Please Pray and I need advice ?

ginaoakes
ginaoakes Posts: 84
edited September 19 in Motivation and Support
Hi MFP family,

Many of you know that I was going to be a Nana in the spring. Two of my daughters were expecting our first grandchildren. Our first daughter gave birth to our precious Ella 6 weeks ago. Our second daughter went into labor a week ago (three days past her due date) when she arrived at the hospital to deliver her baby they could not find a heart beat. She lost her full term little girl. We are a very close family and all live close. We are all devastated. It is going to be hard for her for awhile to spend time with her sister that has a little baby. We will be with our daughter and her husband as long as it takes for them to feel like life can move on. I know they will never get over something like this. The were so excited to become parents and all of their dreams are gone for now.

I was wondering if there are any of you that have gone through this and could pass along anything that helped you during the first several weeks of sadness ??

Replies

  • ginaoakes
    ginaoakes Posts: 84
    Hi MFP family,

    Many of you know that I was going to be a Nana in the spring. Two of my daughters were expecting our first grandchildren. Our first daughter gave birth to our precious Ella 6 weeks ago. Our second daughter went into labor a week ago (three days past her due date) when she arrived at the hospital to deliver her baby they could not find a heart beat. She lost her full term little girl. We are a very close family and all live close. We are all devastated. It is going to be hard for her for awhile to spend time with her sister that has a little baby. We will be with our daughter and her husband as long as it takes for them to feel like life can move on. I know they will never get over something like this. The were so excited to become parents and all of their dreams are gone for now.

    I was wondering if there are any of you that have gone through this and could pass along anything that helped you during the first several weeks of sadness ??
  • msarro
    msarro Posts: 2,748 Member
    I have not gone through this, but I am sending you my best wishes. I'll keep your family in my prayers :frown:

    *hugs*
  • dimplzz
    dimplzz Posts: 456 Member
    I haven't gone through this either but your family will definitely be in my prayers.
  • avpeacock
    avpeacock Posts: 7
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm a nurse and see this happen sometimes. Nothing can replace what you have lost. She will be forever in your hearts. My God bless you during this hard time.:flowerforyou:
  • adopt4
    adopt4 Posts: 970 Member
    If you know about the stages of grief, they will go thru that and will need to go thru all the stages. By recognizing the stages, or helping them recognize the stages, it might make the "strange" emotions make more sense. Let them mourn, don't let people try to hurry them thru the stages. If they get stuck in a stage or even if they don't, they should really seek professional counseling.

    Many, many marriages end with the loss of a child because the grief is so huge that they pull apart. So professional counseling might be critical, as well as support of family and friends, to help them thru it.

    I am very sorry for their loss.
  • awestfall
    awestfall Posts: 1,774 Member
    Hi MFP family,

    Many of you know that I was going to be a Nana in the spring. Two of my daughters were expecting our first grandchildren. Our first daughter gave birth to our precious Ella 6 weeks ago. Our second daughter went into labor a week ago (three days past her due date) when she arrived at the hospital to deliver her baby they could not find a heart beat. She lost her full term little girl. We are a very close family and all live close. We are all devastated. It is going to be hard for her for awhile to spend time with her sister that has a little baby. We will be with our daughter and her husband as long as it takes for them to feel like life can move on. I know they will never get over something like this. The were so excited to become parents and all of their dreams are gone for now.

    I was wondering if there are any of you that have gone through this and could pass along anything that helped you during the first several weeks of sadness ??
    I have lost a baby too although she wasn't full term when I lost her it still hurt very much.The thing that brought me the most joy was knowing that I would one day see her again in Heaven and that for now my Heavenly Father was watching over her.I also got pregnant again 3 months later after losing her.The doctors had told me I wouldn't be able to get pregnant for awhile but I wanted a baby so bad.And nine months later I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl that I know was heaven sent to replace the emptiness I felt of losing my other baby girl.She will never be replaced but I know God called her home for a reason.I know its hard to deal with these things and I can't tell you exactly how your daughter will cope with this but just know God has special plans for her.I will keep you and your family in my prayers:flowerforyou:
  • amymeenieminymo
    amymeenieminymo Posts: 2,394 Member
    I'm sending you and your family my prayers during this sad time.:heart:
  • keiko
    keiko Posts: 2,919 Member
    I am so sad to hear this. I can't even imagine what your daughter and your whole family are going through. I am praying for Gods peace through this very difficult time.:heart:
  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
    I have been through this with my niece. She lost her full term baby 3 days before her due date and buried her on her due date. I think what helped her was just knowing that her family was there and was supportive. She also already had a little boy and that helped a lot. Just give her lots of love and tell her they can try again when the time is right. God needed that little baby for a better purpose.She will be thier little guardian angel and will watch over the next baby!

    Hugs and prayers

    Memaw
  • ce_fit
    ce_fit Posts: 299 Member
    If you know about the stages of grief, they will go thru that and will need to go thru all the stages. By recognizing the stages, or helping them recognize the stages, it might make the "strange" emotions make more sense. Let them mourn, don't let people try to hurry them thru the stages. If they get stuck in a stage or even if they don't, they should really seek professional counseling.

    Many, many marriages end with the loss of a child because the grief is so huge that they pull apart. So professional counseling might be critical, as well as support of family and friends, to help them thru it.

    I am very sorry for their loss.

    Great advice here.

    My wife and I went throught the still birth of our full term daughter Rachel. We were fortunate to have great support from our family, friends and our belief that she was in heaven. It is very natural for every one to try to make you feel better and they do want you to hurry through the mourning stage. As Adopt4 suggested go see a councelar. In retrospect I wish we had. There is nothing wrong with talking to a professional to guide you through the emotions your daughter and her husband will be experiencing. Give them room to grieve, give them space and let them know that they can say no to you or the rest of the family if it entails a family function.

    This will also be tough on your other daughter who has a healthy baby, talk with her as well.

    My prayers and thoughts are with your grandaughter in heaven, your daughter and her husband and the rest of your family
  • altazin0907
    altazin0907 Posts: 188 Member
    I will keep your family in my prayers. I have lost two babies though not full term. However no matter whether it is a two weeks or 9 months it still hurts. She must know that everything happens for a reason and that it will all work out. I can relate to her sadness and the hurt she will have when she is around your other grandbaby. My sister found out she was pregnant several months after I had lost my second and I was devestated to say the least. It was very hard for not only me but my sister. we to are very close family and we came together. I was very lucky though and a month later found out I too was pregnant so we were able to go through pregnancies together and everything was fine. It will take several months but she will be ok. I will pray for her! :cry:
  • weaverc
    weaverc Posts: 158
    I haven't had the same experience, but I can imagine how your daughter is feeling after being through my own tramatic pregnancy experiences. When I was pregnant with my first child, about 5 weeks before I was due, I had sudden onset pre-eclampsia. I just happened to have a doctor's appointment that day and since I had all the signs they hospitalized me right away. Couple of hours later they had to do an emergency c-section because my baby's heartrate crashed and wouldn't come back up and my blood pressure was so high I was in danger of having a stroke. My daugther was born 5 weeks premature at 3lbs. She was what they call inter-uterine growth retarded, which means that she stopped growing in utero at about 28-30 weeks gestation. The doctor told me that she had only enough amneotic fluid left to survive about 24 hours. It was touch and go for a while and she had to stay in the hospital until she was an acceptable weight. Had I not had a schedule doctor's appointment she would have died. I was terrified to get pregnant again because I was now considered high risk. My fears were confirmed with a miscarriage of my second pregnancy. Devistated, after 3 months, I decided to try one more time. I carried my baby full-term and she was born healthy, but my delivery was again an emergency c-section do to complications.

    Your daughter needs time to heal. I am sure your family will all come together and support her in whatever ways she needs. When I had my miscarriage, my sister-in-law just found out that she was pregnant. I was so hurt and it was hard to be around her. It was her fourth baby and very unexpected. She didn't want to be pregnant and I did, but I couldn't carry my baby. It took me a long time to heal, and I am sure your daughter will heal too. You never get over it, but it does get easier.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Oh Gina :cry:

    I imagine faith and counselling will be the only things that will help pull your daughter (and son-in-law) through this. I imagine they will feel uncontrollable anger at God and at your first daughter for having a healthy delivery and a child and even you when you spend time with your granddaughter Ella. :cry: What a horrible situation. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope through counselling they are able to work through the grief and the horrific pain they are experiencing.... you ALL are experiencing.
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
    I lost a baby, but not full term. What I went through was hard, but not near as hard as what your daughter is going through. I have a cousin that lost her baby in child birth and my husband has a cousin who knew their baby wouldn't live a week after they brought it home (it had all sorts of problems that couldn't be fixed, so they took it home to watch it die, so sad). My best advice is to be supportive and be there for them, but also give them some room to grieve as a couple. They will have emotions that they will need to work out together.

    I'm so sorry for your lose. I pray that your daughter feels better soon.
  • DeeDeeLHF
    DeeDeeLHF Posts: 2,301 Member
    I too have had too many miscarriages. :cry: One in particular stands out though as I became pregnant with my last baby after. I look at my precious Teresita and know that if I had carried the other baby to term she would not be here. :brokenheart: I must place my trust in His infinite wisdom and know that my precious babies are in Heaven praising God for all eternity and that the ones He has entrusted to my care I will do my very best to raise well.

    A prayer that is my favorite:

    Eternal God in whose mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible. Look kindly upon us and increase your mercy in us so that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondant but with great confidence submit ourselves to your holy Will, which is love and mercy itself.
    (St. Faustina)

    (I hope it is OK to post this Christian prayer. My apologies if it is inappropriate for this website.)
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    Oh wow. I am so sorry. I have no idea what you're going through. My baby sister is pregnant, and she had a scare not even through her first trimester. We were all terrified for about a day until we all learned that all was well - so I can't imagine losing a child at full term. I know that miscarraiges happen so frequently...not that that makes it any easier, I know...but full term...I am so sorry that I don't have anything encouraging to say. I'm afraid that anything I would say would just sound cliche. But please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
  • MTGirl
    MTGirl Posts: 1,490 Member
    I am so sorry!! I lost a baby at 26 weeks - very painful experience. My consolation also was that I would see her again in heaven. I would suggest counseling - I didn't and would highly recommend it for both parents! It would have me helped so much. I wish we could know why this happens sometimes, but that is not for us to know - I think that is the hardest part. You and your family are in my prayers!
  • Roxy34
    Roxy34 Posts: 146
    My mom went through a similar experience. It isn't easy! Her and her sister were both pregnant around the same time. My aunt had her baby in December and my mom had her baby in January. My moms baby never made it. He passed away when he was 27 hours old. My aunt ended up naming her baby the name that my mom had picked out for HER baby. Spelled the same way and everything. There was no ill will between my mom and my aunt (that I noticed anyway). My mom loved her niece to pieces. It was a long hard journey and a loss of ANY kind, takes time to heal. There is healthy mourning and unhealthy mourning. She will come around in her own good time. Just be there for her and keep an eye on her. I am so sorry for your guys' loss. And wish you good health on your journey to healing. It will get easier in time. :flowerforyou:
  • salamander_35
    salamander_35 Posts: 8
    Everyone has already given such good advice - encourage a deepening of faith, offer the level of support they want during different stages of the grieving process and know there are choices like professional counseling and organized support groups when they are ready.
    It is hard to think what else might be helpful since everyone copes so differently, but if they are more private with their emotions, encourage them to journal their feelings every day. They can write notes to their baby, ask questions to God and record inspirational messages received from other loved ones. It will help them validate their feelings in a private way.
    I will pray for you and all who need God's healing touch in their lives during this time.:flowerforyou:
  • ktthegr8
    ktthegr8 Posts: 479
    I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I'm sending prayers.
  • modelgirl
    modelgirl Posts: 32
    I have never had that happen to me. but when I found out I was going to have my first baby the doctor said it would be best if I did not have it. I know somewhat of the pain they feel of not having my child. I know it is diffrent I only had that pain for 3 weeks they will have it for the rest of there life. in time it will heal as much as it is going to, I hope they have more children and remember they will see there little angel again she is waiting for them. I believe the thing that would make there baby happy to see is them living there lives and doing everything they planed to do with her and more. to hold her in there harts and in a way she will never be gone all prayers and love in this hard time
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