Coping with a non supportive family. Help!

reidsurrett
reidsurrett Posts: 19
edited October 5 in Motivation and Support
Well, I am currently living at home. I love my family, but I can tell they do not support my efforts in trying to lose weight. I don't currently have a job, my car broke down recently, and I have to rely on my mother to provide me with food I need. Most of the time she will, but I feel I can only ask for so much.

I know I can stick with what I'm doing, but throughout the day, I can feel any support for my diet or exercise dwindle. I'm trying to find a job, but I don't have a car to get to and from it, if I do get one. I lived like this on my own in a different state for about 7 months, but ever since I moved back, nothing seems like it's ever going to happen. Yes, I have had some progress, but not without feeling like nobody cares on a daily basis. I want to be able to do all of this and get to where it doesn't matter what other people around me think, but sometimes you just need the feeling that someone actually does.

But yea, if anyone can help me with this stress, it is greatly appreciated.

Replies

  • joanneeee
    joanneeee Posts: 311 Member
    Is there public transport in your area?
  • harold_IV
    harold_IV Posts: 46 Member
    Hey man, Don't beat yourself up. Eat healthy, eat whole grain breads not white, don't be eating any fast food. Do some strength training everyweek, Keep your head up. Do these things minimally and you'll see some gains.
  • MJ7910
    MJ7910 Posts: 1,280 Member
    could you help with the cooking so you can prepare lighter foods?
  • WifeMomDVM
    WifeMomDVM Posts: 1,025 Member
    Make friends here on MFP for support, then you won't feel so alone. What about a work from home job? Sell something on e-bay? At least you have lots of time to exercise, right?

    Or if mom buys groceries, offer to cook them! Maybe cook a delicious healthy meal to get your family on board?
  • reidsurrett
    reidsurrett Posts: 19
    Is there public transport in your area?

    No, i live out in the country unfortunately.
  • hatescows
    hatescows Posts: 69 Member
    Can you offer to walk dogs in your neighborhood? It is a two-fer- Money and exercise!
    Do you live close to any businesses so that you could walk or bike to work?
  • reidsurrett
    reidsurrett Posts: 19
    Hey man, Don't beat yourself up. Eat healthy, eat whole grain breads not white, don't be eating any fast food. Do some strength training everyweek, Keep your head up. Do these things minimally and you'll see some gains.

    I do good most days, however, there are a lot of days that I start off very well, and by that night it just falls apart.
  • hatescows
    hatescows Posts: 69 Member
    I sell on ebay in my free time- it that a possibility for you?
  • Kalsifer
    Kalsifer Posts: 8
    Two things:

    1. Having support is always great, but in the end it comes down to self motivation and will power, which no one else can give you. You need to want to lose the weight for yourself and your own betterment (is that a word?). If your family is overweight as well then they may be a bit jealous, or upset might be a better word because you're doing the thing they probably never will.

    If you've ever hung around with rude overweight people you'll notice they always bad mouth skinnier people for the most dumb reasons. (Key word: rude!, I have lots of overweight friends, and I'm pleasantly plump myself! :D)

    2. About not having a car, the best advice I could give boils down to 3 words, get. a. bike, not only will it save you money (gas!) it will speed up your weight loss by a large amount.

    I know what people may be saying, "But his job may be really far away", I say phooey! When I was 200+ the thought of riding over 20 miles to and from work was like climbing mount Everest, however 2-3 months of doing it and I was able to do the 20 miles in less than an hour.


    As you mentioned support a few times, you should always remember that there are loads of people who can support, maybe not in real life, but I can almost guarantee you'll feel a huge amount of support from this website :)
  • kato24
    kato24 Posts: 4
    I am really sorry to read you feel this way. One of the biggest reasons why people give up is because of the lack of support they receive from their family. I guess the question is where they lack their support for you? Is it with the food, or do they just feel you are not taking this seriously? If it has to do with the food, look up great tasting low calorie recipes to introduce to the family. Sometimes just finding what everyone will enjoy can help. If it has to do with their lack of faith you can accomplish this feat, that could be from fear. A lot of families find comfort in knowing they are all heavier (assuming your family is heavier) and fear that they will be the only one left. Be a motivation to them. Show them you can do it, and find ways to get them interested. Don't give up though. Stay positive and find ways for this life changing experience to work for you. After all, in the end, it is really about you.
  • reidsurrett
    reidsurrett Posts: 19
    could you help with the cooking so you can prepare lighter foods?

    I live with both parents, my brother, his wife, and his kid. My brother and niece are VERY VERY VERY picky eaters, so my mom feels like she has to buy the food around their needs. She'll buy food for a full week (not the healthiest food most of the time, just affordable) and my brother will buy food for the next week (which is NEVER healthy). I cook for myself when I have the food to do so, but that is usually rare. I'm talking mostly dinner here because breakfast and lunch for me is very cheap. (egg whites, whole wheat bread, canned water packed tuna, milk, apples, etc.)
  • reidsurrett
    reidsurrett Posts: 19
    I sell on ebay in my free time- it that a possibility for you?

    I sell some things on ebay, but I don't have anything to sell right now.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    Offer to go with your mom to the grocery store. You can help her out there and in the kitchen; and she will more likely help you by buying some of the foods that you suggest. Take the time while it's available to learn all you can about good nutrition and develop healthful habits.
  • harold_IV
    harold_IV Posts: 46 Member
    Well if you want to see some quick gains you can always cut your carbs. Don't do it for too long though its not healthy.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
    I hope you find a job soon & get as much support as you need from this site. Chin up :)
  • reidsurrett
    reidsurrett Posts: 19
    Two things:

    1. Having support is always great, but in the end it comes down to self motivation and will power, which no one else can give you. You need to want to lose the weight for yourself and your own betterment (is that a word?). If your family is overweight as well then they may be a bit jealous, or upset might be a better word because you're doing the thing they probably never will.

    If you've ever hung around with rude overweight people you'll notice they always bad mouth skinnier people for the most dumb reasons. (Key word: rude!, I have lots of overweight friends, and I'm pleasantly plump myself! :D)

    2. About not having a car, the best advice I could give boils down to 3 words, get. a. bike, not only will it save you money (gas!) it will speed up your weight loss by a large amount.

    I know what people may be saying, "But his job may be really far away", I say phooey! When I was 200+ the thought of riding over 20 miles to and from work was like climbing mount Everest, however 2-3 months of doing it and I was able to do the 20 miles in less than an hour.


    As you mentioned support a few times, you should always remember that there are loads of people who can support, maybe not in real life, but I can almost guarantee you'll feel a huge amount of support from this website :)

    I understand number 1 completely. I try to do this on a daily basis.

    About number 2, I'm currently 380 pounds, and about 99% positive that I couldn't ride 25 miles to and from work on bike right now. I would definitely do it, but I know I would hurt myself right now.

    And I am getting a lot of support from my friends on here, but like you said, the real life thing is a huge factor for me right now.
  • reidsurrett
    reidsurrett Posts: 19
    Offer to go with your mom to the grocery store. You can help her out there and in the kitchen; and she will more likely help you by buying some of the foods that you suggest. Take the time while it's available to learn all you can about good nutrition and develop healthful habits.

    I've tried that before. They just go and buy the same crap again. (It's cheap)
  • reidsurrett
    reidsurrett Posts: 19
    Well if you want to see some quick gains you can always cut your carbs. Don't do it for too long though its not healthy.

    I've been trying to cut my carbs to mostly my breakfast and lunch.

    If I eat what everyone else is eating, I usually end up eat 2-3x more carbs in the one meal, than the whole day. I have been watching that, though. Thanks for the tip.
  • reidsurrett
    reidsurrett Posts: 19
    I hope you find a job soon & get as much support as you need from this site. Chin up :)

    Thank you :)
  • RoxyMoxie
    RoxyMoxie Posts: 38 Member
    Hey I can relate to you in soo many ways! Im a young mother who currently is unemployed due to a broke down car and no shepherdsville ky doesnt have public transportation either! So I also depend on alot of things from my mother and my family is overweight as well. But I have lost 24 lbs since the end of sept! My suggestions would be eat whatever ur mom cooks but eat only small portions and no 2nds. Also something easy drink lots of water dont drink all ur calories back! Make small healthier choices like baked over fried..veggie snacks over sweets or chips. This is all I did to get started and it wrked! Start tracking ur calories and add in a ten min walk once u lose a few lbs it will motivate u to do more! Feel free to add me my mfp friends are my motivators daily!
  • kleavitt1992
    kleavitt1992 Posts: 592 Member
    get a good group on here and keep it up you'll feel better if you do
  • maserati185
    maserati185 Posts: 263 Member
    Find ways to pull out the willpower. They may control what food comes in to the house but they don't control what, of it, you eat. They don't control how much you eat. Keep aiming for healthy choices. You will make bad ones but try to make more healthy than anything. I know it isn't easy when it feels like nobody around you cares but here's the thing: YOU care. And that is important enough. And since you live out in the country, perhaps you can get outside and run?... It's free, nobody's stopping you and, during this time, you can re-evaluate what you desire and your goals... maybe come up with some solutions... but even if you don't, the endorphines should help you feel good.
  • foremant86
    foremant86 Posts: 1,115 Member
    It's really hard when the people you live with don't support you.

    Up until a couple weeks ago i was having a bit of the same problem, I only share a home with my youngest brother but he was a big junk food eater and loved getting fast food.
    I finally talked him into working out with me and joining MFP and it's been a lot easier since then.

    I'm guessing your family wouldn't care to workout or join MFP, so that's a bummer.

    I think all you can do is try to stay strong as possible and just eat smaller portions of the unhealthy meals that they cook and always remember that your MFP friends are here for you :)
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