Unsupportive partners

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softsculptor
softsculptor Posts: 102
in Motivation and Support
So, I feel as though my boyfriend (domestic partner) is not being very supportive. He is opposed to the calorie-counting thing, calls me "obsessive" regarding watching what I eat, and has been (whether intentionally or unintentionally) trying to sabotage my diet. I'm fine with the fact that he is eating junk food in front of me, and making super high-calorie desserts when our friend comes over, (I just don't eat them) but since beginning my diet not 10 days ago he has also made me my favorite ice cream, and brought me a pastry from one of the most famous pastry chefs in Paris, Pierre Hermé.

It's like he is not listening.

I know he would find me more attractive if I lost a few pounds, because he has these ridiculous notions of looking good (he is 4 inches taller and weighs 125 lbs...less than I do! If he starts to gain weight he freaks and skips meals. Plus, he judges actresses on TV if they've gained weight) so I don't quite get what his problem is. It's like he wants this slim ideal, but he would prefer I attain it by eating junk food and keeping the whole dieting thing to myself. It's like he wants me to be one of those girls that can eat whatever I want and never gain a pound. News flash! SO DO I! But unfortunately that is not the way my body works.

I don't know what to do. I don't mean to put him down, he's awesome other than the way he is acting regarding my weight loss plan. It's just so frustrating.

Replies

  • kayelrick
    kayelrick Posts: 31 Member
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    Maybe he is worried and insecure . . . after all . . . if you become 'more attractive' to him, in his eyes you will become more attractive to other men . . .
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    Im sorry but... I am waiting for the part of the story where you THUNK him on the head for the rediculous ideals, and then the dope-slap of a reality check for being an *kitten*....

    Its NOT about what he thinks or wants, and its most DEFINITELY NOT ACCEPTABLE for anyone, including a significant other to be an *kitten* about YOUR weight loss efforts.

    Sorry but I wont put up with anyone who thinks they can purposely attempt to jeopardize any efforts I make on anything at all.

    He either loves you for you regardless of size, or he can take the high road after taking an *kitten*-chewing for treating you like GARBAGE...

    You OBVIOUSLY deserve better than this nutter...
  • Luandanielle1979
    Luandanielle1979 Posts: 747 Member
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    If ,my partner said anything or even tried to sabbotage my weight loss. I would tell him straight that he is being a jerk. My other half has stopped eating supper near me so I wont cheat lol and so has my son haha. Put him in his place and you carry on doing a good job x
  • mmaboydwechanged
    mmaboydwechanged Posts: 105
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    I know what you mean.
  • duffydog1
    duffydog1 Posts: 76 Member
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    Don't listen to him - he sounds insecure to me ( and thin! ha ha) . My partner just thinks MFP is 'another geeky thing I do and raises his eyebrows. I asked him if he had noticed my weight loss the other day and he just said 'hmpph - tits are getting smaller - doing my head in!' so I take it he has noticed! I just do my own thing!
  • scarletleavy
    scarletleavy Posts: 841 Member
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    I don't think it's that he's worried or insecure that you're going to become more attractive to other guys, but rather that he's just totally clueless and a bit insensitive.

    I get the feeling a lot of guys don't understand how difficult it is for women to maintain this slim ideal. It seems like a lose-lose situation for women. You're expected to be slim and beautiful without any effort, which is impossible for most women. Total insanity.

    You should talk to him. Tell him he's being an unsupportive jerk and he should get with the picture. Just ignore his attempts to sabotage your diet and do this for you. It's not about him, it's about you.
  • Fieldsy
    Fieldsy Posts: 1,105 Member
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    I pretty much left anyone who was holding me back from what I truly wanted to do....that involves an ex and a few friends.
  • softsculptor
    softsculptor Posts: 102
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    I don't think it's that he's worried or insecure that you're going to become more attractive to other guys, but rather that he's just totally clueless and a bit insensitive.

    I get the feeling a lot of guys don't understand how difficult it is for women to maintain this slim ideal. It seems like a lose-lose situation for women. You're expected to be slim and beautiful without any effort, which is impossible for most women. Total insanity.

    You should talk to him. Tell him he's being an unsupportive jerk and he should get with the picture. Just ignore his attempts to sabotage your diet and do this for you. It's not about him, it's about you.

    I couldn't agree more with your statement about men desiring this standard of effortless beauty. Insane. He is also opposed to make up (as all my previous boyfriends). Except, when they met me, I was wearing makeup. I have doubts they would have looked at me twice if we had met after I rolled out of bed with pale skin and dark circles under my eyes. It is so hypocritical!
  • softsculptor
    softsculptor Posts: 102
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    Don't listen to him - he sounds insecure to me ( and thin! ha ha) . My partner just thinks MFP is 'another geeky thing I do and raises his eyebrows. I asked him if he had noticed my weight loss the other day and he just said 'hmpph - tits are getting smaller - doing my head in!' so I take it he has noticed! I just do my own thing!

    lol about the boobs. I think I lost my first 4 lbs in my breasts, too! think I would be relieved if my guy was more go-with-the-flow with the whole weight loss. He is a bit judgmental about the way I'm going about it. He says I should just "eat less" and not count calories...then suggests Atkins because his aunt lost weight on that. *sigh*
  • skinnymochalatte
    skinnymochalatte Posts: 13
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    I've had the same problem. And I don't think it's because he is jealous either. I think certain people just don't know what it's like to try to lose weight. After a couple insensitive remarks, I just had to say, "Hey! I don't appreciate the way you're NOT supporting me!" But more than just being upset about it, and thinking of myself as a victim, I had to start to stand up for myself. People are always shoving food in my face, and I try to be nice... But at the end of the day... I decide what food I put in my body. And I'm NOT going to let people sabotage me anymore. It's just another obstacle to overcome. You have to deal with your inner demons, AND you have to deal with the people and the world around you.

    Good luck! I'm here for support.
  • jolson1375
    jolson1375 Posts: 14 Member
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    I agree with kayelrick ... I think it's fear of what will happen when you become "more attractive". Not even just what other guys will think of you ... but even what the added confidence will incite in you. I went through this with my ex-husband the first time I lost weight. So perhaps he's insecure. The other possibility is of course that he just doesn't understand; not to say that he "expects" you to be the kind of girl that can eat anything and never gain a pound, but he fears this means you'll change (obsessing over calories) and doesn't understand that for some staying healthy and in shape is hard work! I don't think he is trying to jeopardize your diet, intentionally ... from what you've stated he's done so far (making your favourite ice cream and bringing home yummy pastries) he just wants reassurance that you're still you and that he knows you. The thing is, it really is more of a "lifestyle" change; and the truth is ... it may "change" you, in ways you'd never imagine. When he does things like this, take it with a smile and don't berate him. If it's not within your calorie count to enjoy his "present", thank him and save it for later. Sure that takes a lot of personal will, but I believe you can do it! :o) It's part of the lifestyle change, because eventually you're going to want to eat your favourite things again. We just need to practice portion control and moderation.
  • olymp1a
    olymp1a Posts: 1,766 Member
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    I had the same problem with my ex and instead of losing 7kgs I needed to lose I ended up gaining 5 more. He kept on telling me that he loves me the way I am and that losing weight will not make a difference but the truth is that he couldn't understand what I needed because of his own insecurity.

    As mentioned above, the best thing you can do is communication. Discuss the issue with him and tell him how you feel. Make him understand that this is something you need to do for yourself and you are serious about it. Hope he will understand! :)

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