why do i always sabatoge myself?

AliDarling
AliDarling Posts: 373
edited October 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
I can do really well, but it never last long than 2 weeks. after being 214 for two months, i didnt log calories or exercise for the thanksgiving week. poor choice. i gained 4 pounds, but im not too worried. yesterday was supposed to be my get back on the wagon day, and it was filled with pizza and beer. even now, all i can think of is getting some of my holiday nog out as a night cap. not doing it. i know that i feel like crap cause i ate a lot of it. i dont know when my diary was actually concistant this month. when i started at 243, i ate hot dogs, del taco, and i did eat many fruits, veggies, lean protine and drink loads of water. i'd exercise for 4-6 hours at the gym 5 days a week. with my move, new job, and scraping by with bills, im going back to my lazy ways of running through del taco rather than make something healthy.

then, when i do get back on the wagon, i obsess about it, blow off date nights with my husband so i can work out and not eat at a resturant, and just become really... for lack of a better word(s) demonic B!tc#, and then the cycle starts again.

and every time i lose a pound, i feel the need to eat everything in sight.

i dont really need people telling me its my diet, i need to eat more, i cant eat this, processed food, things about my diary, blah blah blah. it doent really help. i got it, i know. i also know i dont have the funds to go to the store and stock up and spinich and carrots. i am not a rabbit, i do like cheese and bread, I've just been getting so run down, with life work gym. i even cut 1 hour from work so i can go to the gym, which i really shouldnt do cause i need the money.

im just losing everything i started with when i first joined. my moral is very dim at the moment. people that are my friends that have 200+ days of logging, truly inspiring, havent logged in for 3-17 days.

I wasn't expecting to lose 90 pounds in a months, in fact, im suprised i lost the 30, now 25 as fast as i did. I know it's a long process,

i get stressed out with the world, espically when im eating healthy and exercising that the bad cycle starts, then i feel like crap and after a week it starts back up.


anyone else have this cycles?

Replies

  • emilychristineleask
    emilychristineleask Posts: 33
    Been there, done that!
    Its okay sweetheart. I'll tell you something...
    Your actually sabotaging yourself down to some deep-routed feelings of not being good enough.
    There-fore, when you do achieve, you get an overwhelming feeling of panic, because in your own eyes, you shouldn't have done well, which then causes your absurd bingeing patterns.

    I think what you need, rather than better weightloss tips, is to sit down by yourself, or with your partner and write down a list.

    Your negative thoughts towards yourself.
    and your Positive ones.

    Then, look whats in the negative list, and re-write them in a positive way.

    EXAMPLE.
    NEGATIVE- I'm fat, I'm always jealous of people.

    POSITIVE- I'm trying to change my weight, I envy people because sercretly I wish I was more like them...

    That might be a first good insight into why you do it! <3

    Hope you sort it out soon little miss
  • hailzp
    hailzp Posts: 903 Member
    The above comment is extremely right!!! I am the same as you and a list helped me.
  • LMTx
    LMTx Posts: 19
    Awwww hun.
    We all have days & times like this.
    I've tried to loose weight for years, always struggled, loose a stone and a half, put a stone on... it goes on and on.
    But I am determined this time, I feel in the right mind set however who knows when that may change.
    At the same time, there is nothing wrong in celebrating or having a bad day, that is what life is about. You shouldn't avoid life just to loose weight you'll end up being totally miserable.
    This should be a life change and if what you're doing isn't fitting into your life maybe you should re-evaluate and I mean absolutely no disrespect by that. Maybe relaxing the reigns a bit and enjoying life and just trying to pick healthy options when you can, maybe you'll find your mojo again :smile:.
    You may have little niggles... but get back on the wagon - we're not all perfect and obviously we're all here for the same reasons, we struggle with weight issues. If we had cracked it we'd all be skinny minnies by now.
    Life often gets in the way - don't be so hard on yourself you've done fantastic so far.
    YOU CAN DO THIS!
  • chnkydnknmomma
    chnkydnknmomma Posts: 258
    I have these cycles as well, losing and feeling fantastic, then falling off the wagon and gaining and feeling miserable. I had lost about 90 lbs over the course of a few years, gained 30, lost 17 gained 7, you get the picture. I think there has to be some sort of balance, where we are happy and feeling good about ourselves without overly obsessing or beating ourselves up.
  • piezoeyjune
    piezoeyjune Posts: 186 Member
    I can do really well, but it never last long than 2 weeks. after being 214 for two months, i didnt log calories or exercise for the thanksgiving week. poor choice. i gained 4 pounds, but im not too worried. yesterday was supposed to be my get back on the wagon day, and it was filled with pizza and beer. even now, all i can think of is getting some of my holiday nog out as a night cap. not doing it. i know that i feel like crap cause i ate a lot of it. i dont know when my diary was actually concistant this month. when i started at 243, i ate hot dogs, del taco, and i did eat many fruits, veggies, lean protine and drink loads of water. i'd exercise for 4-6 hours at the gym 5 days a week. with my move, new job, and scraping by with bills, im going back to my lazy ways of running through del taco rather than make something healthy.

    then, when i do get back on the wagon, i obsess about it, blow off date nights with my husband so i can work out and not eat at a resturant, and just become really... for lack of a better word(s) demonic B!tc#, and then the cycle starts again.

    and every time i lose a pound, i feel the need to eat everything in sight.

    i dont really need people telling me its my diet, i need to eat more, i cant eat this, processed food, things about my diary, blah blah blah. it doent really help. i got it, i know. i also know i dont have the funds to go to the store and stock up and spinich and carrots. i am not a rabbit, i do like cheese and bread, I've just been getting so run down, with life work gym. i even cut 1 hour from work so i can go to the gym, which i really shouldnt do cause i need the money.

    im just losing everything i started with when i first joined. my moral is very dim at the moment. people that are my friends that have 200+ days of logging, truly inspiring, havent logged in for 3-17 days.

    I wasn't expecting to lose 90 pounds in a months, in fact, im suprised i lost the 30, now 25 as fast as i did. I know it's a long process,

    i get stressed out with the world, espically when im eating healthy and exercising that the bad cycle starts, then i feel like crap and after a week it starts back up.


    anyone else have this cycles?

    Youre describing my life (except w/o the hubby). Morale is down here too and I dont know what to do about it. Right now I am in the middle of my day of hating the world (ok, my life) and eating everything in sight. My stomach is painfully full and I just want to go to bed. I feel stuck in a cycle that I am unable to get out of...

    Anyway, I can totally relate. I wish I had a cure/answer/whatever for you but I dont. Just know that you are not the only one; and you are totally human.

    You will work it out somehow. I have faith in you!
  • Speedtrap
    Speedtrap Posts: 216
    Have you considered seeing a therapist to deal with some issues you are having.
    I played the same diet game, lose a bit gain it back, cheat a little and then blow the whole day.
    When I started seeing a therapist along with my weight loss plan it made a huge difference, we were able to identify triggers for me and plans to reduce them.

    They also got me out of my old black and white thinking. I use to think if I eat this I have ruined my diet and I might as well eat anything I want and start again tomorrow. Now I look at it a bit differently, If I eat something I am not happy about I record it and I try to examine how recording it make me feel, then I move on with my plan for the rest of the day.

    In time it has helped me to change eating habits and make healthier choices, do I still eat poorly, yes sometimes, but the difference is now I do not beat myself up over it and try to get past it.

    Keep trying, it is hard and we all struggle everyday with our addictions to food. Set small achievable goals and work toward them, in time you will begin to make lifestyle changes that can help drive better habits, I know I have a long way to go but what I have been learning has allowed me to make lifestyle changes, not just go on a diet.
  • bampitt
    bampitt Posts: 43 Member
    I do this same thing although I was putting it down to hormones (perimenopausal) and the mood swings that go with it. While that might be part of the problem, I fear I'm just having cravings and letting them get the better of me.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this problem. I'm coming out of a funk right now too, after falling off the wagon. I do absolutely perfectly for 2 weeks then something happens and BAM! I fall right off the wagon again.

    I was thinking of seeing a nutritionist so I can get through these difficulties. I never felt that I wasn't worthy and I have a pretty good self-esteem. I know what I have to do I just get side-tracked.

    Now, I'm trying to stop thinking about weight loss and start thinking about becoming healthier. The weight loss will come if I do healthy things. Weight loss is a side affect, as it were, of a healthy lifestyle.

    I need to focus on the journey and not the end result.
  • CouchSpud
    CouchSpud Posts: 557 Member
    Been there, done it, wearing the t-shirt. Done really well and lost a total of 51/2stone - basically went from 125kg down to 91kg, was hitting the gym, ate well... etc pp.
    Then the job speed picked up, new job, more to do, more responsibilities, lot of stress, looming restructure... restructure hit -survived and progressed, even more stress, even less time... boom two weeks ago on the 16th November, went finally on the scales and it very cleary screamed BABYWHALE at me - back to 113kg... now I have to start all over again :s
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    I'm a perfectionist and when I get into something, I go all out. Then something goes wrong, even if it's just a little thing, and I want to quit.

    I've always been like that, and that personality trait has its uses. But sometimes you have to shake yourself out of it and remind yourself that exercise and diet isn't something perfectionism is useful for. It's all just too messy and you just have to do the best you can with it and look for perfection in your long term results.

    Edit for an example: I want to get fit enough to do some yoga poses and tai chi routines perfectly. That seems like a part of the small picture, yet because of where I have to take my body in order to achieve that, it's also a big picture goal.
  • AliDarling
    AliDarling Posts: 373
    thanks everyone for letting me know I'm not alone in this. I have seen a shrink once, after i had my baby. not for the post pardum depression, to to help me get back into healthy lifestyle. I also seen a nutritionist, and both gave the impression that they couldnt be bothered to help. the shrink said its common for new moms to let themselves go and slip into unhelathy eating. pretty much, pay me my $125.00 for that great tip and leave. the nutritionist told me to shop only at organic and health stores, to take x ammount of vitamines a day, no generic ones, and exercise. i already know i have to eat healthy and exercise. but i wasnt about to spend $100's on pills and $12 for apples when i can get them at wal mart for $2.50.

    It's like, i didn't get to 260(HW while prego) by eating salads. i ate meat and cheese, and bread and dammit i liked it. the only cold turkey things ive done was stop smoking and drinking. stopped drinking for only the 9 1/2 months of pregancy and 3 months of breastfeeding. now, still dont drink that much or often. ive had that holiday nog for about a month and had my first glass 5 days ago.

    i just need to detox myself, but any knowledge i had on doing that is gone.

    just have to figure it out all over again.

    a big issue i know i have is that before pregancy, i lost 24 lbs and 40 inches. 1 month and 6 days after, i got pregant and the whole thing that i have to do it all over again is what really gets to me. but i went from 260 to 218. lost almost 30 pounds in two months. i know i can do it, its just these ruts and the wanting to be where i was that gets me down.

    i do feel more at ease know that i'm not the only one going through all this. thanks again everyone
  • Speedtrap
    Speedtrap Posts: 216
    try to figure out what your triggers and obsicals are.
    Once you have that figured out, go back to your nutritionist and ask for help to creat a meal plan that will work for you, not them.
  • Momkat65
    Momkat65 Posts: 317 Member
    bump
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