Hope...

angelakayerickson
angelakayerickson Posts: 19
edited October 5 in Health and Weight Loss
When is it that everyone you know stops telling you "oh its ok to splurge a lil today?" when is it they realize how hard you are trying? when does it finally sink in that they never let themselves get this big so it may be ok for them and not for me? when is it that going to the bar and not drinking is ok with them (just me not drinking)? I cant get a new family, and I have already lost some friends, but I asked my mom to have a salad for Thanksgiving and she laughed at me.....I am serious about this weight loss...I know it has taken years for me to get serious and no other plan has worked, but I am actually losing weight....I have lost 18 lbs and no one but my husband has taken notice how hard I have been working just for those 18 lbs.....WHAT DO I TELL them and why is it so hard for them to understand I got myself heavy and now I need to get it off....I had 3 kids and gained a total of 160 lbs over the years....well I had a tubal and have no reason to b heavy or gain weight...i used to blame preg....I dont have any excuses now and it is like my friends and family are trying to give me more to use....

Replies

  • JujiBean
    JujiBean Posts: 187
    Hang in there. It's very threatening for people when someone they know actually has the courage to step up and get healthy. It sheds a bad light on their frailties.
  • gracielee1
    gracielee1 Posts: 71 Member
    There's definitely hope. Once you've decided to make positive changes in your life, nothing and no one can take that from you. Friends and family can't deal with this NEW YOU so they might unconsciously try to sabotage your efforts. If they can't deal with their own insecurities and are having trouble processing your change, then that's their problem. They love you, no doubt, but they'll never fully understand where you're coming from. It's a journey and a struggle that we carry on our own and we have to keep ourselves accountable. I think you're on the right track, keep it up!
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
    Sometimes there's a bit of jealousy, that you're trying hard to get healthy but they don't have the courage, or resources, to make the change.

    If they don't give you any healthy choices, just remember: portion control is a huge part of this "game". You can have some of the unhealthy food, just make sure you're not eating a LOT of it. Show them that they can still have this food and stay on track. It might be good for you to have a day where you're not eating "properly", if that makes sense, but where you're still testing your willpower.

    Good luck to you. You have it in you!
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
    you have a WONDERFUL mindset. its difficult for folks who have not been where we are/have been to fully understand the hard work and dedication needed to return to good health. I suspect your friends and family are trying to be positive, perhaps noticing your hard work and believing that telling you "its okay to have a treat" is more positive than "I know you have been working hard. keep it up.". People who have not been overweight don't know what's involved in getting healthy. Don't be upset with them. Help them to help you. Earlier in my journey, I had discussions with my family and co-workers about how they could help me. For example, we go to a weekly meeting in my office. We usually go to a place that has delicious, but terribly unhealthy food. I asked my co-workers to help keep me in check...that if I go to order something unhealthy or eat something unhealthy, to ask me if that's what I really want and to remind me of my journey. My co-workers complied, but it wasn't easy for them at first because they felt like they were hurting my feelings. For example, after one of them would ask me "are you sure you want that" they would follow it up with "I'm only doing what you asked me to do". I reassured my co-workers a few times that they were doing what I asked them to do, that I appreciated it, and that they were helping me.
  • angelakayerickson
    angelakayerickson Posts: 19
    Thanks....it is nice to hear
  • angelakayerickson
    angelakayerickson Posts: 19
    I am not mad at any of them.....and yes i never thought of it like that....that they are being positive in the way they know how...I work at home, so I had to make my whole house healthy haha....I just want my friends to get it just a little, instead of tempting me at every corner...it is hard enough just to do it, let alone having to fight too lol.
  • mlogan00
    mlogan00 Posts: 9 Member
    It is so hard. I don't think most people are trying to intentionally sabotage you. They just don't get it. At all. They don't understand that a little taste of something can lead to a whole plateful. They don't understand that one night of splurging can lead to a whole weekend of slurging. Followed by a week of splurging. They don't get the mindset at all.

    As for family dinners, I wouldn't even ask to have salad, I'd make a big one and bring it myself. It's what I've had to start doing, as my own advocate so to speak.
  • angelakayerickson
    angelakayerickson Posts: 19
    Thanks...i have never thought of that...my mom is one of "those"....I really dont want to hurt her feelings but then maybe she wouldnt laugh at me (hurting mine). She has a beautiful body and always trying to lose 10 lbs which would make her look sick if you ask me...but she is fad diet after fad diet and had me running her circles for years....Until I said enough gonna do it the right way and this way.....This is a great web site and holds you accountable....if you cheat....only cheating yourself....so now that I have lost it just seems she is like well how and snubbing it........I agree they all love and have an opinion just wish sometimes they would keep it to themselves......I would rather get knocked up side the head then have a cheesecake put in front of me and word of "its ok it is thanksgiving....give in a lil" THANK YOU ALL FOR THE SUPPORT.....SOMETIMES I JUST NEED AN OUTSIDER TO SAY YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FIGHT!
  • Cysso
    Cysso Posts: 68 Member
    I think you doing it the "right way" (ie eating healthier) is awesome and if you want a salad for Thanksgiving, why not make some and bring it? My family always does a potluck type thing so I would bring a large bowl of salad to share with everyone and then eat that. For me, I would also have a little bit of turkey/ham (unless you're vegetarian/vegan) and a small slice of pie to share with my hubby. Then I can honestly say I participated in Thanksgiving without the guilt of overeating.
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