My millionth time back.

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kaileyadri
kaileyadri Posts: 2
in Health and Weight Loss
I seriously don't know what's wrong with me? Could it be that after having my 2nd child 4 months ago has led me to be so scattered and messy with my life that I can't seem to realize I'm gaining weight FAST? I know life is hectic now, get my 4yr old ready in the morning, get the baby ready, get lunch ready, pick up the house, get myself ready (IF there's time) - after work there's no time, there's no time for anything anymore. It's so much easier to just pick up a cheeseburger after work than to get home and try to cook myself something healthy. I've lost so much weight in the past and now it just seems IMPOSSIBLE. This is my millionth time back to MFP in the last 4 months, I can't seem to get control of my life, I can't seem to get used to this NEW life. There's a million excuses about why I can't do this but it doesn't matter, my stomach and my image won't care - they'll just keep falling apart. Saturday I took my daughter to the L.A. Museum and out of nowhere I began to feel shaky, cold and like I was about to faint .... I felt so sick, I ran to the closest shop inside the museum and bought myself a bag of cookies that I swallowed in a second!!! It must've been my blood pressure or something? I don't have cholesterol or diabetes or any of that but both my parents do, I feel afraid, I have a dr's appt on Tuesday the 29th and I am pooping bricks! I don't want to be sick :( I can't walk lately cause my hip bone is killing me with pain! I'm only 28 - what is going on with me? I realize that my stomach is getting bigger, that my clothes doesn't fit, I realize that my kids need me HEALTHY, that my daughter is looking up to me, that my husband is suffering the effects of my low self esteem, I know I look like crap, that I don't feel like going out with my friends, that I feel UGLY and ... I still decide to open my big *kitten* mouth and stuff my face with all sorts of junk I can find, a LOT of it too!!!! I wake up one day sick to my stomach for the pain I am causing myself and my family and decide "NO, today everything will STOP!" and there I go, I stick to it for one day or two and BAM! I fall back again!!! I've had lap band surgery in the past and I lost a bunch of weight, after this I did weight watchers and lost another but NOW? I feel TRAPPED in a hole that, I myself, am digging. I place a million excuses, stress, family problems, money, kids, blah blah blah ...... I am tired, I don't want to look like this anymore, I don't want to feel like this. I want to be better and I want to stick to BEING better, I want to stick to feeling good, I want to ...

Replies

  • bizp11
    bizp11 Posts: 2 Member
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    Don't worry! You can do this. I know how the tightening of your "fat" pants and seeing your tummy get bigger can really hurt your self-esteem, but just hang in there! this is my second time back to myfitnesspal...starting today i'm going to eat healthier and get back into shape. I just don't feel as good now after i've gained 10lbs back...I am ready to find my healthy self again. you can too!! Good luck!! You can absolutely do this...and so can I!!!
  • AmyG1982
    AmyG1982 Posts: 1,040 Member
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    i've always known that we over eat to feel comfort but recently I heard that we also subconsiously over eat and gain weight to build up armour. a big ol layer of fat to keep us "safe". in a world where there is so much pain and stress we put this fat on to ourselves to try and buffer us from the world. this realization has done wonders for me. I don't need fat armour. instead I'm gonna get fit so I can kick the crap out of whatever comes my way! and YOU CAN TOO!! just take a deep breath, take it one day at a time and you'll do it. keep some fruit or veggies or crackers in your purse to help those sudden hunger attacks, get a sub or a sandwich or a salad instead of a burger. ask a friend or family member to baby sit one day a week so you and your hubby can get time alone to relax and reconnect. there are little things you can do to make a big difference. just keep at it :)
  • chasingskinny
    chasingskinny Posts: 54
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    It's easy to get so busy and so wrapped up in life that you fall off track. I've just gotten back on myself. You have the tools, you have the desire, you CAN do this. You just gotta do it moment by moment. Every food decision is an important one. Welcome back! Everyone here is rooting for you!
  • fish119
    fish119 Posts: 67
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    If you want to be healthy and you want to change, you are the only one that can make it happen. I made excuses for myself for years. One diet after another. This time I am doing it for me, I decided I am worth it, I am the only one that can make it happen and I am the reason for the prior fails. I'm not saying it's easy by any means. I was doing amazing...then the last 3 or 4 weeks have been a struggle and I have gained weight instead of lost it. I have read on here numerous times by my MFP's and by others...this is NOT a diet...this is a life change. It is so true. We are going to have bad days, we need to get through that day and move on to the next knowing we can do better. I know you can do this, now you have to know you can do this. Good luck! If you want a new friend that will support you and is far from perfect add me!:drinker:

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