Do I say something?

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Replies

  • kimberly702
    kimberly702 Posts: 369 Member
    Envite her to MFP. :)

    perfect!
  • VeganInTraining
    VeganInTraining Posts: 1,319 Member
    I wouldn't say anything directly. She knows what's happening to her body, especially if she used to be anorexic. She'll probably start talking about it on her own, and then you can tell her how much MFP has helped you. If she's like most of us, she'll come to you when she's ready. I also like the idea of saying that you need an exercise buddy.

    She already knows what I'm doing, and yes she already is aware that she's been buying bigger clothes. I guess what I just need to do is stop saying "no honey you look fine." (really she doesn't look bad, it's just that she's gained a decent amount of weight quick) and start saying "Well, If you're unhappy then why not try xy and z, it worked for me."
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
    People are WAY to sensitive. just tell her. I promise you I still wonder why people never told me I was getting so big. not teachers, friends, family, no-one. it truly does take someone else to help you see something you can't. she could get offended, but so what she WILL thank you later, NO-ONE WANTS TO BE FAT! that's just the truth of the matter or websites like this wouldn't exists. (There are exceptions, but generally people want to LOOK GOOD, and feel good about themselves inside and out, no way around it). TELL HER
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I don't think you should say anything.
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
    You should not say anything.

    You should inquire how her life is...is she stressed about things at home or work...Invite her to come over and prepare a healthy meal. Invite her to hang out and do some activity. Just introducing her to some better habits may help her figure it out on her own but from my experience, people don't want someone else to approach them and say "hey you're getting fat".
  • killerqueen17
    killerqueen17 Posts: 536 Member
    If you know for a fact that she was anorexic previously, you should not comment on her weight. That is WAY too complicated and sensitive an issue. If she was anorexic, I can virtually guaruntee you that she knows she is now overweight. If she wants to bring it up that's one thing... but generally, it's best to avoid telling a person with a current or past eating disorder that they've been gaining weight.
  • pazzescauna1
    pazzescauna1 Posts: 43 Member
    Envite her to MFP. :)
    this ^^

    AGREED!!!
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    Based on what ilookthetype said above, I would definitely not say anything.
  • Hummmingbird
    Hummmingbird Posts: 337 Member
    i agreee invite her to MFP!!! and say its for the type of food not weight related! and maybe get her to work out with you at the gym (on a guest pass!!!) if you can! and just say you need a work out buddy!!! (since im gone :'( )
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
    I wouldn't assume that she hasn't got a clue about her weight gain .. She knows, of course she knows. Pointing it out could go either way. What I would ask is if anything is going on in her life that is different. Is she having some emotional issue or maybe even a health issue.
  • Maryfullofgrace
    Maryfullofgrace Posts: 342 Member
    I wouldn't say anything. It is not up to us to change the world, just lead by example.
  • kardowling
    kardowling Posts: 221 Member
    Invite her here...talk about your weight and exercise goals. See if she opens up. Hard to initiate a conversation though...Tread lightly. I'm sure she will speak up.
  • killerqueen17
    killerqueen17 Posts: 536 Member
    Do not talk about food and weight! Don't continuously ask what the person has or hasn't eaten, how much weight they have lost, or how great or bad they look after gaining or losing. This is rude and very threatening and you cannot win either way.

    This is from somethingfishy.org, a leading website with information on eating disorders.
    http://www.something-fishy.org/helping/yourapproach.php

    I will say it again, because it is so important-- if your friend was once anorexic, you cannot just say the same thing you would say to any other friend who happens to be putting on weight. It's a different situation, so just be careful how you approach it, IF you approach it at all!
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I just told my sister about a week ago, that she was gaining weight. She said she was bloated. I said, wow you've been bloated for like 2 months!!! :laugh:

    We have the relationship like that. She's my sister.

    I don't think I'd tell my friends they looked like they were gaining weight unless I was super worried about them and we had that type of relationship. Weight is a tricky thing.

    I once did tell my bff that she needed to do something about her mustache fuzz (she usually dyes it or waxes or something). This was like 5 years ago. She STILL remembers that!!!
  • skinnycarolrezende
    skinnycarolrezende Posts: 5
    I would not tell her she has put on weight... that's the last thing I'd do.

    It's absolutely terrible having people reminding you of how much weight you've put on... my moms does this all the time, it drives me crazy!!!
  • Carrie_D
    Carrie_D Posts: 120

    Maybe say something like:

    I've noticed you are not your happy/energetic self, is anything going on?

    I agree with this. You could also talk to her about MFP and how great the site is and the friends you have made and how it is helping to change your life. Talk about you and how you are learning to make new, healthy choices for a better lifestyle. And then if she shows interest, tell her she should check it out. If the focus is on you and not her, you can get the point across without alienating her.

    Good luck! This can be a sensitive, touchy subject.
  • seehawkmomma
    seehawkmomma Posts: 815
    I agree. And when you invite her, just mention that it's not only about weightloss, but living healthy/longer in general. More about fitness. The other thing I've been telling friends is about the great people on here and how it is soooo much more positive than facebook. At least it is for me.
    Envite her to MFP. :)

    agreed


    Tell her you wanna get healthy and it would be great if she joined you!! I have friends on here and its great!!
  • VeganInTraining
    VeganInTraining Posts: 1,319 Member
    I just told my sister about a week ago, that she was gaining weight. She said she was bloated. I said, wow you've been bloated for like 2 months!!! :laugh:

    We have the relationship like that. She's my sister.

    I don't think I'd tell my friends they looked like they were gaining weight unless I was super worried about them and we had that type of relationship. Weight is a tricky thing.

    I once did tell my bff that she needed to do something about her mustache fuzz (she usually dyes it or waxes or something). This was like 5 years ago. She STILL remembers that!!!

    We definitely have that type of relationship, but weight is a tough subject especially because of her past. If it were anything else (say mustache fuzz) I would just be like "woah, girl, you gotta fix that, it's getting a little out of hand" and she'd get pissed off then fix it and thank me later. haha
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    I really think it's easy to remember back to when your parents comment or complained about your weight gain. Or your partner/spouse if they ever said anything. This is how your friend would feel as well. She will very well know that she is gaining weight and has to be emotionally ready to take on the task of getting her life back on track. It took me over a year before I could even wrap my mind around weight loss. I knew I was fat... my parents let me know, my sisters let me know, and the rest of my family. It wasn't enough to make me magically motivated to start. I had to find something that would work for me.
  • NKINLAW2011
    NKINLAW2011 Posts: 6
    AMEN! Invite her to go walking or another outdoor activity:) That way she's exercising with a GREAT friend!
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    It's a tough situation. I gained over 30 pounds in a relatively short time and no one said anything to me. When I go back and look at those pictures, I keep asking myself - How come no one cared to say anything to me? But, I don't know how I would have reacted if anyone actually expressed concern about my weight gain. You are a good friend and she is lucky to have you, but I don't know what the right thing to do is.

    She is totally the type of person to be like "why didn't anyone say anything." (as am I, i always look back at old pics and say "why didn't someone tell me") I like the ideas of suggesting MFP but she says that I'm obcessed with it so I don't think she'd listen. Also the whole suggesting a walk or something, I have done that and her response is "why would you walk when you have a car."

    You're kind of between a rock and a hard place then... if you've tried subtle and you think she would want you to say something, then say something. But if you think she knows and just doesn't want to do anything yet, I'd just stop saying she looks great and just lead by example. Trust me, trying to help can really backfire depending on the person.
  • sarahjeangirl
    sarahjeangirl Posts: 8 Member
    As someone who is in recovery from an eating disorder, and also as someone who has gained a lot of weight while in recovery, I say that you should definitely NOT say anything to her about her weight! I'm sure she is quite aware of her weight gain, and you saying something to her about it will only make her feel very very bad about herself, and possibly trigger a relapse.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    you do not say anything unless she broaches the subject, but i do like the idea of inviting her into your active lifestyle.
  • VeganInTraining
    VeganInTraining Posts: 1,319 Member
    As someone who is in recovery from an eating disorder, and also as someone who has gained a lot of weight while in recovery, I say that you should definitely NOT say anything to her about her weight! I'm sure she is quite aware of her weight gain, and you saying something to her about it will only make her feel very very bad about herself, and possibly trigger a relapse.

    Thanks for your input, I think I'll take it...also, i'm glad to see you're on the right path
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    Why not invite her to work out with you - not as in a "you need to lose weight, so you had better come sweat with me," but more of a "I would love to spend time with you. I'm going to go for a run (or insert other form of exercise), do you want to come with me?"
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