I have no idea how to deal with these people...

LondonerLoser
LondonerLoser Posts: 34
edited October 2024 in Chit-Chat
My mom’s been cheating on my father for two years. Tbh the guy she’s with is awesome, I only met him once at Alton Towers, he has Giger tattoos… Apparently they weren;t together then.

Father just found out.

Mom’s been telling me for years how much she hates being here. I don’t blame her.

But now, I’m not living at home, so my opinions and emotions don’t matter…

But my 16 year old sister still lives at home.

My father keeps trying to talk to me about how he still loves my mom and would forgive her if she stayed…

My mom keeps telling me how possessive and controlling my father is.

My mom just wants to leave…

Tbh, just want everyone to stfu and go away. I’m not a mediator hired to sort out your life, I’m your 19 year old daughter

Replies

  • Galletakek
    Galletakek Posts: 285
    ^ ... same problems........... i no long have a phone.. i lost it on purpose.. Seems everyone in my family atm wants to take sides... but i love them both the same.. My mom and dad that is.... cant deal with it tho right now :) but .. i do need to find my phone lol now its really missing : /


    nothing you can do just try to stay out of it and dont take sides : / or try not to .. it will only make it worse.. i feel for your little sister . hope you feel better
  • moushtie
    moushtie Posts: 371 Member
    I think you already know how to deal with them. Tell them to talk to each other to sort it out, and that talking to you won't get anything sorted.

    I grew up being my mother's confidante/counsellor/therapist. It's no place for a child to be, even if you are officially an adult now.
  • CarolynB38
    CarolynB38 Posts: 553 Member
    Tell them what you just told us. They need to sort it out themselves. (((hugs))) :flowerforyou:
  • snookumss
    snookumss Posts: 1,451 Member
    My parents are split now, and they try to pin me against each other all the time. For years I hated answering phone calls or listening to voice mails, all it did was stress me out. All they every talk about is drama, and the stories never match each others. They are always twisting things around, I hate being the one in the middle. They expect me to side with them and do this/that for them and its awful. I love both my parents, but why can't they get the drama over! They don't even live together! "sigh" oh wells, it will be over someday Hon!
  • Pinkmaddycat
    Pinkmaddycat Posts: 175 Member
    look out for your sister....your parents are old enough to look after themselves. Dont let it get you down, carry on living your life and put them in their place if they need reminding its their marriage not yours.

    sometimes im pleased i was only 8 when this happened to me....as now i can hardly remember what happened and its like my parents were never together.

    I hope you can chill out and they sort it out themself.
  • elizamc
    elizamc Posts: 285 Member
    nothing you can do just try to stay out of it and dont take sides : / or try not to .. it will only make it worse.. i feel for your little sister . hope you feel better

    Really sorry to hear this, Lenora is right as she says above. It's your parents have to sort this out between them but unfortunately you girls are getting hurt on the sidelines. There are telephone support lines out there for you both to sound of too, this link will show you some:

    http://www.essex.gov.uk/Education-Schools/Schools/Pupil-Parent-Support/Pages/Young-People-Coping-with-Seperation-and-Divorce.aspx

    Hug x
  • andiechick
    andiechick Posts: 916 Member
    your parents need to sort out their own issues and not involve you, its not fair of them to involve you in this. I agree with what others have said, tell them that you love them but cannot get involved, and are willing to see them to spend quality time with them as their daughter not marriage guidance counsellor!! sending you lots of love hun xx
  • AdAstra47
    AdAstra47 Posts: 823 Member
    Wow, that's a tough situation. But it sounds like you have your head on straight about it. Your last sentence sums it up. Neither you nor your sister are causing the problems, neither you nor your sister are counselors or peacemakers or mediators or even a messenger service. Both of you should make it clear to your parents that you love them both, and you will not take sides or be involved in any way. I've never been in this situation, but it seems to me that's the only way to stay sane.

    Hope everything works out. Hopefully your parents will figure out how to deal with this as responsible adults, without undue pressure on you & your sister. Good luck to you!
  • roxleefall
    roxleefall Posts: 54
    I think you already know how to deal with them. Tell them to talk to each other to sort it out, and that talking to you won't get anything sorted.

    I grew up being my mother's confidante/counsellor/therapist. It's no place for a child to be, even if you are officially an adult now.

    I agree!

    Tell them straight out how you feel! Only they can sort it all out, putting you in the middle is only causing undue stress and its not right that they are putting you in that position.
    It sounds like your Mum has made up her mind. she needs to be honest with your father!

    My heart goes out to you babe :flowerforyou:
  • netztoy
    netztoy Posts: 83 Member
    Wow...you are dealing with a lot. At this point in your young life you should be enjoying being a young adult. The last statement you made was powerful. Have you said that to your parents?? "Im not a mediator, I'm your 19yo daughter"...make them listen to you. This is not your marriage...I know you're worried about your sister...this is not fair to neither one of you. Try to be strong and let them deal with their own mess...
  • Prozack1964
    Prozack1964 Posts: 318
    Hun I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through I have been there my wife had cheated 5 times and the last 2 times she didnt even hide it from the kids she would take then with her on dates with him. Parents just understand how much it screws up a kids when they see it or get cought up in te middle of it. I am here if you ever need to talk or want some understand about whats going on.
  • LondonerLoser
    LondonerLoser Posts: 34
    Thanks guys, it makes me glad that so many people are so supportive on here.

    I just hope I can get through this without taking my weight loss too far r giving up on it completely!
    Healthy weight loss and stress don't go together very well :/

    But seriously thanks for everything you guys have said.
  • mcrae006
    mcrae006 Posts: 18 Member
    Pray and Just stay focused. Continue doing what you started. I hope everything goes well for you.
  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
    Share this post with them. If they realized how they sound and look to you, maybe they would leave you out of it. Sorry your parents are acting like children:frown:
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