What do you expect out of your MPF friends: someone to alway

jonzo21
jonzo21 Posts: 446 Member
edited October 5 in Health and Weight Loss
I try to find ways to help my MPF friends improve. Everyone is on the right track for the most part, it just seems like a lot of them are making things harder on themselves then they should. I understand everyone will have different needs, but there's just some outstanding red flags with some people. For instance:

One friend in particular exercises for over 1000 calories a day. However, she eats a total of about 1200 calories (or around there) the majority of the time. Which means daily she is netting between 100-300 calories I've noticed. I KNOW this is not healthy. I've tried so many times to explain why, and link her to certain forum posts and information on it. I gave up on it for a little while. And then recently saw her update on my home page, looked at her diary and noticed she netted like 120 calories that day. So of course I commented on it. And bam, suddenly I'm defriended!

Okay, whatever. I have no real life contact with this person, so its not my problem. It just makes me wonder... what is it people are wanting out of the "friend" feature on MPF? What do you personally want out of it? Just someone to say "WTG" or "awesome job!" on every single one of your diary entries? To me it just seems boring to say that. It doesn't motivate me to workout hard at the gym because I know when I log it, someone is going to say "great job!". It's nice to hear compliments when you reach goals, sure, but honestly what I want out of the friend feature is for people to analyze me and give me feedback and suggestions.

okay this was a half rant, and I'm tired. Apologies

Replies

  • PandaPop87
    PandaPop87 Posts: 131
    I agree with your way of thinking - MFP is here for us to talk to each other and give each other adivce - if people don't want advice and guidance, then they shouldn't make friends on here!

    I have been told off on numerous occasions for not eating enough / eating the right thing and it makes me feel ashamed, and I think about it the next time. Also, you have friends that all have different ways of doing things, so if something is not working for you, it's great to use other people for inspiration :D
  • joanneeee
    joanneeee Posts: 311 Member
    if my friends don't respond to stupid threads i will be severely disappointed
    tumblr_lu0spu3MQm1qlj3dho1_500.gif
    i love you, friends
  • CherryIceGlitter
    CherryIceGlitter Posts: 145
    I like this post especially the part about the "WTG" and "awesome job" or even more annoying "awesome burn" LOL

    A few people I have had to remove from my friend list as theyt had such an unhealthy attitude towards dieting (similar to you 120 cal person) yet I found myself wishing I had their 'willpower'

    xx
  • Suedre
    Suedre Posts: 435 Member
    Me? I just look for other humans that are dealing with some of the same issues I am. It is hard at my house because I’m pretty much walking this road alone. It was so much easier when I had a real life exercise buddy. Now, the best I can do is virtual and I appreciate what each of my friends have to offer, even if we can’t sweat together. I don’t care if people don’t agree with my decisions and I don’t care if they tell me when they dont. Sometimes, it’s really valuable advice and a new way to see things; however, I hope they understand that it may or may change my behavior. :)
  • catfan
    catfan Posts: 90 Member
    Sadly I think most people just want compliments and nothing else.. I dont think they are actually wanting helpful suggestions. I have stopped looking at food journals because it makes me tempted to ask questions that I know wont be appreciated!

    I often wonder what people want on here a;so because I get friend requests and the person never interacts with me.... I can only give so much encouragement with some being returned!
  • Adina81
    Adina81 Posts: 252 Member
    Can we be friends?!
    I strive from constructive criticism... but what you were doing was putting out a little reality.
  • docHelen
    docHelen Posts: 198
    you were quite right in your advice...some people just don't want to hear advice and make it so mucher harder for themselves. I like friends who share their diaries like i do...great way to get ideas and inspiration for what works. :)
  • mamitosami
    mamitosami Posts: 531 Member
    Since I don't know anyone personally on here, I don't expect anything from them. BUT (yes, here it comes!) I do love the encouragement I get from my online friends. I would appreciate constructive criticism (like you were giving to your friend), but I can't expect that from people because they have their own lives to live and it takes time to watch what people are doing.

    I try to follow the example of people who look like they know what they are doing, so I expect them to inspire me (unbeknownst to them!).

    Does this make any sense?! It's fairly early here and I haven't finished my coffee!! Take care...
  • lvnspoonful
    lvnspoonful Posts: 391 Member
    Can we be friends?!
    I strive from constructive criticism... but what you were doing was putting out a little reality.

    I want to be friends with you too! I try to comment on all of my friends posts, but I only have like 2 that comment on mine. I love encouragement and I need constructive criticism - if I am not doing something right or not eating right, let me know - I am trying to lose weight and make a lifestyle change - any and all help is appreciated! Some people are just not like that!
  • rcpayton
    rcpayton Posts: 90
    I like the support and encouragement from my MFP friends but a little constructive criticism is welcome too. We all need a little dose of reality from time to time! :) A balance of cheers and jeers is the way to go!
  • RachelT14
    RachelT14 Posts: 266 Member
    I have friends like that on my list and i do struggle not to comment, and despite knowing it isnt healthy i still wish i could manage the weight loss they have, it doesnt matter how often i tell myself it isnt healthy.

    I like my friends whose comments are helpful, like the people who suggest eatign more protein for example when i have struggled for a bit or the comments that remind me to use the tape measure when i havent seen any lbs drop for a while.
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
    well, I'm w/ you. I like thoughtful critiques if I need them, which hey, we can all stand improvements and should be open for whatever especially if we have befriended people and have open diaries and exercise logs. But MFP friends deff. encourage me a lot to continue.
  • jonzo21
    jonzo21 Posts: 446 Member
    it's true people don't really have the time to go detail by detail on someones diary, and I don't really expect that. But when I see red flags somewhere, I will try to acknowledge them. And then I will do the research and link the person to a few threads or websites where they can read the same information I was telling them for themselves. I would appreciate someone taking that kind of time for me. But hey, I welcome being defriended, that's one less person to comment and worry about.
  • inshapeCK
    inshapeCK Posts: 3,953 Member
    I think everyone wants something different from their friends on My Fitness Pal and that's what makes it difficult, especially if you have a lot of friends. I do write some encouraing words but I try not to be generic about it and I try not to just write, "Way to go". I like to be more specific. I also make sure I don't write "Great" if the person completed there food diary but was way over their calories or way over in other areas. I may, however, acknowlegde that they were honest about their day and logged but I may also mention something like, "The Halloween candy got you today" so they know I am looking and holding them accountable to their goals. Thing is, even though I am careful what I type, I do hesitate writing those things, even with people who do want the accountability as some people get mad. It's tricky.

    As for what I want out of My Fitness Pal, it is accountability but do still find that hard to find as most people only comment when you are doing well which is not when I need the comments. When I am already doing well, I am motivated. When I am not logging my food or exercise is when I want people to say, "Hey, what's going on" or when I go over my calories day after day I want people to call me out on it and actually hold me accountability. It is hard to find people who have the time to check up on me as well as to listen to what my specific goals are and to hold me accountable to them. I think most people are afraid to call me out on things even when I have asked them to. I sometimes find people who are willing but the are only able to check in with me sometimes. As for advice, I am not really looking for advice unless I ask for it. Most of the time I know what I need to do. I just often don't do it so when I fall off the wagon I want someone to tell me to get up!
  • rlysrh
    rlysrh Posts: 244
    I have my diary set to private because I don't want my MFP friends to criticize or try to alter my eating/exersize habits. I'm definitely a person that learns things the hard way. If I choose to eat my calories as cookies and crisps it'd only annoy me if someone told me to try eating carrot sticks instead. If I eat junk and find that I'm tired and hungry THEN I'll change what I eat because I've learnt the consequences myself. Although my MFP friends are all lovely so I don't think they would say anything like that anyway. (:

    What I do want from my friends is if I post a status saying how de-motivated i am someone to say something to help me back on track. Or if I fall off the wagon for a few days someone to motivate me to get back on track. And I'm definitely there to do the same for my MFP friends in return. (: Also I like it when people say "way to go" or "good job" when I lose weight or do a good work out. Its nice. (:
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    I only want friends with similar goals and/or weight loss as mine. I also want to get ideas of food from their diary. I don't want or need encouragement or motivation from my friends, which is why I kept my list low and am picky with whom I allow to add me. The "wtgs" are fine, but isn't necessary and I get my motivation from myself and the message boards.
  • rlysrh
    rlysrh Posts: 244
    As for what I want out of My Fitness Pal, it is accountability but do still find that hard to find as most people only comment when you are doing well which is not when I need the comments. When I am already doing well, I am motivated. When I am not logging my food or exercise is when I want people to say, "Hey, what's going on" or when I go over my calories day after day I want people to call me out on it and actually hold me accountability. It is hard to find people who have the time to check up on me as well as to listen to what my specific goals are and to hold me accountable to them. I think most people are afraid to call me out on things even when I have asked them to. I sometimes find people who are willing but the are only able to check in with me sometimes. As for advice, I am not really looking for advice unless I ask for it. Most of the time I know what I need to do. I just often don't do it so when I fall off the wagon I want someone to tell me to get up!

    Maybe you should ask someone to be your accountability partner. Like you can spend time really checking up on them and making sure they're doing as well as they want to be doing, and they do the same for you?
  • jonzo21
    jonzo21 Posts: 446 Member
    I like hearing what you guys expect from your friends, you've made me think of some things I hadn't before. Maybe they want to be held accountable, so keep it public, but don't want advice like "carot sticks" instead like you mentioned. Or maybe they have it public for other reasons. Still, I have the mindset that if you're in the kitchen, be prepared just in case you get burned. You have your diary open, be prepared because someone may criticize it. Though I don't criticize people's diaries or tell them what to do, I don't see the harm in offering them some insight they may not have realized.
  • JeSuisPrest
    JeSuisPrest Posts: 2,005 Member
    I only hope for a little support and encouragement, everything else is up to me!!!
  • Sweet_Potato
    Sweet_Potato Posts: 1,119 Member
    I like this post especially the part about the "WTG" and "awesome job" or even more annoying "awesome burn" LOL

    A few people I have had to remove from my friend list as theyt had such an unhealthy attitude towards dieting (similar to you 120 cal person) yet I found myself wishing I had their 'willpower'

    xx

    Ha, me too. Especially since they're usually commenting on something that's not really an exercise, like walking the dogs for 15 minutes. Yeah, I really burned a ton of calories there. I also didn't appreciate all the "what's wrong" and "are you ok" comments when I didn't log for a couple days during a recent holiday.

    I've been trying to post updates on what foods I'm cooking. Most of my MFP friends don't appear to cook ANYTHING from scratch (but they'll do workouts that burn hundreds of calories at once so they think it's ok). I don't think it's right to tell anyone how to eat, but I'm hoping I can at least inspire them.
  • MelanieAG05
    MelanieAG05 Posts: 359 Member
    i hope for support and do feel that i have it. one of my friends has been particularly supportive!
  • Gr33nstars
    Gr33nstars Posts: 27
    Im prettymuch tackling this by myself in real life so I actually quite like the WTGs and I must confess I hand them out... There's not always time for more than that, as much as I wish there was, and I wouldn't expect everyone to pay close attention to my activity all the time. Then again, my diary isn't public so I can't expect the same level of feedback anyway and things might be different if I opened my diary. Worried that I should up my critiquing game now! Haha.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    I like this post especially the part about the "WTG" and "awesome job" or even more annoying "awesome burn" LOL

    A few people I have had to remove from my friend list as theyt had such an unhealthy attitude towards dieting (similar to you 120 cal person) yet I found myself wishing I had their 'willpower'

    xx

    Oh what a relief to read this. I've been dutifully commenting on my friends' exercise updates, but it's hard to keep up and does feel somewhat lacking, to be honest. I just didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not saying something. I shall be quite happy to cease and desist unless someone climbs Everest, or at least finishes a 5k.
  • Kikilicious84
    Kikilicious84 Posts: 312
    I have my diary set to private because I don't want my MFP friends to criticize or try to alter my eating/exersize habits. I'm definitely a person that learns things the hard way. If I choose to eat my calories as cookies and crisps it'd only annoy me if someone told me to try eating carrot sticks instead. If I eat junk and find that I'm tired and hungry THEN I'll change what I eat because I've learnt the consequences myself. Although my MFP friends are all lovely so I don't think they would say anything like that anyway. (:

    What I do want from my friends is if I post a status saying how de-motivated i am someone to say something to help me back on track. Or if I fall off the wagon for a few days someone to motivate me to get back on track. And I'm definitely there to do the same for my MFP friends in return. (: Also I like it when people say "way to go" or "good job" when I lose weight or do a good work out. Its nice. (:

    I like this. I don't expect anything from people on here as I mostly log on from my cell. I try not to pressure folks or comment on their diaries since just staying within a calorie range may be their first hurdle before trying to add healthy foods. If someone is demotived, I offer encouragement and I send messages if I see they haven't been online.
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