Off topic but HELP

bla115
bla115 Posts: 206
edited September 18 in Health and Weight Loss
So I just found out my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me. Yes emails and text messages don't exactly lie do they? So any support would be greatly appreciated. I think I'm in shock.

Replies

  • bla115
    bla115 Posts: 206
    So I just found out my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me. Yes emails and text messages don't exactly lie do they? So any support would be greatly appreciated. I think I'm in shock.
  • MontanaGirl
    MontanaGirl Posts: 1,251 Member
    Wow. I am so sorry this happened to you. I can understand you being in shock. Go easy on yourself the next couple of days. Step back and evaluate what you want and need in your life. Make your decisions, and stick with them. And anytime you need to vent or talk or cry - we're here for you! :flowerforyou:
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
    oh my god that's awful :( Have you confronted him about it? I've never been there, so I can only IMAGINE how u must be feeling. Hang in there
  • Eve23
    Eve23 Posts: 2,352 Member
    I imagine you are in shock, I certainly would be. You can choose to make some changes and reach out to your goals or let it get to you. I know that doesn't sound very kind.

    But you are worth so much more. You are worth the respect that a man should be giving you.

    I am very sorry he did this to you.
  • bla115
    bla115 Posts: 206
    oh my god that's awful :( Have you confronted him about it? I've never been there, so I can only IMAGINE how u must be feeling. Hang in there

    Thanks everyone. And yes I did confront him and yes even with black and white evidence he lied. That says as much about him as the cheating does. How can someone just lie to your face when you have the evidence in your hands!
  • ohthatbambi
    ohthatbambi Posts: 1,098 Member
    oh my god that's awful :( Have you confronted him about it? I've never been there, so I can only IMAGINE how u must be feeling. Hang in there

    Thanks everyone. And yes I did confront him and yes even with black and white evidence he lied. That says as much about him as the cheating does. How can someone just lie to your face when you have the evidence in your hands!

    Sorry to hear this, but obviously you will be better off without him. If he is willing to do this to you and then not have the decency to fess up when confronted then he isn't worth the tears. I know five years is a long time to be with someone, but if I were you I would not waste another minute on him. find someone who will treat you right.
  • wanderinglight
    wanderinglight Posts: 1,519 Member
    I'm so very sorry, I know it must be incredibly painful especially if he is/ was lying about it.

    We're here for you! Cry, vent, rage, whatever you want to do.

    Most importantly, be GOOD to yourself during this difficult time. You only have ONE job to do -- everything else can be on autopilot -- and that is to take care of yourself.

    When my boyfriend dumped me last year in the middle of a really intense and difficult shoot (I was literally in the middle of a tornado, shooting a Discovery Channel program, and he called me on my cell to say it was over), I found that working out was a way to feel just a tiny tiny bit better. It was like the one thing I could control when everything else was going to S***.

    Not sure if that will be the case for you, but hang in there. We're here if you need it.

    - Monica
  • bla115
    bla115 Posts: 206
    I'm so very sorry, I know it must be incredibly painful especially if he is/ was lying about it.

    We're here for you! Cry, vent, rage, whatever you want to do.

    Most importantly, be GOOD to yourself during this difficult time. You only have ONE job to do -- everything else can be on autopilot -- and that is to take care of yourself.

    When my boyfriend dumped me last year in the middle of a really intense and difficult shoot (I was literally in the middle of a tornado, shooting a Discovery Channel program, and he called me on my cell to say it was over), I found that working out was a way to feel just a tiny tiny bit better. It was like the one thing I could control when everything else was going to S***.

    Not sure if that will be the case for you, but hang in there. We're here if you need it.

    - Monica

    Thanks. I'm sorry for your story. It does make me feel a little less alone. I guess jerks run rampant in the world. It's amazing to me that you can stand by someone for five years and they can do this to you! When I think about everything as a whole I can only imagine what else he's lied about. It makes me cringe just to think about it. Okay, trying to breath.....
  • snl0711
    snl0711 Posts: 8
    It sucks when someone you trust so much lies to you. I feel for you and I know it hurts badly.....he doesn't deserve you!
  • Eve23
    Eve23 Posts: 2,352 Member
    Take a deep breath

    You are not alone:noway:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    Take a deep breath

    You are not alone:noway:

    :flowerforyou:
  • Cherylrr
    Cherylrr Posts: 26 Member
    HE has the problem......He's insecure and jealous of you!!!! You have to realize a cheater is the one with the problem. Not the one who has been cheated on.... You are making an effort to take control of your life by taking control of your food, life, and mind and that intimidates him.... you are changing for the better.....making good choices for your life and along with the fat and calories, he's bad for you and he's got to go....

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • SoupNazi
    SoupNazi Posts: 4,229 Member
    When one door closes another one opens. This very well may be a blessing in disguise. Keep your chin up kiddo. Just be strong and you'll get through this.:flowerforyou:
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    I'm really sorry to hear that. I can't imagine finding out something like that and then having that person lie about it too. I just don't understand people sometimes AT ALL!

    Just take care of yourself through all of this. You deserve it!! You will get through this.

    And as you have probably figured out, we are all here for you!

    Hang in there!
    Tami
  • bla115
    bla115 Posts: 206
    HE has the problem......He's insecure and jealous of you!!!! You have to realize a cheater is the one with the problem. Not the one who has been cheated on.... You are making an effort to take control of your life by taking control of your food, life, and mind and that intimidates him.... you are changing for the better.....making good choices for your life and along with the fat and calories, he's bad for you and he's got to go....

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
    [/quote



    That's a good perspective. This very second I'm trying to comprehend the fact that he took her to a wedding. Yes you heard me a wedding. Right now I just feel like I wasted 5 years of my life.
  • bla115
    bla115 Posts: 206
    Thanks everyone...Even through the tears at the moment you made me smile.
  • FatDancer
    FatDancer Posts: 812 Member
    Greetings Bla115...you're a beautiful young woman...don't despair!

    I remember when it happened to me...I was devastated...I tried to forgive and stay with him but I could never trust him after that so the combo of him cheating and me not getting past it and truly being able to forgive ruined the relationship...and I'm so happy it did...I've found deeper love since then and I've learned to enjoy what I have when I have it...I never try to hold on forever anymore, I just live in the present...and if this love should go bad, I won't harden my heart because there is always hope for what the future holds...and believe me, you never get to old for love to find you...it will come again in God's time.

    I remember I was kinda crazy during those times...try not to freak out and fight too much, it is what it is and nothing will change it...you can't make him pay for it and two wrongs don't make a right...if he could betray you and hurt you in the 1st place, there's nothing you can do to make him make it right.

    Honey, you have to follow your own heart...only you can make the decision to stay or to leave.

    Fat Dancer
  • Cherylrr
    Cherylrr Posts: 26 Member
    Sorry sounds harsh.... but Better than 5 years and one day....

    Sounds like you have done some amazing things in your life.... Doesn't sound wasted to me...

    Everything happens for a reason.... and maybe HE was holding you back from doing more great things in your life and helping more people and most importantly....meeting your true soul mate.... You may have thought your "Cheater" was it but TRUST me... when you do meet him "The man who fits so perfectly in your life"....you will look back on all this and understand why this all happend and be so glad it did.....

    :flowerforyou:
  • lorelai63
    lorelai63 Posts: 417 Member
    Awwww Im so sorry to hear that. Hey I have a handsome 28 year old son and you are beautiful! Tell your cheating boyfriend that I am fixing you up! hahahaha
  • FatDancer
    FatDancer Posts: 812 Member
    I forgot to mention that it has nothing to do with you not being pretty enough, skinny enough, etc. etc.

    Pamela Anderson's husband cheated on her too!
  • Families_R_Forever
    Families_R_Forever Posts: 630
    I have learned from experience the following: If they admit it, then they are sorry(hopefully). If they deny it and you can prove the evidence, then they are not ready to give up their cheating ways.

    It's so hard when someone you trust and love betrays you. I have been through this also only the girl was my best friend and neighbor (that's a double wammy knife in the back), and I did forgive. It's not easy, but I forgave because he admitted to everything. It actually made us stronger as a couple. I forgave her too, but we are not friends anymore. I figure she's had enough pain, she lost her marriage. I don't hold any grudges towards either of them. That took me 3 years to get that far. HH

    Good Luck!!!:flowerforyou:
  • SoulfulLori
    SoulfulLori Posts: 66
    Ok, Lorelai just cracked me up...way to go!

    Everyone said what I would have said. Cry...get it out and then focus on you baby! Your profile is so cool and you have so much on your plate to develop...WORK ON IT! THE WORLD NEEDS YOU! Screw him. You are just way too good for that crap.

    If you had a little girl what would you tell her? How should she treat herself? Then do that yourself.

    Now wipe your tears and kick *kitten*.
  • bla115
    bla115 Posts: 206
    Wow you guys are awesome!!!! Really! I totally agree that it's equally as worse that he is lieing about it. I am letting that drive me crazy and like bellydancer said you just have to accept what is. I must admit I've wasted a lot of time this evening arguing with him and he still will not admit it. I personally think you can't change what you don't acknowledge and he defianetly isn't acknowledging it, only lies, excuses and more lies. I'm the type of person that can deal with what's in front of me. It's the lies that drives me crazy. I think when I have time and a clearer mind that I will recognize other ways that this person brought me down. I think I made a lot of excuses and put a lot of blinders on over the years. Thanks for your kind words everyone.


    P.S. lorelai i may just have to do that!
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