Eating disorders

I have been binging and purging on and off since I was eight years old. Yes eight. At first it wasn't because I thought I was fat at eight years old, but because I felt the need to eat more and more food. When I was in high school, I played sports year round, and I was also a dancer, so the pressure to be thin was always there. As much as I love and respect my father today, it was not easing growing up because he would tell me I was a little too heavy. My father was a body builder and always was in shape. I was always a lot bigger than a lot of girls as well, big hips, muscular thighs, and being 5'9''. My 'episodes" were always on and off, some weeks would be everyday, sometimes it would be every month, but I noticed I was losing any weight, I was just maintaining the weight I had, so I thought this was ok, right? No, just because I wasn't shrinking to a unhealthy weight, didn't mean the throwing up was ok. It is a very very selfish disease because you are purging food that money was spent on by either yourself, your parents, etc etc. I went to counseling and it helped a little, but usual my sessions were not for my eating disorder....When my parents found out what I was doing, it was embarrassing, but they never did anything to help. I was alone, and I hid this from everyone for a very long time. My ex husband never knew and my boyfriend even now has no idea I still do this, to this very day. I would say MFP is a blessing but also has its evils. You constantly want to track all the calories, and now how much you burn. At this point in my life I have decided to stop binging and control my life, by simply eating less food in the long run. Now its at the point were people are considering my calorie in take and output to be on the anorexic side, so now i am at the point where I just can't win. Honestly I am not looking at perfection or to be a size zero. I am looking at health and well being. My body for so long got used to throwing up, and I didn't even make my self throw up for my body to reject food. For so long i thought I had something seriously wrong with me, I had blood work, endoscopy, MRI, CT, X-Rays, Ultrasounds, and doctors visits, and everything has been negative. At this point I feel like if I treat my body right, it will treat me right. I will continue to grow and get stronger, and I want to help people through their troubles as well and receive support for myself as well.