, change to aerobic or cardio exercises, or split your workout into 2 workouts or increase or decrease your calories, go no sugar, go all natural, something to shock your body. It works for some people to get out of the same routine. It worked for me. im not trying to suggest any fad diets though. Good luck and keep going. Please start enjoying food too. I hope you are still eating dessert everyday :). Look at my diary if you want some food ideas, but dont look at the weekends right now hehet
    Right now I'm going through a rough phase in my weight loss journey. Since 2009 I've lost about 30 kgs and I know that's very good. I started at 95 kgs which is a lot for my 165 cms on a medium frame - I know I'm better off now.

    But still, I struggle with being aware of what I eat all the time. For the last three-four weeks I've been maintaining to get a break - that is, I've actually gained 1,5 kgs and that really gets at me. I haven't binged. I haven't gone overboard one single time, I've tried to keep it at around 1900-2100 kcals which I've been estimated for my general daily burn. But I've gone over by 2-500 several times every week and even if I've had a couple of days at 1800 or so, I've eaten too much. I realize that I'm not able to eat that much and not gain, but I really struggle getting this behind me.

    Sometimes I just wish I could enjoy food like the people around me, not thinking about the kcal content or how much I've had today to avoid going over my limit. I think that I'd even eat less if I didn't have this OCD-like thought strain hovering. Because that's what it feels like. And then I just go ahead and eat something just because! I get so angry with myself, start dreading the scales again and that would lead back into gaining and tossing everything I've worked so hard for. I have about 5 more kgs left to lose before I'm done and then the maintenance ghost is haunting.

    I've not started fad dieting, I've changed my lifestyle little by little so I've done it the right way. The old patterns are still there though I am almost unable to eat like I used to, fortunately. But still. I don't even enjoy the snacks I eat just to eat. I don't enjoy eating at all lately.

    Has anyone been where I am now? Do you have some tip for me how to turn this? I'd be very grateful!
  • Dtrmnd86
    Dtrmnd86 Posts: 406 Member
    I know the feeling. My fiance is a steak and potatoes, eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, drink as much beer as he wants and never gain more than the same 5lbs that he loses every spring by doing nothing. I used to get so mad when I had to figure out what I could eat before we went places like Pizza Hut, the diner or fast food. But then one day, I had a random thought... every time we go places like that, I want to pig out like it's my last meal or like I'm never going to have those types of foods again. Then I realized, I would be back and I could have those foods again. That made it a lot easier to eat one serving at a time and stay within my calories. I just tell myself, don't over do it, you'll be back here again eventually, it's not like *insert food place* is going to disappear overnight never to be seen again. We might only get chinese once every two months, but I know we'll get it again so there's no need to order half the menu now.

    I'm more worried about hitting my goal weight and losing all thoughts of moderation. I tend to get into the mind set of, I made it here, now I can do whatever I want....
  • CoraGregoryCPA
    CoraGregoryCPA Posts: 1,087 Member
    I used to think that way tooooo!!!!
    I know the feeling. My fiance is a steak and potatoes, eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, drink as much beer as he wants and never gain more than the same 5lbs that he loses every spring by doing nothing. I used to get so mad when I had to figure out what I could eat before we went places like Pizza Hut, the diner or fast food. But then one day, I had a random thought... every time we go places like that, I want to pig out like it's my last meal or like I'm never going to have those types of foods again. Then I realized, I would be back and I could have those foods again. That made it a lot easier to eat one serving at a time and stay within my calories. I just tell myself, don't over do it, you'll be back here again eventually, it's not like *insert food place* is going to disappear overnight never to be seen again. We might only get chinese once every two months, but I know we'll get it again so there's no need to order half the menu now.

    I'm more worried about hitting my goal weight and losing all thoughts of moderation. I tend to get into the mind set of, I made it here, now I can do whatever I want....
  • CoraGregoryCPA
    CoraGregoryCPA Posts: 1,087 Member
    I wonder if it is something our parents did to us when we were younger like...you aren't getting mcdonalds ever again, you better enjoy it! Or it could come back to the stupid idea that kids had to eat their entire dinner in order to get dessert!
  • CoraGregoryCPA
    CoraGregoryCPA Posts: 1,087 Member
    I wonder if it is something our parents did to us when we were younger like...you aren't getting mcdonalds ever again, you better enjoy it! Or it could come back to the stupid idea that kids had to eat their entire dinner in order to get dessert!
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