Not Weight Related - To Any Mothers

Counselling? I hope you get your life onto the track that you want it to be on. Good luck :flowerforyou:

To start with, I don't think that any choices you made in the past truely reflect how you feel right now. I know women my age who have young babies at home who feel lonely and isolated. I feel that way too sometimes. That the only people you ever talk to are your kids and its dull, and grating and you don't get thanked for it or praised for it and you start to miss those environments where you see results on a daily or weekly account to show that you are acheiving, that you have worth.
You need to forgive yourself for your decisions. Whilst they might have carved a new path for your life only you can let them define who you are. If you really want to go back to school you will find a way. I agree that its probably not possible for you to go back to school right now but that is what you have chosen so you cant really complain about it. You need to get your head down and study to give your kids the life they deserve and not the life you deserve, you might not want to hear it but there aren't that many choices for people with kids. So what if its didtance study for now, its better than options that some other young Mothers have. When you have your leavers cert or whatever then you can either get a job or find a college that has childcare facilities (many do by the way), if you get a job then you can pay for childcare and get your independence back. If your partner is not supporting you then you need to seek advice on moving on from that relationship and get any child allowance from him that he owes,
You sound like you regret having your children which is sad for you and for them but even sadder, you seem to have lost all hope and perhaps this is something for you to talk to your doctor about? I know the misery of not having your life turn out the way you planned but in my experience you have to get over your sulking, ask for professional help and make a good life for your kids. I may have planned my two pregnancies but I got triplets the second time around, sometimes life is not what you are expecting for yourself but I have learned to embrace those little suprises and make the most of them.
This too shall pass x

I just read through my post. I don't mean to come accross as unsympathetic, in fact I understand many of the emotions that you are feeling. I do think you need to see your doctor and I do think that you have to let some of your aspirations change to fit the lifestyle that you have chosen. You are right, you won't be going out and partying with your friends but at the end of the day you have chosen something more worthwhile, you just might need a few more years to realise that its not the end of the world, just a small pause in yours whilst you get things done that need doing before you can start living for yourself? Can your partner afford to put them in daycare?

My doctor refuses to give me anti-depressants he thinks it's "not bad enough". I didn't see your post as unsympathetic at all, tough love is what I need.

We can afford to put them in daycare, but I'd feel like an even worse mother than I do now if I put them in daycare.

studies have shown that children who attend daycare/preschool have better social skills and score higher marks throughout their academic years. (talking to a montessori teacher here, lol I have 3 children, all who began daycare between 6 months and a year. They loved it, and appreciated me all the more when i was with them.

My youngest is only 3 months old, I would be slammed by everyone I know for putting him in daycare so early. If I was going back to work there would be no problem, but I'd be doing something purely for myself, so I can't justify the ridicule I would receive.

yeah, there is no reason why not, but you could put it off until next september, by then your youngest will be a year. I think that you are really in a hurry to get a move on, which is great, but even just putting a plan in place right now, checking out the daycares (you will prolly need to get on a wait list quick!) and focusing on you and your family for several months or so would be good.
of course this is all just my opinion, not meaning to be a bossy bessy.

I am not a doctor and i am from america so i might not fully understand the education system in your country, but i will give you my advice because i was a mother before i turned 18. Daycare is no different than having a family member babysit for you while you go to school/ work/ whatever. Feeling trapped, depressed, or resentful will not help your children or make their life a happy healthy one. Your family and friends can complain and say what they want but these are your children and it is your responsibility to make a good life for them. It sounds like you love them and that's great. It comes down to a balance of what's good for you and what's good for them. It may seem like your putting yourself first but in the end sometimes things have a mutual benefit. I had a good support system and my parents babysat while i finished my lower education and went to work and while it seemed i was doing something for myself my children benefitted in the end whether it be mom was calmer and happier or made more money to feed and clothe them with or could afford to take them skating and to the zoo. When my children were a little older and all 3 in school i went back for higher education. To make a long story short quality time is alot better in my opinion than quantity because it's the quality that your children will remember. I also gotta say children learn alot in daycare educationally and socially.
Take a deep breath and think about what's truly best for you and them . Good luck
ps. i don't want you to think i am reprimanding you, i am truly just offering some advice and hope that every thing works out for you and your children.