Dealing with grief :-(

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loustevo
loustevo Posts: 23 Member
in Motivation and Support
Sorry to be such a downer but I wondered if there was anyone else out there that has gone through the same thing.

Recently I went into premature labour at 19 weeks for my little boy to later not make it :-( Absolutely heartbroken and just feel really empty now. Went on a binge and gained a stone in 6 weeks so am back on here trying to get back to some normality and lose the extra weight plus the baby weight.

So just wondered if anyone been through the same and how you dealt with it

Replies

  • hypotrochoid
    hypotrochoid Posts: 842 Member
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    *hugs*
  • Mios3
    Mios3 Posts: 530 Member
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    I am soo sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you :(

    Can you talk to your Dr. and maybe get in touch with a support group?
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
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    I am so very sorry. I think the best way to deal with the grief is to honor it. Mourn for your loss, then you will be able to move on. Another thought is to use things that will lift you up to deal with the grief. Excercise and healthful eating will bring you through mourning, it will lift you up.
  • themrsbriggs
    themrsbriggs Posts: 151 Member
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    i am so sorry to hear that!! prayers and thoughts are with you during this time
  • shovav91
    shovav91 Posts: 2,335 Member
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    First of all, I cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. These things are impossible to explain and therefore impossible to accept. You did not deserve this, and I can't imagine how difficult it is.

    I have not had to deal with anything to that scale, but I am absolutely here if you want to talk. I'm so sorry love, please stay strong. I'm sending prayers and positive energy your way.
    <3
  • Rookie1988
    Rookie1988 Posts: 42
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I went through that 15yrs ago. I unfortunately turned to food to help me feel better. All that did was make me unhealthy and overweight. I can tell you that the silly cliche is true: Time heals all wounds. You will find it easier to get up and function each day. You will NEVER forget the beautiful child you lost but you will be able to move on. My prayers are with you!
  • momof3and3
    momof3and3 Posts: 656 Member
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    My deepest condolances to you! What a horrible, horrible situation.

    I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, before my oldest was born, so it was 23 years ago. But it still gives my a pang in my heart when I think about that little one.

    Grieve for your son, allow yourself that. Take as long as you need. It is not something that will just disappear overnight, but the grief will lessen over time. Be angry....and then accept it.

    People won't know what to say to you, and you will hear some really out there stuff...just remember that they are only trying to help.

    Trying to get back to normal is wonderful. You will have good days and some really bad ones, but by keep living and moving foward with your life you can and will feel normal again.

    Your son will always remain in your heart. A nice keepsake is to get a necklace with a heart, that you can wear so you will always have him close.

    Big HUGS!!!!!! to you.
  • lexgem
    lexgem Posts: 163
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    I'm very sorry :( I haven't lost a baby so late in pregnancy, but I have had 4 first-trimester miscarriages.
    Between all the hormone fluctuation and grief binging, I gained about 20 pounds over 2 years, I'm about halfway to losing them.
    The only thing I can say is be kind to yourself in all things and get better on your time -- don't let anyone tell you you're doing it wrong, including yourself. If you do slip up and binge on a hard day, don't beat yourself up. If you're not feeling up to something on any given day, don't guilt yourself for not doing it. If you ARE feeling great and ready to take on the world and even HAPPY on another day, don't beat yourself up for that either.
    hugs
  • vick9180
    vick9180 Posts: 144 Member
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    First of all, I'm SO sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is very difficult. My sister lost her full term baby and it tore her to pieces. The best piece of advice I can offer to you is to go see a counselor. Grief is a very complicated process and sometimes it's tough for our close friends and family to understand that we go through each stage in different lengths of time. Lots of people think you should be "over" it in like 6 months, but you can't put a timeframe on those kinds of things. In all brutal honesty, you won't ever just get over losing your son. But as time goes by, the pain eases.

    Also, allow yourself to feel the pain of losing your baby boy. I'm not saying to go indulge in unhealthy treats, but allow yourself a good hard cry when you need it. If you're like me, it's best to do this alone...but if you're comfortable losing it around your close friends and family, that's even better. Allowing yourself to feel each stage of grief will actually help you deal with it better in the long run. And when you hit the "anger" stage, a good hard workout always helps me.

    I know there isn't anything that can be said or done to make you feel any better right now...the most comforting thing I heard in my major loss was that it'll get easier with time, and it certainly has. Hugs to you :flowerforyou:
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    Many years ago I lost my little boy at 23 weeks, his kidneys failed in the womb and he was still born. We were hearbroken. I never forget him but by being gentle and patient with myself I moved on. It is important not to let your grief blind you to the good things in life, they are still out there. Seek comfort in your friends and family and trust that you will feel better in time. But the most important thing is to give your self time to grieve and remember that what ever you feel is normal and accept that the good days will eventually outnumber the bad ones. My friend sent me this poem which touched me.

    When life is at it's bleakest
    And your feeling at your weakest
    Remember you have friends
    And friendship never ends
    There is always a tomorrow
    An end to pain and sorrow
    And grief cannot survive
    As long as love is alive


    Hope this helps in some small way, it does get better.
  • loustevo
    loustevo Posts: 23 Member
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    Thanks heaps everyone for your kind words.

    I think one of the hardest parts is the fact that my body still thinks I've had a baby as I gave birth naturally so having to deal with that as well :-(

    Thanks again - hugs to you all xxx
  • PRod31
    PRod31 Posts: 29 Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss. My wife and I lost our first child and we will never forget her. Make sure there is someone you talk with about it or go see a counselor. We talked to our pastor and he helped us through the the grief process. God bless you.
  • caitlinsmom07
    caitlinsmom07 Posts: 37 Member
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    My mom said it best when she told me "There are no rules when it comes to grieving. If you want to talk about it, then talk. If you want to be quiet then don't. Cry when you need too, be angry when you need to. Sleep when you need to, eat when you need to. And there will come a time when you feel a little better and thats OK too."
  • gazz777
    gazz777 Posts: 722
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    Sorry for your loss.

    Grief counselling is available in many places (I'm not sure where you are).

    Yeah, sometimes a church can put you in touch with someone ... if you knock on one door for help, go to the next.

    If there isn't a support group in your location, start one.

    Definitely get it out of your system as the others have said. Crying, Angry, etc. are natural emotional releases that help (that's the way we were made).

    ** Hugs **

    Feel free to friend me. If you are in QLD, Australia I know counsellors.
  • momof3and3
    momof3and3 Posts: 656 Member
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    Thanks heaps everyone for your kind words.

    I think one of the hardest parts is the fact that my body still thinks I've had a baby as I gave birth naturally so having to deal with that as well :-(

    Thanks again - hugs to you all xxx

    put on a tight sports bra or 2, wear it 24/7...it will help with swelling and discomfort
  • BiscuitsNDavy
    BiscuitsNDavy Posts: 212 Member
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    Watch "99 Balloons" on YouTube. A heartbreaking but very uplifting story about losing a child...
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
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    I'm so sorry to hear that. I have not lost a child, but have dealt with loss. A counsellor is a wonderful resource, because they will understand, and keep listening when others have turned away. It is also good to be familiar with the cycles of grief, so you can understand some of your feelings.

    After my husband died, I found myself obese, old and feeling useless. Finding my way back to health through healthy behaviours and nurturing myself inside and out was helpful in the recovery process. You don't ever truly 'get over' something like you have gone through, but you eventually find a path to a modicum of peace.

    Hugs, peace and light to you.

    GG

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