Help!! I’m going crazy :( Why is EVERYTHING always about F
Krümelmonster
Posts: 14 Member
I know that my big dream of being able to eat what I want and as much as I want without gaining weight will never come true. I try to accept this fact because it is the same for almost everybody but right now I really feel as if I lost all my joy of life. I am really going crazy and I am quite depressive, aggressive and just simply in a bad mood all the time.
I feel like that because somehow I have the feeling that 80% of my life is just about food and eating and I simply can’t enjoy life anymore when I have to restrict and control myself all the time.
I will give you an example of all my weekly temptations, feelings, food events etc.
Friday: going out with friends =alcohol= lots of calories
Saturday: visiting my grandma= tons of UNHEALTHY food including at least 3 pieces of chocolate cake (if I eat less my grandma will be offended)
Sunday: going to the Christmas market= again food, food, food EVERYWHWERE and in addition to that my mother wants to make Christmas cookies in the evening
Monday to Fiday:
8:00 my colleague at work eats a chocolate croissant and drinks a sweet coffee (I am already in a bad mood)
11:00 he is now eating a chicken pita with tons of hummus inside (I am so jealous that I could explode!!)
12:00 he now has his 5th chocolate bar, a muffin or a donut (I could cry!)
14:00 I am walking home from work (7km) while the delicious smell coming from all the restaurants, cafeterias and bakeries is such a horrible torture for me that I only want to die
20:00 Sitting in front of the TV eating pieces of cucumbers and carrots while smelling the potato chips that my boyfriend is eating
And in addition to that almost every day there is some other temptation: my best friend invites me for brunch, my cousin asks me to come with him to the cinema (which is impossible without eating popcorn there), my neighbour invites me to try out her new chocolate fountain, my colleague asks me to come with him to McDonald’s, my brother makes cheese fondue with his friends and invites me to join...
weekend again!! meaning: birthday parties, weddings, again visiting my grandma, going out with friends..... and always FOOD, FOOD, FOOD.... I could vomit!!!!
I really don’t know what to do anymore. I either have to say no to all those invitations, or I say no to the food resulting in offended or confused people or I eat the food which makes me feel guilty and disgusting. There seems to be no solution!!
Anyways, my boyfriend keeps telling me that I should stop using MFP because it made me crazy and hysteric and since I started using it I am always in a bad mood and aggressive.
Hmm, can anyone understand my feelings and the situation???
I feel like that because somehow I have the feeling that 80% of my life is just about food and eating and I simply can’t enjoy life anymore when I have to restrict and control myself all the time.
I will give you an example of all my weekly temptations, feelings, food events etc.
Friday: going out with friends =alcohol= lots of calories
Saturday: visiting my grandma= tons of UNHEALTHY food including at least 3 pieces of chocolate cake (if I eat less my grandma will be offended)
Sunday: going to the Christmas market= again food, food, food EVERYWHWERE and in addition to that my mother wants to make Christmas cookies in the evening
Monday to Fiday:
8:00 my colleague at work eats a chocolate croissant and drinks a sweet coffee (I am already in a bad mood)
11:00 he is now eating a chicken pita with tons of hummus inside (I am so jealous that I could explode!!)
12:00 he now has his 5th chocolate bar, a muffin or a donut (I could cry!)
14:00 I am walking home from work (7km) while the delicious smell coming from all the restaurants, cafeterias and bakeries is such a horrible torture for me that I only want to die
20:00 Sitting in front of the TV eating pieces of cucumbers and carrots while smelling the potato chips that my boyfriend is eating
And in addition to that almost every day there is some other temptation: my best friend invites me for brunch, my cousin asks me to come with him to the cinema (which is impossible without eating popcorn there), my neighbour invites me to try out her new chocolate fountain, my colleague asks me to come with him to McDonald’s, my brother makes cheese fondue with his friends and invites me to join...
weekend again!! meaning: birthday parties, weddings, again visiting my grandma, going out with friends..... and always FOOD, FOOD, FOOD.... I could vomit!!!!
I really don’t know what to do anymore. I either have to say no to all those invitations, or I say no to the food resulting in offended or confused people or I eat the food which makes me feel guilty and disgusting. There seems to be no solution!!
Anyways, my boyfriend keeps telling me that I should stop using MFP because it made me crazy and hysteric and since I started using it I am always in a bad mood and aggressive.
Hmm, can anyone understand my feelings and the situation???
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Replies
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yep! I totally get you. I suggest you SLOW DOWN and try to make one simple change per week. Like for this week, say no to sweet stuff, but eat the other things you want. Then next week, say no to sweet stuff, and maybe no alcohol.0
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OK, that's a lot of crap to put up with for the week but I feel your pain. I have gone into hibernation in the beginning and avoided everybody. I would suggest that your workout be your stress relief. Your boyfriend can kiss my *kitten* for not being helpful. My wife encourages me to keep talking to my MFP and keep being motivated.
You have to get past all this and concentrate on the loss. The fact that this winter is gone...bye-bye...the summer is your goal. So be a *****, tel people to get the hell out of your way because your the winner!
Now go out and kick some *kitten* today!0 -
Life is about food. It's something we enjoy:) Food science has worked really hard to tailor foods to our tastes. What you have to do is stay strong. The majority of the journey is about mental strength.
BTW, who cares if grandma gets offended? Sorry, but I think she will get more offended if she were part of health problems you could possible get from eating so much. Just eat in smaller portions, tell her it taste awesome, but you have to watch your eating.
Also, I don't think anyone should give up eating the foods they like. Just eat it in moderation and make sure it fits within your calorie count. If you need to, burn more calories so that you can afford to eat more. Just be strong and you can make it. Never give up, thats not what we do:)
Best of luck!0 -
My suggestion is that you pick and chose SOME of those temptations in MODERATION. Completely denying yourself when you obviously are struggling will only set yourself up for failure. Another thing that I have found is that if I give myself a little cheat it not only gets rid of my obsession for something that I really want but I also lose more weight. My body is being "tricked" to not get used to my restricted calories.
Hope this helps! BTW, you need to talk to your boyfriend, friends, family, co-workers ect. and let them know that you are trying to get healthier and would really appreciate their support.
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Dont eat because everyone else is eating. Take care of you, forget about what everyone else doing/eating/thinking. Tell Grandma that you have had enough cake....or take the cake and drop it in the trash when she isn't looking.0
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When I started out, this is how I did it. It may be helpful for you:
Phase 1: Kept eating my normal foods, but started to reduce portions and added more fruits and veggies.
Phase 2: Pulled out sweets for a few weeks to help get rid of my cravings
Phase 3: Started adding exercise to my routine
Phase 4: Started to replace my 'normal' foods with healthier alternatives - healthier oils, lower calorie, etc.
Also 1200 calories is very little. I could not function on that few calories. Do you have your activity level set correctly? Are you eating your exercise calories? I am 5'4'' and my calories before exercise are set at 1470. I am losing better with the higher calories and I feel a lot better.
You don't have to eat or drink things to make other people happy. Your grandma will understand, and you don't have to get hammered when you go out for drinks with friends. These are choices YOU make for YOU, not them. Just because someone eats in front of you doesn't mean they are trying to sabotage you or are being mean to you. It just means that they have different goals than you do now.0 -
In my opinion, if you really want to lose weight, say no to the offers of extra food/parties. Let them be offended- they will get over it. Don't let other people's feelings get in the way of what you want and deserve... I've said no to plenty of food that I was offered from family/friends and when they respond with "Oh, it is not allowed in your diet" I simply say, I'm not on a diet, I can eat whatever I want, but I'm no longer hungry, so why eat when I'm not hungry?" It's tough at first, but you just have to want this bad enough to not let anyone else get in your way.0
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I agree with slowing down.
Also, don't let the fear of a few confused people stop you from doing what you want for yourself. maybe dont start with grandma, but tell people you are really making an effort to get healthy and control your out of control feelings about food and would appreciate their support.
One thing though, the popcorn at the movies. i used to think it was impossible to go and not eat popcorn too, but you know what ..it IS! I have done it on more than one occasion and it used to feel like the popcorn was the only reason to go.
focus on walking past the concessions. dont buy anything from them and you wont be tempted at the last minute. bring your OWN popcorn from home!! you get the same satisfaction for so much fewer calories and fat. try it. you will feel stronger and that will lead to more strength when you need it next.
we all go through this, you're not alone.0 -
Awwwww I know exactly what this is all about, I find it really really hard......I lost 10lb and then had a mad week bingeing every single day and night and now ive put on 13lb and was heavier than before. My company director is married to a director at Mars (the chocolate company) and we have a constant supply of chocolate in our office....forcing me to eat at least 3 bars while at work (I have 3 boxes of maltesers in my drawer as I am typing this) I'v been good today but that won't last.
Do you have friends on MFP that can support you? Maybe adding a few people will help....watching how they are doing and allowing people to see your diary will encourage you to be honest and think about what your eating....
I look at my friends who are better than me at this dieting lark and think well if they can do it so can I.....plus we have regular times when we plan to eatc chocolate ...a bit every night in our calorie intake.
Good luck xxx 0 -
I agree with what you're saying about co-workers. It's hard to watch people eat what you crave. I reached a point, though, where I felt so bad about the way I looked that I hated my picture taken, or wearing a dress because I looked like a sack of potatoes. If you want to change badly enough, you'll do what it takes. Maybe you need to look at some of the success stories on MFP. I wish you success, you can make the changes.0
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Actually yes, I completely understand. There becomes a point where you realize, this is an unhealthy obsession with food. I know every calorie count of everything I eat. It became too much, to where I figured I'd just try to make healthier choices, and still live. Take a breather. You need to enjoy food, not obsess or feel guilty about it. I think eventually you need to find a balance of exercising, and eating right. But I do know, and you are SO NOT alone in these thoughts. Especially around this time of year, they don't push all the workout equipment sales, and losing weight stuff at the New Years for no reason... Much support!!0
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yep! I totally get you. I suggest you SLOW DOWN and try to make one simple change per week. Like for this week, say no to sweet stuff, but eat the other things you want. Then next week, say no to sweet stuff, and maybe no alcohol.
totally feel you. I love to bake and this whole thing is super hard on me. but slow and steady is so much better than cutting EVERYTHING out at once. this will help you not burn out and be able to live like this long term. I allow myself to have basically whatever I want in moderation, and each week go without something new. Sometimes the things get added back in, but thats only after I know that I dont HAVE to have whatever it is.
If you want some support you can add me!0 -
Make one change - that's really good advice. I did that every few weeks and 15 months later I've lost 6 stone and I'm maintaining. :happy:
I wrote a blog about it a few months back:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/emsibun/view/goal-145984#comments0 -
The evils of food, we need it to survive but it is also a dangerous thing to have around.
Eat small servings and eat them very slow.
Put gum in your mouth when it is cookie baking time and potato chip time. That way your mouth is already busy.
One thing that always helps me eat less at a buffet and party is to look at the ones around me. Are they fluffy from carrying a lot of extra pounds and how does their plate look is it overloaded in sweets and rich food? That right there makes me stop and think now I do not want to be the bigger gal with the full plate.
Enjoy the season, just try not to over enjoy.
Good Luck!0 -
I am thinking you are so "crazy and hysteric" because you are serious about wanting to loose weight and be in better shape. My advice is to understand why you are doing this. For a long time, I was doing it for my boyfriend, for my family, etc. but now, I am doing it for me and that mindset makes a HUGE difference. You can't always control the way others feel. If your family and boyfriend care about you, then they will understand that making these changes to become a better healither version of yourself are important. At the end of the day, you're the one who has to look in the mirror at yourself. Make decisions that are best for you. Everyone is not always going to agree.0
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I understand that completely. I hate hanging out with one friend in particular who has always been thin and toned and has never worked out in her life. (She also has boobs. I have none of these traits. I hate her for this.) She eats and eats and eats and I keep turning stuff down. Then there's my other friend who pretends she's on a diet and working out, but she's not and she acts like I'm being ridiculous when I turn down greasy food, wing nights and beers after work. It's not easy to turn any of this down, but I do it anyways because I know that I'll have the last laugh (figuratively) when they're getting heart surgery at 35 or 40 and I'm running marathons or whatever. It makes me feel good when I can turn stuff down that I know could ultimately be what puts me in the hospital if I don't keep saying no. It's empowering. It's just reaaallly hard to do at first. It'll become second nature after a while. Good luck and stay strong!!! 0
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I know your frusteration. I have a bunch of work friends that can really eat anything they want and never gain weight and here I am struggling to stay under the military regulations. I'm always getting offers to go out or to get fast food from lunch.
I find when I get frusterated or depressed about food I work out a little bit. That way I don't want the hard work that I did to go to waist by eating poorly.
I'm definately had a problem with eating when I'm bored or depressed. So when I'm home or sitting around in a family members house and want to eat. I think maybe I'm just bored. So I try to find something productive to do it could be anything that makes me kill time. Clean, take care of my kids, go for a walk, or fix something. If I stay busy I don't crave food so much.
Oh and one more thing chewing gum. It is amazing because I can trick myself that I'm eating something for awhile if I have a piece in my mouth.0 -
also, this may sound super crazy and gross but i dont care. sometimes when there are delicious foods around that i want so bad, i.e. cookies, cake, etc.... i will eat one or two, but from there any more i will put it in my mouth, chew it up, savor it, and spit it out. its just the taste we want. the swallowing is just reflex.0
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I was there a year ago, I avoided a lot of outings and such to control my cravings and junk that I would want to eat. Now I'm in a place where I am in control. I can have a taste or a small piece and jump right back on track at the next meal or next day. Having a cheat MEAL 1x per week is not only good for your psyche, but for your fat burning ability as it triggers production of Leptin, which is king of all the fat burning hormones.
With that said, it's JUST food. Sure we all like it and enjoy it, but you can be social without food & drinks. Focus more on the social and less on the food and you'll be fine. I'd also suggest eating every 3hrs, so that when you're constantly feeling full and not hungry there's no ravenous cravings to cave in to. You can do it! Hello, you're STRONGER than FOOD. It's JUST food!!!!!!0 -
Wow. Try to relax a bit. Here's how I'd cope with your examples:
Friday - going out. Don't go out. Or drink gin & slimline tonic (50-60 calories a drink)
Sat - refuse or just have 1 peice of cake. Your gma will not be offended. If she is then try explaining your refusal.
Sun- don't go to the markets. don't make cookies with your mum. Remove yourself from the temptation.
8am - ignore colleague.
11am - ignore colleague
12pm - ignore colleague (move desks?)
walking home - take a different route if the smells bother you
8pm - ask boyfriend to support you by not eating crips in front of you. Or go somewhre else while he eats them.
Remove temptation by refusing invites to things that involve eating unhealthily. Never go to McDonalds. It is possible to go to the cinema without eating popcorn - just try it.
Loving blong77's idea. Do one thing at a time. And take as much sensible exercise as possible (especially if you give in to temptation - try to burn off the extra calories).
Good luck0 -
You need to take control of your life and not allow others to dictate what your life will consist of. When I was in highschool (many moons ago) many of my friends smoked pot. I did not and I refused every time because this wasn't the future that I wanted for myself. We were still good friends and hung out all the time and they actually told me that they respected me for refusing.
Food is no different. Your self-esteem sounds low but it comes down to what do you want? Saying NO politely but firmly isn't something to be ashamed of. It's something to be proud of and guaranteed people WILL respect you for it. Go to your Grandma's, go out with your friends but be a leader.0 -
I personally would much rather offend someone by not eating their fattening creations than indulge and feel like **** and ruin everything I've worked towards these last few months. If you tell everyone you're TRYING to lose weight, you should be offended that they still offer that crap to you! So basically, screw everyone and focus on yourself.
A helpful tip, try out hungry-girl.com There's plenty of guilt free recipes, quick snack pairings and 'this-instead of-that' swaps.0 -
I completely understand where you are coming from, it's so hard to eat healthy when everyone around you seems completely unconcerned with what they are eating. Here are a few things I do to help:
1. I am really good during the week. As long as I am, on Saturday's, I forget calorie counting and enjoy the day. Brunch, going out, whatever my friends want to do.
2. If I do have something during the week (a HH with the girls or something I really want to go to), I wake up an hour early and get in an extra workout. That way I don't feel guilty when I order that 2nd beer.
3. If I am going to a restaurant, I look to calories and plan ahead. You would be amazed at how much this helps me. If I know what I can/can't order, I almost always tick to it.
4. I have, over time, found healthy version of almost all of my cravings. I actually enjoy cooking now and have a set of my favorite go to recipes. So I don't feel like I am depriving myself of anything.
5. When I am with family or someone makes homemade brownies, cookies, etc . .. I have ONE. I then explain and that while the dessert is absolutely delicious, having one is all the splurging I can do. No one has ever been offended.
6. I have found ways to hang out with my friends that doesn't involve drinking/eating. I place tennis once/week with my best friend. nothing serious. Just hit around the ball and talk. I can hang out and get a little exercise. Other ideas:
- If you have a dog, meet your friends at the dog park.
- Instead of brunch with friends on Saturday's morning, grab a low cal Starbucks (anything "skinny" is about 100 calories for a tall) and take a walk together.
- Play volleyball or hang out by the pool (during the summer)
Most of all, I try not to let it be my whole life. I eat right when I can. Try to make my splurges reasonable, but still enjoy life. It's never going to be perfect and that's OK. But I am going to do the best I can, as often as I can.0 -
My advise is to exercise and drink plenty of water (not sure if you're doing that, but from your diary I don't think you are). 1200 calories seems like a really low amount, but if you exercise you can eat a little more. Drinking a lot of water will help with the food cravings as well. Sure you may pee every 2 seconds, but you'll feel better, have healthy skin and more energy. Temptation is everywhere... if you workout 5-6 days a week you'll be less likely to have these uncontrollable cravings because you had to actually put in hard work (do you really want to eat that chocolate cake when you worked so hard today?). You'll feel pride in your efforts and it will help elevate your mood by increasing your endorphins. Please don't take this wrong, but grow a pair! Everyone struggles. You'll have bad days, but if you want it bad enough you'll fight for it. You're fighting for your health and ultimately your life. It's worth telling a few people "no thank you" and when they see how happy you are, they may want to join you on your journey. So they may be insulted or upset now, but they may get inspired when they see your results. I wish you luck and hope you can do this for yourself. : )0
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I know it's hard. Everyone has their temptations. I have 4 kids and do daycare and I am surrounded by chips, fruit snacks, hoho's that they get to eat all day but I can't.
It is hard to say no to indulgences especially when all you've ever done is say yes and that is why you are where you are now. It's easier to say you want to lose weight than to actually do it - WE ALL KNOW THAT But it sounds like leaving MFP could end up leaving you without any positive reinforcement in your efforts to lose the weight. My husband has not changed his diet at all since I started on here but is respectful enough to not eat a bag of chips next to me when he knows I'm trying to be healthier. Ask your bf to not eat them around you.
My mom is Italian and always tries to feed me and I don't say no but eat smaller portions and work my butt off later. Instead of 3 pieces of cake slice that one piece into 3 pieces and when you go out with your friends .on Fridays have that one drink and sip it so it lasts as long as their 5/6 drinks and don't stay long enough to want the appetizers Slow and steady wins the race.
It's not MFP that has made you grumpy and frustrated. Things will not change overnight and that is okay. You definitely need ENCOURAGEMENT ENCOURAGEMENT ENCOURAGEMENT and maybe you should get on here more for that encouragement next time you are feeling down. I wish you all the best and just know that once you start losing the weight the automatic feelings you get from that will replace your love with bad foods. We have to reprogram ourselves:)0 -
You've gotta get used to not being able to treat yourself every couple of hours. I've found its easier to avoid all the good food during the day if I plan on making a dinner that I REALLY want and then I can look forward to that all day rather than feeling like I'm missing out when I say no to starbucks or costa.0
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I understand how you are feeling completely. I struggle as well and think you have gotten some GREAT advice so far! I might also suggest that you read the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst. It helps me understand the relationship I have with food, cravings, anger, frustration, and sometimes just plain sadness (especially when I see my husband eat 4000+ calories every day and not gain an OUNCE)!!! Friend me if you would like!!!0
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When I started out, this is how I did it. It may be helpful for you:
Phase 1: Kept eating my normal foods, but started to reduce portions and added more fruits and veggies.
Phase 2: Pulled out sweets for a few weeks to help get rid of my cravings
Phase 3: Started adding exercise to my routine
Phase 4: Started to replace my 'normal' foods with healthier alternatives - healthier oils, lower calorie, etc.
Also 1200 calories is very little. I could not function on that few calories. Do you have your activity level set correctly? Are you eating your exercise calories? I am 5'4'' and my calories before exercise are set at 1470. I am losing better with the higher calories and I feel a lot better.
You don't have to eat or drink things to make other people happy. Your grandma will understand, and you don't have to get hammered when you go out for drinks with friends. These are choices YOU make for YOU, not them. Just because someone eats in front of you doesn't mean they are trying to sabotage you or are being mean to you. It just means that they have different goals than you do now.
I agree with this ^. Take a deep breath, you CAN do this. Start with small changes. And I also found going from my "regular" eating to 1200 cals per day was too hard. If MFP is telling you 1200 calories, then factor in a 300 calorie burning workout to offset so you don't feel like you are starving.
On your way home from work problem with the smells-I hear ya! My advice would be to eat a snack before you leave work so you're not starving. Should make it less painful
Explain to your family and friends what you are trying to do and then prove it to them by sticking to it in front of them. The guilt you will feel eating bad with them will far outweigh the pain of skipping that extra piece of cake! But it gets easier I promise. Just think, if it were easy, everyone would be skinny and fit 0 -
I'm with everyone else! When I go to my mom's for dinner I take half of what I used to eat (meat and potatos) and double up my veggies. That way I still have a full plate and my mom doesn't feel like I'm going to starve. She's really supportive though and knows I'm working on losing some weight so probably wouldn't insist I eat more anyways. You could also try filling up on some low cal foods before going that way you won't be tempted to have a second helping.
I know this is a lifestyle change and part of most people's lives include social eating. I think it's about making better food decisions not eliminating the things you love. You shouldn't have to give up your grandma's chocolate cake! Just try to plan your days out so that you can enjoy one peice of cake guilt free once a week. Eventually you will get to the point of budgeting your calories. I know I've hit that point in a relatively short time and have become a little "Scrooge" like with spending them!! LOL
Hope you are able to work out a lifestyle that works for you!0 -
First of all, thank you so much for all the replies! Your advice is really helpful and it makes me feel good to know that there are other people in the world how can really understand my situation and the feelings that come along with it. You are really motivating and I know now that I am on the right way and that I should really continue using MFP (just maybe in a less hysteric way).
I think that maybe my goal of eating only 1200 calories daily is a bit too strict. I thought about changing it to 1400. But I think I will rather do it like that now, that I will continue to eat only 1200 calories during the week and at the weekend I will allow myself to cheat a little bit and also eat things that I really love. This will motivate me a lot during week! And I have to admit that I stopped entering my exercise into MFP. If I would do that I could really eat much more. And I know that I should really drink more water.
Until now I also didn’t take any food at all with me to work which I should probably change as well. I just need to find some tasty low-calorie option.
I actually also talked about this diet issue with several people and most of them can understand me and try to support me as well. But sometimes they just simply seem to forget about it like my mum for example. And when my boyfriend is eating chips next to me it is actually because I told him before that, that it is absolutely ok for me because I don’t want to annoy him in any way because of trying to lose weight. (So it is my own fault) I already have a bad conscience all the time because I tell him 500 times in the supermarket that we cannot buy this and that. He drinks now 1% fat milk because of me, eats light products, whole wheat bread, goes running with me and so on. But sometimes I just feel so bad when I complained about the amount of sugar, oil or something that he puts in some meal that I couldn’t forbid him to eat the other things.
This with the chewing gum sounds good as well and I think I will really just exercise even more when there are some special events such as birthday parties or whatever. And instead of completely saying no to everything is should probably really eat just a very tiny bit which could even be enough for me (like eating 2 christmas cookies instead of 15).
So, thank you all again very much. I already feel much better and much more motivated now after reading all those posts!!!0
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