Do I meet him?

Vodkha
Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
edited October 2024 in Chit-Chat
I don't know how you all feel about meeting someone you started talking to online, but I've been talking to this guy for probably close to a month now, just texting and MSN and such. I've told him that I am fat, and that I am working on losing the weight and getting healthier, but I haven't gone into just HOW fat I am. He says he respects the fact that I am trying to change myself and yada yada, and he wants to meet. I am very scared at his reaction if he does think I am too large to be considered attractive to him. He is going away for X-mas for 3 weeks, and I said we could meet when he gets back mid-January if he wants, so this will give me extra time to get in that better of shape. He said of course he would like to meet me now, but if I am more comfortable waiting, he will wait. Should I do what feels more comfortable for me? Or should I just meet him before he leaves on holidays?

Replies

  • kennie2
    kennie2 Posts: 1,170 Member
    maybe he's fat too?
  • kiwianjel
    kiwianjel Posts: 80 Member
    i think the issue here is that you feel that as a larger person you are not attractive ? I understand that you are changing that and well done to you .. but if he is put off by your size without finding out about the person underneath he isnt worth your time :) In saying that this is your decision .. if he really is interested 3 weeks is nothing to wait .. Good luck and be careful :)
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    First, are any of those pictures in your profile you?

    Second, if he's a good guy, then he's interested in you in spite of your weight. He's interested in what in your mind, in your heart, in your sole. Looks are fleeting. A person is so much more than their appearance. It sounds like you have some self-worth issues that need improving upon.

    Third, if it makes you feel better, send him a recent picture of you, just to ease the stress.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
    First, are any of those pictures in your profile you? [/quote

    Yes :)
    Second, if he's a good guy, then he's interested in you in spite of your weight. He's interested in what in your mind, in your heart, in your sole. Looks are fleeting. A person is so much more than their appearance. It sounds like you have some self-worth issues that need improving upon.

    Oh, Ive got some issues to work on, sure, but if he didn't like me how I am now, I definitely would cease having him in my life. I guess it is just the initial meeting that scares me, but after that I would be fine.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    Then I'd say, see him now! Get it over with, find out if he's a jerk or if he's someone you want to keep getting to know.
  • cdngirl71
    cdngirl71 Posts: 2,641 Member
    Have you exchanged pictures? What I have seen in the pics on your profile is that you are not fat. I would meet him anyways, you either click or you don't. Doesn't matter if you are thin or not. I chatted with a guy for a few weeks and did the texting, also exchanged photos, it was great seemed we clicked on the phone but when we met something was missing. So I would give it a chance, why waste your time if there is a chance you won't meet. Who knows by the time you are comfortable with yourself, he may have moved on, so cease the moment and meet him!!!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,458 Member
    I say plunge in. If it works, why wait to get started? If it doesn't, you know now and can move on.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    I wouldn't meet the guy unless it's through a dating website like match.com or something. That's just me. I always thought that ruled out much rif raff if you actually pay for a dating membership. I would never meet anybody through Facebook and if I did meet a virtual, potential boyfriend, he better sure as hell impress me on this date... LOL I don't miss being single. I'm glad I got back with the love of my life. Ahhhhhhhh. Why don't you "video chat". I think before you meet, have a video chat and give each other peep shows to see if it's worth meeting them in person!!!!
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
    Yes! In a safe environment (sp??) - absolutely meet him. Don't wait. Trust me.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    Please whatever you do make sure this guy is not some creepo that just wants to get in your pants. Stay safe.
  • Ant_M76
    Ant_M76 Posts: 534 Member
    Why don't you just swap photos??
  • Secret_Agent_007
    Secret_Agent_007 Posts: 1,082
    Since thats you in your profile pictures:

    1. You're not fat

    2. Love yourself first

    3. Meet him whenever you're ready but your weight isn't an issue.

    4. If it doesn't work out with him theres a million fish in the sea and you look great.

    5. Confidence is everything.
  • bigfluffyjujubird
    bigfluffyjujubird Posts: 36
    you look thin in your pics to me!! i dont see what the issue is, i think you look great!!
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
    No, no. That is me BEFORE gaining back all the weight I previously lost. I previously lost close to 100lbs, only to gain it all back. Now I am working on losing back all that weight I gained. I keep those photos up as a motivator to myself. So technically they ARE me, just not me currently. I WILL get back to that weight again someday. Just wanted to clear that up so no one thinks I am dishonest or anything.
  • bigfluffyjujubird
    bigfluffyjujubird Posts: 36
    oh i see! i need to upload some thin shots on here to keep me motivated. You will get there again you will you will. Any guy who cant see you for you isnt worth knowing, my husband has seen me at all different weights plus or minus 5 stone, so 70lbs, and he has loved me no matter what, when i got too thin for my frame he loved me when i got fat he loved me. Now i am on the diet bandwagon again and hopefully for the last time he still loves me and is being supportive.

    good luck with everything!
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    Do what you're comfortable with. I met my Fiance off of the internet, I met him at the door in yoga pants, and a baggy red shirt with no make up. He loved me for me, and the best part of it was after meeting him the first time "dressed down" I knew he'd love me "dressed up". We've been together for seven years. :) But it's up to you.... Just remember it's better to let them know you for you, that's the most important part.
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
    I suggest trading pictures. But I think what is most important is that you love yourself and you know you're beautiful and worthy regardless of your size. Confidence is beautiful and if you believe you are others will too. Of course it is wonderful you are taking the steps to be healthier. I just think it's also important to know that any guy is lucky to have you every step of the way.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
    Go ahead and meet him. I met my guy online and text/messaged him for 6 months before I met him. I told him that I was overweight and everything. I never sent a picture, I didn't want to meet him because he was 7 years younger than me. I broke down one weekend and said yes to dinner. We are still together 6 years later. We own a home together, he has seen me at nearly 300 pounds, and is still here 83 pounds down. If he really likes you the weight won't matter.
  • ansonrinesmith
    ansonrinesmith Posts: 741 Member
    1) I agree, met him now, send him pictures... whatever. If he doesn't like you now, then tell him to hit the bricks.
    2) Be sure to meet in a safe location, possible take someone with you and make sure people know where you are going and when you expect to return, check in with them before you leave and when you do return. BE SAFE!
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,338 Member
    I met the person who is now my wife of almost 10 years on-line. Go meet him in some public place. If you are worried bring a friend for some security.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
    I went and met him tonite, almost had a heart attack in the process. I didnt stay long, but he told me I wasnt 'too fat' (this was the concern I told him about), that he thinks I'm cute and that he hopes I come over again. It was an okay meeting, and I was quite nervous, but I did it!
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    That's awesome you got over your anxiety and met him!

    By coming over did you go to his house first thing?? Be careful with that!! Sounds a bit sketchy if you were only able to stay a little bit?? I've never done the online dating thing but my parents both have and have had success. Their #1 rule is meet in a public place and drill the person to make sure you both are on the same page and not with hidden motives.

    Sorry if I seem super paranoid! I am glad it worked out well otherwise.
  • 3shirts
    3shirts Posts: 294 Member
    Going by your profile pictures you are certainly not 'too fat to be attractive'! I don't know how recent that photo of you in the
    In any case, getting to know someone online is good if you are a little lacking is confidence of your appearance as he can get to know you without the inevitable judgements that human nature forces us to make.
    Glad it went well but, as above, be careful where you meet the first couple of times.

    I would also add, please be cautious as you get to know him. You clearly aren't very self-confident but don't fall into the trap of settling for someone because you think no one else will find you attractive. I have friends that have done that and ended up with total arseblankets.

    It's a cliché so I will reword it: You need to appreciate your own awesomeness before unleashing it on others :)
  • BloomingLily
    BloomingLily Posts: 62 Member
    You need to appreciate your own awesomeness before unleashing it on others :)
    LOVE this!
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
    Yes, I took a friend along and went by his place. He just bought it so he showed me around. I had somewhere to go after, so it was a ten minute meeting maybe. He knows I am looking for friends first and hopefully something comes from that if something is there. I just made my friend wait in the car for me and made sure people knew when we would be back. Im just happy with myself that I did something that scared me!
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
    Glad you got the courage to do it. Good luck with whatever YOU decide your future to be!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,458 Member
    Glad you got to meet him.

    I wouldn't meet him anywhere other than in a busy public place.

    His house would be off-limits to me for a while. You can't know someone until you spend quite a bit of time with them. Be careful.
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