I need Help getting my husband on the weightloss wagon

agugino
agugino Posts: 119
edited October 5 in Motivation and Support
My husband got out of the Navy in August, since he was about to get out, he started rebelling about his weight a short time before. His thought was apparently, "I'll show them, they can't tell me I have to lose weight anymore." Well guess what, he sure showed them... but only hurt himself. Yesterday, we went looking for new pants for him for work. He's up to a size 44. Granted he is 6'2 but that is still WAY too big for a guy that is 23. I've tried to get him into myfitnesspal, I've dragged him along to the fitness room a few times, and once he even dragged me. But yet everyday on the way to school, he is eating hardees. It was so easy to lose weight before when he wasn't around, but truly I want him to start losing weight with me. He has a bad knee from a torn ACL surgery and all that extra weight is just making it much harder on him. Plus, we want t a family eventually and I can't imagine either of us trying to keep up with kids in our current health status. I've tried nagging, I've tried begging, I've tried leaving him alone and just pushing myself so he sees results. Help, I don't know what else to try!

Replies

  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    The more you push the more he will resist. Talk about your own fitness goals and continue to lead by example and offer for him to go to the gym with you or to cook him a healthier breakfast, but don't push. I know how you feel and what you want for him, but it's not something that you can really get him to do, he needs to want it for himself.
  • morganadk2_deleted
    morganadk2_deleted Posts: 1,696 Member
    The more you push the more he will resist. Talk about your own fitness goals and continue to lead by example and offer for him to go to the gym with you or to cook him a healthier breakfast, but don't push. I know how you feel and what you want for him, but it's not something that you can really get him to do, he needs to want it for himself.

    ^ agree totaly i know with my husband he will do what he want to do when he wants to do it.
  • melanie_J
    melanie_J Posts: 136 Member
    Stop what your doing and leave him alone. He's not gonna lose weight if he thinks he's being forced into it. He may even begin to resent you for it. Really how would you feel if he stayed on you to get thinner all the time? When he's ready he'll do it, but it has to be for him and his own reasons, not ones that you think he should do it for.
  • SiltyPigeon
    SiltyPigeon Posts: 920 Member
    How would you feel if your husband were badgering you to lose weight, suggesting that you're too fat? My guess is pretty d@mn $hitty. If my husband suggested I needed to lose weight I'd punch him in his face. Only he can (*and should*) decided that he wants to lose weight. He needs to do it for himself, not for you.
  • asltiffm
    asltiffm Posts: 521 Member
    It has to be his decision. There's no way around it. I feel your pain though. My husband has had cancer twice and still can't see the importance of diet and exercise. We've gotten in a few arguments about exercising. Finally, I quit pushing. Yes, it's harder for me to eat healthy and find the time to exercise when he's not involved but ultimitely, you have to do it with or without his involvement. It just means you have to be more dedicated, which will probably work in your favor once you have figured out how to do that.
  • Sarahr73
    Sarahr73 Posts: 454 Member
    Stop what your doing and leave him alone. He's not gonna lose weight if he thinks he's being forced into it. He may even begin to resent you for it. Really how would you feel if he stayed on you to get thinner all the time? When he's ready he'll do it, but it has to be for him and his own reasons, not ones that you think he should do it for.

    I agree. He may think you are calling him fat right now by trying to get him to lose weight. You never know, maybe he developed a bad relationship with dieting because he was forced to do it for so long. Once he gets to the point where he is no longer happy with his self image he will do what he needs to do to in order to lose weight. Let him have his non-diet time for a while.
  • mbmorse1011
    mbmorse1011 Posts: 492 Member
    I have realized I have to let him decide on his own. Mine is the same way, he has culvers or mcdonalds for lunch, comes home and has cookies or a debbie treat before dinner. I cook a nutritious dinner and he has 2+ servings of everything. I had to realize in my own time and so does he. Everyones weight loss is unique. If you force it he'll just give up.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    You can't make him want it, you can't convince him he wants it, you can't love him into wanting it, he has to want it for himself. He is the owner of his decisions, period, you can not carry this burden for him. As spouses we get so used to carrying each other's luggage when it gets too heavy, but this baggage is his to heft (both figuratively and actually). In the mean time, you need to own your own experience and hope that it eventually inspires him to be more active in his life and making decisions.

    However, if it becomes life threatening or alters the way you live your life together, then you have to find a plan of action and find a way to make him more proactive.
  • jessilyn76
    jessilyn76 Posts: 532 Member
    Needing to lose weight, and WANTING to lost weight are two very different things. Until HE wants to lose the weight, any effort from you to try to make him will be in vain. When he decides he wants to do it, he will. All you can do is concentrate on yourself. Maybe he'll notice all your hard work and progress and want to do something for himself and his health.
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
    This is a decision that he needs to make for himself. All the nagging in the world won't get him to change his frame of mind. I'm sure he knows what he's doing and how it's affecting his body. He sees what you are doing for yourself. This just isn't something you can make someone else do if they just don't want to.

    The military is difficult and plenty of people rebel after they get out. After my husband got out of the Marine Corps he stopped running completely, grew out his hair and grew a beard. Thankfully, I wasn't around then so I didn't have to see how ridiculous he looked (though I have seen his high school goatee pictures...Yikes.) But he still hates running and even though he knows it's good exercise, he won't do it. He can't run without calling cadence in his head and it drives him crazy. So even though he knows he needs cardio, he refuses and there's nothing I can do to make him.

    Let your husband go through this phase. He'll snap out of it eventually on his own. But right now, he's probably just doing what he feels he needs to do in order to separate himself from the Navy. Do what you can to offer healthy foods at home and maybe try to get him to go on walks or something with you.
  • kimbux
    kimbux Posts: 154 Member
    Don't do anything.... if you keep nagging (your word, not mine) him, eventually he will get sick of it and leave altogether.... Of course, then you won't have to worry about having an overweight husband. Be thankful for what you have - a loving husband! He will lose weight in time and on his own terms.... Good Luck!!
  • mistresseeyore
    mistresseeyore Posts: 717 Member
    You can't force or badger someone into losing weight. Believe me, when he is ready to do it, he will. I got badgered all my life, and until now, I didn't want to do it. When he is ready, he will.
  • johnwhitent
    johnwhitent Posts: 648 Member
    You (he) will have to find something he enjoys! For me it was cycling. I could never get into exercise until I tried mountain biking. It was so much fun! I didn't think of it as exercise but just getting out and having a blast. Wanting to be a better mountain biker led me to road biking to develop more cardiovascular fitness, and now I also enjoy road biking as pleasurable recreation. Wanting to do better at cycling led me to eat better, and all of the above led me to strength training. And the cold dark days of winter made me want something to maintain fitness through the winter when I don't ride as much so I started trail running. Now my wife thinks that I am an exercise junkie, but for me it all started with fun!
  • yoshi91610
    yoshi91610 Posts: 177 Member
    The more you push the more he will resist. Talk about your own fitness goals and continue to lead by example and offer for him to go to the gym with you or to cook him a healthier breakfast, but don't push. I know how you feel and what you want for him, but it's not something that you can really get him to do, he needs to want it for himself.

    I have to agree with this one, my husband was in your shoes (he is in the military but believes in fitness.) He tried and tried to get me to lose weight, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes at 22, still I didn't care. But he started working out to reach his goal of gaining healthy muscle weight and look toned (cause weight wise he was underweight) And honestly it made me realize that I needed to look good, and feel good too.
  • ajfrench
    ajfrench Posts: 323 Member
    Everyone on here has the same advice, to which I agree. I would add something else: make sure you're not helping him with his eating habits. If he wants to get Hardees or McDonald's on his own, then he can do that. But only cook healthy meals and don't buy junk for him to grab whenever he wants it.

    It'll make it harder for him to continue his bad habits.
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
    The more you push the more he will resist. Talk about your own fitness goals and continue to lead by example and offer for him to go to the gym with you or to cook him a healthier breakfast, but don't push. I know how you feel and what you want for him, but it's not something that you can really get him to do, he needs to want it for himself.

    ^^ THIS ^^. I'm living proof that this is 100% correct. My wife started her healthy lifestyle journey near the end of 2009. She wanted me to start with her. Deep down, I wanted to, but I wasn't ready to make the commitment. Going into 2010 as she was having great success, I could see the frustration because I wasn't giving a crap about my own health. My mother and grandmother were also "on me" to do something about "my weight". My sister was more diplomatic about things and would tell me about how my wife was a great role model for what to do. I knew they all meant well, but the nagging was not going to do anything for me except tick me off at them. hey, I know I was wrong. I knew it at the time. didn't matter. I had to have the light switch go off for myself and I'm thankful that it did. No amount of nagging turned that switch for me...and it probably delayed the switch going off because I'm stubborn.

    I suspect he knows you mean well. He probably won't admit it. I know its frustrating for you. Just continue to lead by example. Cook healthy foods. Continue to exercise. He is paying attention.
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
    I have realized I have to let him decide on his own. Mine is the same way, he has culvers or mcdonalds for lunch, comes home and has cookies or a debbie treat before dinner. I cook a nutritious dinner and he has 2+ servings of everything. I had to realize in my own time and so does he. Everyones weight loss is unique. If you force it he'll just give up.

    same, it is very frustrating i know as I have been dealing with this for close to 15 yrs! mine has gone up 2 szs since weve been married and has tried to lose but wont really do anything about it.finally we started going for walks and just basically try to move more. his diet hasnt changed at all. i just dont say anything because i know how it feels when someone is pestering you about your weight and it just makes you eat more! maybe try to join softball or bowling or do something together that is FUN that is physical. at 23 and no kids, you should be out of the house all the time, enjoying life!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Pronoiac
    Pronoiac Posts: 304
    It would be easier to just divorce him and start over than force him to change! lol I think I understand where you are coming from. You are concerned for his health, that is very sweet. And you do have a huge investment in him as your husband. You are prolly right that he is sort of rebelling against the environment he just left. The best thing you can do is set a good example. Often when once spouse makes notable health improvements, it encourages the other to do so. Just keep nurturing a healhty lifestyle for your self, and in the household, and he will likley come around.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    How would you feel if your husband were badgering you to lose weight, suggesting that you're too fat? My guess is pretty d@mn $hitty. If my husband suggested I needed to lose weight I'd punch him in his face. Only he can (*and should*) decided that he wants to lose weight. He needs to do it for himself, not for you.

    This is THE BEST post and hits it on the head clearly.

    You can never ever force a person to something they are not willingly ready to do for theirself. It is up to him when he is ready to make the necessary changes.

    To consider pushing your husband is actually quite cruel - I cant tell you the number of posts Ive run into where the woman is posting how horrible their man is being about their weight (both justified and nastily communicated)...

    My husband is 6'6", 300# - he recently had his physical, was told he could even have his DOT physicals with our PCP - because of a DOT standard, he has to take a very mild blood pressure pill (10mg)... if he didnt have the DOT related job, the doctor has said he is perfectly fine as he is... and of course, as doctors should: he encourages good eating habits, regular exercise (not a problem with his job! LOL), and he has me doing all of the cooking (I am a Chef) and everything is healthy at home....

    Could he lose weight? Yeah, he could, but Im not going to harp on my husband.. Its NOT my place. That is for our PCP to do if things get worse. The fact that my husband eats the things I prepare to show support in MY weight loss efforts is awesome! He even credited my cooking for helping him drop from 325 to 300.... but HE has to be willing to do anything weight-loss related...

    Just like, your husband.

    Do not do to him - what most men, do to us women.... its just as bad...
  • vger11
    vger11 Posts: 248
    O.K....most of you are not going to like my response, but WTH

    As a financially-wise couple, we would never just pop into Hardee's/Arby's every morning on our way to school/work. Even our kids know how irresponsible that is, not to mention unhealthy. That boy needs an allowance....boxers or burgers!

    Same goes for the ATM and charging...not sorry, our priorities are clear.

    As for post-military...retired Army, so we get it.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
    I can understand being told to lose weight. But ultimately he has to tell himself that he needs to lose and do it for himself and not the army/navy etc....

    He also has to realize making himself fat is not showing anyone anything. Other than showing everyone else that he's fat.

    Once he gets out of the military, the military couldn't give two doo doos about his weight. The joke is on him, not them.
  • Jessicareyes78
    Jessicareyes78 Posts: 36 Member
    My hubby was the exact same way. I begged him from April until September to join me on this WL journey and the more I spoke about the more he rebeled against it. One day I finally gave up. Kept on doing my own thing. Started shedding those pounds. Started getting compliments and recognition from everyone and out of the blue on September 14, he snapped out of it and has been eating right, working out 3x a week and he's lost 30lbs as of today. No longer squeezing into a size 44 and losely wearing his size 40's.

    Give him space and time..."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!" lol

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  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,989 Member
    Just set the example. No man wants to be "pushed" into anything they don't want to do. Your husband already proved that when he stated that the Navy said he shouldn't gain weight and he rebelled.
    Trust a man's point of view on this. If you keep at it, it will sound like nagging. And that's the last thing a man wants in a marriage.
    Show him that it works. Do it with your kids (if you have any). He'll get it after awhile. When he asks for help, then you know he's ready.



    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
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    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • dirtbikegirl5
    dirtbikegirl5 Posts: 391 Member
    How would you feel if your husband were badgering you to lose weight, suggesting that you're too fat? My guess is pretty d@mn $hitty. If my husband suggested I needed to lose weight I'd punch him in his face. Only he can (*and should*) decided that he wants to lose weight. He needs to do it for himself, not for you.

    I love this. :laugh:
    You are so right. I think that all we can do is encourage and tell our spouses or significant others how much we love them. Maybe this is just a phase. I always tell my husband how much I love him and want him to be healthy and well, so he can be there for me and the kids for many, many years. I cook healthy dinners and I give him fruit to eat while he is at work.
    I also agree with setting an example. Maybe if he sees you getting in shape, then he will follow.
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